Just when you thought it was safe - OK CUPID PART 3: The Return of the WOO!

that's happened to me a couple of times, which i think is good

I became friends with someone who turned out to know a bunch of ilxors and some of my irl friends, and we're still friends even though we still haven't met (NB he is in Boston).

The person I've gotten along the best with, I was sure was a closet ilxor, sent by this thread to report on my lack of game, but he says he's never posted, but that he'd heard of the site.

Good, good, he's following right along with the script....

Ha! :)

I got a rejection notice from someone who emailed me first:

"Thanks for writing back, but I'm getting the impression that we're not such a good match -- sorry.

Good luck, all best, etc.,"

Wait, what?

a) how accurate do you find the percentages?
b) do they appear the same for both people?

got a message from someone who is like 55% match, 23% enemy and i'm all what are you doing, the internet thinks we're doomed

The faux-ilx person is my 99% match and my 51% friend, which is quite a strange split. I wouldn't worry about the percentages...just meet the people you want to meet. (I think I'm 94% with once ilx poster m. matos.)

i guess it shouldn't be too hard to avoid the friend zone, then!

i am intrigued by the handful of ppl with whom i match below 10%

Now that you mention it, we did skip over that part(!)

I tried searching by the people I least matched with; it wasn't a good scene.

Kinda want to say I only listen to rap and country as those seem to be the music genres most folks dislike

hahaha do it.

I just recently revised my profile to say that I am not looking for casual sex partners and also if you're married and poly to not message me.

I have received three messages in the last 24 hrs from dudes clearly looking for tail.

MEN OF INTERNET: LEARN TO READ PLS

tbh we just skip to the pictures

(jk)

Ok, I'm bored with this now. Thinking I need to be much more selective about the people I choose to meet, because I don't like havin to explain to people that a second date is not in the cards.

i would begin to seriously start looking into another online dating platform tbh

i'm not even considering okcupid!

but i am a bit of a snob/can't deal with too much cynicism these days/where is serious man who/etc etc

was supposed to go on a date but the person cancelled an hour beforehand...i need to institute a 24 hour cancellation policy like the doctor's office.

i have no idea why i am still on this site! it's so terrible.

I know... I think I am in the "ugly" pool. My first like 15 pages of matches are all poly people.

Match.com is almost worst.

I GUESS I WILL TRY AND MEET PEOPLE IN REAL LIFE????

Mands there is NO WAY you are in any pool that isn't marked "ONLY AWESOME ONES HERE, GET YER AWESOME ONES HERE."

Laurel, that's sweet of you :)

Nobody poly ever contacts me, except for I think one dude who was married and lives in California saved me to his favorites (?). Maybe it's because okc says I am less kinky than most straight women my age.

for awhile creepy married dudes kept contacting me, and i was like wtf, and then i realized i had not checked off "must be single" under who i'm looking to meet.

I did check "must be single" but one of my 99% matches kind of buries the lead at the end of his profle that he is a committed polyamorist. I keep forgetting what's wrong with him and click on his profile occasionally; luckily he's never contacted me.

Wait, so his profile says single, but he isnt? What a dick!

I guess maybe, because he comes up in my searches? Eh, he's not all that anyway....

Hm unless saying "must be single" also includes ppl who have it set as "available", which is poly code for "i'll take as much as i can" ugh.

Match.com is almost worst.

Yes. Match in the over 40 age range has more folks into health and exercise, but alas many of them are only into triathalons, hiking and biking huge distances, etc. OK Cupid in the over 40 range has lots of very, very large folks into music and movies. Surely there must be someone in the middle between these extremes.

I've heard match is kind of... bad, but I've actually heard worse reports about eharmony! Eharmony: for when you have "traditional values" and are looking for a _serious relationship_ meaning that my female friends end up with dudes who have weird ideas about women who are looking for wifey.

I kind of still in my "not taking okcupid seriously" phase in that I need to upload better pics and actually fill out info to sound more enthusiastic and not like a crepe.

Women that appear to be on okc in my area:
- People I recognize or have met through friends who do not fit me for various reasons, but it is odd when we recognize each other from the site
- Women from 26-34 with kids. Not necessarily a dealbreaker, but some are... too kid-focused? I don't know, they present the facts in a weird way
- People in careers that keep them busy in normal socializing hours so they go to the site. Slight overlap with the mothers. Example: nurses.
- Suburbanites with tastes that weird me out
- People with horrible aesthetics or who are (as Todd the squirrel in Achewood would say) "church-face retards"

OK relevant achewood comic: http://m.assetbar.com/achewood/uuag2XNs5

Ugh guys I think I'm giving up on this thing again. This just simply is not for me.

Are you profile-stalking? I think that's the key to a good okc experience. That said, it's not like you have any problems meeting people IRL.

I mean sort of, but not that much. But no, I have no problem meeting people IRL, that's the weirdest part. It's so easy for me to make new friends and acquaintances but so hard to meet, like, potential romantic interests that are also attracted to me.

Maybe you are valueing romance too highly and sex too cheaply? Just get romantical with one of your hook-ups--you're at least halfway there.

Or am I misunderstanding the whole gay-sex-scene yet again?

Sort of, maybe. A successful and even regular hook-up doesn't necessarily equate to a romantic interest; I was just thinking today how there are a couple guys that I really enjoy as FWB's (meeting up once or a couple of times a month, hanging out, cooking dinner, cuddling, watching TV, fucking, etc.) but that very likely wouldn't work out as actual boyfriends for various reasons.

I don't know, is that weird?

Though, I mean, I guess sex has the potential to be a lot more casual in "the gay scene" or whatev, so if you have a friend of the same sex and seuxality with whom you share a mutual attraction, it's sometimes not that big of a deal to just throw sex into the mix. But, I mean, just as you have straight male friends who make great friends but would probably be not-that-great boyfriends, so is gay stuff. I guess we just really like fucking or something.

Hmmm...maybe you should start only hooking up with people you are interested in romantically...HA HA HA HA. It's not weird, I think it's fairly common, but if I liked someone enough to do all that stuff you mention...I'd want for it to be more than once or twice a month. Otherwsie, I'd rather be friends without benefits. I dunno, my life is not so packed and fulfilling that I could only pencil someone in every few weeks. Um, though, come to mention it, I am sort of in that kind of situation at the moment, not exactly by choice, just kind of waiting for it to peter out or resolve itself but it just continues on it's own irregular schedule.

Thos thread came at the perfect time for me. If someone has a dealbreaker in their profile, is it better to just Ignore the message or do they want to know about why you think it won't work out? Is it better or worse to just say you think it won't work out but not provide a reason? I'm afraid its going to turn into some kind of debate...

there are a couple guys that I really enjoy as FWB's but that very likely wouldn't work out as actual boyfriends for various reasons

*obviously* i don't understand the gay sex scene, but -- if you have ppl that you like as friends and that you like fucking, then what is the disconnect between that and "actual boyfriend"?

if it's a real dealbreaker then ignore the message xp

I used to think it was polite to write people back if they seemed somewhat interesting and literate, but that has opened the floodgates of neediness, so now, my advice would be: DON'T ENGAGE. Don't give people any opening. I began by giving people the benefit of the doubt and working under the assumption that they were fairly functional, but it seems if you respond to them, they think they OWN you and your time in some way, and they never go away, until you spell it out for them. Er, alternatively, if they seem nice and normal give it a try and respond. And report back.

but -- if you have ppl that you like as friends and that you like fucking, then what is the disconnect between that and "actual boyfriend"?

for one, "ppl"

the person i was supposed to hang out with tomorrow ALSO cancelled on me, also because of work, i am pretty sure i have terminal cooties.

Yah I ignore messages if the person isnt for me, theres no point getting into any having to justify oneself with a complete stranger ffs.

if that person's excuse was illness, i can attest to the fact that shit is going around

Haha, it's probably for the best. I have a date-free week and I couldn't be happier.

Already trying to think of how I can extricate myself from things I planned for next week...this "work" is a good excuse?

My brief okc honeymoon period seems to have ended.

migraines are a good, easy excuse, that is my go to.

*obviously* i don't understand the gay sex scene, but -- if you have ppl that you like as friends and that you like fucking, then what is the disconnect between that and "actual boyfriend"?

Age, fundamental life differences, personality traits that are fine in short doses but would be problematic dealing with all of the time, etc. I mean, surely you have female friends that you're attracted to but that you know you wouldn't be a good relationship match with, just pretend being able to fuck them but w/o getting all attached and sentimental.

haha i don't think i can

do you think the availability of no-strings fucking is a hindrance to boyfriendhood or beside the point