Throw on Your Best Cardigan and Celebrate Fall 2011 with the Gays of ILX

i mean ... i know for a fact that a good amount of people are not attracted to me. i'm lebanese, and i'm hairy, and that's not everybody's bag (teddy iirc you sometimes don't love a hairy dude). and i'm like, fine with it. other fish in the sea.

i also think this issue is decidedly not exclusive to grindr

or whichever your preferred digital meat market is

But I think that what I'm getting at is the idea (that Mattilda speaks to, I believe) that one can say 'Asians aren't my type,' WITHOUT EVER HAVING BEEN WITH AN ASIAN. it's discriminatory because it's based on an idea of what constitutes 'Asian,' not any sort of experience outside of the inner sexual fantasy.

also surm you don't really have any idea as to what i like or dislike. i'm pretty damn open.

i like to think that the word 'preference' implies that you're not 100% aligned to your type, eg my preference is for dark-haired guys but i'm not at all shutting out the possibility of dating or at least making out with cute blond guys. i do think a willingness to engage with people outside your boner comfort zone is a good thing.

"boner comfort zone" = I got hard.

i do think a willingness to engage with people outside your boner comfort zone is a good thing.

but that was my favorite word in that sentence :(

also surm you don't really have any idea as to what i like or dislike. i'm pretty damn open.

― Sophomore subs are the new Smith lesbians. (the table is the table), Thursday, October 20, 2011 6:46 PM (11 minutes ago) Bookmark

actually, i do have some idea, because we've all been posting on a gay thread where we talk about what we like and don't like when it comes to men.

and i wasn't saying you are not open, i just remember a casual comment you once made about enjoying a smooth body, and not always getting off on a very hairy body type. that's it. no need to front.

also, i don't need to be with a certain body typs to know that i am not attracted to it. just like i don't have to be with a woman to know it doesn't get me off.

i don't buy those last two sentences, surm. wouldn't buy them from you, or anybody else.

bottom line for me is that i reserve the right to like whoever the fuck i like, no apologies. you might be right in saying that if i tried something i didn't like, i might find an experience enjoyable. but for the most part, i know what gets me hard.

I'm not conscious of currently having any racial prefs -- all men are generally useless or disappointing, but if they're breathing and want me that's usually good enough -- but some Irish dude who I wasted entirely too much time w/ last Saturday night aked me at the W'burg bar if I thought the men there were attractive.

"About a third of em," I estimated.

His followup was "Do you like black guys?"

I made him repeat that, waited a beat, and sang "Black boys are de-li-cious!" from Hair.

all men are generally useless or disappointing

<3

and donna i didn't mean to avert your question before . . . . i don't know what kind of zine, the kind that has semi-naked pictures of men in it?

"No Asians" is a huge turn-off for me, and it is WAY more common on Grindr, et al. than IRL. The extreme douchebag outliers eliminated, how many people who are mostly attracted to whites and Latinos would ever say to an Asian person who said hello to them at a bar, "Sorry, I'm not into Asians"?

I also don't care for no fats, no femmes, HWP (heigh-weight proportional), and of course the term "clean." When people use the word "clean" in reference to HIV/STDs, I want to sit them down for some a few hours of Clockwork Orange time w/ Diamanda Galas performing This is the Law of the Plague.

there's also arguably some icky racial...things involved in eg a white guy being like "i want a big black daddy to fuck me" too, i think

― vitameatawalloginavegamin (donna rouge), Thursday, October 20, 2011 1:36 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

yeah, i've seen some porn blogs that are mostly white dudes or two (or whatever) white dudes but interspersed are photos of white twinks getting fucked or "abused" or w/e by big black or hispanic guys and there's something really gross and offensive about that type of fetishization imo

yea jess there is definitely a way to say things - and a lot of the time, why even say it at all

or all of the time for that matter.

i think the 'no asians' thing is the most ubiquitous, and thus the most egregious, and also the one i am most sensitive to, seeing as how i'm dating someone who is half-Chinese. after two or three dates, we were in bed and i asked, "what is your ethnic heritage?" and he turned around and said, "thanks for asking that way and not assuming anything," and then went onto explain that people peg him as Asian or Latino all the time without even thinking about it. (the only time he plays into it is for self-preservation— he can't wear red or blue in his neighborhood, because if he does, Nortenos or Surenos fuck with him).

also the HWP thing is so dumb it makes me ill. distribution of weight is SO much about individual body type that it should have no bearing in these sorts of matters.

i met a half japanese boy one time who was like, v v hot. just to spin this on its head for a minute -- i was looking through japanese vogue? and a LOT of the boys in there were either white or japanese men who looked very white

fashion mags in making everyone a white person shocker

altho usually they try and make white ppl look asian, so maybe they are on to something new

I also don't care for no fats, no femmes

At what point do age limits enter the picture, and is that different? This made-to-order stuff, all of it, just closes ppl off from a specific individual who might deviate from their little cafeteria boundaries. "OMG, I thought my age limit was 35, and this 44yo gave me the fuck of my life," etc.

i have this book of plastic surgery and in it, it has a lot of examples of people of asian descent getting surgery on their eyes to look whiter

can u imag?

does the "no asians" thing include the indian and pakistani dudes? filipinos? i find that super weird.

cf. also bollywood

"i'm only into dudes whose first names are also the names of cities"

should i have pizza right now y/n

(i already had sweet potato fries)

what sort of pizza?

"vegetable"

We had our 'health fair' at work today, and my weight and bad cholesterol just keeps going up. SO, PIZZA!

ook not touchin it. thanks!

ha

i'm having "breathe deep" tea instead

At what point do age limits enter the picture, and is that different?

I forgot about that one. Also annoying at times, though maybe a different in some way? I am not going to think too poorly of a 19 year old who sets a boundary of 26 or a 55 year old who sets a lower one of 40. But for every instance of what I consider reasonable expressions of preference, there are tons of ageist jerks, even ones for whom their own age is too old.

i want to hook up with a 40 yr old really soon

Gimme four years, surm.

it's a date!!

yay! I'm that chick indeed.

i think i'm going thru my summer late this year. i feel very ... antsy ! ! ! !

hmmmm, I feel lazy rather than antsy during summer.

hey so I thought I'd share -- I've been out to my mom for a few years but my sexuality & my boyfriend have been pretty much forbidden topics of conversation around her super-conservative catholic husband and my younger bros. i went along with it for a time, mostly out of fear & uncertainty about what his reaction would be & whether he would prohibit me from having a relationship with my mom & brothers, since he's a sanctimonious controlling prick

but I've been in therapy for a little while and finally mustered the self respect & courage to directly address the situation, saying what a burden secrecy is & how hurtful it is for me to have to keep the man I love a secret for their convenience. this was all in an email I wrote last weekend, and I've talked to my mom once since. she was upset and anxious about what this means going forward, but it's necessary for me and the only way to demonstrate my respect & commitment to my relationship with D.

the situation is evolving & idk where I'll end up with my mom & her husband & their kids, but it's a step -- one that I feel really good about taking

helllllllllll yeah!

that sounds like a great first step! proud of you :)

Way to go, elmo!

Good job!