Just when you thought it was safe - OK CUPID PART 3: The Return of the WOO!

Hey folks – amidst the tumbling, tentative cries of hope and trepidation in this thread, there’s a somewhat dichotomised contention: that one wishes to find joy, love or release on OK Cupid, but fears that frustration, misery and gallows humour will forever beset them. If anything, an increased sense of community has pushed the balance of contention in the latter’s favour, which seems counter-intuitive, but is wholly understandable given that this strengthened community has brought to light the deficiencies of trying to find intimacy in a stranger’s public self-evaluation form. So with a certain degree of hesitancy, I’d like to suggest that on such a free-form and user-determined platform as either OK Cupid or life, one receives more or less what one prepares for – and if this is frustration, then that is what will manifest. If on the other hand ILX’s eligible surfers prepare, in all ways, for what they truly want, then they will surely bring about that reality. In a way, OK Cupid has taken something of a kicking on its own thread – let me affirm, then, that when it goes well, it can go really well, and that it need not represent a disdained adjunct to one’s ego but a channel through which one might let flow the truer reality of thought in whichever direction one chooses. By the time my own virtual interface met its purpose – the purpose I’d resolved upon shortly beforehand – I’d more or less discarded it as a relic of wilder, more unsatisfying days, which demonstrates that it really doesn’t matter how you govern the six or seven answer-boxes and smattering of pictures that you reluctantly elect as your virtual representative, but it really does matter how you govern your everyday existence and mental resolve. Perhaps this isn’t news to you, and perhaps the grouching here is simply time-filling gossip, but I think it’s important to restate the value of internet dating sites, because they radically increase the possibilities of broaching one’s thoughts to receptive senses, and finding fulfilment in consequence.

And of course, if there’s any sort of connection, it’s best to take it off OK Cupid and into a more personable realm – unlike this post, no amount of correspondence with a compatible soul will be tl;dr. So…um…good luck OKC. Truly. :)

i can't even begin to read that but i'm guessing you are l0u1s jagg3r.

sorry i'm old/new :/

loool

tl;dr is correct

ronan i think i need to help you w/ your profile

no offense

I'm ZoraDBII, and I am very very bad at OKC. I haven't updated my profile in ages, and I almost never respond to messages. Mostly this is because said messages seem to be along the lines of "I think ur pritty and intersting pleas look at my profile maybe we can hook up."

But I should not point the finger because I haven't proactively messaged *anyone*.

I'm not over my ex, am I? I should probably just quit. /sigh

Mine's qwpoi
Also accepting constructive criticism re profile!

VP glad to hear yr date went well!

Btw my most hated section is the "what do ppl notice first about you"

Then don't answer it! Or say it's your wooden leg.

Great straightforward happy-and-engaged sounding/looking profile and photos, rayuela. I would respond to a male profile like this. I never find any.

Mine is the opposite of straight-forward, I guess.

Yesterday when I was home and online all day, I contemplated adding to mine: "I'm ambivalent about this dating thing. How about we just call it 'having beers with a dude who isn't already one of my friends, who I might like, and seeing what happens'?" and then realized that THAT'S WHAT A DATE IS. At base. Dummmmmmmm.

What is yours Laurel (if you are sharing it, no prob if not!) or did I miss it above?

> "I'm ambivalent about this dating thing. How about we just call it 'having beers with a dude who isn't already one of my friends, who I might like, and seeing what happens'?" and then realized that THAT'S WHAT A DATE IS. At base. Dummmmmmmm.

That's what a boring, unimaginative date is....

Oh those are the kind I like.

ljub, it's Cr3p3-Suzett3, in which all the 3s are Es, obv. Realized I don't want it to be traceable to this thread!

This is one way that meeting a dude on a fetish site is easier. "Let's meet for a drink first to verify that the other guy isn't crazy."

I dislike a lot of things, including karaoke, walking, and fun. So having quiet beers somewhere dank on a Tuesday night is way more my speed.

Re: beers at a pub - I guess I'm just not a big fan of alcohol - IME it doesn't loosen ppl up, it just makes them act like jerks more often. But hitting the pub still beats watching a movie. What do you learn about someone new by staring at a screen for hours?

I used to like singing karaoke to one of a date's favorite songs or one with significant/relevant lyrics, but my voice has deteriorated badly in recent years

rayuela - criticism:

Talk more about your personality and the kind of person you're looking for if you can. I get the sense for the kind of work you do, the kind of stuff you like, and that you like living in Queens but if I were a guy I'd be clueless as to whether or not you'd actually dig me.

Laurel: same criticism

Actually that's what I am seeing across the board from all of u :>

Great straightforward happy-and-engaged sounding/looking profile and photos, rayuela. I would respond to a male profile like this. I never find any.

― ljubljana, Friday, 4 November 2011 13:40 (23 minutes ago) Permalink

Wow, there are no guys in your age range in the DC area with such profiles?

No movies, no sit-down dinners. It's too hard to keep that awkward first conversation going when you have to get to the place, wait to be seated, be seated, get menus, read menus, order, pour wine, get food, blah blah there are like 15 interruptions to your fledgling conversation and THEN you have to chew in front of the person and converse while putting food in your mouths and like no big deal normally but not on a FIRST DATE.

Oh, I'm not actually trying to meet anyone! Or if I want to, I would just email them. :)

Ha, I like your kind of profile too Laurel!

Curmudgeon: not quite like that, no. Too much rambling about hikes.

mandee i love it when you give advice! even if i'm not on okcupid

my profile is 'manuela_wr@ught' if anyone wants to take a gander (replace the ampersand, naturlich)

well I learned about okcupid profiles from the master himself, big HOOS

Great straightforward happy-and-engaged sounding/looking profile and photos, rayuela. I would respond to a male profile like this. I never find any.

― ljubljana, Friday, 4 November 2011 13:40 (23 minutes ago) Permalink

Wow, there are no guys in your age range in the DC area with such profiles?

― curmudgeon, Friday, November 4, 2011 10:09 AM (3 minutes ago) Bookmark

hey ljubljana, i'm a DC area guy! I'd trust ILX over OKC for finding dates....

there was a time many years ago when i had a profile on okcupid and it was all subtext
i think it was more of an experiment than a dating profile even if i did go on a couple of dates
still thinking about attempting dating-profile sincerity soon

HOOS advice is good advice
xp

Laurel, I think you should totally add that bit. I would definitely be into that were it written by the opposite gender.

Rayuela, you live in Qns? What part? I'm in Sunnyside.

I've had one dinner date . . . it was surprisingly non horrible, but I definitely wouldn't have chosen it. It helped that it was at a dingy Thai restaurant in Qns. The best part was when he looked at the bill and proclaimed that he owed $25. I put in $20 and when the change came he attempted to give me $2 back. The really best part was when a few days later he e-mailed me, surprised that I hadn't responded to his texts and wondering when our relationship was going to begin.

Can you search profiles without having to join?

And can you search internationally?

I prefer to meet at night if it can be arranged - there's just something about coffee during the daytime that sets the tone for friendship

rayuela - criticism:

Talk more about your personality and the kind of person you're looking for if you can. I get the sense for the kind of work you do, the kind of stuff you like, and that you like living in Queens but if I were a guy I'd be clueless as to whether or not you'd actually dig me.

― homosexual II, Friday, November 4, 2011 2:07 PM (7 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Hmm, maybe it's because I want to sound well adjusted in my profile when in reality I am cranky and cynical. How does one convey personality though? (thanks for the feedback!)

And good point Laurel, I think I will take that out.

I want to look at everyone's profiles, but the site is a bit too colorful for work when just anyone can see my screen...

xp VP, I'm in Jackson Heights. I love it. Our dates were polar opposites. I ended up paying for our drinks and he took more change than me at dinner (I would think, being 30 min late, he would volunteer to pay all.)

x-post to ljubljana

Ha, I see so many women in this area in my (higher than your age) bracket (ok I'm a 50 year-old divorced Dad) all listing hiking too. It's an obsession in the DC area. Or I see fellow divorced parents who just say they like spending time with their kids. Duh.

I noticed a 40-something DC woman who listed numerous filmmakers and then I did a search within a certain age range and added "Kurosawa" and she was the only one in that range who listed him. Have you tried doing this with book titles or something else?

Oh, I'll look at your prof at lunch, rayuela. Sorry, haven't had a chance yet.

I dont know, when I wrote my profile I was mostly drunk and tootsed up like a cabaret dancer, so I think that helped to get me in the proper mindset

I forgot: I had another dinner date. But it was at an izakaya (Japanese pub) so it involved much drinking. It was fun, but the guy looked a lot older than his pics. He didn't contact me afterward and ask when our relationship was going to start though, so that was good.

Last night's date was from Jax Hts. I put in my profile that I specifically (but not exclusively) wanted to meet people in Queens, but it hasn't been that fruitful. Maybe most Queens people are already attached.

Duh. People move to Queens to settle down and never go out again, doncha know?

Yeah majority of messages I get are from Brooklyn folks. Some dudes are like "why do you like Queens so much?"

xp - curmudgeon, I just don't care that deeply about individual books, films, etc. It's more the viiiiiibe....

oh...

Oh...I look for a combination of vibe and specifics in my age bracket, but should probably dump the looking at specifics

i have edited my profile since last time i gave anybody advice but for the curious i am at hoosteen_tx

also hi louis

that was the most louis of louis posts i can hardly believe it

yarrrrgh, i suck at this. but here's mine: ZSZSZS
making a profile is fucking hard because my tendency is to not big up myself, and to use bad words a little too much, and to be self-deprecating, and those are all things that you can't really do on a profile.

I do them all the time! Also the people whose profiles I like are the ones who are the glummest and most cutting. "You should message me if...you want to have a thoroughly mediocre time. You're holding a drink in all your photos. You hate museums." This is probably not entirely healthy on either side but it's what I go for.

It's true that the general preferred overtones are prob different for most of the women in yr target population, though.

making a profile is fucking hard because my tendency is to not big up myself, and to use bad words a little too much, and to be self-deprecating, and those are all things that you can't really do on a profile.

yes, i hate bragging, and i don't feel like i have a lot to brag about. everyone makes themselves out to be super intense professional creative dynamos and it is overwhelming. i went out with a guy who works as a sound engineer a few weeks ago and went on about how he can't date people that don't work in creative fields, because they are not "self-actualized"...uhm, ok. i'm just trying to find someone to make out with, bud.