My mother's incredibly stupid ex-husband

Message Bookmarked

Bookmark Removed

Not all messages are displayed: show all messages (498 of them)

Matos, you should film yourself sitting on an easy chair telling all these stories into the camera.

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Friday, 21 January 2005 21:04 (twenty-one years ago)

wow, this is gold. my only question - why? as in why date, much less marry, such an obviously stupid prick? was he hung like a horse?

― cod, Saturday, 22 January 2005 03:07 (twenty-one years ago)

how the fuck would I know?

― Matos W.K. (M Matos), Saturday, 22 January 2005 03:11 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah, sorry. could've phrased it better.

― cod, Saturday, 22 January 2005 03:13 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.public.asu.edu/~atjlb/FOOT%20IN%20MOUTH.JPG

― Curious George Rides a Republican (Rock Hardy), Saturday, 22 January 2005 03:20 (twenty-one years ago)

my only question - why? as in why date, much less marry, such an obviously stupid prick? was he hung like a horse?

you want some of that Chris action, cod, don't you.

― donut christ (donut), Saturday, 22 January 2005 03:44 (twenty-one years ago)

Maybe he could make his cock into a heart.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 22 January 2005 03:46 (twenty-one years ago)

OH GOD PLEASE STOP THIS TRAIN OF THOUGHT.. I BLAME MYSELF.. BUT PLEASE MAKE IT STOP

― donut christ (donut), Saturday, 22 January 2005 03:54 (twenty-one years ago)

*is content*

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 22 January 2005 03:54 (twenty-one years ago)

6. "Jiggle" it every so often to release some essence de' la corn.

― Homarus Vulgaris, Saturday, 22 January 2005 16:02 (twenty-one years ago)

anecdotes #34 and #35 suggest that the ex-husband has some form of (undiagnosed) autism -- "inappropriate" use of language, utter lack of empathy and emotional affect, bizarre habits, etc. Which isn't to say he's not incredibly stupid, too, or that Matos' sense of humor and survival skills are anything less than heroic. And obviously, drugs & drink are a big negative influence here as well. I still think there's a book in this.

― lovebug starski (lovebug starski), Saturday, 22 January 2005 16:34 (twenty-one years ago)

three months pass...

Oh lovely thread.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 16 May 2005 14:45 (twenty-one years ago)

It just may be my favorite thread ever. Seriously, it should be turned into a book.

― Leon Federline (Ex Leon), Monday, 16 May 2005 14:49 (twenty-one years ago)

It does beg for it. Mr. Matos, it is time for your second great tome.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 16 May 2005 14:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Mil Millington made a pile of money off of Things My Girlfirend And I HAve Argued About (where "a pile" means "some"), so I say FOLLOW IN HIS FUNNY FUNNY FOOTSTEPS.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 16 May 2005 14:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Does "some" mean "lots"?

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Monday, 16 May 2005 15:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Wow, this thread. Wow.

― mark grout (mark grout), Monday, 16 May 2005 15:47 (twenty-one years ago)

Does "some" mean "lots"?

I don't know; you'd have to ask him.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 16 May 2005 15:55 (twenty-one years ago)

best . thread / ever (alongside gear's couch and ally's co-workers)

― stevie (stevie), Monday, 16 May 2005 16:29 (twenty-one years ago)

nine months pass...

haha my mom and sisters saw this thread! they approve.

― Matos-Webster Dictionary (M Matos), Tuesday, 14 March 2006 10:28 (twenty years ago)

Every time this thread is revived I read it in its entirety. Best thread ever.

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Tuesday, 14 March 2006 10:57 (twenty years ago)

Anyway, how dumb could the guy be?

http://www.cl.cam.ac.uk/users/cpt23/

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Tuesday, 14 March 2006 12:01 (twenty years ago)

I worked at a convenience store on campus. One of the WAY older janitorial guys there? Wanted the bigger-than-life-sized free-standing cardboard pix of Dennis Rodman (this was a few years ago) that was a freebie from the soda company. His use? He said his wife LOVED Dennis Rodman and he was planning on putting it at the foot of their love nest/bed (his words). No, I won't finish what they were planning on imagining with Dennis - but he shared his fantasies with of us, including the college girls that were standing there... A WAAAAAY older caucasian couple... with cardboard Dennis...... It's tobo's fault. I was reminded of this... My brain hurts all over again...

― Gailann Schrader, Tuesday, 14 March 2006 19:45 (twenty years ago)

haha my mom and sisters saw this thread! they approve.

:-D

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 14 March 2006 19:48 (twenty years ago)

Sending the kids o-u-t-s-i-d-e is insanely funny.

― stet (stet), Tuesday, 14 March 2006 20:48 (twenty years ago)

this thread is like a glorious new dimension of ILE. it's godlike. thank you, matos.

can someone explain or point me in the direction of:

Trucker Cap Guy On Couch With Flatmate

and

Cheese Fry?

i fear searching will throw up a lot of false leads ;)

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 00:26 (twenty years ago)

hint: Try using "thusly" as one of your search terms.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 00:35 (twenty years ago)

Grimly, it gives me great pleasure to bring you:

what to do when your roommate doesn't realize you're home and thusly is having loud sex in the living room

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 00:42 (twenty years ago)

I remember I used to think gear! was quite old

― RJG (RJG), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 00:45 (twenty years ago)

Oh man, grimly, you've not read that one before? Prepare.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 00:49 (twenty years ago)

i'm psyching myself up right now. i shall report back later.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 11:06 (twenty years ago)

i've never read about the couch incident before either. going to now.

― dog latin (dog latin), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 11:19 (twenty years ago)

it was good to read in real time, but viewed in hindsight it musttake on a different quality - more farcical, less urgency/trepidation

― ambrose (ambrose), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 11:32 (twenty years ago)

sssh! you'll spoil it for me!

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 11:37 (twenty years ago)

yeh, i getcha ambrose.

― dog latin (dog latin), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 11:43 (twenty years ago)

haha my mom and sisters saw this thread! they approve.

who is the more unwise - the fool, or those who marry him?

Did your sisters marry him too? That would rock.

― DV (dirtyvicar), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 13:19 (twenty years ago)

Unwise to marry a fool? Probably good for your ego. :-)

― Nathalie (stevie nixed), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 13:42 (twenty years ago)

Oh man, the trucker hat guy.

― Mädchen (Madchen), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 17:37 (twenty years ago)

When I reread that thread, I can usually get as far as Ray Charles before I start to make piggish snorting noises and my co-workers give me strange looks.

― Mädchen (Madchen), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 17:39 (twenty years ago)

i'm reading it now. by ray charles i was laughing so hard that mrs fiendish came through to see what was wrong.

BEST THING ON THE INTERNET EVER. o my god. i think i've ruptured something.

and i'm nowhere near finished yet. (a bit like trucker hat guy.)

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 23:02 (twenty years ago)

Hehehe.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 23:03 (twenty years ago)

!!.

!!!!!.

I had forgotten. Actually, where have I been?

I have no idea.

Hey, Ned.

― martin m. (mushrush), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 23:05 (twenty years ago)

How do.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 23:25 (twenty years ago)

so. dare i ask about "cheese fry"?

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 23:38 (twenty years ago)

I think you should just investigate that link.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 23:38 (twenty years ago)

when ya gotta bump...

― dr lulu (dr lulu), Thursday, 16 March 2006 22:19 (twenty years ago)

after the glory of trucker-hat guy, cheese fry was a little disappointing. sorry. i should have done them the other way round.

x-post: no need!

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Thursday, 16 March 2006 22:20 (twenty years ago)

"girls, gurls, grrls: c/d, s/d" was awesome, though.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Thursday, 16 March 2006 22:39 (twenty years ago)

three months pass...

37. We lived in an apartment complex across the freeway from the strip malls (two of them) where Richfield ended and Bloomington began, effectively, and one day I was out hanging around at one of the strip malls. My brother was about a year old and Mom was pregnant (with my sister Alex), and there was somewhere we needed to go in a last-minute way, I forget what. She knew where I was and came by; she'd just gone grocery shopping at the Red Owl at the end of the strip mall, stopped into whatever store I was at, and told me to come along. We were about halfway across the sidewalk on the freeway overpass when Chris came rushing up, started yelling at me for worrying Mom (who told him that she hadn't been worried at all), and then berated me for not carrying her bag of groceries for her.

There was only one problem: he'd left my brother at home.

― Matos-Webster Dictionary (M Matos), Thursday, 29 June 2006 03:09 (nineteen years ago)

"Where's Jake?" Mom asked.

"Oh, he's asleep in the crib," Chris said. Needless to say, Mom ran home as fast as she could and Chris gave me shit for not having manners as we walked back together.

― Matos-Webster Dictionary (M Matos), Thursday, 29 June 2006 03:10 (nineteen years ago)

Skipping 398 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.