Just when you thought it was safe - OK CUPID PART 3: The Return of the WOO!

OKC gal who says she is listening to 50 Years of African Music comp and lived in Kenya won't respond to me, freelance writer about African music. Ugh. Need to concentrate on going from "average" to "athletic" maybe and then add new photos I guess (and I'm not obese now).

virginia plain, i think that sounds like an admirable pursuit!

I actually prefer "average" to "athletic".

Just got this gem:

"Hi, I'm a married dominant man, looking for a sweet passionate woman. Would you like to get to know one another?"

Why, yes, please!

x-post: Thanks, b_g. This is why I love ilx, telling me what I want to hear since '02.

Eh, I was just curious because there are a number of bars called the Double Down and I thought you were in NYC, but wasn't sure.

R___ R______ is back and still wants to meet in Columbus Circle. I guess I'll ask what the draw is.

milwaukee brewers manager ron roenicke?

Ronald Reagan?

rick ross!

Hahahahaha oh goody.

Who knew Virginia Plain was a rapper

I asked what was in Columbus circle and he asked me if I'd ever been to Columbus circle. I don't think it's going to work out.

hahaha.

i miss thespark.com

Awwwww The Spark! I had a crush on one of the writers/employees a long, long time ago. Iirc I used to trawl through office photos and jokey posts to see if he was in them.

What happened to that thing, anyway? How come it's all study guides now? Wasn't it like a proto-The Onion or something??

yes! i was starting to think i was crazy b/c no one i talk to these days has heard of it!

i think the 'date my sister' experiment was a prototype for okc, in addition to all the quizzes/personality tests they had going

Yeessssss Date My Sister, I forgot about that!!!! The first time I joined Spring Street Networks, it was through thespark.com.

I remembered thespark b/c the last few dates have asked me how I came to OKC. Now i'm trawling the internet wayback machine & going through all their crazy experiments again. the sister one is pretty hilarious.

There is no shortage of suitors for Melissa. Since the announcement of the project, I've gotten about a thousand emails from guys looking to help Melissa find a man. For example:

hey i saw your pic u r beautiful. i would like to get to know you. if u want to chat i have icq and myscreen name is giantballs4u.

m_

I asked her, and Melissa said she prefers guys without elephantitis of the nuts, so her dates are all going to be with friends of mine.

the medium may have changed, but the message has stayed the same.

LG, nooo. You guys let girls get away with stuff that I would never be able to

i know what you're saying completely, and there are times in the past where i've been in this situation, except it's a bit diff this time cos i dunno, i haven't met someone i feel this close to for a long time. i think maybe she's not interested romantically, which isn't good, but it would seem weird to not be friends because it's still quite a rare thing.

i know everyone is going to say what you said though, and probably for my own sake it might be better not to hang out, except i dunno, we went out last night for 4/5 hours and spent about £100 on cocktails till 1am, on a tuesday, and only talked about the relationship bit at the end, i can't really accept this isn't something good and unusual.

except i also can't quite fully accept she isn't interested romantically...it's just too weird given how we interact.

My advice isn't to stay away, at all. I think super-close male-female relationships are a good thing . . . and a close relationship of any kind isn't something to throw away. I just think that eventually, she's going to have to realize what she wants . . . does she want a friend . . . does she want a boyfriend . . . and eventually, you might not want to make things *so* easy for her. . . .

So, I set up this date last week with this guy who has been wishy-washy since September. We got as far as arranging to meet on Wednesday night and then it was his turn to e-mail. He never did, which is fine, but then at 6 a.m. this morning he looked at my profile, just to double-check and make sure that he doesn't want to meet me after all.

Ahhh I got my first notification from someone poly today. Feels like I've arrived.

I was surprised to discover recently that Columbus Circle has nice benches.

I just think that eventually, she's going to have to realize what she wants . . . does she want a friend . . . does she want a boyfriend . . . and eventually, you might not want to make things *so* easy for her. . . .

totally...she acted like she was surprised last night when i brought it up whereas i was sure she knew 100 per cent. so it's sort of a bit like a new era from now but yeah, bringing it up again was one step, actually fighting for it a bit is another i agree.

anyway back to okc.

except i also can't quite fully accept she isn't interested romantically...it's just too weird given how we interact.

Been there twice recently and sadly it's perfectly possible to have an amazing close friendship with someone of the opposite sex, have it turn into a relationship, and then learn that you always felt 10000 more strongly than they did. Very much agree with VP that being a little bit unavailable (without game-playing) helps ward this off. I am no good at this. Even when I think I am being good at it, I'm not.

I forgot that OKC used to be TheSpark. Thats how I ended up there! I was just doing Spark quizzes and then it turned into a dating site while I wasnt looking.

i totally forgot ^this too!! And the reason i joined okcupid so many years ago was because of ilx + thespark! and then quickly de-joined it bc was seeing someone.
and here we are again...
i remember being v sad about the demise of the spark

It sounds to me like she likes you, but she's not ready, BUT that also, she might be very, very happy to remain in this amorphous state indefinitely. If you want some positive result, you might at some point want to make yourself a bit less available.

So, the dude I had a date with tonight messaged me this afternoon . . . work, rain, etc. Can we do it another time? Uh, I don't really care anymore . . . but I'm not sure how to say no without it sounding like sour grapes. Use the classic OKC stratagem of not replying . . . ?

My young coworker asked me today if I was happy with him . . . ha ha, how to answer?

All I can think of is horrible innuendos and suggestively raised eyebrows

Hahaha, I just said "sure," which he took to be a lackluster endorsement.

But what kind of question is that?

I would've said "i'm leaving this up to you" and just stopped replying :/

I am sick of chasing people.

It's not even raining that hard here. I'd either ignore it or just say 'sure' and nothing after.

I'm very curious about your seduction strategies for the coworker! I tend to call for happy hour in hopes of luring mine out.

My plan is to invite him out for drinks with other coworkers...but nothing is in the pipeline right now. I think we may be heading toward a beautiful LG-style friendship, which wouldn't be too bad. It makes going to work super fun.

I just don't know how to tactfully handle this ock flake. How to say, well you don't seem that interested in meeting up, so I'm not really that interested anymore either, but no hard feelings and good luck.

Wait yeah Ive confused 2 situs here, flake and workmate. my "i'll leave it up to you" was to say to flake!

As Ive found that kind of repeated excuse making is a veiled lack of interest, tbh. Even when it isnt, I cant wring myself into a knot wondering about what if. :( Ive done that so many times, I'm not going to anymore.

Oh, yeah, it's obvious to me he's not interested, but maybe he would feel too guilty to just let it go? Meanwhile, I'm not exactly dying to meet him (at this point) . . . I don't even know him. I responded: "Sure, no worries." Maybe he will now man up and disappear properly.

Yeah I had one guy I had 2 very good dates with, it was all going what seemed really well, just suddenly stop resoponging to my txts, I had to directly ask him "have you lost interest, your tone's changed" and he EVENTUALLY said "yeah sorry would rather just be friends" (which of course is code for "please go away"). I thnk I just replied "thank you" and dropped it. Some guys need to grow a pair. Its not hard to be honest.

I will say that I met up with someone that I was not enthusiastic about and it was actually a good date! It turns out we were both expecting it to be a crappy date and were pleasantly surprised, so it's possible that he's also been on horrible dates and is now having a hard time being enthusiastic about dates.

Use the classic OKC stratagem of not replying . . . ?

i'm going to validate you again by saying YES not replying is perfectly acceptable in this situation.

I just found and messaged my first 99% match! We will see.

Has anyone used the location services to good effect?

Nice work.

I never seem to like my locals, but I'm going to check it again.

I looked at it. It made me sad.

You guys, apparently Columbus Circle is the center of the universe and very nice at night, with a lot of restaurants and places to drink. Time to disengage.

I have a pre-date tonight, to see if we will be compatible enough to take a bike ride together on Sunday.

that is a good idea, the pre-date in this kind of situation

i went on my first okcupid date! it was a late-afternoon museum date. i don't necessarily recommend this. at least not for me. because going to see art is, like, part of my job... and art also makes me happy/interested/talkative, and so is not actually neutral ground at least not for a first date. on the other hand, i am myself around art. but anyway, we had plenty in common and stuff to talk about but there wasn't much real chemistry, and I can't say whether that was bc i felt like i was half in work mode or because it was still late afternoon or what. Ultimately, a good time but didn't really feel like a date. But i haven't dated in so long what do I know about how dates feel! eesh. anyway, I would've liked to at least have gone for a drink, just out of curiousity, yknow? but he was like "okay that was fun see ya!" (in a v nice way, of course). And then I felt a bit rejected but also not, because intellectually I know it wasn't a good fit, but still. DATING WHY IS IT HARD.

(the museum/art date was not my suggestion btw, it was his, tho i did say yes)

maybe a follow up message tomorrow "that was fun, i'd like to see you again over a drink this time"?

i don't think i want to go out with him again though! (on top of that he's allergic to animals and tbh i don't want to go out with anyone who can't hang out at my house). i think i was just feeling REALITY.

lol, I met someone who was nice enough on an okcupid "date" and had the same animal allergy reaction

really, my cat > newcomers

Places to DRINK? Columbus Circle?!?? What, is there a Heartland Brewery there?

Rrrobyn, that was a good experience! My first okc "date" was similar--a gallery-hop plus coffee--with a "nice" guy. Also, I think we need a new word. These first meetings aren't really "dates"--I think of them more as meet-and-greets.

Yesterday, I introduced my younger colleague to our sexual harassment training . . . and then I asked him to come out with my friends tonight. He seemed to say yes and gave me his number . . . maybe he thinks this is part of his job?

Had an okc date last night that didn't suck. I consider that a major success.

x-post: ahahaha. I think it's over for me and RR.

Protip: Never go on a date with anyone who suggests The Heartland Brewery. Find an excuse, any excuse will do.