Just when you thought it was safe - OK CUPID PART 3: The Return of the WOO!

How did it end?? Did you throw a drink on him and walk out?!

xp oh shiiii

Sorry rayuela! How old was this guy? Was there any inkling in his profile that he would act like this?

If you can't just politely relate to someone for a couple hours then you don't really "get" dating imo

Actually VP, I thought he was the most normal seeming of my current crop of correspondents, so here is proof that my radar is totally off. He's 35. We got along OK until he decided that we had to share EVERYTHING.

I feel better now that I've vented. Haha.

Who the fuck shares EVERYTHING on a first date? I thought the whole point was that you figure out if there's any chemistry and roll on from there, unless you really click and feel like sharing stuff or there's enough chemistry that it powers through into a hookup.

he sounds like a psychopath. i wish there was a "suggest ban" system on okc to weed out tools like this!

Yeah, I thought that's what they were for as well.Anyway, I'm sure he's decided I'm a complete psycho too. Oh well!

He doesn't get to decide who's psycho! He's a controlling asshole! Picky nasty criticism reads to me (now) as the beginning of a campaign of manipulation of you. So dodge and that move on.

Anyway. Next!

Just starting this. Friend who seems to just sit back and let the messages roll in recommended putting in "btw, I like dating girls smarter than me." On the one hand I can see it, on the other hand it seems ... sorta douchey, although I can't explain why.

i intend to say "btw, i like dating girls who are exactly as smart as me. please go to www.freeonlineintelligencetest.com, take at least 5 tests, and submit the average scores to user ID "ZS_mod_1983" before contacting me."

okay maybe beyond "sorta"

i was trying to be funny, btw, not trying to be a jerk! i don't think it's totally douchey, i guess. but i think if i saw something like that on a girl's profile i'd think it was odd.

It's douchey because it puts the other person on notice that they better MEASURE UP, or else. Which is tacitly true in any dating situation, on BOTH sides, but usu the other person doesn't have to specifically know what they're supposed to be measuring up TO.

could be just trying to make the best of a bad situation

like a five-foot guy saying 'i like to date girls who are taller than me'

it's all kind of deathdrone

I didn't defend myself so as not to engage, but now I'm getting mad thinking that he might have mistook my silence as implicit agreement with his penetrating insight into who I am, when really I shouldn't give a shit as to whether he thinks this or not.

― rayuela, Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:33

you did right thing - never defend self unless a defence is justified. in a situation like this you're not defending yourself anyway, you're defending a picture they've created. let them have the picture. at the very most a simple shrug is all that is necessary

Oh hello, person whose name involves the word "daytrader", who thinks "a lot" is one word, and who appears to be unclear about the concept of punctuation. No I will not go out with u. I mean you.

Man I'm glad my online dating experience began and ended with JDate, because OKCupid sounds kind of horrid!

It's really not that bad and most are worse. Well, not in all areas, apparently.

I've seen guys say they want someone who is smarter than them, and I guess I thought it seemed kind of "cute" but it never propelled me to write to any of them.

Thanks, b_g . . . I will be stalking your profile shortly.

You can trawl OKC anon so no one sees you've looked at their profiles, and I *think*it only sends you the "hey you got starred" if you're a high match with the person who did it (atleast thats what the email implies)

who thinks "a lot" is one word

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/04/alot-is-better-than-you-at-everything.html

the stars thing is funny, at one point it used to tell people if you gave them 1 star and you'd get some angry message from someone...it was so weird. make a two stars you're grim "neeeext" imo.

this site never changes anyway...messaged a girl sunday, had a good exchange of messages, talked about some local places and decided to go for a drink....no reply. similarly am not replying to messages myself after initial contact.

it's just a big pass the parcel of hurt.

Haha, LG, you are totally right on that last point. Anyone else wanna put their screen names here? I'm too embarased to do so, but I promise to creepily visit your profiles.

I'm way too nice for this site (or cruel, not sure which). I'm going on a thing tonight that I have no desire to do at all, simply bc I agreed to meet up ages ago and he never got the message that I wasn't actually that enthusiastic about it, upon further reflection.

mine is "itsthisthing", i can't remember what i put on my profile so please don't ridicule it.

Mine's [removed], fwiw. I dunno if my main photo is "me" but its the most recent one i have.

And I am wondering - honestly - if the fact my age now says 40 is some kind of psychological barrier, cos, I swear to you, my contacts dropped like a stone the minute it wasnt 30something anymore.

(unless its the smoking thing)

i'm tempohouse but i haven't updated my profile in months

I'm devoichitsa and I accept constructive profile criticism.

Average age of men messaging me on JDate is around 55, with a number of 65-year olds in the mix. (I'm 39).

ok everyone has better/more recent pics

also, ljubljana your profile seems quite all right and you are pretty and look about 25 years of age?

Aw thanks! That is because I choose to post backlit photos. I think there's a WDYLL where I demonstrated the difference it makes. But still thanks, because sometimes I *am* backlit!

Thanks for sharing y'all. I will visit your profiles shortly.

Tonight's date was cuter than his pics, more fun than his e-mails and didn't try to turn a good-night peck on the cheek into a surprise full kiss on the mouth. Result!

I think there's a WDYLL where I demonstrated the difference it makes.

your explanation was not convincing iirc

It was irrefutable photographic evidence, although I thank you for choosing to ignore it.

Ew I just got an incredibly offensive message from some random horrid person. Maybe I shoudlnt have put my username here haha. BLOOOCCKKKKED.

Hey folks – amidst the tumbling, tentative cries of hope and trepidation in this thread, there’s a somewhat dichotomised contention: that one wishes to find joy, love or release on OK Cupid, but fears that frustration, misery and gallows humour will forever beset them. If anything, an increased sense of community has pushed the balance of contention in the latter’s favour, which seems counter-intuitive, but is wholly understandable given that this strengthened community has brought to light the deficiencies of trying to find intimacy in a stranger’s public self-evaluation form. So with a certain degree of hesitancy, I’d like to suggest that on such a free-form and user-determined platform as either OK Cupid or life, one receives more or less what one prepares for – and if this is frustration, then that is what will manifest. If on the other hand ILX’s eligible surfers prepare, in all ways, for what they truly want, then they will surely bring about that reality. In a way, OK Cupid has taken something of a kicking on its own thread – let me affirm, then, that when it goes well, it can go really well, and that it need not represent a disdained adjunct to one’s ego but a channel through which one might let flow the truer reality of thought in whichever direction one chooses. By the time my own virtual interface met its purpose – the purpose I’d resolved upon shortly beforehand – I’d more or less discarded it as a relic of wilder, more unsatisfying days, which demonstrates that it really doesn’t matter how you govern the six or seven answer-boxes and smattering of pictures that you reluctantly elect as your virtual representative, but it really does matter how you govern your everyday existence and mental resolve. Perhaps this isn’t news to you, and perhaps the grouching here is simply time-filling gossip, but I think it’s important to restate the value of internet dating sites, because they radically increase the possibilities of broaching one’s thoughts to receptive senses, and finding fulfilment in consequence.

And of course, if there’s any sort of connection, it’s best to take it off OK Cupid and into a more personable realm – unlike this post, no amount of correspondence with a compatible soul will be tl;dr. So…um…good luck OKC. Truly. :)

i can't even begin to read that but i'm guessing you are l0u1s jagg3r.

sorry i'm old/new :/

loool

tl;dr is correct

ronan i think i need to help you w/ your profile

no offense

I'm ZoraDBII, and I am very very bad at OKC. I haven't updated my profile in ages, and I almost never respond to messages. Mostly this is because said messages seem to be along the lines of "I think ur pritty and intersting pleas look at my profile maybe we can hook up."

But I should not point the finger because I haven't proactively messaged *anyone*.

I'm not over my ex, am I? I should probably just quit. /sigh

Mine's qwpoi
Also accepting constructive criticism re profile!

VP glad to hear yr date went well!

Btw my most hated section is the "what do ppl notice first about you"

Then don't answer it! Or say it's your wooden leg.

Great straightforward happy-and-engaged sounding/looking profile and photos, rayuela. I would respond to a male profile like this. I never find any.

Mine is the opposite of straight-forward, I guess.

Yesterday when I was home and online all day, I contemplated adding to mine: "I'm ambivalent about this dating thing. How about we just call it 'having beers with a dude who isn't already one of my friends, who I might like, and seeing what happens'?" and then realized that THAT'S WHAT A DATE IS. At base. Dummmmmmmm.

What is yours Laurel (if you are sharing it, no prob if not!) or did I miss it above?

> "I'm ambivalent about this dating thing. How about we just call it 'having beers with a dude who isn't already one of my friends, who I might like, and seeing what happens'?" and then realized that THAT'S WHAT A DATE IS. At base. Dummmmmmmm.

That's what a boring, unimaginative date is....

Oh those are the kind I like.