Invent interesting metaphors and similies for women's romantic novels.

PRICKLEY HEAT

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SYdW57ismrw

THE EYES IN THE GAUNT FACE sounds like a 50s B-horror flick.

i need to bring Him back into the picture, maybe the next one. He needs to be a little more interesting, i think.

2, possibly 3 new ones coming soon...

in the meantime, i offer this one which made me lol

"Her senses were spun by the scent of his freshly showered body"

the steamy chapters have been hindered by two major things among a host of other issues, namely:

* obsession with cleanliness in the descriptions of Him (essentially, mmmm soap?)
* nonstop talk about nipples at the expense of basically every other body part

stay tuned, i guess.

Ha. Maybe this explains why Charlaine Harris is so obsessed with showers/baths/grooming rituals in the Sookie books. Although is Sookie who's always bathing, not the dudes.

The next few are going to look a little rough due to my finicky scanner, but try to bear with it.

Chapter 8
http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7018/6709114011_22881a3094_b.jpg

I am also not 100% pleased with this one but it gets us from B to C

new background topic too -- forensic science

"A new and unexpected warmth" - she peed herself?

"With a few quick strokes, he closed the circle" - ewwwwwwwww

Hahahaha - This works better as a projection exercise than I thought! (I did not intend her to pee herself, no)

Also for the record, the circle thing was just so perplexing that I had to put it somewhere. This book is tame to the point that I have had to repurpose phrases from other chapters in order to get anyone to do anything not related to nipples. IIRC that one was from Sex --> "embracing", which made me think that it was about closing the circle of their...arms? Hands? Who knows. Something way more blah than what you may have imagined.

WARNING: The next few are going to be kinda NSFW if you or your employer blushes easily, but don't really have any especially "graphic content" out of context. No weird photos or anything.

I'm getting a little bit tired of this whole thing, and there are 4 more to go.

This is Ch. 9, featuring selections from Sex --> Lovemaking as well as Body Parts --> Eyes and the one you're going to be like "EW" is actually from a misc. chapter about reactions.

This is the second to last of the pure smutty ones, don't worry, things will definitely start to go downhill fast.

ALSO -- my scanner cut off the first line and the "t" in hot (obvs)

http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7170/6709117893_23bacaaa8c_b.jpg

the fact that i could somehow manage to put that together without using a single phrase that refers to nipples or cleanliness is more of a feat than you might imagine
this chapter was pretty lame

He stiffened at the question. Awesome.

Smut redeemed.

I feel dirty.

It's true that this is not for the faint of heart.

I have one more in this section and then there will be two final panels until we reach our inevitable end: "Her mind was filled with sour thoughts."

Chapter 10
http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7156/6709116445_871e3a1f87_b.jpg

Aside from the "possession" bit, that one is kind of sweet/lovely.

That was my intention -- the possession was for continuity, the rest (esp the stars) was because it was pretty.
Also, "disinfectant"

aspirin vs "pills" vs "travel pills"

Oh good! Yeah, that totally works. Yay!

These are really tremendous. Thanks so much!

Also, who is doing the possessing and who is being possessed? Unclear.

Hey, thanks!

These are really very beautiful. I would like to have them framed, going in order around a boudoir or dressing room tbh.

(First I'm going to need a dressing room, natch.)

I need to have the originals scanned at higher quality. I wonder if there is any benefit to squashing them between the pages of a book to prevent glue crinkle?

Two more after this btw.

This last one might be my favourite. You need to get these out, on tumblr at the very least! If you want help setting one up let me know. This just deserves to be seen by millions.

"She shattered into a million glowing stars" has been killing me all day

Hyperbolic nonsense. ;)

I'll think about what to do with them when I'm finished. Putting them here is hasty enough!
The last one is in my top 2 favorites too. I had been looking forward to using that page.

Laurel ;-D

@LL fair enough, I'm just expressing how much in awe I am of your creations here. Staggering.

Oh man, thanks. I appreciate it. For real!

Chapter 11, next one is the end because every story must come to an end.

http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7013/6727030875_a0b5a1a307_b.jpg

lots of background text on this one, sorry if it's illegible

The end, thanks for reading,

http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7168/6727032603_f4c5388107_b.jpg

This last one is probably my favorite juxtaposition of words and images.

*claps wildly*

lots of background text on this one, sorry if it's illegible

The background is perfect on this one.

Thanks! I feel like the last two have hit me with a ton of bricks.
I emailed the contest again btw Jenny.

I keep worrying that there is a spelling error in one of these. That would be the worst. I check and recheck and check again but you know how that can be.

I realize that I am basically talking to myself here, but today was the day I went back to the thrift store that had #79 of the Encyclopedia of the Human Body and Mind to see if there was anything else there that inspired me. I went all around the books section, found a great book with huge pictures of baby animals, and then I saw the OTHER magazine rack with like 20 more installments of the encyclopedia. I bought them all, total expenditure $7. I anticipate many more hours of pointless typing, cutting, and glueing in my future.

(I put the baby animal picture book back because I didn't want to carry it home on the ~ 2 mi walk in the snow) The end.

These are mad awesome.

^^ otm

Yes. I wish I was wealthy enough to offer you a book deal LL, I really do. I've said it before and at the risk of tiring you doing so again: you need to get these out there. In whatever shape or form. Spectacular.

Webmailed u!

I really appreciate the support. This thread will be updated with any future developments, of which there is possibly one currently in the works. If that woman ever writes back?!

Do I know anyone in Chicago who would loan me a fog machine?

Webmailed you just now with my email address, because webmail on here doesn't reach me (old address)

That woman knows you are waiting to hear from her and is going to email you! She said she answers emails on Sunday.

Alright then -- taking care of the situation. I have told enough people about this that I would be officially embarrassed if I didn't make it happen, so I will do the necessary legwork and hopefully find a fog machine. The rest is ready to go.

Also

--> I think I will take requests so if you have a romantic situation that you would like to be immortalized using official romance language and images from the marshall cavendish encyclopedia of the human body and mind, let me know. I can fix it up 4 u.

Update:

* I removed the images from view temporarily
* I did this because I am about to use them and I want to fix the ones that didn't scan properly
* How am I using them? For better or worse, I have entered (don't laugh) a contest that involves a reading and I plan to project the images while I read the text
* This takes place in one week
* I have been practicing, and I recorded the first half of it (just audio, that's all I'm worried about really)

So excited to attend this contest.