How To Tell If You're A Liberal

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You want to legalize cocaine and outlaw handguns. You think cops are pigs and criminals are products of their environment. You believe the National Rifle Association helps criminals while the American Civil Liberties Union protects the innocent.

so is this one

max, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 15:42 (nineteen years ago)

otm, i mean

max, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 15:43 (nineteen years ago)

You think a moment of silent prayer at the beginning of a Sunday church service constitutes an intrusion on parental authority, while Saddam's rape rooms are values-neutral.

and what, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 15:43 (nineteen years ago)

You would rather see an American city bombed than have a terrorist have a little water poured on him

gff, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 15:43 (nineteen years ago)

You pale at the imprisonment of pedophiles, but defend the molestation of children as an expression of choice. You think trees have sexual feelings for you, animals can perform advanced calculus and the fetus is an evil blob of protoplasm which must be extinguished.

and what, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 15:46 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Cartoon-Video-Games.jpg

and what, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 15:47 (nineteen years ago)

I love how if you switch every of these "hypocrisies" around, you get the conservative view which is just as hypocritical. LOL POLITICS

Will M., Wednesday, 28 March 2007 15:48 (nineteen years ago)

REEEEmix

Deficits make sense to you. American people makes even more sense. You think corporate profits are funny cartoons.

You believe Janet Reno is obscene but government spending is totally hot and Barbra Streisand is undertaxed. You think Jesse Jackson is caused by tax loopholes

Alan, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 15:50 (nineteen years ago)

ha ha. video game character has a hat!

kingfish, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 15:57 (nineteen years ago)

haha kf i just noticed that!!

gff, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 16:01 (nineteen years ago)

You think competition is something that happens over centuries, turning amoebas into you and me, but shouldn't happen between kids in school, sports teams in the field, businesses, ways of life, or nations in war.

gff, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 16:09 (nineteen years ago)

hahaha awesome

BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 16:10 (nineteen years ago)

You think Jane Fonda should be able to perform unsupervised surgeries on infants, but think the Battle Hymn of the Republic should be outlawed except in cases of rape

Tracer Hand, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 16:15 (nineteen years ago)

btw norman rockwell & frank capra were both liberals

and what, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 16:16 (nineteen years ago)

You lobby to raise gasoline taxes, and in the same breath wonder why our enemies are so rich!

Tracer Hand, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 16:17 (nineteen years ago)

You want illegal immigrants to stay as long as they want, and then whine about George W. Bush breaking a few laws to keep us free!

Tracer Hand, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 16:18 (nineteen years ago)

You'd like to impeach the President of our Nation, but god forbid we lock up the hard-core jihadists who want to impose Sharia law on our unborn children!

Tracer Hand, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 16:20 (nineteen years ago)

Haha the gasoline one is priceless trace.

Will M., Wednesday, 28 March 2007 16:44 (nineteen years ago)

You think democracy means everybody can come in to this country and do whatever want include kill people without anybody doing anything about it before they do it and terrorists have all these rights and illegal immigrants who don't even speak english can have babies and we have to pay for their damn diapers and islam people could pretend to be mexican with a bomb and you think shiities and sunnys or whatever need to be split up but the confederacy had to stay together because slavery was so bad and you think every culture is so great except for christians because slavery was so bad and you especially love muslims even though they like to blow themselves up all the time!!

gff, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 16:45 (nineteen years ago)

You thought Walt Disney was saccharine sweet and terminally cutesy-pie - until it made "Herbie Goes Bananas."

and what, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 16:46 (nineteen years ago)

hahahahaha

Abbott, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 17:05 (nineteen years ago)

You think trees have sexual feelings for you

Well, I'm a narcissist.

Alfred, Lord Sotosyn, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 17:17 (nineteen years ago)

No matter how religious you may or may not be, this
could still give you chills. I heard this story
before, but is still kind of cool to send. Great
visual image.

A young man who had been raised as an atheist was
training to be an Olympic diver. The only religious
influence in his life came from his outspoken
Christian friend. The young diver never really paid
much attention to his friend's sermons, but he heard
them often.

One night the diver went to the indoor pool at the
college he attended. The lights were all off, but as
the pool had big skylights and the moon was bright,
there was plenty of light to practice by.
The young man climbed up to the highest diving board
and as he turned his back to the pool on the edge of
the board and extended his arms out, he saw his shadow
on the wall.

The shadow of his body was in the shape of a cross.
Instead of diving, he knelt down and finally asked God
to come into his life. As the young man stood, a
maintenance man walked in and turned the lights on.
The pool had been drained for repairs.

rps, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 17:21 (nineteen years ago)

Diane, a young university student, was home for the summer. She had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away.

As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked "God" to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it, however, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for "God's" protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped around her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely. The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley, just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep.

Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her."

and what, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 17:27 (nineteen years ago)

the police officers wheeled on the young woman. "why did you lie to us, Diane" they said

Tracer Hand, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 17:33 (nineteen years ago)

RE: Capra

According to the Joseph McBride biography 'The Catastrophe of Success', "Capra was affiliated with conservative Republicans, spied on labor in the 1930s for powerful producers and collaborated surreptitiously with the McCarthyite witch hunt. "

Ward Fowler, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 17:33 (nineteen years ago)

OHMIGOD that diving story!

Alex in SF, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 17:33 (nineteen years ago)

holy shit you're right

http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9E0CE2DF123AF930A35756C0A964958260

Frank Capra managed to fool just about everyone; even his wife was unsure of his political affiliations. Longtime co-workers who were Democrats assumed he shared their political convictions. Katharine Hepburn, who starred in his 1948 picture "State of the Union," thought him "quite liberal"; others applied the term "radical" to him. And why shouldn't they have, when Variety was calling a sympathetic character in "Mr. Deeds Goes to Town" "quasi-communistic" and The Saturday Evening Post was reporting that in the Soviet Union Capra was "hailed as a comrade"? But as Mr. McBride, the author of previous books on Howard Hawks, John Ford and Orson Welles, tells us, Capra was a lifelong Republican who never once voted for Roosevelt. He was an admirer of Franco and Mussolini. In later years, during the McCarthy period, he served as a secret F.B.I. informer.

and what, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 17:35 (nineteen years ago)

I hope she used the "scare quote fingers" when praying

kingfish, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 17:36 (nineteen years ago)

on a slightly more serious tip:

You routinely invoke the term "fascist" when any conservative says anything, but stuff like this is is a-ok:

http://www.kalonaorganics.com/cultrev.html

gff, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 17:39 (nineteen years ago)

This is a true story of something that happened just a few years ago at USC. There was a professor of philosophy there who was a deeply committed atheist. His primary goal for one required class was to spend the entire semester attempting to prove that God couldn't exist. His students were always afraid to argue with him because of his impeccable logic. For twenty years, he had taught this class and no one had ever had the courage to go against him. Sure, some had argued in class at times, but no one had ever 'really gone against him' (you'll see what I mean later).

Nobody would go against him because he had a reputation. At the end of every semester, on the last day, he would say to his class of 300 students, "If there anyone here who still believes in Jesus, stand up!" In twenty years, no one had ever stood up. They knew what he was going to do next. He would say, "because anyone who does believe in God is a fool. If God existed, he could stop this piece of chalk from hitting the ground and breaking. Such a simple task to prove that he is God, and yet he can't do it." And every year, he would drop the chalk onto the tile floor of the classroom and it would shatter into a hundred pieces. The students could do nothing but stop and stare. Most of the students were convinced that God couldn't exist. Certainly, a number of Christians had slipped through, but for 20 years, they had been too afraid to stand up.

Well, a few years ago, there was a freshman who happened to get enrolled in the class. He was a Christian, and had heard the stories about this professor. He had to take the class because it was one of the required classes for his major and he was afraid. But for 3 months that semester, he prayed every morning that he would have the courage to stand up no matter what the professor said or what the class thought. Nothing they said or did could ever shatter his faith, he hoped.

Finally the day came. The professor said, "If there is anyone here who still believes in God, stand up!" The professor and the class of 300 people looked at him, shocked, as he stood up at the back of the classroom. The professor shouted, "You FOOL!! If God existed, he could keep this piece of chalk from breaking when it hit the ground!" He proceeded to drop the chalk, but as he did, it slipped out of his fingers, off his shirt cuff, onto the pleats of his pants, down his leg, and off his shoe. As it hit the ground, it simply rolled away, unbroken.

The professor's jaw dropped as he stared at the chalk. He looked up at the young man and then ran out of the lecture hall. The young man who had stood up proceeded to walk to the front of the room and share his faith in Jesus for the next half hour. 300 students stayed and listened as he told of God's love for them and of his power through Jesus.

rps, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 17:39 (nineteen years ago)

Capra complains about all the hollywood gay people in his autobio, which I got to read for film class.

kingfish, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 17:39 (nineteen years ago)

wtf re: Capra! I'd never heard that Mussolini-Franco-FBI informant stuff.

Shakey Mo Collier, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 17:40 (nineteen years ago)

wow, i was just about to post "obv capra + rockwell were liberals, since when has optimism = conversatism?". but capra sounds downright creepy.

deeznuts, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 17:41 (nineteen years ago)

I've always had the impression that in America, Mussolini was the fascist it was cool to sympathize with - see also Winsor McCay, many others

Shakey Mo Collier, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 17:42 (nineteen years ago)

haha i still cant believe they sell mao t-shirts at the macy's here

and what, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 17:43 (nineteen years ago)

well, Mussolini had a good ten year start on the Nazis, i think in the depression a lot of people looked to him as a way out

gff, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 17:44 (nineteen years ago)

I thought that was common knowlege re: Capra...

Nicole, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 17:44 (nineteen years ago)

right up with with gerard butler real dolls amirite

and what, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 17:45 (nineteen years ago)

i await the inevitable frank capra bukkake flick on somethingawful.com

and what, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 17:45 (nineteen years ago)

haha i never had any idea nic, what in his work would give that away?

deeznuts, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 17:45 (nineteen years ago)

There was an atheist couple who had a child. the couple never told their daughter anything about the Lord. One night, when the little girl was 5 years old, the parents fought with each other and the father shot the mom right there in front of the little girl....then he shot himself. the little girl watched it all. She was then sent to a foster home. The foster mother was a christian and took the child to Sunday school...the foster mother told the teacher that the little girl had never heard of Jesus and to have patience with her. The teacher held up a picture of the Lord and asked, "Does anyone know who this is?" The little girl replied, "I do, that's the man that was holding me the night my parents died."

rps, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 17:47 (nineteen years ago)

man i wish my philosophy classes had more proving-god-doesn't-exist and chalk-dropping and calling-christians-fools and less kant

max, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 17:49 (nineteen years ago)

please stop guys i didnt come here to cry.

deeznuts, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 17:50 (nineteen years ago)

Mussolini was the fascist it was cool to sympathize with

wasn't dude on the cover of Forbes in 1934 or so, telling everybody to embrace his brand of "corporatism"?

kingfish, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 17:54 (nineteen years ago)

300 students stayed and listened as he told of God's love for them and of his power through Jesus.

they then went on to attack the persian army, etc

kingfish, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 17:58 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.kalonaorganics.com/images/peach.jpg
"organic yoghurt that will transform your taste buds!"

^^^ seriously this is like an encapsulation of everything the right hates about us

gff, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 17:59 (nineteen years ago)

you should see the great leap forward brand pole vaulting kit

and what, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 18:00 (nineteen years ago)

Geologists working somewhere in remote Siberia had drilled a hole some 14.4 kilometers deep (about 9 miles) when the drill bit suddenly began to rotate wildly. A Mr. Azzacov (identified as the project's manager) was quoted as saying they decided that the center of the earth was hollow.

Supposedly, the geologists measured temperatures of over 2,000 degrees in the deep hole. They lowered super sensitive microphones to the bottom of the well, and to their astonishment they heard the sounds of thousands, perhaps millions, of suffering souls screaming.

rps, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 18:01 (nineteen years ago)

what kind of vocal cords does a human soul have?

and what, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 18:01 (nineteen years ago)

You realise the term liberal means different things on both sides of the ocean right

ydkb (gyac), Saturday, 16 September 2023 17:24 (two years ago)

If "liberal" is intended to mean "a member of the Liberal Party", then it would be helpful to make that distinction. Otherwise, it's six of one and a half dozen of the other in terms of defining one's enemy according to whatever is most convenient to dismiss them as wrong or evil.

more difficult than I look (Aimless), Saturday, 16 September 2023 17:27 (two years ago)

This particular discussion has been had a million times.

ydkb (gyac), Saturday, 16 September 2023 17:28 (two years ago)

Didn't think you needed to be told this, Aimless. Don't you know everything?

xyzzzz__, Saturday, 16 September 2023 17:30 (two years ago)

It's hard to have a discourse if we can't agree on what words mean.

immodesty blaise (jimbeaux), Saturday, 16 September 2023 17:30 (two years ago)

Liberalism as an economic and political project is as coherent as any really - I mean you can also argue about the definition of fascist, communist, social democrat, etc. The reason it's become a byword for "left of center" in the US is that any kind of credible left had been very effectively marginalized and erased from the mainstream. As this changes, the US definition of liberal starts to resemble that present in Europe - and obviously a lot of US liberals feel uncomfortable with where that positions them.

Daniel_Rf, Saturday, 16 September 2023 17:35 (two years ago)

it would help if people didn't pretend these isms are perfect ideal types with clear boundaries

it makes most sense to me to define liberalism as the hegemonic common sense of the societies where most of us live and because that's not always the same liberalism isn't always the same and it has the same tendencies towards faction and syncretism and opportunism as any other political tradition but that doesn't make the word any more meaningless than "christianity"

Left, Saturday, 16 September 2023 17:39 (two years ago)

xp There still isn't much of a "credible left" in the U.S. Meanwhile, the American right has been able to characterize centrist and slightly left-of-center liberals (in the U.S. colloquial sense) as radical leftists.

immodesty blaise (jimbeaux), Saturday, 16 September 2023 17:39 (two years ago)

Turns out the "liberal" is just a convenient label that means 'people who argue with my premises'.

lock thread, we got it sorted

difficult listening hour, Saturday, 16 September 2023 17:42 (two years ago)

Well, according to xyzzz's post quoting the "Liberal" and "Commie" positions, I qualify as a Commie, since it was clear, succinct and agrees with my perceptions of the world. By comparison, Tooze's tweet was so ambiguous that it was impossible to extract any particular position from it, which is one of the most common complaints about liberals.

more difficult than I look (Aimless), Saturday, 16 September 2023 17:43 (two years ago)

jimbeaux, that is why I said "as it changes", not "now that it's changed". Nonetheless all sorts of leftist positions are now popular, though nowhere near dominant or consensus, amongst left of centre ppl in the US that would have been viewed as insane extremism 20, 30 years ago. The move away from liberal as a self-identifier comes with that, I think.

Daniel_Rf, Saturday, 16 September 2023 17:44 (two years ago)

I honestly can't think of a single political position that meets that description, but that's probably a failure of imagination on my part.

immodesty blaise (jimbeaux), Saturday, 16 September 2023 17:51 (two years ago)

Well I don't live in the US but I can say I was speaking to liberal identifying Americans online and reading liberal identified US publications since the early 00's and the idea that there hasn't been a general leftward shift amongst these demographics AT ALL since the Clinton years...that does sound like we live in paralell universes, yeah.

Daniel_Rf, Saturday, 16 September 2023 17:58 (two years ago)

it's been pretty wild hearing americans saying positive things about labour organising over the last decade or so I thought it would never happen

Left, Saturday, 16 September 2023 17:58 (two years ago)

remember when everyone told the story about getting in trouble for moving a chair like it was something that had actually happened to them

difficult listening hour, Saturday, 16 September 2023 17:59 (two years ago)

also the Trumpian rhetoric that get's widely amplified in the US is wildly inaccurate and quite barmy. Like Kamala and Biden are communists and Marxists etc. Mind you it's almost as barmy as Starmer getting derided as a "lefty lawyer" by Sunak, really.

vodkaitamin effrtvescent (calzino), Saturday, 16 September 2023 18:00 (two years ago)

Tooze is a very old-school liberal. Likes investment, isn't obsessed with means-testing, sees a lot of dangers with the way the right have been turning out in Europe.

The ones in the UK have totally lost the plot since Brexit and Blairism.

xyzzzz__, Saturday, 16 September 2023 18:00 (two years ago)

xp Oh, no doubt there has been a leftward shift among a, perhaps sizable, part of the U.S. electorate. This is probably mostly among the younger demographic. However, to say that the positions they are taking would have been insane extremism 20-30 years ago ignores the political history of the U.S. There really is nothing new under the sun; if anything, the political left of the Boomer generation was more radical than its successors. If there have been any shifts that would have been unthinkable 20-30 years ago, they have come mostly in the realm of the personal, e.g., same-sex marriage, which truly was a fringe idea just a couple of decades ago.

immodesty blaise (jimbeaux), Saturday, 16 September 2023 18:02 (two years ago)

if anything, the political left of the Boomer generation was more radical than its successors.

A certain portion of it were so during their youth, sure (I hesitate to make grander pronouncements because I do think a lot of the boomer self-mythology is far from representative of the generation as a whole), but they didn't stay that way! By the time you get to the 90's for instance the economic orthodoxy of the boomer generation is pretty cemented and a lot of the ideas that came crashing down in '08 still taken as certainties.

Daniel_Rf, Saturday, 16 September 2023 18:08 (two years ago)

You'll get no argument from me on that. Of course, that happens to a lot of leftist movements, at least in the so-called "developed world," as their constituents age.

immodesty blaise (jimbeaux), Saturday, 16 September 2023 18:11 (two years ago)


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