TS: Marc Bulger -VS- Kurt Warner

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Suddenly I have a reason to envy Jake Plummer.

― James Blount (James Blount), Thursday, 14 November 2002 22:53 (twenty-three years ago)

getting paid a lot of money to get sacked and fumble the ball wasn't enough?

― felicity (felicity), Friday, 15 November 2002 00:18 (twenty-three years ago)

Being the next Joe Montana wasn't enough

― James Blount (James Blount), Friday, 15 November 2002 00:22 (twenty-three years ago)

jake the fake
carson palmer is the next rob johnson

― keith (keithmcl), Friday, 15 November 2002 01:59 (twenty-three years ago)

Wait a sec - which overpaid stiff is Felicity talking about?

Sign that the Minnesota Vikings should just stop now: Brad Johnson threw for FIVE TOUCHDOWNS against them. FIVE. Brad Johnson. Christ, the man can't even throw a ten-yard pass. FIVE.

Taking Sides: Jeff George Vs. Ryan Leaf

― David R. (popshots75`), Friday, 15 November 2002 05:11 (twenty-three years ago)

I guess it's just that no one realized that by "next Joe Montana" they meant the modern Joe, ie the one that's been so fucked up by head injuries that he stars in Mervyns ads, looking confused.

― Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 15 November 2002 06:05 (twenty-three years ago)

Maybe Jake Plummer's a cokehead *ducks*

― James Blount (James Blount), Friday, 15 November 2002 06:23 (twenty-three years ago)

true fact: Ricky Proehl went to my high school, and he's a God in my hometown.

whoever can get the team to win should be QB -- football can be a bitch like that. see also, e.g., the Jets pre- and post-Chad Pennington.

― Tad (llamasfur), Friday, 15 November 2002 06:35 (twenty-three years ago)

I went to high school with Pat Tillman, the guy who ditched the Cardinals to join the army!

― Kris (aqueduct), Friday, 15 November 2002 07:25 (twenty-three years ago)

context clues, DaveR

― felicity (felicity), Friday, 15 November 2002 10:08 (twenty-three years ago)

Why did you duck?

― Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 15 November 2002 17:16 (twenty-three years ago)

i played baseball against future hall of famer jim miller. fouled out to first and grounded to short the two times i faced him when we played waterford kettering.

― keith (keithmcl), Friday, 15 November 2002 17:17 (twenty-three years ago)

My great uncle was a pitcher for the Yankees: Bobby Porterfield.

Pirates closer Mike Williams was my pony league baseball coach.

I would suck Michael Vick's cock.

These are my sports connections.

― Yancey (ystrickler), Friday, 15 November 2002 17:25 (twenty-three years ago)

Felicity, any number of the dopes mentioned to this point could qualify as a fumble-happy sack magnet. I'm guessing the Snake is the one, of course, but outside of Donovan & Vick & Garcia & Peyton Manning & maybe a few more, all NFL QBs could fit that description.

Taking Sides: Kerry Collins VS a tackling dummy

The dummy might fumble a few more times (MIGHT), but you don't have to worry about INTs. Advantage: dummy.

― David R. (popshots75`), Friday, 15 November 2002 17:42 (twenty-three years ago)

Doesn't Dave Kraig (sp?) hold the record for QB fumbles?

― Yancey (ystrickler), Friday, 15 November 2002 17:49 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm guessing the Snake is the one, of course, but outside of Donovan & Vick & Garcia & Peyton Manning & maybe a few more, all NFL QBs could fit that description.

So, like, outside of a decent sized portion of players, everyone sucks? Nice one.

Anyway, I still think Jason Sehorn gets paid more money than Jake Plummer to sit around doing nothing, so he's obviously superior to all other players in his uselessness.

― Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 15 November 2002 19:10 (twenty-three years ago)

Sehorn gets a lot more press and it isn't just because he plays in New York.

I ducked because bringing up the Joe Montana cokehead rumors tends to get shouted down as vaguely unAmerican.

Atlanta Hawk's great Tree Rollins lived across the street from my grandparents when I was a kid, I went fishing with him once.

My dad golfs with Morten Anderson occasionally.

― James Blount (James Blount), Friday, 15 November 2002 19:49 (twenty-three years ago)

yes, DaveR, but one of these stiffs is not like the others in that James Blount articulated sudden envy for only one of them, you old Barthesian.

― felicity (felicity), Friday, 15 November 2002 19:50 (twenty-three years ago)

But I thought everyone knew he was a cokehead. Like Lawrence Taylor. On the other hand, he's really not particularly swift seeming or anything, he's really fried himself out if that's what he was doing.

― Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 15 November 2002 20:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Ally, do you realize DaveR has been implying that you haved dated all NFL quarterback outside of Donovan & Vick & Garcia & Peyton Manning?

― felicity (felicity), Friday, 15 November 2002 20:28 (twenty-three years ago)

Ally goes through them like a scythe through wheat. She laughs at their attempts to capture her attention.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 15 November 2002 21:01 (twenty-three years ago)

fishing with tree!
dave krieg has small hands. that's why dante culpepper fumbles all the time too, and i think tony banks has tiny mitts as well.

brian griese is an alcoholic. falling down driveways and falling over his dog all the time is a bit suspicious for a person of alleged auperior athletic ability.

― keith (keithmcl), Friday, 15 November 2002 21:05 (twenty-three years ago)

Michael Vick should definitely be next on the list of Ally dates.

― bnw (bnw), Friday, 15 November 2002 21:11 (twenty-three years ago)

Dude, Raposa's a liar. I totally HAVE dated Payton Manning.

― Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 15 November 2002 21:56 (twenty-three years ago)

yeah, but have you dated Chad Pennington?

― Tad (llamasfur), Saturday, 16 November 2002 02:18 (twenty-three years ago)

Dude, he's hot.

Oh, yeah - I forgot to mention that Tom Brady & Drew Brees & Favre & any QB not in New York, Ohio, Dallas, either Washington, or Baltimore doesn't suck. The rest blowwwww. Thanks for the heads up, Ms. K.

I really should look up "semiotics" one of these days.

― David R. (popshots75`), Saturday, 16 November 2002 09:50 (twenty-three years ago)

David R forgot Ray Lucas

― James Blount (James Blount), Saturday, 16 November 2002 09:56 (twenty-three years ago)

I really should look up "semiotics" one of these days

David R forgot Georg Lukacs

― felicity (felicity), Saturday, 16 November 2002 18:11 (twenty-three years ago)

Haw Haw!

― James Blount (James Blount), Saturday, 16 November 2002 19:42 (twenty-three years ago)

Joe Montana?

― Ally (mlescaut), Saturday, 16 November 2002 19:57 (twenty-three years ago)

Joe Cool a cokehead? Alas, another childhood idol deflated! Next you'll be telling me the Cocteau Twins snorted lines.

― Leee, Saturday, 16 November 2002 20:27 (twenty-three years ago)

They're Scottish, they don't have to snort lines.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 16 November 2002 22:37 (twenty-three years ago)

Tell that to the Scottish people I know!

We should go back to discussing football. And not lines and Montana. Who would fancy betting on the playoffs at this point in the season? Obviously not what would qualify as real betting but you know what I mean.

PS I like Brett Favre but I had forgot about him.

― Ally (mlescaut), Sunday, 17 November 2002 22:02 (twenty-three years ago)

Can we talk about offensive lines and the lack thereof for Garcia? Poor Garlic.

― Leee (Leee), Sunday, 17 November 2002 22:58 (twenty-three years ago)

Ally would you get wit Jeff Garcia? Cuz he ugly!

Anyhow, um, I call Green Bay over Denver in the Super Bowl.

― James Blount (James Blount), Monday, 18 November 2002 03:58 (twenty-three years ago)

Listen, I don't sleep with just anyone, ok? Jeff Garcia is definitely "just anyone".

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 18 November 2002 04:01 (twenty-three years ago)

denver might have a shot now that griese is hurt.

― keith (keithmcl), Monday, 18 November 2002 04:30 (twenty-three years ago)

any post-Montana 49ers q'back getting creamed by linebackers = CLASSIC. matter of fact, any 49er getting creamed by any opponent = CLASSIC.

and i certainly hope ms. ally hasn't thought of boffing Steve Young.

― Tad (llamasfur), Monday, 18 November 2002 06:22 (twenty-three years ago)

And what the hell is wrong with Mr. Young as a potential boff? He's handsome (in that boyish dork-like Greenwich County way), he's got some sort of brains up in that concussed skull of his, and he knows Jerry Rice!

― David R. (popshots75`), Monday, 18 November 2002 13:17 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh, I'm just too transparent, aren't I?

― David R. (popshots75`), Monday, 18 November 2002 13:50 (twenty-three years ago)

Is Tad referring to the rumor that Steve Young is gay?

I think Rich Gannon is faw-ine.

― felicity (felicity), Monday, 18 November 2002 13:53 (twenty-three years ago)

Steve Young is also a mormon, they can have like 40,000 wives, I can't compete with that.

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 18 November 2002 14:08 (twenty-three years ago)

Is Tad referring to the rumor that Steve Young is gay?

eh? i thought it was Troy Aikman who was rumored to be gay?

anyway, what's wrong with Steve Young isn't that he's Mormon or gay. it's that he was a 49er. the 49ers are the most evil NFL franchise.

― Tad (llamasfur), Monday, 18 November 2002 17:32 (twenty-three years ago)

Please, Troy Aikman got with Sandra Bullock.

Koy Detmer vs. Kordell Stewart? The state of Pennsylvania must be reeling today. Anybody got Randall Cunningham's phone number?

― James Blount, Monday, 18 November 2002 17:39 (twenty-three years ago)

Randall Schmandall. What Penn needs is some love from Steve DeBerg.

― David R. (popshots75`), Monday, 18 November 2002 17:52 (twenty-three years ago)

BUBBY BRISTER!

― Tad (llamasfur), Monday, 18 November 2002 18:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh, lord - what's next, Mark Tomczak? Scott Zolak? BILLY JO TOLLIVER?

― David R. (popshots75`), Monday, 18 November 2002 18:26 (twenty-three years ago)

worse than that, mr. popshots ... BROWNING NAGLE!

cringe in FEAR at the very mention of the name!

― Tad (llamasfur), Monday, 18 November 2002 18:34 (twenty-three years ago)

I've always heard rumors of Kordell Stewart being gay.

― Yancey (ystrickler), Monday, 18 November 2002 18:37 (twenty-three years ago)

Sandra Bullock is a man, James. She has an adam's apple.

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 18 November 2002 18:56 (twenty-three years ago)

Skipping 23 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

Cows are MAD crazy, yo. Look into their eyes. They're so fucked up. You can feel the rage, it's palpable, it's oozing from all their pores.

― Ally (mlescaut), Tuesday, 19 November 2002 04:03 (twenty-three years ago)

Quarterbacks are timely! The best part of the article is that it lets me know that Jeff Hostetler and Steve Beuerlein are still playing, I mean what the hell?

― Ally (mlescaut), Tuesday, 19 November 2002 22:55 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm friends with Jeff Hostetler's cousin, who used to be in the band SMEGMA, who are now working with Richard Meltzer apparently.

― Kris (aqueduct), Wednesday, 20 November 2002 00:13 (twenty-three years ago)

My mom back in Arizona just emailed me to let me know my true love Jake might be getting let go at end of season, by the way...Anyway, isn't Hostetler like 50 years old by now? I mean, he was QB when the Giants won back against the Bills, and he wasn't a rookie then.

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 20 November 2002 02:27 (twenty-three years ago)

I do not tremble in the presence of real actual cardinals, but the official logo Cardinal on the team helmet is pretty darned mean looking. But I'm sure it will be replaced with a ridiculous robo-cardinal soon enough.

― Aaron A., Wednesday, 20 November 2002 02:34 (twenty-three years ago)

Robo-cardinals would be pretty scary though.

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 20 November 2002 02:45 (twenty-three years ago)

I thought so too, but what I've seen of Spiderman indicates that making anything 'ro' diminishes its scariness.

― James Blount (James Blount), Wednesday, 20 November 2002 05:02 (twenty-three years ago)

at least when they won Super Bowls, they had great teams and won 'em fair and square. they don't rely on chickenshit-gimmick offensive schemes (cough! WEST COAST OFFENSE!) like the 49ers.

Fair and square? This is sports we're talking here. And why is the West Coast offense gimmicky when, say, "smashmouth" ball isn't?

― Leee (Leee), Wednesday, 20 November 2002 06:06 (twenty-three years ago)

And why is the West Coast offense gimmicky when, say, "smashmouth" ball isn't?

Watching defensive linemen fight offensive linemen to open space for the backs (aka "smashmouth") = good football.

Watching weak-armed quarterbacks throw dinky two-yard slants and watching receivers eat up garbage yards and thereby boosting their stats (aka "West Coast offense") = a dumbed-down abomination of football. and boring as fuck to watch.

I give Bill Walsh credit for three things and three things only: (a) taking advantage of the rule changes in the late seventies/early eighties, that made West Coast offenses more viable; (b) knowing what he had, talentwise, and making the most of it; and (c) picking Joe Montana and building the offense around what he could do, especially since Montana never "technically" was the best QB of his times (which ties in with point b).

― Tad (llamasfur), Wednesday, 20 November 2002 06:59 (twenty-three years ago)

I have this football card somewhere, or my mom has it, this Montana card. It reversed his yards/touchdowns. So for career yardage, he had like 3,000 or something - but 30,000 touchdowns! How can you say he wasn't the best QB of his time? 30,000!

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 20 November 2002 14:27 (twenty-three years ago)

Priest Holmes is set to score half that this year.

― James Blount (James Blount), Thursday, 21 November 2002 04:59 (twenty-three years ago)

oh don't get me wrong -- i'm not saying that Joe Montana sucked, or that he wasn't a great quarterback. but facts are facts -- he didn't have the strongest arm, was respectable (but not great) in going long to receivers (as opposed to doing the West Coast-style "long handoffs" to Craig or Rice). in either regard, John Elway and Dan Marino (to name just two contemporaries) were both better than Montana. i don't even think it's useful to say that there was a "greatest quarterback ever," considering how much the game has changed. was Montana really "greater" than, say, Terry Bradshaw? Bart Starr? Roger Staubach? or even Troy Aikman or Bret Favre?

that said, i do think Montana was a great one ... all those Super Bowl rings on his finger weren't a fluke.

― Tad (llamasfur), Thursday, 21 November 2002 07:26 (twenty-three years ago)

Hell yeah Roger Staubach!

― Go Navy! (James Blount), Thursday, 21 November 2002 07:30 (twenty-three years ago)

I think John Elway is the greatest quarterback ever. I mean, look at those TEETH. How can you argue?

Though Tan Marino's fantastic orange color is pretty good.

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 21 November 2002 17:21 (twenty-three years ago)

I remember seeing a thing on Elway on ESPN once, and just the footage of him playing in high school was awe-inspiring.

― James Blount, Thursday, 21 November 2002 20:25 (twenty-three years ago)

elway's kids have horseteeth too.

― keith (keithmcl), Friday, 22 November 2002 02:24 (twenty-three years ago)

warner returns, they lose to danny wuerffel!

― keith (keithmcl), Sunday, 24 November 2002 22:37 (twenty-three years ago)

Martz is an idiot.

― James Blount (James Blount), Monday, 25 November 2002 05:29 (twenty-three years ago)

twenty-two years pass...

Warner tried to catch on with the Canadian Football League or NFL Europe, but those teams weren’t interested, either. So he worked at the Hy-Vee in Cedar Falls, earning $5.50 per hour as he continued to pursue his quixotic goal.
Warner crashed on a cot at Brenda’s parents’ house and watched the kids during the day while working nights. He also spent three hours per day working on his passing skills at his former college and lifting weights, but understandably he began to wonder whether he was just “prolonging the inevitable.”
Still, the grocery shelves wound up providing a surprising source of inspiration. One night when stocking the cereal aisle, he noticed a Wheaties box with Miami Dolphins quarterback Dan Marino, a future Hall of Famer, on the front.
“Once on the shelves, it seemed that Dan ‘The Man’s’ eyes followed me like one of those creepy paintings in a horror movie as I walked back and forth throughout the night,” Warner recalled in his own Hall of Fame induction speech in 2017. “Every time I looked at the box, Dan seemed to be asking, ‘Are you going to spend your life stocking someone else’s cereal boxes, or are you going to step out and make sure someone else is stocking yours?’”

― z_tbd, Monday, 3 February 2025 03:06 (one year ago)

i want to know if dan marino thinks that is a question he would ask. and btw of course we want someone else stocking our cereal boxes. we want them to be fully stocked with a variety of our favorite materials, at least 2 deep and preferably 5 to 7 boxes deep, faced properly and with crisp edges. and we want that stocking to be done before we even arrive, so we don't have to see it done. - dan marino

― z_tbd, Monday, 3 February 2025 03:08 (one year ago)

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