Just when you thought it was safe - OK CUPID PART 3: The Return of the WOO!

It's protection, actually, against always trying to see the good in people that I decide are maybe admirable somehow, and maybe I could be attracted to, or interested in, if I kept giving them chances, because THAT is what I actually do and it's destroying me.

^^^yes yes 1000 times yes. and once i let them in, i am completely blind to all of their flaws and personal failings, and i actually can't see myself with anyone who WASN'T deeply flawed because i am as well.

i see this site mostly as a non-serious thing, as that is what most people seem to see it as - most times i've started to "like" some one it has turned out that they just were trying to sleep with me a few times and then never call again. my serial monogamist 20s blinded me to the fact that there are tons of people that just do this over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and those people seem to make up 90% of okc. so i'm actively trying to stop thinking the best of people and picking apart their annoying habits as they are most definitely doing the same to me.

just delurking this thread for a moment to hi-5 a lot of the stuff mand33 has said... i didn't meet my husband through a dating site, but our initial contact was on an author-dedicated forum and then we immediately became myspace (rip) friends, and i remember reading the stuff he had on his profile and being totally smitten from the get-go. my little piece of advice is to think about the kind of person you want to attract: if you're leaving off a totally unique and quirky and interesting piece of info about yourself like "i am the all-time marble madness champion" or "i won 10 spelling bees in middle school" bc you think that some girl will think that's dumb - do you really want to meet girls/guys who think that kind of stuff is dumb?? i mean, there are some things that maybe are best left till you get to know someone, but little things like the above examples are really, really cool things to put in your profile.

my husb was a comp-lit phd drop-out, and i was kinda intimidated by how smart he was, then i saw listed under his favourite tv programs "the OC" and i thought it was awesome and adorable that he had no shame about stating that.

Rrrobyn, I love the bathos of 'probably less complicated than all that'. Profile conveys you really well (says the expert who has met you once ever!)

i've no doubt that it is *very* different being a woman on this site (and everywhere) than a dude.

the whole process is pretty weird, but still probably better than trying to pick ppl up in a bar? the weeding-out process is necessarily arbitrary, but then it always is.

It's protection, actually, against always trying to see the good in people that I decide are maybe admirable somehow, and maybe I could be attracted to, or interested in, if I kept giving them chances, because THAT is what I actually do and it's destroying me.

i don't dispute your right to protection by any means and i think it's great that seeing the good in people is your instinct. otoh the people you *have* let under your guard seem to have been just . . . horrible? you are pretty grebt, tho, and i totally think there are good guys with whom you would be a super match -- but maybe your filter could use some adjustment? (i'm with you on the drinking tho, obviously.)

Some of us seem to be saying in this thread that we write people off for x or y (I said rambling about hiking, iirc) but we're really just clumsily trying to convey one small part of the process that's simply a general 'not intrigued' vibe from the profile. If I'm intrigued or the profile makes me smile, then I'll ignore almost anything that's a potential problem. Unfortunately I'm not intrigued or made to smile very often. But then, I suppose I'm treating OKC like a bar, where I wouldn't flirt unless I was seriously interested in someone. Text on a screen is less reliable at conveying vibe than a bar, so I just need to invest time and effort and meet lots of people. I do not have this time.

I will after Christmas though. Let the scattergun dating begin in 2012.

applauding justine up in this

if you're leaving off a totally unique and quirky and interesting piece of info about yourself like "i am the all-time marble madness champion" or "i won 10 spelling bees in middle school" bc you think that some girl will think that's dumb - do you really want to meet girls/guys who think that kind of stuff is dumb??

Yes, this!!!

...no one commented on my profile :P I shall assume the "if you cant say anything nice! angle! /pvmic

/jk

yeah but marble madness is cool

1. "Do I feel a physical or intellectual attraction?"
2. "Is there anything that has specifically turned me off?"

^^^^

bene_gesserit, I don't think you need diff photos. I think some of the lower down ones could go higher up though just to intersperse the more glam with the more everyday (if I remember correctly). Put one up with the dope new haircut.

Homosexual II I totally agree with you, which is why I can't figure out what it is I really want and have quite a hard time reading into profiles and preferences. W/some of my closest friends we don't have the same taste in music books or food. Ayn rand is still a deal breaker though. :/

I'll add that I understand the other side too, which is there needs to be some kind of criteria--can't meet every last person that messages you. For me the difficulty is in figuring out what that criteria should be...

rayuela i think your profile is good and you look like you would be fun to hang out with! i have no idea what "PoC preferred" means, though!

prisoners of cthulu?
parolees of cuomo?
people of color?

I would have assumed People of Colour.

(Also I apologise for lurking/posting on this thread despite not being an OKC user.)

I think we need the outgroup input, e.

If you're bored and want to give advice to someone in a different situation/category than most of you (divorced dad recently turned 50) I'm

@non777 with an a for the @

Mandee, I'm sorry this thread is bumming you out. If it makes you feel any better, these are the standards I apply to messaging people, not to returning messages. I feel like I've been open-minded to a fault in terms of responding to and meeting anyone who seems relatively smart. In terms of taking the initiative to message someone, though, there has to be something in their profile that in some way sets them apart, or simply piques my interest.

Curmudgeon (61%), your profile is good. One nitpicky thing: I don't like it when people say they are comfortable in high and low places or appreciate both high and low culture, because so many people say this. I would suggest listing the places you like (which I think you do) and let that speak for itself. Another thing people do, often (you don't do it) is to say that they are a bundle of contradictions. So many people say this.

Btw, b_g, 93%.
If anyone has suggestions regarding my profile, either message me or write them here. Be gentle: Like most criticsl people, I am very fragile.

mary, i gave you 5 stars, which means your profile was tops.

Big Hoos (91%): a solid profile. A few suggestions: I might take out the part about Fridays that could go in 100 directions...a lot of people seem convinced that there is no typical Friday for them. But leave the stuff about the different things you could be doing...that was all good. The 'you should message me' part: I would strike the "you've read this whole thing" (a ton of people say that) and "find me compelling" (would go with something more tongue-in-cheek or descriptive here. The other stuff in this section is concrete and interesting and good. Some of your pics are a bit too "wacky" for me, but maybe you are hoping to attract a different contingent. Also, ie your messaging strategy...if it's working no need to change, but it would seem more sincere to me if you asked maybe one or two questions only and also wrote a bit about yourself in there. That's it for now...more reviews tomorrow.

I'm feeling a bit invisible now, erk :/

Thanks, b_g! Okc failed to notify me of this occurrence.

Trayce, I'm sure you have nothing to worry about, but yours will be the first profile I look at tomorrow, even before I stalk all my crushes with my secret, alternative account.

Hahah its all good, I actually feel a bit weird about even having posted my okc name on here! Also I never reply to anyone who msgs me so I lose at this I think.

[cries]

I am lurking out of mere curiosity, but I would totally date all of you fyi <3

[pulls head back in]

mookie you shoosh, I replied when you messaged me dammit!

Curmudgeon, I'd maybe take the 'you' out of 'you and solving the world's political problems' and replace with something else? But this really is nitpicking now, it really doesn't matter. I like the tone - I think what I dislike about so many DC profiles is that they seem forced and overstructured, and yours isn't at all.

Do you have to have an OKC profile to look at other profiles?

Would date all ya'lls, for real.

Yes, but they're really quick to create if you don't fill everything in (but then delete it, to save us poor seekers having to deal with empty profiles!)

Trayce, I like the nonchalance of your profile, and that's a nice pic. The part about the spelling and grammar would be a problem for me, and my spelling and grammar are great. It's just that some people have real trouble with that despite being super-intelligent. I have other little cognitive blips, like I can't do algebra properly or turn the right way out of a hotel room towards the lift, but that's not a barrier to online messaging...

But, it's your profile and if it turns you off it turns you off, and that's that!

Thanks for the suggestions

Yes, but they're really quick to create if you don't fill everything in (but then delete it, to save us poor seekers having to deal with empty profiles!)

― ljubljana, Saturday, November 5, 2011 1:13 PM (4 hours ago) Bookmark

i don't think you have to have one? i can see people's when i'm logged out of okc

the little cartoon 20-something with the belted cardigan and boots on the home page is trying to get me to sign up to get any further :(

It's not hard to sign up...basically all you need is a user name and an email.

Trayce, great profile. It gives me a sense of who you are, how your mind works and what you like. One quibble: I would include a full-body shot. If you think the age thing is a barrier, you could list your age as younger, and then disclose within the profile? I've seen men do that.

"i usually don't like talking about myself but....

[3 page diatribe]"

i changed mine a bit...fairly sure the net difference in the grand cosmic scheme is very little, the net result very much the same :)

If anyone has suggestions regarding my profile, either message me or write them here. Be gentle: Like most criticsl people, I am very fragile.

― Virginia Plain, Saturday, November 5, 2011 4:32 AM (16 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

whats yr username? or if you don't want to give it, that's fine. i didn't see it when skimming earlier messages.

i just got back from a boozy brunch and am slightly tipsy. i've also decided that this is the perfect frame of mind in which to delete all the questions i've answered and to re-answer them. tell me, do you believe contraception is morally wrong? would you date someone who already had a partner? what about children? IS MORALITY UNIVERSAL OR RELATIVE?

no no yes both

are you happy with your life?

By the way, trayce (90%).

Mandee (69%) great profile! Very individual and readable narrative (even with the murakami!). I like how you keep coming back to the voyeur theme--this helps me feel like I am getting to know you. I think you give a good sense of both who you are and what you may be looking for, while still keeping it light-hearted and not over-serious. I might nix the not conventially attractive thing, because that's kind of hard to pull off when you are beautiful, but otherwise, no complaints.

Donna rouge (77%), good profile and hello, fellow virgo. Nice pics. No suggestions, except for maybe update it, so it seems like you are still around and interested (if you are).

omg, after re-answering nearly 100 questions, my compatibility with someone with whom i was previously highly compatible just dropped to extremely low.

Thanks VP/ljub! It never occurred to me to do a whole-body pic, I guess I wasnt thinking in such "hey look at me!" terms, which I suppose a dating site is all about ha. Also, dont have many.

I have wavered about getting rid of the grammar turn-off thing. Its probably more prudent to have something more important mentioned, like "go away poly/married people", lol.

I should prob focus less on shit like Futurama and video games too but then again... thats who i am?

Thanks for taking the time to look, VP! btw, an ILXor took my current default pic

I've been surprised by people who didn't "full-body" so now I wonder when I only see faces. Yea, trayce, if you wanted to meet more random people, I would say take some of that stuff out, but I think if you want to meet specific people who like that stuff or at least tolerate that you like it, I would say leave it in.

B_g, how was your thing? This guy is really taking it slow! Also, how did you stealth rate me? I only found out when I rated you.