God bless the goddamn Onion

a hrarf!

I don't get why everybody's blaming the puppy for not being Socialist Realism or somethink.

I don't even know what that means and I am a hu-man.

who blames a puppy
i am lerning better, promise
the psyientests are teaching me

I didn't express myself very clearly.

Anyway, if y'all thought the "95-96 Prayers Backlog" was cold, look what I stumbled across:

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29919

okay that is awesome

the onion's had a hardon for superman for awhile - http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30382

whose balls are you, i am lookinf for mine

http://fanaticking.com/photos/Michael_Vick_Dog.jpg

i kinda forgot abt the onion but this was posted on the quantum mechanic thread and it is funnee
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/scientists_ask_congress_to_fund_50

They've really been on a roll with the cartoons - they're probably my favorite thing in the Onion now.

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Cartoon-Cage-Free-Eggs.jpg

One of my more flattering caricatures.

Ha.

I also really love that every so often there will be an editorial cartoon about the cartoonist's ex-wife.

lol
http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Cartoon-Freak-Dancing.jpg

I read the last word wrong and thought this was gonna be about
http://content.answers.com/main/content/wp/en/thumb/3/37/250px-Vina.jpg

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Teens-Turning-Backs.jpg

http://content.answers.com/main/content/wp/en/thumb/3/37/250px-Vina.jpg
who's that on the right? Jabba the Hutt?

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/mel_brooks_starts_nonprofit

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/KellyKlassicMujahideen.article.jpg

o shi i hadn't seen these cartoons before -- awesome.

"After my baby didn't babble or gesture after 12 months, I hoped the cause was autism. I've since learned he's dead."

Haha OMG:

First Indian-American Governor Elected

With his swearing in as governor of Louisiana on Monday, Republican Bobby Jindal became the first Indian-American to head a U.S. state. What do you think?

Dave Piedmont,
Systems Analyst
"His parents must be so close to being proud."

Steven Seagal is...

http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/act_now_to_take_advantage_of_my

story of my life

lol "Skeepers"

haha deja vu

me: http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/act_now_to_take_advantage_of_my
Sent at 4:31 PM on Wednesday
Jordan: haha
lol "skeepers"

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/act_now_oped.jpg

: /

that's totally the lowered-standards look

... anonymous sex with me that I'll begin to regret it as it's happening?
oh double-edged zing

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/75350

Haha, i worked at the Skeepers in Ann Arbor from '98 - '00.

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/onionmagazine_archive_101a.jpg

"Microwave Quietly Encouraged"

the onion magazine + editorial cartoons are my fav shit now

Kelly is a genius.

http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/you_know_whats_stupid

One of my fave pieces for a long time, great concept.

Bob can go fuck himself for those shoes/boots.

wow that link is one of the least funny Onion pieces I've read. Diff'rent strokes.

I think it's funny.

that craig kilborn bit they did a few months ago (which i conveniently cannot find a link to right now) was one of the best things they've ever done

wow that link is one of the least funny Onion pieces I've read. Diff'rent strokes.

-- wanko ergo sum, Saturday, 15 March 2008 17:25

Think it's because this character = almost everybody I work with.

They have trouble understanding complex, intellectual ideas like "Maybe not every problem with the UK today can be blamed on asylum seekers."

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/in_the_know_is_the_government

I think it's funny.

yeah, i like it too. I usually enjoy their "explicitly deconstructing thoughtless everyday habits" bits.

Haha this joke would appear to be entirely coincidental, and yet ...

COLUMN: Smoove B signs off -- "Girl, there comes a time when even a strong, well-dressed man must admit defeat."

AMERICAN VOICES TOPIC: "Farmers Planting Less Corn"

i'm dying here.

cherry coke all over my monitor

The Onion Movie is surprisingly terrible

surprisingly

""

Oh, I didn't know we don't like the Onion here anymore.

ILX = It's the British press for your iphone!

Alex Jones & His Legal Team Have Already Filed & Are Planning To File Major Legal Challenges To This Attempted HighHEI Jacking Of Infowars & His Identity By These Democrat-Backed Deranged Lunatics!

xpost Posts the Tim & Eric clip "Steve Mahanahan's Child Clown Outlet"

"Victor Wembanyama Returns From Concussion Speaking Fluent French"

“Marina Abramović“

huh?!?

xp took me a second to realize the joke wasn't supposed to be racism

Abramović is a Pizzagate deep cut!

What?!? How do these people even know who she is?

she was mentioned in one of Tony Podesta’s emails (he’s a collector/patron of contemporary art). look up “spirit cooking”

^^^ in the Clinton emails

Some Believe Marina Abramovic Is the Satanic Ringleader of a Global Political Conspiracy. That’s Ludicrous. But Here’s What They Get Right

https://news.artnet.com/art-world/marina-abramovic-new-world-order-explainer-1838223

Abramović first became the object of the fascination of the online right during the final days of the 2016 election, when the Wikileaks dump of emails from Clinton campaign chairman John Podesta revealed a reference to a “Spirit Cooking” dinner with the artist.

Tony Podesta was asking his brother if he would like to come to the event. John never replied. But old footage of an obscure ’90s Marina Abramović performance called “Spirit Cooking” containing pig-blood graffiti and occult slogans certainly looked spooky.

Out of Shadows rehashes all this, but also views Abramović’s role as extending far beyond evil dinner parties. Indeed, the major smoking gun it finds is the fact that Abramović tutored Lady Gaga in performance art back in 2013—thus making Gaga’s flamboyant stage shows Satanist by extension. One performance-art exercise, in which Gaga was told to enter the woods, strip, and then find her way home, is said to be suspiciously similar to CIA mind-control exercises.

Mind boggling.

Oh god yes
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Exu1SEZE9Ug

Man, it hurts my throat to hear him talk like that

https://theonion.com/trump-requests-1-2-trillion-to-have

WASHINGTON—Declaring the financial allocation a matter of utmost urgency, President Donald Trump on Monday requested $1.2 trillion to have. “I’m calling upon Congress today to immediately provide me with $1.2 trillion in funding that I currently do not possess but which I will possess once it is given to me,” said Trump, acknowledging that he had previously asked for just $900 billion but was now requesting more so that he would have more. “Even as we speak, I do not have this money, and the only way for me to get it is through swift budgetary action. I’ve gone too long without $1.2 trillion that I’d very much like to have so I can spend it on things I want. It is also possible I’ll want to have more money at a later date, and I will request it then.” At press time, the Senate passed the $1.2 trillion spending measure mostly along party lines, with Sen. John Fetterman (D-PA) joining all Republicans in support.

1. Elmo will likely be the first trillionaire by current schedule
2. Some of that $ comes through his exploitation of US govt contracts and information
3. He must therefore be susceptible to direct targeting by Trump Inc (which includes the entire executive branch)
4. Trump is a failure cuck and total weakling if he does not use the entire power of the nation and of his office of president both to enrich himself to being the first trillionaire, and to ruin elmo enough to prevent elmo’s trillion.

this objective— this wonderful, glittering, civilization-defining achievement of domination— should belong to one person only.

The Onion is an American digital media company and newspaper organization that publishes satirical articles on international, national, and local news.

yeah never try to one-up the fuckin onion. onions!

https://theonion.com/trump-writes-netanyahu-strongly-worded-check/

Study: Majority Of Middle-Aged Men Lack Support Network They’ll Need To Handle Neil Young’s Death

https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/06/Study_Majority_Middle_NIB_PH_G.jpg?resize=1024,576

😂🤣🙃