Favorite lines from Seinfeld?

Yeah that whole scene is gold

GEORGE: Oh, the big race.

JERRY: Yeah.

GEORGE: Yes, yes,.

LOIS: You were there?

GEORGE: Yes, sure, surely was. Yeah, I'll remember that day. Well I'll never forget it because that was the day that I uh, lost my virginity to Miss. Stafford, the uh, voluptuous home room teacher.

DUNCAN: Miss Stafford?

GEORGE: Yes, yes, you know I was in detention and she came up behind me while I was erasing the blackboard . . .

JERRY: George!

GEORGE: But I digress.

also pretty much everything Jackie Childs says is gold. pretty incredible how many great secondary and one-shot characters this show had.

yeah, i always loved the 'guy who loved the Desperado song' who elaine went out with. His strange attitude to Jerry in every scene was priceless, always thinking jerry was poor, and talking about Carl Farlman the furniture designer.

And then he meets jerry in the pissing rain, the guy is driving an expensive sports car and jerry has no umbrella and all his cheques for 12 cents are ruined by the rain.

"I'd give you lift, but I've got Carl Farlman with me"
"Thanks for stopping"

hahaha and i just remembered the scene straight after that

"he said you ran away from his like he was the boogedy man"
"i'm pretty sure its boogey man"

Just saw one with Puddy/Putty in it--the way he stares off into space, a man with absolutely no inner life, is really funny

And when Kramer has an intern, and gets hauled in by the intern's manager:

"As far as I can tell, your entire enterprise consists of a solitary man in a messy apartment which may or may not contain a chicken."

Did Seinfeld invent "C/D?"

Also, this makes me laugh

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bKoq6ZdRxJc

haha James, i watched that one last night too.

"so you're just gonna sit there, staring at the back of that chair?"
"yeah that's right"

"The Fix-up" was on last night, love the part where George is asking Jerry increasingly weird questions about this girl - "does she have a good cheek? I need a good cheek..."

i love jerry's responses in that scene. "good cheek. very nice cheek." or w/e

"Really very good and nice."

^^^^^^yessssssss

OTM

George: "Is she smart? Is she smarter than me? I don't want her to be smarter than me"
Jerry: "How could she be swarter than you"

smarter

it's notable that Jerry made a joke about her bulimia, and George kinda brushed it off, when we already know from a later episode that George is totally not okay with that.

Pipe down chorus boy.

and not a line but this will never not be hysterical

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yg-TqEFYcfM

My two science classes were working on a handout today about the proper names for various kinds of life scientists. Marine biologist was on there, so we took a little 45-second detour as I described George and that woman walking along the beach.

i have a bad feeling whenever a lesbian look at me they think "that's why i'm not a heterosexual"

http://nymag.com/daily/intel/2012/06/dingo-really-did-eat-the-baby-australia.html

IT'S JUST ORIGINAL, JERRY

"Jiffy Dump" haha

Is this a joke?!

That's what I like to know about it.

During hockey season I probably said "gotta support yr team" ala Puddy 50 times

I used the phrase "hot and heavy" last week and immediately flashed back to the entire "hot and heavy" plot with Elaine and the jazz musician.

I know my alleys

"Jerry, this is Frank Costanza. Mr. Steinbrenner's here, George is dead, call me back."

kramer: you let out one emotion, all the rest will come out with it. it's like endora's box!
jerry: that was the mother on "bewitched." you mean "pandora."
kramer: yeah, well...she had one, too.

xp from the same episode, when steinbrenner is telling the constanzas about george's death... frank is silent throughout until he let's loose with:

"What the hell did you trade Jay Buhner for?!? He had 30 home runs, over 100 RBIs last year, he's got a rocket for an arm, you don't know what the hell you're doin'!!"

"If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right!"

GEORGE IS GETTING UPSET

Mr. Snrub's line probably in my Top 5.

new noise's might be my number 1 moment for the entire show, though the line itself isn't that funny - it's all based on the context, and Jerry Stiller's delivery too. Even in the laugh track you can hear someone absolutely losing it for that joke

yes exactly!

"You have a garbage disposal in your bathtub?"
"Oh, yeah, and I use it all the time. Yeah, I made this whole meal in there."
"This food was in the shower with you?"
"Mm-hmm. I prepared it as I bathed."

"It's not a lie if you believe it"

How funny, Bateau, I came here to post the exact same quote

"You know we've LIVING in a SOCIETY!"

GEORGE: She treated me to the Arabian mocha java.
JERRY: And you misinterpret this how?

"Take toilet paper for example. Do you realize that toilet paper hasvnot changed in my lifetime? It's just paper on a cardboard roll, that's it. And in ten thousand years, it will still be exactly the same because really, what else can they do?"

“you find this fascinating, don’t you?”

I think my #1 is from Susan, not one of the principals: "Yeah, give me the papers--I'll sign 'em."

Haha her delivery on that was great

Elaine: Can’t you see what’s happened? I’ve become George!
Jerry: Don’t say that!
Elaine: It’s true.. I’m George.. GEORGE!

George, from "The Conversion": "This is the only woman I've never lied to...well, that's not entirely true."

"Who told you to put the balm on?"

George at his therapist’s office:

GEORGE: What if the pilot gets picked up and it becomes a series?

DANA: That'd be wonderful George, you'll be rich and successful.

GEORGE: Yeah, that's exactly what I'm worried about. God would never let me be successful. He'd kill me first. He'd never let me be happy.

DANA: I thought you didn't believe in God?

GEORGE: I do for the bad things.

All right! But hear me, and hear me well! The day will come! Oh, yes, mark my words, Seinfeld! Your day of reckoning is coming, when an evil wind will blow through your little playworld and wipe that smug smile off your face! And I'll be there in all my glory, watching, watching as it all comes crumbling down!

If you’re one of us… you’ll take a bite.

Elaine: So, because of a few bad seeds, you're going to impugn an entire continent?

Jerry: Yes, I'm impugning a continent.

“elaine, i could see not saying hello. she’s very, what’s the word, supercilious. but HOW COULD JERRY NOT SAY HELLO?”

Jerry and George discussing the word ‘barometer’.
Kramer: “It’s pronounced thermometer.”