Jake Gyllenhaal

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That last picture was taken....when?

Anthony, you might have to fight me for'em.

― Alfred, Lord Sotosyn (Alfred Soto), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 15:59 (twenty years ago)

Alfred

There are always threesomes, triads, circle jerks, orgies, and any number of other higher mathametics

― anthony easton (anthony), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:00 (twenty years ago)

wait a second, jess, this is really not even close to "parity," you understand.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:02 (twenty years ago)

I'll beat you all. And then drag Jake by the forelock, caveman style, back to my lakeside cavern for an extended stay.

― elmo, patron saint of nausea (allocryptic), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:03 (twenty years ago)

i love that picutre, cause its all rough tradey, and i imagine him topping me, his hard long cock thrusting into the soft folds of my ass...

but i also imagine him strong, and quiet absorbing me in his arms, as i weep about the state of the world.

this makes up for all the mimsy indie-boy threads about his sister in the world, ally.

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:04 (twenty years ago)

you said what you said before anthony said what he said, also anthony would need to start 17 other threads about anonymous kind of ok looking indie stars and say the same thing for parity to truly be achieved. we can do this, and I have no objections to it, but it hasn't been done. YET.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:05 (twenty years ago)

fine, the next time someone starts a thread about star jones, i'll be sure to talk about the soft, billowy folds of my ass.

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:06 (twenty years ago)

listen, I'm not defending that post. I mean it's a little TMI for my tastes. Also, Star Jones?

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:07 (twenty years ago)

i like a woman who takes charge.

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:08 (twenty years ago)

intriguing.
http://www.jakegyllenhaal.com/images/JakeGyllenhaal_speech.jpg

xpost ...

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:09 (twenty years ago)

http://www.thesuperficial.com/images/2006/01/star-jones-beach.jpg

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:10 (twenty years ago)

Only 17?

― Lars and Jagger (Ex Leon), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:12 (twenty years ago)

I think I should start working on this parity goal!

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:13 (twenty years ago)

But where to start? And where are the female equivalents of oops and kingfish?

― Lars and Jagger (Ex Leon), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:14 (twenty years ago)

We're almost there.

― Alfred, Lord Sotosyn (Alfred Soto), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:15 (twenty years ago)

"Gun's going OFF!"

― Alfred, Lord Sotosyn (Alfred Soto), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:15 (twenty years ago)

He looks like Stallone or Travolta in that shirtless photo.

― Je4nn3 ƒur¥ (Je4nne Fury), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:18 (twenty years ago)

I bet he has a hairy asscrack.

― elmo, patron saint of nausea (allocryptic), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:19 (twenty years ago)

Did anyone see him on Conan recently, talking about his lifeguard duty where he pissed on a jellyfish-bite victim's leg as therapy? He mimed it, firehose-style, and O'Brien nearly flew out of his chair. "There are old people watching!"

He'd still have to explain the "These characters are not, like, gay" interview, and I might hafta slap him. Repeatedly.

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:21 (twenty years ago)

hahahahahahahahahahahaha Nicole.

where to start...we've already got this thread, and Heath Ledger (yuck btw...just...yuck), and I guess my Jimmy Fallon thread should count too. Maybe Adrian Brody?? James Spader?

xpost he pissed on someone's leg? What is that supposed to do?

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:24 (twenty years ago)

AND HE MIGHT LIKE IT.

(xpost)

― Alfred, Lord Sotosyn (Alfred Soto), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:24 (twenty years ago)

I think it's the pH of the pee that counteracts the jelly's poison.

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:32 (twenty years ago)

Pee supposedly takes the sting out of a jellyfish sting. I don't have first-hand experience of this. I bet you're just so stunned that someone is heroically peeing on you, you forget that you got stung.

― Je4nn3 ƒur¥ (Je4nne Fury), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:33 (twenty years ago)

That's just...freaky. I don't know how I'd react to being rescued from jellyfish attack only to be pissed on by Jake Gyllenhaal. I think I'd probably want an adult beverage, and I'd be highly confused.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:35 (twenty years ago)

it might make me into watersports.
i bet his pee tastes like candy

― anthony easton (anthony), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:36 (twenty years ago)

lik'em aid

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:37 (twenty years ago)

ok now you won, jess.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:37 (twenty years ago)

that shirtless pic is actually from about 3 years ago.

― jed_ (jed), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:38 (twenty years ago)

You lie.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 19:37 (twenty years ago)

ally quit reviving this thread.

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 19:39 (twenty years ago)

why don't you go post on a Mandy Moore thread.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 19:42 (twenty years ago)

This thread needs more gyllenhaal beefcake, but I cannot search for it while at work. :(

― elmo, patron saint of nausea (allocryptic), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 19:44 (twenty years ago)

it's probably wrong i want to see american dreamz, isn't it?

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 19:46 (twenty years ago)

http://www.artistsnetwork.org/artists/maggiegyllenhaal/maggie.jpg http://www.schoolhousecenter.com/images/ware.gif

― Dan (You're Welcome) Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 19:47 (twenty years ago)

http://www.stars2go.com/g/jake-gyllenhaal/jake_gyllenhaal.jpg

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 19:48 (twenty years ago)

I have no idea who this "Val" is

http://www.lipglaws.com/jakeG.jpg

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 19:49 (twenty years ago)

http://film.widarsson.se/images/jake_gyllenhaal.jpg

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 19:50 (twenty years ago)

I have no idea who this "Val" is

http://www.planetkilmer.com/pk_home_val.jpg

― Dan (Mystery Solved) Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 19:50 (twenty years ago)

Dan, dude, that was totally uncalled for.

― elmo, patron saint of nausea (allocryptic), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:02 (twenty years ago)

http://www.npr.org/programs/fa/features/2005/11/jar_200.jpg

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:04 (twenty years ago)

http://www.togawp.com/main/images/jake-gyllenhaal4.jpg

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:05 (twenty years ago)

I think I found the winner. NSFW & No fainting please.

http://socialitelife.com/images/santa.gif

― elmo, patron saint of nausea (allocryptic), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:16 (twenty years ago)

mpeg clip here:

http://www.socialitelife.com/video/Jarhead.mpg

― elmo, patron saint of nausea (allocryptic), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:17 (twenty years ago)

Girl, I posted that Jarhead pic weeks ago! (along with a clip of the Santa dance)

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:17 (twenty years ago)

I guess I'm not up to date on my nude celeb pixx.

My hairy asscrack theory is disproven!

― elmo, patron saint of nausea (allocryptic), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:23 (twenty years ago)

hahaha now, truly, best thread ever!

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:24 (twenty years ago)

He must wax. He looks vain enough.

― Je4nn3 ƒur¥ (Je4nne Fury), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:26 (twenty years ago)

He shaved for Jarhead. Apparently Sam Mendes never knew any hirsute 20-year-old guys (what're the odds)...

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:26 (twenty years ago)

Maybe Adrian Brody?? James Spader?

Ahh, James Spader, please. Except not from that detective movie w/ Keanu Reeves, which was...actually I can't remember anything about it, my grey cells have been wiped clean by the hands of time. Not so memorable, then.

― Laurel (Laurel), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:30 (twenty years ago)

There was a movie that starred Keanu Reeves and James Spader?????!! The battle of who can make less facial expressions actually occurred??? And I MISSED it??? Shit.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:32 (twenty years ago)

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you could never replicate the brilliance of that part were Dalton jumps over the front porch of his house with that amazing ballet move. that whole original movie is just gold every minute until the credits roll.

― scott seward, Friday, 22 March 2024 14:53 (two years ago)

how does it compare to the original?

I have a lot of thoughts, but basically this is an attempt to make a PG-13 Road House that the whole family can enjoy. The first one was about people who liked fucking, and punching each other. This one is about people who have never fucked, and only punch each other because they're forced into it. But hey, there's a precocious teen girl who says vaguely joke-like things to the protagonist.

― Tahuti Watches L&O:SVU Reruns Without His Ape (unperson), Friday, 22 March 2024 14:56 (two years ago)

That sounds absolutely fucking awful

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 22 March 2024 15:08 (two years ago)

The trouble is, there's already a good variant on Roadhouse in theaters called Love Lies Bleeding.

― poppers fueled buttsex crescendo (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Friday, 22 March 2024 15:12 (two years ago)

Rather!

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 22 March 2024 15:13 (two years ago)

i think one key problem i have w/the idea of this film is Patrick Swayze was such an absolutely likable screen presence and JG is increasingly less so, and i feel like Roadhouse requires some kind of likable toughness, a kind of noble tough humility that PS was so good at.

― omar little, Friday, 22 March 2024 16:20 (two years ago)

speak for yourself!

― poppers fueled buttsex crescendo (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Friday, 22 March 2024 16:24 (two years ago)

Yeah, Swayze was likable; Gyllenhaal is amiable. Two very different things.

Here's the difference between the two movies in a nutshell: in the original, Swayze wakes up and is doing naked tai chi and the female bartender from the roadhouse brings him breakfast and we see her blatantly ogling his naked ass. In this version, Gyllenhaal is awakened on the boat where he's living by the female bartender from the roadhouse; he's wearing boxer briefs and says, embarrassed, that he'll get dressed; she says, "Don't worry; I have brothers."

― Tahuti Watches L&O:SVU Reruns Without His Ape (unperson), Friday, 22 March 2024 16:27 (two years ago)

I envy those boxer briefs.

― poppers fueled buttsex crescendo (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Friday, 22 March 2024 16:37 (two years ago)

seven months pass...

https://i.imgur.com/qISx7Mj.jpg

― the talented mr pimply (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Sunday, 17 November 2024 16:50 (one year ago)

I knew this would be you.

― Ned Raggett, Sunday, 17 November 2024 17:43 (one year ago)

well, yeah

― the talented mr pimply (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Sunday, 17 November 2024 18:51 (one year ago)

great pic of the dog

― more difficult than I look (Aimless), Sunday, 17 November 2024 19:17 (one year ago)

four months pass...

https://www.washingtonpost.com/entertainment/theater/2025/03/28/jake-gyllenhaal-interview-othello-iago/

― the talented mr pimply (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Saturday, 29 March 2025 15:19 (one year ago)

two months pass...

Re-screened Nightcrawler and End of Watch recently, he did have a hell of a run in the Obama days. Jake needs a Michael Mann project.

― Lady Sovereign (Citizen) (milo z), Thursday, 12 June 2025 07:33 (one year ago)

one month passes...

I'm halfway through his Presumed Innocent remake from last year and it's...pretty good? The "limited series" format gives it space to be as much about the effect of the crime and the affair on the protagonist's family, whereas I remember the earlier film being more just Harrison Ford against the world (did he even have kids in the original?). Anyway, Jake's up for an Emmy.

― cryptosicko, Thursday, 17 July 2025 13:05 (eleven months ago)

Presumed Innocent is a classic Poppy Bush Interzone thriller imo

― hungover beet poo (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Thursday, 17 July 2025 13:29 (eleven months ago)

seven months pass...

I'd never seen or heard of 2018's "Wildlife," adapted from Richard Ford by Paul Dano and Zoe Kazan, and directed by Dano, but it was OK!

― Josh in Chicago, Wednesday, 18 February 2026 03:17 (four months ago)

Still Mulligan's best work.

― The Luda of Suburbia (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Wednesday, 18 February 2026 10:16 (four months ago)

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Jake Gyllenhaal - C or D?