Just when you thought it was safe - OK CUPID PART 3: The Return of the WOO!

but....why would they do that? i've never used a dating website before, but if you want someone to know you think they're a babe and a half, don't you just...send a message yourself?

anyway, you guys have covered it. man, that sucks though. so i guess, just don't rate people is the solution?

Although it's phrased to get the starred person in a frenzy of like'edness, like PIKACHU, USER ZS CHOSE YOU! GO SEND HIM A MESSAGE RIGHT THIS SECOND. ALSO, PIKA PIKA!!

except you have to do that so that it can learn about the kinds of people you like!

fuck it, man, i'm starting up a fax dating service network. turn back the clock on this nonsense.

lol laurel

No seriously, the emails say "Someone chose you! He's totally into you! Go send him a message!"

if you want someone to know you think they're a babe and a half, don't you just...send a message yourself?

― double whooooaaaaa! (Z S), Thursday, November 3, 2011 3:05 PM (6 minutes ago) Bookmark

this is the correct strategy

i only rate 3s or skip unless what i can see in quickview has interested me enough to msg

hmm. well, i may still join, and only rate people highly if i would actually maybe want to meet. and then when rating someone 4-5 stars, quickly send a real message so it's not just the generic one?

man okcupid, way to make this way too hard for no reason

Yeah I mean if they are TOTALLY INTO YOU, they can send you a message their own damn self.

i am reading 'the art of seduction,' I hope it works better than stupid online dating which seems really hopeless and lame

sorry guys, im a bitter ball of hatred today

can't believe you're just now starting 'the art of seduction'

i know rite

shoulda read it years ago

Yeah I shoulda gone out with y'all last night instead.

I mean, is the first date really the time to badger someone into talking about something they've explicitly said they didn't want to talk about? And passive aggressively saying, "well I think it's alienating to have taboo topics. I'm not OK with that. Are you OK with that?" Am I OK with ALIENATING you on our first date! Jesus fucking christ. The date ended with him ranting at me about how he's decided I'm a horrible person. I didn't defend myself so as not to engage, but now I'm getting mad thinking that he might have mistook my silence as implicit agreement with his penetrating insight into who I am, when really I shouldn't give a shit as to whether he thinks this or not.

WHAT?// WHAT?!?o*# Kick this person right back under the rock he crawled out from.

this last part happened because we ended up having to walk to the train together (though thankfully one of us was going uptown and the other downtown). sigh, new york.

jesus christ, who does that kind of thing??

How did it end?? Did you throw a drink on him and walk out?!

xp oh shiiii

Sorry rayuela! How old was this guy? Was there any inkling in his profile that he would act like this?

If you can't just politely relate to someone for a couple hours then you don't really "get" dating imo

Actually VP, I thought he was the most normal seeming of my current crop of correspondents, so here is proof that my radar is totally off. He's 35. We got along OK until he decided that we had to share EVERYTHING.

I feel better now that I've vented. Haha.

Who the fuck shares EVERYTHING on a first date? I thought the whole point was that you figure out if there's any chemistry and roll on from there, unless you really click and feel like sharing stuff or there's enough chemistry that it powers through into a hookup.

he sounds like a psychopath. i wish there was a "suggest ban" system on okc to weed out tools like this!

Yeah, I thought that's what they were for as well.Anyway, I'm sure he's decided I'm a complete psycho too. Oh well!

He doesn't get to decide who's psycho! He's a controlling asshole! Picky nasty criticism reads to me (now) as the beginning of a campaign of manipulation of you. So dodge and that move on.

Anyway. Next!

Just starting this. Friend who seems to just sit back and let the messages roll in recommended putting in "btw, I like dating girls smarter than me." On the one hand I can see it, on the other hand it seems ... sorta douchey, although I can't explain why.

i intend to say "btw, i like dating girls who are exactly as smart as me. please go to www.freeonlineintelligencetest.com, take at least 5 tests, and submit the average scores to user ID "ZS_mod_1983" before contacting me."

okay maybe beyond "sorta"

i was trying to be funny, btw, not trying to be a jerk! i don't think it's totally douchey, i guess. but i think if i saw something like that on a girl's profile i'd think it was odd.

It's douchey because it puts the other person on notice that they better MEASURE UP, or else. Which is tacitly true in any dating situation, on BOTH sides, but usu the other person doesn't have to specifically know what they're supposed to be measuring up TO.

could be just trying to make the best of a bad situation

like a five-foot guy saying 'i like to date girls who are taller than me'

it's all kind of deathdrone

I didn't defend myself so as not to engage, but now I'm getting mad thinking that he might have mistook my silence as implicit agreement with his penetrating insight into who I am, when really I shouldn't give a shit as to whether he thinks this or not.

― rayuela, Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:33

you did right thing - never defend self unless a defence is justified. in a situation like this you're not defending yourself anyway, you're defending a picture they've created. let them have the picture. at the very most a simple shrug is all that is necessary

Oh hello, person whose name involves the word "daytrader", who thinks "a lot" is one word, and who appears to be unclear about the concept of punctuation. No I will not go out with u. I mean you.

Man I'm glad my online dating experience began and ended with JDate, because OKCupid sounds kind of horrid!

It's really not that bad and most are worse. Well, not in all areas, apparently.

I've seen guys say they want someone who is smarter than them, and I guess I thought it seemed kind of "cute" but it never propelled me to write to any of them.

Thanks, b_g . . . I will be stalking your profile shortly.

You can trawl OKC anon so no one sees you've looked at their profiles, and I *think*it only sends you the "hey you got starred" if you're a high match with the person who did it (atleast thats what the email implies)

who thinks "a lot" is one word

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/04/alot-is-better-than-you-at-everything.html

the stars thing is funny, at one point it used to tell people if you gave them 1 star and you'd get some angry message from someone...it was so weird. make a two stars you're grim "neeeext" imo.

this site never changes anyway...messaged a girl sunday, had a good exchange of messages, talked about some local places and decided to go for a drink....no reply. similarly am not replying to messages myself after initial contact.

it's just a big pass the parcel of hurt.

Haha, LG, you are totally right on that last point. Anyone else wanna put their screen names here? I'm too embarased to do so, but I promise to creepily visit your profiles.

I'm way too nice for this site (or cruel, not sure which). I'm going on a thing tonight that I have no desire to do at all, simply bc I agreed to meet up ages ago and he never got the message that I wasn't actually that enthusiastic about it, upon further reflection.

mine is "itsthisthing", i can't remember what i put on my profile so please don't ridicule it.

Mine's [removed], fwiw. I dunno if my main photo is "me" but its the most recent one i have.

And I am wondering - honestly - if the fact my age now says 40 is some kind of psychological barrier, cos, I swear to you, my contacts dropped like a stone the minute it wasnt 30something anymore.

(unless its the smoking thing)

i'm tempohouse but i haven't updated my profile in months

I'm devoichitsa and I accept constructive profile criticism.

Average age of men messaging me on JDate is around 55, with a number of 65-year olds in the mix. (I'm 39).

ok everyone has better/more recent pics

also, ljubljana your profile seems quite all right and you are pretty and look about 25 years of age?

Aw thanks! That is because I choose to post backlit photos. I think there's a WDYLL where I demonstrated the difference it makes. But still thanks, because sometimes I *am* backlit!

Thanks for sharing y'all. I will visit your profiles shortly.

Tonight's date was cuter than his pics, more fun than his e-mails and didn't try to turn a good-night peck on the cheek into a surprise full kiss on the mouth. Result!

I think there's a WDYLL where I demonstrated the difference it makes.

your explanation was not convincing iirc