Why I hate the Daily Mail, as distilled into one edition

Liz Jones last week: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2053548/LIZ-JONES-The-price-Im-paying-hating-body.html

Part of the reason I never had children was not just that my first and last period came when I was 18...

M&S hairtrigger meals

"Part of the reason... was not just... " is a dreadful formulation.

As a feminist, I looked down on mumsy types.

So much wrong in such a short sentence.

And the lengths these women are willing to go to make my half-baked attempts seem amateur. One tells me she used secret hormone injections to make herself more fertile; another uses a clandestine ovulating chart kept in the tea towel drawer (a place she knows her husband never looks in).
I spoke to another friend over the summer who told me she was trying to get pregnant with her fiancé. She said: ‘I really want a year off work. I might even go part-time after that, maybe two days a week. He will just have to work harder.’
It reminded me of the time when I asked my now ex-husband whether he was dating again. ‘No, not really,’ he replied. ‘I don’t want to get some woman pregnant, find out she’s a cow, and spend the rest of my life shackled to her.’

She's just making this shit up isn't she?

It's just amazing in every single way. I had to buy the Mail on Sunday this weekend (my mum's collecting vouchers for something and is out of the country, right?) and this is a fucking belter as well: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/article-2054264/In-I-stand-accused.html

She's not a feminist, she's an automaton. A fucking bullshit machine.

I think it's so fortunate for lifestyle columnists that, despite their apparently toxic personalities, they have a vast and varied army of candid friends who have collectively had every extreme experience under the sun and will provide precisely the anecdote that's required, week after week. What a miraculous thing.

Biggest lol:

Just look around at all of the (male) celebrities now paying child support for children conceived in a fling (Hugh Grant, Jude Law, Justin Bieber, Tom Brady, François-Henri Pinault) to know they weren't paying attention. Great article Liz.
- simply_put, Las Vegas, NV, 3/11/2011 4:32

Reading back on those "dairy" entries the sheer nerve of her going on about her new windows, new Range Rover, forthcoming marble bathroom, holidays in NY and Ibiza and weeks away covering the fashion shows (is that her real job?) when last year she was pleading poverty and old ladies were sending her fivers (supposdely), is astounding. I wonder if she knows how this all sounds and just plays up to it or if she's oblivious? I am aware that I am spending too much time thinking about this.

Oops - diary, obviously, although she probably has a dairy as well.

Yes, writing about fashion, that's her real job (surely you could tell by the lovely picture of the shabby cardie and ripped leggings! She's practically Carrie Bradshaw!). The inconsistencies are incredible re spending vs begging from old ladies to keep her ponies in handcrafted pashminas, and now infertile vs sperm-stealing. Also, ffs, she hates everyone who has ever had a child, or who has the potential to have a child. She occasionally talks of being vegan, yet often mentions distinctly non-vegan consumer habits. She is completely wired to the moon.

The fictional romance with the fake Jim Kerr type person who talks in exactly the way that Liz Jones imagines that people talk in real life is my absolute favourite though.

Did we ever do her Somalia coverage on here btw?

I don't know what "wired to the moon" means but I love it and plan to use it regularly.

But my husband was 14 years younger than me, and he had told me he was not ready for children.

Guilty secret: Liz Jones and her ex-husband Nirpal Singh Dhaliwal. They met when he was 26 and she was 37

Ha, I never even spotted that. Fire all subs immediately. And Liz Jones, obv.

The picture of Liz sat alone with her cat is amazing.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2056871/PMQs-Did-Labour-MP-Andela-Eagle-really-wag-little-finger-David-Cameron.html

free no-son Andela

Some wave their arms at Mr Balls like those airport operatives with ping-pong bats.
They mouth, ‘Coooeee!’ at the same time. Other Tories move both arms like ballet dancers in Swan Lake.
A moustachioed ministerial aide yesterday flub-dubbed his lips at Mr Balls.

Your representatives, ladies and gentlemen.

wtf is flub-dubbing?

is it that thing where you purse your lips then shake your finger up and down against them to make a wibble wibble kind of noise?

quentin letts is such a shitrag.

Taxi drivers protesting outside Daily Mail head office:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uXz8IXOpQys

Not entirely sure why, I assume the DM must've written a nasty article about them putting up fares during the Olympics?

Taxi drivers offended by all the racism and sexism at the Daily Mail perhaps?

It was the Standard, which occupies the same building. Hopefully Boris will do to the scrounging taxi drivers what Tony Blair did to the miners oh hang on a minute

Ah, well at least they went to the right building then (the Daily Mail doesn't actually have its offices in the head office building)

Cor blimey, those striking teachers are so heartless that they won't even put on a nativity scene! What has the world come to, ey?

Can't they at least put on a Winterval play?

lol http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2063072/Meet-Mr-Thirties-The-man-home-lifestyle-stuck-year-war.html

this is how I imagine all daily mail readers/employees to be

He doesn't have a washing machine so he's "in keeping" with the time. But how many people does he think owned a vacuum cleaner then? Or a wireless? Or a telephone? In the 1940s my grandmother had to walk miles to the local manor house because it was the only place with a telephone in the entire area, and also the only place with electricity so she could charge the large batteries for her grandparents' wireless (the only wireless in the family). She didn't even get an indoor toilet until 1960. I love the tradition of British eccentrics, but they see the past through rose-tinted glasses. We insult our elders by pretending their lives were so rosy back then, and a lot are still alive to tell the tale if only we'd listen!

This comment got negatived, -244 net!

doesnt fit with their idea of the 30s

A simpler time, happier days. How we yearn for mass unemployment, the rise of fascism, no NHS, etc....

I see that he also has a 1930s burglar alarm on his wall and a 1930s Yagi antenna on his chimney stack. I do hope that he does not take the 1930s ethic of, "I have a bath once a month, whether I need one or not!" These "special" people who march to the beat of a different drum should be worshipped.

- Farmer Giles, Truro, Cornwall, 18/11/2011 16:26
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can't quite grok farmer giles' tone exactly.

I would love tp live in a house like this. Our home is by no means modern, but it's still nithing like these pictures. I would really like to go into this home- I couldn't think of anything better.

- Mrs Sally White., Redditch. United Kingdom., 18/11/2011 16:03

something hauntingly bleak about this one.

Apparently there's a free Cliff Richard Christmas Songs CD in tomorrow's Daily Mail - a lethal combination of possibly my two most hated things.

tbf she does live in Redditch xpost

yr two most hated things are Christmas and Songs?

my "typed a reply but didn't submit" to that was Christmas and CDs :-)

http://www.wired.com/wiredscience/2012/01/fearmongering-gets-started-in-2012-laacher-see-is-not-ready-to-blow/

OMG the Mayo's we're right, were all going to die!!!1

Simon Mayo: official DJ for The Apocalypse
http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/44696000/jpg/_44696387_mayo1988_bbc226b.jpg

Mayo's we're right,

Yes, we're in a right pickle. I don't relish it at all. Better dashi to ketchup with all your unfinished business before the sauce of the apocalypse arrives.

First day in the office since before Xmas and there's a big pile of Mails on the kitchen table (they bring them round every day) and Friday's has this:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-2080002/BBCs-Women-Year-list-The-unsung-heroines-champion-feminism.html

You couldn't make it up.

lol i read that at work too (choice between express, sun and mail - whoever the fuck buys the papers is a right cunt - and i'd forgot me book) it was littlejohn at his most littlejohnist.

I'm sure I recall reading a Liljon column years ago where he described himself as a feminist with an apparently straight face

I actually glanced at the article in the shop on this basis wondering if it was serious and... well

Ha, this is nuts (or, nothing out of the ordinary for the Daily Mail):
http://www.guardian.co.uk/environment/georgemonbiot/2012/jan/26/weather-forecasters-daily-mail

AWESOME :D

RIP PWS ;_;

mad

:-D

Amazing (but not surprising, apart from the whole bit about no-one ever picking up on it before)