Just when you thought it was safe - OK CUPID PART 3: The Return of the WOO!

Nice work.

I never seem to like my locals, but I'm going to check it again.

I looked at it. It made me sad.

You guys, apparently Columbus Circle is the center of the universe and very nice at night, with a lot of restaurants and places to drink. Time to disengage.

I have a pre-date tonight, to see if we will be compatible enough to take a bike ride together on Sunday.

that is a good idea, the pre-date in this kind of situation

i went on my first okcupid date! it was a late-afternoon museum date. i don't necessarily recommend this. at least not for me. because going to see art is, like, part of my job... and art also makes me happy/interested/talkative, and so is not actually neutral ground at least not for a first date. on the other hand, i am myself around art. but anyway, we had plenty in common and stuff to talk about but there wasn't much real chemistry, and I can't say whether that was bc i felt like i was half in work mode or because it was still late afternoon or what. Ultimately, a good time but didn't really feel like a date. But i haven't dated in so long what do I know about how dates feel! eesh. anyway, I would've liked to at least have gone for a drink, just out of curiousity, yknow? but he was like "okay that was fun see ya!" (in a v nice way, of course). And then I felt a bit rejected but also not, because intellectually I know it wasn't a good fit, but still. DATING WHY IS IT HARD.

(the museum/art date was not my suggestion btw, it was his, tho i did say yes)

maybe a follow up message tomorrow "that was fun, i'd like to see you again over a drink this time"?

i don't think i want to go out with him again though! (on top of that he's allergic to animals and tbh i don't want to go out with anyone who can't hang out at my house). i think i was just feeling REALITY.

lol, I met someone who was nice enough on an okcupid "date" and had the same animal allergy reaction

really, my cat > newcomers

Places to DRINK? Columbus Circle?!?? What, is there a Heartland Brewery there?

Rrrobyn, that was a good experience! My first okc "date" was similar--a gallery-hop plus coffee--with a "nice" guy. Also, I think we need a new word. These first meetings aren't really "dates"--I think of them more as meet-and-greets.

Yesterday, I introduced my younger colleague to our sexual harassment training . . . and then I asked him to come out with my friends tonight. He seemed to say yes and gave me his number . . . maybe he thinks this is part of his job?

Had an okc date last night that didn't suck. I consider that a major success.

x-post: ahahaha. I think it's over for me and RR.

Protip: Never go on a date with anyone who suggests The Heartland Brewery. Find an excuse, any excuse will do.

SO thoughts about "going to museums" on first dates? Brightly lit, can meet and greet, things to see and do so there's less pressure...? Mary, I strongly suggest the NY Hall of Science in Queens for your weekend meet-up needs!

I'm not against it, but in general, my preferred method is meeting for beers. Alcohol improves awkward situations more than art does, in my experience.

Someone asked me to go to the Louis Armstrong house in Corona for a third-ish date, but I declined, because I could do that on my lunch break.

Can a "nice guy" (as in polite and ok but no chemistry) ever become more than a nice guy?

right situation to unleash more flirtatious nature

couple of drinks maybe

Am wondering that myself. Last week I made vague plans for second date this wknd. The balls in my court and am wondering how much to pursue this. Perhaps can't judge till we go drinking together. We get along well and I like him as a person but wasn't feeling a whole lot of attraction.

Oh, of course, I was just using "nice guy" as a shorthand for a perfectly nice person whom I had no attraction toward. He most likely thought I was a nice girl as well. Of course, things can always develop in numerous ways . . . it's just hard when people are looking for a quick thrill and jumping to immediate conclusions . . . and don't really have time to give anything a chance to develop . . . because there's always someone else in the wings.

girl with 99% match msg'd me today saying "you look really interesting, and i'd love to get to know you more. i see we have a pretty big height difference, i don't know if that's a problem for you--but then i'm also on this site looking for new platonic friends too!"

she's 6'0

it's just hard when people are looking for a quick thrill and jumping to immediate conclusions . . . and don't really have time to give anything a chance to develop . . . because there's always someone else in the wings.

this is what i was thinking - i mean, theoretically irl there's always something waiting in the wings too, but online dating magnifies that, makes it more obvious/real. and i can't help but see that as bizarre on one hand and okay on the other. but i'm leaning more towards bizarre if only because everyone is different and not everyone is fully open emotionally to other people, which is what dating as a social activity can really help, in my opinion. but if you only go on one date in one circumstance, how much does that really show? especially with people who take a while to warm up or get comfortable? maybe online dating isn't the forum for that though? i really don't know; i'm just thinking out loud here.

i'm going on a date tmrw night with someone who is def 2" shorter than me... we shall see...

6'0 ladies are the best kinds of ladies, see

i would meet up w/any of my 99% out of pure curiosity, and as a sort of experiment to test the reality against the #s...

also y'all convinced me to message the guy i wasn't really feeling

That's great. I was sure the person I met last night was gonna be a shorty because he didn't list his height, but he was my height.

I think everyone is looking for perfection, or the closest facsimile of it . . . I think IRL people are more forgiving maybe.

have not gone out with anyone taller than 5'7 tbh

am marinating on this proposition

don't be heightist

ha i just mean i never have before

try it... on for size

yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaowww

friend of mine is 5'7 dude very happily married to 5'11 lady. so y'know.

i've been involved with someone at least a couple inches shorter than me and we got along so well that after a few times out i didn't even notice the height difference tbh, even now that we are just friends

he's got a big personality, not even kidding, haha

short dudes need love, too

that's not what randy newman told me

i thought my tuesday date was going to maybe be shorter than me but if he was i didn't really notice. so at least he wasn't exaggerating his height which is admirable/unusual! however i didn't really feel any kind of connection. i have a feeling that if we tried to talk about anything besides restaurants in the neighborhood it would not go well. he gave me an open-ended invite to a happy hour thing tonight and i thought i MIGHT go but i am so tired that it is taking every ounce of concentration to finish my work day without passing out on my keyboard! and i am totally fine with not following through on this one.

have a 2nd date tonight w/someone...we are having communication issues in the sense that every time we have to communicate not face-to-face he drives me NUTS with his indecision, lack of really saying anything, and no initiative. however, we had a good time when we hung out. what's up w/that? so i guess tonight i'll see if it's enough to override the irritation i feel at his texts.

also i may have control issues.

No one here knows what you're talking about, I'm sure.

:)

his indecision, lack of really saying anything, and no initiative.

He did not suggest where to have the 2nd date or say anything else of interest? Just askin'? Maybe he is trying to not be a control freak? Or maybe he does not know the kind of places in Queens or wherever that you like to hang?

i also would like to add that i received an out-of-the-blue text last night from someone i went on a few okc dates with, saying "i want to lick your butt".

!!

I got messaged by ANOTHER guy who I share mutual friends with - only ths time its ppl I know in the poly/goth scene. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

ugh. i just kind of ended things with the okc girl i was seeing.

she was actually pretty great, we got along well. i just wasn't falling head over heels or anything, and i was starting to pick up that she was really into me. it was uneven.

i'm very confused. i feel like i should come with a label right now, "WARNING: emotional landmine, recent 7-year breakup, proceed with caution"

i think part of it was also that she's even more antisocial and misanthropic than i am, and i could easily see us retreating away from the world, imminently. i'm open to fully succumbing to the hermetic lifestyle in the future, but right now i need to keep engaging with the world. that's what's been helping me get through the last month or so, and it felt like i was being forced to retreat from that before i wanted to.

ended up going on my fourth date of the week tonight and it was good last night was a second date which was also good

z s did you give her signals that you you were into really into her? it seems like you at least must have been pretty into her if you deleted your okc.

this whole "i stopped liking you because it seemed like you liked me too much" thing has been particularly annoying to me lately. sometimes we ladies go with the flow when someone is coming on very strong with liking gestures. i had this happen recently where this person was so over-the-top wooing me (like, baked me my favorite kind of pie and made me gushy mixtapes and held my hand over the dinner table at a restaurant). then just fell off the face of the earth. when i was like "wtf dude?" he said that he had started to get nervous/bad feelings about things because i had stayed an extra hour longer than i said i was going to stay and it freaked him out because i seemed "too attached to him". like the dude BAKED ME A PIE and it's somehow ok, but i stay an hour later than i said and it's suddenly crazy psycho attached woman, watch out!!!

this is the kind of romantic terrorism i can do without.

the wooing was also just so over-the-top and highschoolish that is was impossible for me to believe anyone would actually do that just to get someone into bed. i should have realized something was off, but the cognitive dissonance was too great. and also i really like pie.

that is kind of fucked up, his behaviour.
whereas it is totally totally normal and rational to like pie! and even be wooed by it!

okcupie <-- would join

someone should rewrite "the game" or whatever the pua manual is to just say "bring pie."

i once dated a guy (non-OKC) who drew a picture of me for my birthday that was one of the sweetest, best gifts i've ever gotten in my life. i bought him a book for xmas and he got really weirded out, like i wanted to move too fast or something. wtf.