Just when you thought it was safe - OK CUPID PART 3: The Return of the WOO!

there was a time many years ago when i had a profile on okcupid and it was all subtext
i think it was more of an experiment than a dating profile even if i did go on a couple of dates
still thinking about attempting dating-profile sincerity soon

HOOS advice is good advice
xp

Laurel, I think you should totally add that bit. I would definitely be into that were it written by the opposite gender.

Rayuela, you live in Qns? What part? I'm in Sunnyside.

I've had one dinner date . . . it was surprisingly non horrible, but I definitely wouldn't have chosen it. It helped that it was at a dingy Thai restaurant in Qns. The best part was when he looked at the bill and proclaimed that he owed $25. I put in $20 and when the change came he attempted to give me $2 back. The really best part was when a few days later he e-mailed me, surprised that I hadn't responded to his texts and wondering when our relationship was going to begin.

Can you search profiles without having to join?

And can you search internationally?

I prefer to meet at night if it can be arranged - there's just something about coffee during the daytime that sets the tone for friendship

rayuela - criticism:

Talk more about your personality and the kind of person you're looking for if you can. I get the sense for the kind of work you do, the kind of stuff you like, and that you like living in Queens but if I were a guy I'd be clueless as to whether or not you'd actually dig me.

― homosexual II, Friday, November 4, 2011 2:07 PM (7 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Hmm, maybe it's because I want to sound well adjusted in my profile when in reality I am cranky and cynical. How does one convey personality though? (thanks for the feedback!)

And good point Laurel, I think I will take that out.

I want to look at everyone's profiles, but the site is a bit too colorful for work when just anyone can see my screen...

xp VP, I'm in Jackson Heights. I love it. Our dates were polar opposites. I ended up paying for our drinks and he took more change than me at dinner (I would think, being 30 min late, he would volunteer to pay all.)

x-post to ljubljana

Ha, I see so many women in this area in my (higher than your age) bracket (ok I'm a 50 year-old divorced Dad) all listing hiking too. It's an obsession in the DC area. Or I see fellow divorced parents who just say they like spending time with their kids. Duh.

I noticed a 40-something DC woman who listed numerous filmmakers and then I did a search within a certain age range and added "Kurosawa" and she was the only one in that range who listed him. Have you tried doing this with book titles or something else?

Oh, I'll look at your prof at lunch, rayuela. Sorry, haven't had a chance yet.

I dont know, when I wrote my profile I was mostly drunk and tootsed up like a cabaret dancer, so I think that helped to get me in the proper mindset

I forgot: I had another dinner date. But it was at an izakaya (Japanese pub) so it involved much drinking. It was fun, but the guy looked a lot older than his pics. He didn't contact me afterward and ask when our relationship was going to start though, so that was good.

Last night's date was from Jax Hts. I put in my profile that I specifically (but not exclusively) wanted to meet people in Queens, but it hasn't been that fruitful. Maybe most Queens people are already attached.

Duh. People move to Queens to settle down and never go out again, doncha know?

Yeah majority of messages I get are from Brooklyn folks. Some dudes are like "why do you like Queens so much?"

xp - curmudgeon, I just don't care that deeply about individual books, films, etc. It's more the viiiiiibe....

oh...

Oh...I look for a combination of vibe and specifics in my age bracket, but should probably dump the looking at specifics

i have edited my profile since last time i gave anybody advice but for the curious i am at hoosteen_tx

also hi louis

that was the most louis of louis posts i can hardly believe it

yarrrrgh, i suck at this. but here's mine: ZSZSZS
making a profile is fucking hard because my tendency is to not big up myself, and to use bad words a little too much, and to be self-deprecating, and those are all things that you can't really do on a profile.

I do them all the time! Also the people whose profiles I like are the ones who are the glummest and most cutting. "You should message me if...you want to have a thoroughly mediocre time. You're holding a drink in all your photos. You hate museums." This is probably not entirely healthy on either side but it's what I go for.

It's true that the general preferred overtones are prob different for most of the women in yr target population, though.

making a profile is fucking hard because my tendency is to not big up myself, and to use bad words a little too much, and to be self-deprecating, and those are all things that you can't really do on a profile.

yes, i hate bragging, and i don't feel like i have a lot to brag about. everyone makes themselves out to be super intense professional creative dynamos and it is overwhelming. i went out with a guy who works as a sound engineer a few weeks ago and went on about how he can't date people that don't work in creative fields, because they are not "self-actualized"...uhm, ok. i'm just trying to find someone to make out with, bud.

Omfg, I'd be nearly ready to walk out on a statement like that. Think it, by all means. Don't say it.

I hate positive profiles. Bring on the cynical downers. I will date them all.

The people who only want "other creatives" are so bad, but hopefully they self-select themselves into an artistic albatross.

ZS, I think yr prof is nice! The right amt of being honest without being over-earnest. The EPA thing obv means you care about what you do because no one else would bother. After the self-sum it gets a tiny bit dry, I guess. The music and book parts, I generally hate them b/c people just LIST SHIT and WHO CARES ABOUT YR SHIT?!--it's all signifiers, obv, which is fine and has its usefulness I guess. I like the specificity of the MBV reference b/c a person can go and listen to it to see what you mean.

Good selection of pics. Is this prof working for you so far?

who is my 83% straight male match from NZ? hah

i got a message just now! asking about what in the hell marble madness.

not sure how to respond (i'm not really into her based off of profile so no pressure). it's probably not a good thing to list because if people ask, i'm tempted to mention that I AM THE WORLD RECORD HOLDER ON MARBLE MADNESS. i mean, seriously, i once taped a speed run that came within a thousand points of the top score on Twingalaxies, and i've beaten the record off-camera several times.

but yeah, i should probably NOT mention that.

everyone makes themselves out to be super intense professional creative dynamos and it is overwhelming. i went out with a guy who works as a sound engineer a few weeks ago and went on about how he can't date people that don't work in creative fields, because they are not "self-actualized".

bell laps!!!!! This person is awful and you don't want him for anything!!! You should stand up and say, "Thank you for your time, this date is over. Also, you are SO NOT A CHAIR." This is a dumb reference that probably only I and ENBB will get b/c I told her the story last week.

xp No you should totally mention that!

the positivity/earnestness thing is in sooooo many gay dudes' profiles, like "i'm an open-minded, adventurous guy, looking for new experiences, etc." for once i'd like someone to be like "i'm pretty much set in my ways"

xp i think i've mentioned my spelling bee championships before but take a wild guess how many ppl are impressed by that

Look I'm terrible at dating and I only like people who are bad for me, so take my word for it at your own risk. But I think that stuff is cool.

I think we all just want to date Dr. Morbius. Or maybe that's just me? :)

man, the way OkCupid says "WELCOME HOME!" when you visit the site is sooooooo depressing.

WELCOME HOME (TO LONELYVILLE, POPULATION: YOU AND A BUNCH OF OTHER PEOPLE YOU PROBABLY DON'T LIKE)

i think some people would def be impressed by spelling be championship winners - i am!

(Southeastern Missouri spelling bee champion, 7th-8th grade)
:)

fuck yeah, i'm adding that to the profile. if people are annoyed by that, then fuck them

including those kinds of things also implies a certain sense of humour, and to me a shared sense of humour is pretty damn important and a big part of the chemistry

Also that kind of stuff makes the person an individual in my mind. Everyone reads the same "important" books and sees the same arthouse movies, I don't care about those qualifications. (Also I don't like important books or arthouse movies.) But being the world record-holder at a simplistic arcade game no one cares about, THAT IS MAGIC.

PEOPLE CARE ABOUT IT, LAUREL
(jk, no one cares about it)

rayuela! I got to your profile, finally. :) I think it's...it doesn't work for me, but we already said that I only like the grimmest, and your cheerfulness is prob way healthier. But the voice isn't very personal-feeling, imo? Lots of people are recovering grad students. I would feel compelled to make a self-deprecatory joke about endless housewifey baking...or something. "Baking! It's science you eat!" I dunno. But some personal feel would help me grok you more?

I like the long-limbed bit, actually! That whole section has a nice tone! Also it goes well w the photo of you looking drunk in the lt blue button-up shirt and I bet you wear menswear really well. That lanky look and the way the shirt collar falls open, it's a good thing. Other than that, science fiction yay!

pop quiz: when you send a message to someone, the average length is

- one sentence
- two sentences
- three to five sentences
- 2 paragraphs
- 3 or more full paragraphs

should say when you FIRST send a message. like, the first interaction

Oh, short. The last one I sent accused a dude of being on a fishing expedition to see if I'd respond. He responded.

I usually do two sentences.

The people who only want "other creatives" are so bad

"Creative" is such a fungible descriptor these days.

VP, I promise you don't know the (necessarily well-hidden) half of me.

See, I don't want a cynical grump. I am already kind of a borderline brooding grump, and I don't need any encouragement. I am at my best around happy, joyful, lighthearted people who aren't very serious.

I really, really believe that people should be earnest and sincere in their dating profiles. We're looking for potential love, aren't we? Why act like it doesn't matter?

re: Laurel...haha is it that obvious i'm drunk in that one? and yeah, my profile is a compromise between my older profile, which my friends said was too mean/not friendly enough. they fixed it up and I had to go in and re-edit and remove smiley faces. I should embrace my inner grumpiness!

while people are doing honest criticisms/recommendations for profiles i am open to some as well! one of my friends already read it and made me take out that i spent my typical friday nights listening to kate bush and doing an interpretive dance with my cat, but she didn't really give me any other changes. i'm am guess i come off as bitter.

i also need more flattering pictures of myself, but it is hard to make those materialize out of thin air.

i am guess = i am guessing

I would so message a guy if they had the Kate Bush/dancing cat thing in their profile