Innocuous things that make you irrationally angry (a list thread)

Protest placards with internet memes on them.

http://i.imgur.com/BFigJ.jpg

internet memes in general make me irrationally angry

people who CYCLE THEIR BIKES ON THE PAVEMENT. god i hate them, to the point that i now say "cycle on the road!" angrily every time one literally crosses my path.

Started doing that myself. Probably part of a slippery slope that ends with yelling at clouds

I'm kind of sympathetic, depending on the circumstances. My street is terrifying for cycling, although people do it all the time. Two lanes, fast traffic, parked cars on both sides. It's like a recipe for getting doored or just mowed down by an angry motorist. Seeing people ride on this street gives me anxiety so I welcome sidewalk riders (there aren't that many, surprisingly).

I do get peeved at people who ride bikes on the sidewalk and then shout/ring their bells at me to move out of their way. Hey, I'm walking here!

Fuck cyclists on the sidewalk. Scooters could get doored too, but you wouldn't want them on the sidewalk either.

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lol truth bomb

Actual tweets include "Embrace diversity" and "Read more" and "Take shorter showers" and "Build a better community" and "Use paper instead of styrofoam" and homeschool your children (because yeah, I could totally quit working to homeschool a child, no fucking problem).

How in the shite is changing to home schooling any kind of "small change" wtf.

I know, right?

I still want to know who was sending those messages.

I was going to post the following, but it was post-ILX blackout and my bookmarks were fucked up, so I emailed this to Jenny, but I still hate this lady, so I'm sharing w/ you all.

I was standing at the front of the line for the file-stamp machine and depository at state court and this little shit creeps up slowly beside me, and then past me. When I looked at her she made a cutsie face and squeaked "Ooh! I just need to file this" and gave me a shit eating smile. I said, "That's what we're ALL in line for." She cooed in an obnoxious Midwestern flat accent, "Well, I just hafta get this filed, so..." and then she marched up to the machine and interrupted the guy who was stamping and filing his document and filed hers. As she walked out she said smiled at me and said "OK, thanks so much. You have a NICE weekend."

Fucking entitled asshole. I kept my mouth shut bc if I don't turn her into stew tonight, I might one day have to work with her or need something from her. Hddjdjddjsskaakdicubgy

It would be sort of annoying, but understandable if she had said, "Excuse me, I am in a huge rush" and even bothered to make up some lie like "I'm in a hearing the judge is waiting for a file-stamped copy, so could I please cut in line?"

that's a micro level version of the 1%'s "i'm just gonna start this shell corp in the cayman islands and not pay any taxes on it, sooooooo, thanks so much, america!"

In the 80s I read in Readers' Digest's "Humor: The Best Medicine" a bit about a woman jumping the line at the grocery store. She justified herself by saying "I just have this one can of dog food," and the person she cut in front of said, "No problem, you're obviously really hungry."

I pulled up in the alley of my kids' daycare where there are a limited amount of spaces. Of course there's this Chevy Lake Tahoe F-180 SUV taking up a space and a half. I find a space anyway, get out, and see a dude just sitting there in the driver's seat. "You taking up enough spaces with that thing?" I say to him through the open window. He just kinda shrugs and says "I guess I am."

Whatever. I'm about to see my kids for the first time in nine hours and I got my space. I pick them up and we walk past the SUV to get to our car. Hank is making some noise and I'm trying to shut him up when I see dude staring at me. I don't make eye contact because I'm a confident man like that and finally he says (again?) "your son just threw his pacifier down on the ground."

I say thanks and pick up the pacifier. I hate it when an asshole in-debts me into a favor.

I hate ppl who change the tone of a conversation for the benefit of bystanders. Like they're suddenly your light entertainment & they're waiting for you to notice &/or laugh.
Coworkers seem to do this in the breakroom, & if anything it makes
me try even harder to ignore them. Just say hello, ffs. Or don't.

Add teenage girls in public places who do that a lot--overacted shrieking laughter, exaggerated gestures, all for the benefit of the audience of passers-by

Yes. Drama camp teenagers! Sometimes I find it endearing, bc I remember doing the same thing...but mostly as a grouchy grownup I don't care for it.

Haha yeah, this is a good one. I think there's a special accent that drama camp teenagers use too.

I really can't stand being flatly contradicted without any attempted justification by someone who's already talking too much. Eg:

The other person: 'Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah etc etc etc'.

Me: 'Blah blah'.

The other person: 'No, that's wrong. Anyway blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah etc etc.'

Get to the bus stop/Muni station, look at the electronic sign to see when the next bus is:
"Muni passengers: please be aware
... the front seats must be vacated for seniors or people with disabilities...."

Hmmm I wonder how long til the next bus, or should I just walk.

"...get in the habit of taking a transfer for a cash fare...
... it serves as your proof of payment...."

"... Sunday streets returns!....
...[date of Sunday just passed]..."

WHEN'S THE NEXT F***ING BUS

"...WATCH THIS SPACE...
...it will tell you when the next Muni is arriving..."

*head explodes*

STAY TUNED...
FOR THE NEXT THRILLING INSTALLMENT...
OF WHERE IS THE...
FUCKING BUS...

I hate ppl who change the tone of a conversation for the benefit of bystanders. Like they're suddenly your light entertainment & they're waiting for you to notice &/or laugh.

Guy I work with does this in the most irritatingly brobvious way. "Blah blah I'm conversating...OH HERE COMES TARFUMES! HE KNOWS WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT!"

Shut the fuck up, no I don't, nor do I want to.

Ooh. Another related IA is the people who hover around a conversation and will jump in like it's a game of double dutch and suddenly you're no longer having the conversation you wanted have with the person you wanted to talk to you, you're stuck in this other conversation with the hoverer. There's a guy who sits a few cubicles up from me, who I generally like, but he is a SERIAL hoverer and I'm always like aagggggh get me out of here.

Ack. I sometimes have a habit of being Betty Buttinski at work convos, but cmon, you stand near my cubicle having an overly-loud chat, I'm gonna join in.

Some stations on the CTA have electronic signs that announce the time till the next train. Some constantly show a list, but most are smaller and most of the time they scroll these messages:

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 3, 2011/TIME: 3:02 P.M./IS YOUR CHICAGO CARD OR CHICAGO CARD PLUS EXPIRING? VISIT WWW.TRANSITCHICAGO.COM TO FIND OUT

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 3, 2011/TIME: 3:02 P.M./IS YOUR CHICAGO CARD OR CHICAGO CARD PLUS EXPIRING? VISIT WWW.TRANSITCHICAGO.COM TO FIND OUT

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 3, 2011/TIME: 3:02 P.M./IS YOUR CHICAGO CARD OR CHICAGO CARD PLUS EXPIRING? VISIT WWW.TRANSITCHICAGO.COM TO FIND OUT

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 3, 2011/TIME: 3:02 P.M./IS YOUR CHICAGO CARD OR CHICAGO CARD PLUS EXPIRING? VISIT WWW.TRANSITCHICAGO.COM TO FIND OUT

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 3, 2011/TIME: 3:02 P.M./IS YOUR CHICAGO CARD OR CHICAGO CARD PLUS EXPIRING? VISIT WWW.TRANSITCHICAGO.COM TO FIND OUT

and if you don't blink, you catch a rare and fleeting sighting of useful info

1: BL O'HARE 5 MIN
2: BL FOREST PARK 4 MIN

xp

A static sign would be perfect to convey the fucking message "IS YOUR CHICAGO CARD OR CHICAGO CARD PLUS EXPIRING? VISIT WWW.TRANSITCHICAGO.COM TO FIND OUT" Christ almighty.

Another related IA is the people who hover around a conversation and will jump in like it's a game of double dutch and suddenly you're no longer having the conversation you wanted have with the person you wanted to talk to

THIS FUCKING THIS

xp Ha, years ago (like, literally, 20 years ago) you could stand in the warm insides of the ground level of a CTA station and a bell/lighted sign would go off when a train was approaching.

Dead set two decades ago (ugh i am old) I worked with a literal flea bag who would jump into EVERY conversation, and if he didn't hear the actual words he'd be all "what are we talkin' 'bout?" (note the use of "WE" as though he were welcome to gatecrash any and every fucking conversation) xp

Yeah this guy is the same. Or he'll hear the last 2 words of the last sentence you spoke and suddenly that's the subject of the hijacked conversation. RAGH.

And it's not just ppl who join a convo...that's cool...but it's more tagging yourself in on a conversation that's well underway...honestly, the amount of times I've been deep into a conversation only to have this guy come along and hijack...ugh.

You end up waiting until he's out of the room before opening your mouth, right?

YES. Or I slowly back out of the conversation, turn around to my desk and put my headphones back on, and leave him nattering to my coworker.

I have developed a sound and reliable tactic which involves immediately walking the fuck away (tactic also deployed when I am interrupted mid-sentence)

Nice.

Another Subway thing -- people who start pushing for the door, esp on a crowded subway, and ESP approaching a major station, before you stop moving. You're already in this uncomfortable, awkward, gravity defying position and now you have to contort yourself for this twat trying to get out of her seat too early when you too, in fact, are getting off next stop and so is half the fucking train.

(on a related note, it's incredible just how quickly people's respect for you grows when you stop tolerating interruption xp)

just remembered an ia from last week:

i was walking up my street, carrying two light bags of groceries. a woman i didn't know slowed down and yelled out her car window to ask if i needed a ride. i was taken aback and said "oh, no, i'm okay." she sped back up and shouted "YOU'RE WELCOME" over her shoulder, in that bitchy and passive aggressive way people say it when they're expecting a "thank you."

me: *blink*

That's probably my biggest ia ever, people who offer/give you something you don't want and then crack the shits when you don't respond correctly.

Way for her to reassure you she wasnt a psycho!

1) i mean, the "thank you" was implied. to act otherwise is an exercise in trolling.

2) i don't know you, and you could be a creep, and you're offering me something i don't want, and assuming (i guess) that i *should* want it because i'm not driving through studio city in a cute mini cooper like you are, and then you have a problem with the way i respond to you when i'm being nothing other than pleasant.

i was only walking four blocks, which probably seems like 20 miles in her world.

NYC is full of presumptuous but wrongheaded indignance. The other day I was eating pizza and reading a book, then I got up to get another slice and left my book on the table. When I got back these two hipstery dudes were trying to sit there and I was like "I'm sitting there," and the one guy goes, "Oh, that's a good move" (implying the book). Fuck off, self-righteous twat. There were seats in the back anyway.

i left my book on a cafe table earlier today when i went to get milk for my iced coffee (on the other side of the restaurant; not very efficient but whatevs). i almost never leave anything at a table when i get up, cuz i'm paranoid about the stuff getting stolen or thrown out, or encounters like hurting's, where indignant hipstery dudes have something to say about it.

Oh my, I have an interrupting coworker. She will not only jump into any conversation you're having, but she does so authoritatively. Like she'll just start in with her opinion on whatever you're talking about, even if she wasn't there for the part when you gave all of the important background information. She also states her opinion VERY LOUDLY, and very frequently, and - this is the really weird part - she will kind of finish other people's sentences? Like, if I start to say, "Well, based on what you're telling me, it sounds like your guy did give proper notice," by the time I get to "did," she'll chime in on the "give proper notice part." Only louder than me. Also, if she says something that is just total nonsense and you disagree with her, she'll immediately change her opinion to authoritatively agree with you as though she felt that way all along.

It's seriously a bizarre interpersonal habit. And I actually quite like her. I just try not to talk to her in groups about anything where she might be tempted to try to sound like she knows what she's talking about.

Another Subway thing -- people who start pushing for the door, esp on a crowded subway, and ESP approaching a major station, before you stop moving

My IA: people who don't make a move to get off a train or bus until it's stopped moving. You're holding everyone up!

I don't move until the train it almost stopped, especially on crowded trains.

it depends on how far away from the door you are and how many people usually get off at that station. If you only manage to get to the door by the time people are already getting in you're just making everybody irrationally angry.

People who have had a seat while I've been standing, and then want to get up early and be first-ish off the train when the doors open. NO. YOU JUST SAT FOR 40 MINUTES, NOW YOU CAN WAIT. That's the DEAL.

Co-workers who respond to an email chain after several exchanges, and ask a question that was addressed in the previous emails, which are all right there, right below their question. JUST READ THE GODDAMNED THINGS THE ANSWER IS RIGHT THERE.