Why I hate the Daily Mail, as distilled into one edition

The ‘hard core’ of internet pirates tend to use sites such as the Swedish-hosted Pirate Bay, where a huge list of links offers thousands of films, TV shows and albums for free, sometimes even before they are officially released - but you need special BitTorrent ‘peer-to-peer’ software such as Vuze to download and share from the site.

I hate the Daily Mail because their bullshit gets blindly copied by our formerly respectable media just because controversy = clicks = who cares whether it's true or not.

E.G.: someone said a date on the BBC using the Common Era -> BBC BANS BEFORE/AFTER CHRIST!!!!OMG!!!! http://tabloid-watch.blogspot.com/2011/09/bc-and-ad-not-jettisoned-by-bbc.html

and as usual, here's the Belgian lazy translator hacks:

http://www.vandaag.be/entertainment/79483_bbc-bant-benaming-voorna-christus.html
http://www.gva.be/nieuws/media-en-cultuur/aid1080207/bbc-bant-benaming-voor-na-christus.aspx
http://deredactie.be/cm/vrtnieuws/cultuur%2Ben%2Bmedia/media/110925_ChristusBBC

Piss-takey Guardian article: http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/the-lay-scientist/2011/sep/25/1

http://i.imgur.com/SpE3J.png

Fuck those people piss me off. Fine, give yourself zero chance of recovery, but don't con others into your dumb fairyland shit. This "Fiona" wants to get one (1) clinical study and sodding well read it. ANGRY.

By that I mean by all means cut out meat or whatever but taking down medical treatments? What the hell is wrong with oh no i've fallen into the daily mail's honey pot haven't i

I think it's more of a turd pot.

kind of o_0 at grimey Simon Heffer only being 51 years old [via the Guardian interview today]

like I remember being maybe 15 and reading the Mail at my gran's house and thinking "who is this ridiculous rightwing dinosaur"

except in a few years I will be the age he in fact was then, and presumably still thinking that

sobering

Dacre laying down the law at the Leveson inquiry - he's never going to make it as an after dinner speaker.

Oops forgot the link - http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-15273670

Apparently this afternoon a woman was arrested trying to get into Daily Mail head office building after dousing herself with petrol, screaming "I want my pictures back!"

No other details are forthcoming at present.

wkiw

http://i.imgur.com/Zmz0N.jpg

The date is October 29, 2018, and Britain faces its darkest hour. On the battlefields of Europe, our Armed Forces have been humiliated. In makeshift prison camps on the continent, thousands of our young men and women sit forlornly, testament to the collapse of our ambitions

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2054913/Europe-war-2018-As-Angela-Merkel-says-euro-meltdown-spark-battle.html

If that was the pitch for a First Person Shooter, it would be rejected as too stupid/unlikely.

I mean, it's less likely than the plot of Homefront (North Korea invades the mainland United States).

Daily Mail is ignoring it's own prediction of disaster striking us next year, due to a solar superstorm.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1171951/Meltdown-A-solar-superstorm-send-dark-ages--just-THREE-years.html

Pillars of incandescent green writhe like gigantic serpents across the skies. Pillars of incandescent green writhe like gigantic serpents across the skies. Pillars of incandescent green writhe like gigantic serpents across the skies. Pillars of incandescent green writhe like gigantic serpents across the skies. Pillars of incandescent green writhe like gigantic serpents across the skies. Pillars of incandescent green writhe like gigantic serpents across the skies. Pillars of incandescent green writhe like gigantic serpents across the skies. Pillars of incandescent green writhe like gigantic serpents across the skies. Pillars of incandescent green writhe like gigantic serpents across the skies. Pillars of incandescent green writhe like gigantic serpents across the skies.

http://www.butireaditinthepaper.co.uk/2011/10/30/one-minute-youre-relaxing-on-holiday/

wait why are sarcozy and putin in charge of zombies?

Surprised this hasn't been posted. This might just be her masterpiece
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2056875/Liz-Jones-baby-craving-drove-steal-husbands-sperm-ultimate-deception.html

I resolved to steal his sperm from him in the middle of the night. I thought it was my right, given that he was living with me and I had bought him many, many M&S ready meals.

SURELY she can never top these sentences

I just read that somewhere else about five minutes ago and was coming to post it! Amazing.

What a thoroughly horrible human being this woman is.

Liz Jones last week: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2053548/LIZ-JONES-The-price-Im-paying-hating-body.html

Part of the reason I never had children was not just that my first and last period came when I was 18...

M&S hairtrigger meals

"Part of the reason... was not just... " is a dreadful formulation.

As a feminist, I looked down on mumsy types.

So much wrong in such a short sentence.

And the lengths these women are willing to go to make my half-baked attempts seem amateur. One tells me she used secret hormone injections to make herself more fertile; another uses a clandestine ovulating chart kept in the tea towel drawer (a place she knows her husband never looks in).
I spoke to another friend over the summer who told me she was trying to get pregnant with her fiancé. She said: ‘I really want a year off work. I might even go part-time after that, maybe two days a week. He will just have to work harder.’
It reminded me of the time when I asked my now ex-husband whether he was dating again. ‘No, not really,’ he replied. ‘I don’t want to get some woman pregnant, find out she’s a cow, and spend the rest of my life shackled to her.’

She's just making this shit up isn't she?

It's just amazing in every single way. I had to buy the Mail on Sunday this weekend (my mum's collecting vouchers for something and is out of the country, right?) and this is a fucking belter as well: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/article-2054264/In-I-stand-accused.html

She's not a feminist, she's an automaton. A fucking bullshit machine.

I think it's so fortunate for lifestyle columnists that, despite their apparently toxic personalities, they have a vast and varied army of candid friends who have collectively had every extreme experience under the sun and will provide precisely the anecdote that's required, week after week. What a miraculous thing.

Biggest lol:

Just look around at all of the (male) celebrities now paying child support for children conceived in a fling (Hugh Grant, Jude Law, Justin Bieber, Tom Brady, François-Henri Pinault) to know they weren't paying attention. Great article Liz.
- simply_put, Las Vegas, NV, 3/11/2011 4:32

Reading back on those "dairy" entries the sheer nerve of her going on about her new windows, new Range Rover, forthcoming marble bathroom, holidays in NY and Ibiza and weeks away covering the fashion shows (is that her real job?) when last year she was pleading poverty and old ladies were sending her fivers (supposdely), is astounding. I wonder if she knows how this all sounds and just plays up to it or if she's oblivious? I am aware that I am spending too much time thinking about this.

Oops - diary, obviously, although she probably has a dairy as well.

Yes, writing about fashion, that's her real job (surely you could tell by the lovely picture of the shabby cardie and ripped leggings! She's practically Carrie Bradshaw!). The inconsistencies are incredible re spending vs begging from old ladies to keep her ponies in handcrafted pashminas, and now infertile vs sperm-stealing. Also, ffs, she hates everyone who has ever had a child, or who has the potential to have a child. She occasionally talks of being vegan, yet often mentions distinctly non-vegan consumer habits. She is completely wired to the moon.

The fictional romance with the fake Jim Kerr type person who talks in exactly the way that Liz Jones imagines that people talk in real life is my absolute favourite though.

Did we ever do her Somalia coverage on here btw?

I don't know what "wired to the moon" means but I love it and plan to use it regularly.

But my husband was 14 years younger than me, and he had told me he was not ready for children.

Guilty secret: Liz Jones and her ex-husband Nirpal Singh Dhaliwal. They met when he was 26 and she was 37

Ha, I never even spotted that. Fire all subs immediately. And Liz Jones, obv.

The picture of Liz sat alone with her cat is amazing.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2056871/PMQs-Did-Labour-MP-Andela-Eagle-really-wag-little-finger-David-Cameron.html

free no-son Andela

Some wave their arms at Mr Balls like those airport operatives with ping-pong bats.
They mouth, ‘Coooeee!’ at the same time. Other Tories move both arms like ballet dancers in Swan Lake.
A moustachioed ministerial aide yesterday flub-dubbed his lips at Mr Balls.

Your representatives, ladies and gentlemen.

wtf is flub-dubbing?

is it that thing where you purse your lips then shake your finger up and down against them to make a wibble wibble kind of noise?

quentin letts is such a shitrag.

Taxi drivers protesting outside Daily Mail head office:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uXz8IXOpQys

Not entirely sure why, I assume the DM must've written a nasty article about them putting up fares during the Olympics?

Taxi drivers offended by all the racism and sexism at the Daily Mail perhaps?

It was the Standard, which occupies the same building. Hopefully Boris will do to the scrounging taxi drivers what Tony Blair did to the miners oh hang on a minute

Ah, well at least they went to the right building then (the Daily Mail doesn't actually have its offices in the head office building)

Cor blimey, those striking teachers are so heartless that they won't even put on a nativity scene! What has the world come to, ey?