WHO WOULD WIN IN A FIGHT

Wife&I have an rather large internal wall we're gonna raze in a redecoration project within the end of january. You are welcome to stop by & make Tom's mural a reality ppl! We will take photos, and auction the debris off for charity.

(NB haven't cleared any of this with wife yet.)

THERE IS NO BRACKET
ALSO PICARD AND BATMAN ARE SMART WE KNOW

jeez

Haha.

Do you think hulk might just shrink really small if hit by star mario, kart style?

i just dont know what to believe anymore

When 3 are left it is not improbable 2 of them will get all "this is personal kid", kill each other simultaneously and leave the 3rd character laughing by default I think?

If Hulk got hit by star Mario he'd probably turn back into Bruce Banner, then if nobody makes him angry he's dead in no time.

Dracula is fucked if this takes place during the daytime.

Haha.

Do you think hulk might just shrink really small if hit by star mario, kart style?

― Gravel Puzzleworth, Friday, January 2, 2009 9:16 PM (23 minutes ago)

that's lightning. but a good question is does mario get access to his kart

If he does, then Batman should have access to the Batmobile.

tht's just silly

what next, HERE COMES A NEW CHALLENGER the death star?

TIE Advanced more like...

and even that would be a bit silly, because to even it up Batman would have to be in the Batwing.

I've taken it into serious contention and... Vader would look like winning, using the force to focus on the stronger fighters (Hulk would be hard to take down for example) while Sonic looks too easy to take on, is forgotten about, and runs incredibly fast at him in his back, knocking him over for someone to take him out, like when in WWE Battle Royales someone spends ages taking out the big motherfucker and someone just dropkicks them over the side before they get noticed.

Then Predator's just too awesome to be stopped. Predator win.

Voted Nate Dogg

fyi i will pit the winner against a whole new set of challengers for who would win 2

i find it hard to believe anybody is going to take the hulk in this one

the predator boosterism is absurd. where would you fools be if slocki had remembered DANNY GLOVER when he made this poll.

i think we should make this thread into 8 ILX fight club brackets and debate them all individually until a clear winner is established.

fyi i will pit the winner against a whole new set of challengers for who would win 2

― s1ocki, Saturday, January 3, 2009 2:42 PM (57 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

yussss, bracketed character battles

sephiroth vs. goku vs. master chief vs. hulk

now we can argue about seedings

vs. brett favre

when the fight is over and he is victorious, vader will come for those who voted against him

i've been thinking hard about this, here's how i'd break it down

alien - only useful when there's more than one, when there's swarms and eggs involved. a single alien by itself would be pretty short work for cpl hicks, let alone rambo

predator - okay the predator might be tough competition for rambo, rocky or xena. but cpt picard and batman have the predator beaten on brains and i doubt his weapons could scratch the supers on the list

hulk - let's see ... the marvel super heroes RPG gives the hulk unearthly strength and endurance. this means he can bench something like 500 tons, shrug off any weapons less powerful than, say, thor's hammer. also he can see enemies on the astral plane. so much for predator's energy beams, wolverine's claws, etc. darth vader's lightsaber, maybe?

batman - "dark knight returns" showed how batman could do well against enemies that have specific weaknesses, like superman vs kryptonite. i.e., he'd be smart enough to attack dracula with garlic and stakes. but what are hulks weaknesses? i think batman vs darth vader might be the most interesting match here, since they both have interesting tendencies to utilize their surroundings in fights.

frankenstein - are you for real?

dracula - dracula is tough but he has major weaknesses. half the people here could see him in astral form, the other half could kick his ass in a straight up fight. like the predator or the alien, his best bet is to run and hide and wait for people to track him down. except they'd just figure out where he is and blow up the building he's in or whatever.

hellboy - so obviously dracula and frankenstein are short work for hellboy, who eats those sorts of opponents for breakfast. he's not immune to conventional weapons but he's mildly superpowered, so he'd be toe-to-toe with predator, batman, etc for a while before inevitably grinding them down. he can pick up and throw things like cars, which is cool, except hulk can pick up and throw battleships if he wants. darth vader might be an even match for hellboy

wolverine - since he's from the "gritty realism" school of comics. adamantium claws and skeleton aside, he seems to get knocked out a lot in fights. i seem to recall wolverine vs punisher being something like an even fight, so he'd probably do okay against rambo, frankenstein, predator. but he's not as smart as picard or batman, who'd figure out a way to incapacitate him.

jean-luc picard - would beam out. or figure out a way to incapacitate everyone. or barter a peaceful solution. he's the smartest guy on the list by a country mile but i don't think he's got the fight in him. in fact, i bet his first move would probably be to talk his equals (the hulk, batman and possibly wolverine) into forming a team to demolish everyone else. then he would talk batman out of getting killed, and concede the fight to the hulk.

vader - vader is sort of the dark horse here, since we don't really know how strong his force powers are. i don't really follow any star wars shit but what i've seen seems to suggest that they keep making the force more and more powerful. but if we make the canon the first three movies, then i doubt darth really has access to stuff like force lightning or hurling tie fighters with the force. i doubt he even has particularly great sixth sense since he didn't really seem to know where luke was when they were dueling on bespin. his lightsaber is pretty impressive but i bet he'd have trouble fighting a rancor. a hulk is like a rancor except like 1000 times as strong and 1000 times as tough. and he's not huge or stupid ... i bet vader would try to fight something like a rancor by running circles around it and climbing up on it's head and decapitating it. but that's not going to work against the hulk, who can probably fight hand to hand as well as vader. i guess the lightsaber is another unknown. how bad would hulk get hurt if vader got a good hit on him? probably bad enough that i'd hope vader would be pretty softened up by the time he gets to hulk.

rambo - untested against anyone but cannon fodder. i can't see him lasting five seconds against anybody on this list except rocky, the predator (who sucks) and maybe batman or wolverine. but i doubt it. he's basically like an undisciplined, under-equipped version of the punisher, and we all know the punisher can only last against batman and wolverine via equipment and discipline.

rocky - smashed by frankenstein in the first round

xena - how the hell did xena get on this list? isn't that like buffy the vampire slayer vs predator? xena doesn't even really, fight, does she?

sonic, super mario, hobbit, gargamel - again, same as xena

your marvel RPG reference there proves your Reason to be >= Excellent

buff could totally take predator

actually i'd like to try this via elimination

round 1

Alien vs Gargamel - gargamel sets a trap for the alien. who figures a way out through animal cunning. he punches a stinger right through gargamel's chest and then eats his brains.

Predator vs Rocky - predator decides to forgo the weapons for an honorable fight. rocky finds himself fighting an enemy with the training and discipline of ivan drago, but who weighs like 200 lbs more (all muscle) and is like three feet taller. and has sharp claws on his hands, and on his feet, which he kicks with. rocky is dead. predator.

Hulk vs Rambo - rambo uses up all of his ammunition. hulk is not even scratched. hulk leaps right in front of rambo, gives him a two handed overhead piledriver punch. rambo is a wet pile of broken bones and mushy flesh. hulk.

Batman vs Darth Vader - batman tries to catch darth by surprise. he's smart enough to stay out of the way of darth's lightsaber. but darth starts flinging rocks and shit around with the force. batman gets bruised and runs away. draw.

Frankenstein vs Jean-Luc Picard - jean luc digs a pit full of spikes and covers it with leaves. frankenstein spots the trap and decides to go around. straight into a bog of quicksand. jean luc wins by brains.

Dracula vs Xena - xena has lots of experience fighting enemies from myth, so she's smart enough to figure out garlic and stakes. she fought medusa and won, right? xena.

Hellboy vs The Hobbit - the hobbit puts on his ring. hellboy uses his superior knowledge of the occult to trick the hobbit into becoming a servant of the ring. the ring steals the hobbit's soul. hellboy takes the ring from the hobbit, who is now his brainless zombie servant. hellboy.

Wolverine vs Super Mario - wolverine tries to fight super mario, but super mario is a two-dimensional cartoon who comically leaps over wolverine's head every time wolverine tries to attack him. wolverine commits suicide out of frustration (possibly tricked by mario into lunging off a cliff or something). super mario.

Sonic the hedgehog - runs up to super-speed so fast that he tears the fabric of space-time and ends up in a psychedelic cartoon dimension made of neon colored tubes. out of the fight.

round 2

alien vs super mario - super mario uses the same trick as when he fought wolverine, but this time it's probably even easier. alien tries to grab mario, mario jumps, alien runs off a ledge into a bottomless pit. maybe he grabs mario on the way down with his tail, maybe not. super mario.

hulk vs hellboy - hulk, for reasons explained upthread. that and i can't really imagine what hellboy could possibly do to beat hulk in a fight.

batman vs xena - both have brains, brawn and spirit, but batman has modern technology. this is actually sort of like elektra vs daredevil except now daredevil's not blind, has no feelings for the chick and has armor and effective ranged weapons too. he'd probably fight her for a bit, and then knock her out with sleeping capsules and leave her all tied up with a bat-rope. batman.

darth vader vs jean luc picard - picard has angst about stuff like his career, his mom, his failed relationships with women, data's death, being kidnapped by the borg etc. vader could probably use dark force mind powers to reduce picard to a sobbing wreck. "there are *three* lights!" vader.

round 3

super mario vs vader - super mario tries the same trick, except this time vader grabs mario with the force and pulls *him* into the path of a fire flower. and uses the force to glide to safety, cape flapping the wind. vader.

hulk vs batman - i bet batman could figure out ways to run away from the hulk indefinitely. hulk would probably get really tired of this. batman realizes the hulk is basically an ok guy, sort of like him in a lot of ways. they form an alliance.

round 4

hulk + batman vs vader - ???

did i make any mistakes here?

hey tom my reason is class 5000

no way does xena beat dracula

buff could totally take predator

― s1ocki, Saturday, January 3, 2009 11:50 PM (9 minutes ago) Bookmark

why not? she can beat any number of monsters from classical myth, and probably demigods too. especially because xena is sorta sexy. dracula, panting with lust, tries to seduce xena (i don't know which dracula you are picturing but i am picturing kinski from herzog's "nosferatu"). but xena is a lesbian! so she can't be seduced. and besides, she's stuffed her bra full of garlic. while kinski is reeling from the reek of garlic she leaps on him, pins his arms with her muscular thighs and drops a stake in his heart.

haha maybe i give the dude too much credit marvel drax was always getting dropped by retard mortals with gadgets its true but like a) regenerative healing powers b) mind control and c) vastly superior strength and agility. oh d) is can turn into mist too escape like he did van helsing

a) healing powers no good with stake in heart
b) doesn't work on lesbians, only straight victorian ladies and the dudes who love them
c) sure but not at hulk levels
d) half the dudes on the list can see astral forms (ie hulk, vader, hobbit with his ring, xena probably has some sort of trick)

anyway you are ignoring dracula's *nature*. he wouldn't try to fight xena the way he'd fight hulk or vader. she's a hot lady in leather!

garlic is a minor weakness if he can storm the vatican he can deal with some garlic. and if youre giving ppl prep stuff beyond their usual gear - in this case garlic, stakes, possibly religious icons - then drax has access to spells and rituals to shut down some of those weaknesses

really though i think he can avoid her long enough to find a good time to strike xena is much more vulnerable i just dont see her getting close enough to stake him. i dont think drax wins this but yr initial analysis requires xena getting in close enough to effectively stake him - any mishit and hell recover fast and drop her. nature thing is a good point dracula would probably want to turn her making it harder for him to just suck and drop + in the melee scenario leaving him open to predator/batman/picard type players.

hulk + batman vs vader - hulk and batman hunker down in an abandoned cathedral and wait for vader. vader tries to use the force to sneak right into their midst, but hulk can see astral forms and attacks him. except it's not really vader, it's an astral force illusion made of floating midichlorians in the air. hulk smashes into a flying buttress, and 10 tons of stonework falls on top of him. batman tries to use sleeping gas on the vader, who has good air filters on his suit. vader charges batman, who leaps up into the rafters. he grabs onto the candelabra and swings it down on vader, trapping him in a wrought-iron cage. vader cuts his way out with a lightsaber. batman throws a grenade into the incense brazier, filling the whole space with dense smoke. vader can't see batman now but he can sense him. he starts flinging wood pews around with the force out of frustration. batman sneaks up on him and hits him in the head with a huge iron cross, knocking off his helmet. vader, understandably pissed, turns around, lifts batman in the air and starts choking him. batman is smart enough not to waste time trying to grab darth's telekinetic hands (like those poor idiots in the movies) and pulls a knife from his boot, which he flings at vader's head. vader drops batman and grabs the knife with telekinesis, flinging it back at batman. the knife hits batman in the hand, pinning it to a stone pew. vader advances on batman with his lightsaber drawn. batman pulls the knife out with his remaining hand and as he does that vader cuts that arm off at the elbow with his lightsaber. batman falls to his knees. just as vader is about to decrapitate him, the hulk comes bursting out from under the stonework. vader turns around with a sigh to face the hulk. the hulk leaps at vader, who sidesteps and slashes the hulk through the middle with his lightsaber, samurai-style. the hulk is hurt, it's not like his guts are spilling out but he's losing blood, grabbing at his stomach, wincing in pain, etc. as vader advances on the hulk, batman jumps on his back from behind and grabs the lightsaber. darth reaches up with two hands and flips batman over, judo-style. batman goes flying into a pillar but he turns in the air and puts the lightsaber between himself and the pillar. the pillar cracks in half, breaking most of batman's ribs *and* the lightsaber. vader picks batman up with the force (still clutching the broken lightsaber) and throws him out the big stained glass window. he turns around and starts picking up huge pieces of stone and dropping them on hulk, who smashes them with his fists. but hulk is getting tired after the lightsaber hit, and finally vader picks up the ground hulk is standing on (akira-style) and throws the whole chunk of earth into a nearby volcano. hulk just manages to leap off (class 5000 leaping ability) and hang on to the edge of the volcano. as he climbs over, darth walks out of the cathedral and starts trudging up to the volcano. suddenly he hears a whine. he turns to see picard, piloting a jury-rigged predator ship (picard snapped out of it and started making repairs). batman, near-death, is riding shotgun. the pred ship smashes straight into vader, lifting him off his feet. vader is hanging onto the nose of the ship like tj-hooker. he starts uses the force to give picard a heart attack. batman grabs the controls and fires the retrojet thrusters just as they crest the volcano. the pred ship comes to an abrupt halt. picard and batman black out from the g-force. the ship hits and rock and begins to roll (good thing they're safety belted in). but darth is thrown from the wreckage towards the edge of the volcano. hulk leaps into the air, grabs vader like all "alley-oop", and SUPLEXES HIM INTO THE VOLCANO LAVA.

rad

best thread of 09 so far, keep it up fellas.

vahid's contributions turned this into a HoF thread - well done glorious goonsire

*points at vahid, nodding and smiling, mouthing something that can't be heard.. could be "you're the man"*

hulk vs hellboy would be the best fight of all these. its about how much damage you can take, cunning only matters when its your comic/show/movie and the writers have to think of a way for you to beat a superior opponent. that shit don't fly in the REAL WORLD.

applause. ok only thing is the whole Picard having family issues but vader not-- did you see any of the star wars movies???

Hulk v Hobbit would bre the most fun to watch because Bilbo is a slippery little motherfucker and its fun watching a big dude smash everything trying to get a little slippery motherfucker and also eventually he would squish the shit out of the hobbit and I bet he'd pop real good!

I mean dude fought an even less emotional enemy - the borg - and won

I mean

i dunno, s1ocki, star trek characters are awful susceptible to mind tricks. seems like every 1 in 4 episodes someone gets taken over by an alien entity, or develops amnesia, or is stuck in a alien holodeck fantasy world they can't tell from reality, or whatever. it's just something that happens all the time in star trek. whereas even though darth has his angst he really only has like one or two moments of wavering out-of-character throughout the original trilogy.

and when picard fought the borg, he got turned into a borg and it took him until the climax of the episode to fight back. and he was under sedation from beverly and data was using a neural link to jam the borg signal. so that's basically what i figured, that vader would use jedi mind tricks on picard (since picard deals more with mind tricks than hand-to-hand combat anyway) which picard would have a hard time fighting but would eventually overcome (just in time to save the day)

ya but in SW vader eventually gets it cuz he has an emo breakdown! just saying. also feel like picard might be a bit hardened to the mind tricks stuff precisely BECAUSE of previous exp

im glad SOME ppl here actually know something about hellboy -- for awhile it seemed like folks who didnt know who he was were severely underrating him -- he was my vote fwiw

tell me about hellboy and his magical hand

it looks like in my battle royal upthread i forgot about the predator after round 1. how about darth attempts to sway picard to the dark side, leading picard into a big hollow tree in a marsh where picard is confronted by a shadowy borg, whom he attacks with a lightsaber only to find out OH NO THE BORG IS LOCUTUS. so picard has a mental breakdown. vader leaves in disgust and on his way back to fight super mario he runs into the predator. the predator tries attacking vader from camouflage with spears and flying blades and shit that vader cuts apart w/ his lightsaber. then he tries his shoulder blaster, which vader deflects with the lightsaber. then he uses his rocket-propelled net to ensnare vader, which works, but when the predator jumps down for the killing blow, vader attacks him with force lightning. the predator is stunned long enough for vader to cut himself out of his ropes and cut off his arm (the one with the self-destruct on it). the predator limps away to die (since he's basically an alien bounty hunter, and as we saw from the SW movies it just takes one good hit with a lightsaber to kill an alien bounty hunter)

picard would win....the very forces of justice and righteousness are on his side. plus let's face it an army of godzillas could be about to murder picard ten seconds before the end of an episode and geordie would somehow reROUT the dilythium crystals to make a laser that "JUST MIGHT WORK" in time for the credits to roll

new poll for most intriguing matchup

I am giving vahid all my oreos just because