Just when you thought it was safe - OK CUPID PART 3: The Return of the WOO!

if it's a real dealbreaker then ignore the message xp

I used to think it was polite to write people back if they seemed somewhat interesting and literate, but that has opened the floodgates of neediness, so now, my advice would be: DON'T ENGAGE. Don't give people any opening. I began by giving people the benefit of the doubt and working under the assumption that they were fairly functional, but it seems if you respond to them, they think they OWN you and your time in some way, and they never go away, until you spell it out for them. Er, alternatively, if they seem nice and normal give it a try and respond. And report back.

but -- if you have ppl that you like as friends and that you like fucking, then what is the disconnect between that and "actual boyfriend"?

for one, "ppl"

the person i was supposed to hang out with tomorrow ALSO cancelled on me, also because of work, i am pretty sure i have terminal cooties.

Yah I ignore messages if the person isnt for me, theres no point getting into any having to justify oneself with a complete stranger ffs.

if that person's excuse was illness, i can attest to the fact that shit is going around

Haha, it's probably for the best. I have a date-free week and I couldn't be happier.

Already trying to think of how I can extricate myself from things I planned for next week...this "work" is a good excuse?

My brief okc honeymoon period seems to have ended.

migraines are a good, easy excuse, that is my go to.

*obviously* i don't understand the gay sex scene, but -- if you have ppl that you like as friends and that you like fucking, then what is the disconnect between that and "actual boyfriend"?

Age, fundamental life differences, personality traits that are fine in short doses but would be problematic dealing with all of the time, etc. I mean, surely you have female friends that you're attracted to but that you know you wouldn't be a good relationship match with, just pretend being able to fuck them but w/o getting all attached and sentimental.

haha i don't think i can

do you think the availability of no-strings fucking is a hindrance to boyfriendhood or beside the point

Well, first of all I should say it's good to see so many sane people are like "fuck, maybe I'll give OKC another try."

Used it a little recently though my real life prospects have been a bit more lively. I've been hanging out with someone who I like pretty much more than anyone ever apart from last serious relationship (when i was in it), it's just a bit of a mess since she had a bf when we first met.

Still it's sort of made me think a bit more about relationships so I've been using OKC. I have to say it's fairly grim. As a guy you pretty much need to message people in my experience, I assume cos girls get inundated with dudes sending them messages.

It's also that thing of it being incredibly difficult to come across well in text.

I think in real life I am pretty outgoing, to a point, and at least can joke my way through meeting people, plus I met the above person by doing some drama stuff, so mostly I think better to just do more stuff.

That plus, I've started talking to people I don't know a lot more when out, which has been kind of fun.

do you think the availability of no-strings fucking is a hindrance to boyfriendhood or beside the point

It's really hard to say; the whole gay thing such a different beast. I mean on the plus side people can just get what they want without having to feign commitment in a relationship they might not even want, but on the flip side since the option of NSA sex is so available people might not even be considering a relationship as something they might want. But this is all speculation; I really can't say for sure.

<quote>Still it's sort of made me think a bit more about relationships so I've been using OKC. I have to say it's fairly grim. As a guy you pretty much need to message people in my experience, I assume cos girls get inundated with dudes sending them messages.</quote>

As a girl, I used to message guys I thought were interesting but that <em>never</em> went well! Not sure why, or if that's just the online dating "culture" in NY, but I eventually gave up and just wait for them to message me.

whoops. wrong html.

I had a woman write to me once--"you looked at my profile and didn't write to me but despite that rejection, I am contacting you because I think we have things in common"

lol

I had a woman write to me once--"you looked at my profile and didn't write to me but despite that rejection, I am contacting you because I think we have things in common"

Did that happen to be a photographer with a limp? Because that woman pulled this on me too!

I don't think so!

I must admit I am sometimes thinking the same thought when I contact people who have looked at my profile. But I would never phrase things that way (You rejected me).

Rayuela, why did things not go well when you contacted guys in NY?

as a woman on this site you get all sorts of harassing messages - once i received a message from someone, looked at their profile, and the wrote back, didn't reply, and five minutes later the guy wrote me back this scathing, mean tirade about how ugly i was.

and people will just write me out of the blue with "negs" from everything to my looks to my cat (crazy cat lady, so original!)

i honestly don't know why i still have a profile on this site.

So this week:
- A girl who works at a coffeeshop I go to and is a friend of friends walked into a bar I was at, where I was celebrating a female friend's b-day. Female friend was like "hey, that girl is cute" and I mentioned how I sort of knew her.
- Same girl has now shown up on okcupid and looked at my admittedly godawful, unmaintained profile
- Do I send message? wtf

I wonder if my one picture that includes a cat brands me as a crazy cat man

'and five minutes later the guy wrote me back this scathing, mean tirade about how ugly i was.'

Just wondering: can't you report that to a moderator?

if only there were an irl moderator to whom one could report things

or site admin...

What's worse is that I've had a few people "Save me as a favorite" - and I've written them, and they never respond. What gives?! I THOUGHT I WAS A FAVORITE.

I just don't know about online dating sometimes. It seems I'll meet someone and they're well read and articulate and interesting, but there's no physical attraction. Either that, or there's physical attraction from one party toward the other, but it's never reciprocated. At least when I meet people in person the mutual attraction is established pretty much straight away - and then I slowly find out all the fucked up shit about them over time, LIKE NORMAL!

Guys why do we do this to ourselves

:(

seriously

i've lived here a year and i'm already sick of dating

Because we don't all live in the same city so we can't hang out w each other all the time so we have to find other people to validate our attractiveness?

just wait 15-20 years, and you won't give a damn. Being alone rules! (in its way)

'and five minutes later the guy wrote me back this scathing, mean tirade about how ugly i was.'

Just wondering: can't you report that to a moderator?

yep, i did, they didn't do anything and he still visits my profile all the time.

they essential don't moderate the site for anything other than inappropriate pictures, which is one of my biggest beefs with the site. you get what you pay for, i guess.

essentially - sorry

wonder if my one picture that includes a cat brands me as a crazy cat man

i am like, 1000x more likely to respond to someone if they have a picture with a cat or dog in a picture.

lol @ eharmony guys looking for "wifey"
i am totally going to add "not wifey" to my profile
have not yet actually subscribed/paid for site tho, so no real communications have been made, and so the fence, it is where i still am

getting used to the idea of dating has been good though, and i find myself being more flirty irl. hm.

I am so anti-eharmony in general b/c the founder is a right-wing slimeball who has donated to Focus on the Family and lived in their pocket until it became inconvenient for his service to be branded as "religious" because it wasn't reaching a big enough market.

But I mean I also buy commercially farmed chicken thighs at the local Super Foodland so you gotta pick your battles.

hah, yeah, i feel the same way about eharmony but i also ate at chick-fil-a last weekend :/

i'm guessing it was a saturday

I know you can "hide" people from your own search on OKCupid, but can you block them also? You can on match.com

you can block people from messaging you but not from looking at your profile.

chik-fil-a is delicious and I use the excess grease to give another man a greasy handjob

well, not really, but I tell the people who put religious notes in the bags at the store that I do

i am going to wear a rainbow poncho and my shortest jorts next time i eat there

I'm restoring my account just to look at this shit.

My account still exists, and my "details" and photos are up, but every other field has been blanked. Bother.

Crepe-Suzette fyi

oh is eharmony guy the anti-abortion guy? aaagh! so basically i need to just go meet people irl now

Oh hm I don't know if he's the anti-abortion guy? They are all anti-abortion guys, iirc? He's a Christian conservative, for sure.

there are unfortunately many, that's true
yeah, someone told me that eharmony was originally christian-ish but became more open and spiritual-ish and so now the christians have their own online dating sites. but i do not really know! i just don't want any of my money going to right-wing fundamentalists.