Throw on Your Best Cardigan and Celebrate Fall 2011 with the Gays of ILX

I can't believe your thumbs held up long enough to post all of that!

I've been having thumb problems off and on for the past couple months - slight numbness, aches - and I'm pretty sure it's due to a repetitive motion injury from thumb-typing so much plus mostly using the track pad on laptops for mousing.

I'd have slipped out and just left

He was really, really cute though.

stevie, def tell him off

i mean, tbh, you're using the internet to date. get used to it.

(not that i don't empathize. just being realistic over here).

Stevie you should have gone to that DJ Dogdick show I texted you about- or joined me at Occupy Baltimore- but where cuteness is concerned all bets are off- "the beautiful ones they hurt you everytime" like Prince sez

also i want to apologize to you on behalf of Baltimore, I swear this town can be ridiculously fun but this weekend is just some kind of harmonic convergence of great weather but nothing truly rad going down

I am feeling the burn from a lol huge new tattoo on my other flank, holed up with papers to grade and lectures to write

yeah stevie, DJ Dog Dick would have been a better option.

the tat looks amazing, drew.

hbbdc!

I got done at like 11 and I was gonna go but I was cold (t shirt/no hoodie/low 60's and windy) and my phone was about to die and I just wanted to go home

Also I was totally considering stopping by Occupy last night! Damnit.

thanks y'all — I spent it wandering around Chinatown and getting dinner with my friend D3rwin

happy birrrrrrrrthday, i brought a present for everyone. i hope you don't mind sharing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6BvL-i--8Ws

hey, the guy from last night called! what an upset.

otoh, I think he may be a closeted Orthodox Jew.

guys
omg
look at what shirt my friend just bought me

http://www.bloodisthenewblack.com/shop/sc_images/products/7958_large_image.jpg

:D

Hey ilxgays,

Something interesting happened to me today at work. And by “interesting” I mean mildly uncomfortable. My co-worker was talking to another employee about our tumultuous year, and at some point he said, “yeah man, like men marrying men and shit. That’s why we had all those earthquakes.” And I’m sitting there trying to not react in any sort of way, which of course ends up in that subtle self-consciousness that broadcasts you to the world and thwarts any attempt at sneaking by touchy subjects.

Anyway, what on earth do I do here? My co-worker and I work closely together: we’re part of a writer/designer team, and we share a small office together and do all our work as one unit. But he threw down that “gays are the harbingers of death” BS. I mean, not even that gays are wrong, or immoral, or grody, but as the bringers of death, plague, and decay. I always dreamed of being an agent of the apocalypse, but not like this, man.

you're sure he was being serious? (i said that same thing as a joke after the east coast earthquake happened)

also how did the other coworker respond?

Well, he mumbled it under his breath, and he's a pretty discriminatory/angry guy. Hates Chinese people, too. Coworker didn't give a flip, I work in a pretty conservative office.

that is called "sexual harassment" and if you don't say something to someone else, you should tell him to cut it out because it is illegal

Wait – how is it sexual harassment? No snark intended.

are u serious? maybe u haven't worked in a corporate environment in a while. any offensive comments like that regarding sexual orientation are grounds for a case.

It's really my ignorance of harassment torts.

(insert joke).

i've been in this situation, and i did not keep my mouth shut.

It's called a "hostile work environment."

It all depends, like donna said, how loudly he said it and if a pattern of behavior exists. If I were donna, I'd confront him politely first.

yes, that would be the kind thing to do. but tbh all bets are off when something like that comes out of your mouth.

Probably the best way to deal with it is talk about gay shit all the time and as positively as possible (not sex acts, but just in society). Make him be the uncomfortable one.

^^

"more like gay marriage caused all those MIRTHQUAKES amirite?!"

Spectrum is burt_stanton fyi

also, the fact that Spectrum is also aware of said co-worker's hatred of Chinese people indicates a pattern of behavior

....

yeah.

Probably the best way to deal with it is talk about gay shit all the time and as positively as possible (not sex acts, but just in society). Make him be the uncomfortable one.

I work at an office – with students, whose privacy and rights are zealously guarded – and while I'm discreet about what I discuss an atmosphere in which your gayness is taken for granted is essential.

Well, it's a tightrope walk ... on the one hand, I want to keep making money until I get a new job. On the other, I'm always going to have this discomfort in the back of my mind working here. What makes it more difficult is that we're a team - he's basically my only real coworker and I spend the entire day with him. I'd confront him about it, but he's uber-Catholic, and so any rational or humanitarian arguments I could make would be going up against a lifetime of belief that likely props up his ego and self-identity.

My only solution, I guess, is to find a new job ASAP.

or not "props up", but makes up ... is, I suppose

and when you leave, don't forget to schedule an informative exit interview.

haha

Yeah, if I do say anything it'll be when I'm leaving. My biggest hope would be to help a change of perspective; we get along pretty well otherwise. But no sense in stirring up a big pot of shit when I need to keep cashola in my pocket... I'd rather not miss out on a trip to Europe just to show up some guy's ignorance. I don't like that this situation even exists, but ... it's the way of the world right now, unfortunately.

an atmosphere in which your gayness is taken for granted is essential.

OTM, and I'd add that a reputation for confronting bigots is good too. "Confronting" not meaning "arguing with," but not letting BS slide. Not that either things help in a situation where ugliness is already established - especially since you're planning on leaving - but still.

IANAL, but unfortunately, it doesn't seem like that guy's behavior would be sexual harassment or any other violation of any federal employment discrimination laws. It might violate a state law, if the employer knows about it and lets it continue.

Why do we never talk about ENDA? We argue about gay marriage, DADT - why can't we bicker about ENDA?

It's not a pattern, just that comment. What I found weird about it was facing the idea that a person would see me as something almost inhuman or evil just because of my sexuality. Never had that experience before, even growing up in a working-class town and everyone thinking I was gay (and being convinced I wasn't).

If it's somebody's ignorant opinion, it doesn't bother me so much beyond thinking about myself in their eyes ... and there's a very short shelf life to how long I care about that. There doesn't seem to be much value in standing up for myself in this situation since I'd be putting my happiness in the hands of a person who thinks gay people cause earthquakes. Vindication payoff questionable, not worth the stress it costs. I'm sure other people would feel differently.

Say, if I could help open his mind a little, then it'd be worth it for me, but there are too many conflicting factors that make it a risky move at this stage. If I even remember this when I find a new job I'll talk to him about it, but lordy that'd be an awkward conversation.

I would wait and see if it becomes a pattern and then say something. Surely there's some kind of anonymous report line you can call?

That'd be funny, I'm the only person he works with. It's a tiny US office of a Chinese electronics interest (one of their products boasted, "Now radiation free!", I'm not kidding) and it's run by Orthodox Jews, so I'm not entirely sure there'd be a sympathetic ear. This is just a transient gig for me, so I'm not sure raising a stink would be worth it.

Now that I've got my gay retrospectacles on, I think some of my past mistreatment from colleagues at other jobs may have been something similar, but far more obnoxious. The person at my job now is pretty nice to me (despite awful beliefs). Thinking even further back I developed a pretty thick skin growing up because I was "different", and now I'm starting to realize why that happened. I think I'm about to have a moment......

Well, if the pattern shows that he doesn't like gay people and he doesn't like Chinese people, it might just be that he doesn't like his job and is blaming it on the people he works with.

Does he know you're gay? (sorry if I missed that part)

No... though I'm not sure if he's figured it or not. Some people do, some people don't ... a friend once said I come off as 65% gay 35% straight, though I have no clue what the criteria are, or how valid his methodology is (that would fall squarely on gay).

That's my predicament, except I come off as 90% straight. I have to tell everyone, including gay men :/

The guy I'm dating doesn't believe I'm gay.