suicide

Ergh, iPhone. Anyway, stay cool; we need u

most of the smiles and good vibes and positive effects we all generate, we'll never know about. But they happen all the time.

That's what I meant about your Spellbound comment--it was just such a sweet, off-the-cuff thing to say.

emily :(

please stay with us, emil.y.

If you care about friends and family, please don't commit suicide.

i understand this is meant well and i can see its point but it still strikes me as an unreasonable (yet effective!) guilt trip. friends and family don't know what it's like to feel that way. suicide may indeed be a selfish act, but so is saying 'you must carry on lest i feel anguish at your departure'.

emil.y - I don't have the experiences or knowledge about what you are going through/feeling that others on this thread have. All I can say is that I am grateful for your witty, thoughtful and, sometimes, snarky posts on ILX, thankful that you played 'Phew' on outloud and that I love exploring your end of year ILM ballot. All the best.

emil.y I will argue with you until the universe explodes that you are not a bad person, and that there really are no bad people, and I would be sad if you committed suicide.

I would also be sad if emil.y committed suicide. I agree with everyone generally.

can emil.y please post again i dont like this not posting time

just checked & she posted four hours ago in another thread

I did indeed. Still feeling pretty 'oh FFS what's the point?' about everything but thanks everyone for the kind words. Entertaining the idea of staying alive just to arrange an ilx goth cruise FAP.

aw <3

Any reason will do! For a cruise, I mean.

<3 to u, meil.y

:D

omg

I am included in this goth cruise FAP right?

good vibes, em <3

Naturlich, crüt.

fyi I will sing + play Christian Death's "The Drowning" on this goth cruise so stay alive for that

hey let's keep it positive

loooool

Heh <3

i hope trayce co-plans this goth cruise, being ilx's Queen Goth and all.

Sending good vibes over to you Emily <3

Me too emily <3 and hey, cmon, goth cruise sounds like an awesome plan and you wanna be around for that!

lotsa <3 and <3 here emil.y so please stick around!

I've fallen out with almost everyone on ILX but in 10 years I've only had pleasure from emil.y's posts. Please stay (you can choose whether it's an East 17 stay or a Shakespeare's Sister stay).

E17 one is only for one day so prob not a good recommendation in this instance...

Perhaps you could prescribe E17 taken at least 1 time a day?

As a psychology student I was vehemently against medication,.
I was able to get out of a depression once about a decade ago. Then the last few years I battled anxiety and depression again. I am very happy I decided to take anti-anxiety pills. The first pill was the hardest. Now I am in a much better place.

Realize that there is a next day. It can be better, worse or the same. Realize that life offers change and does change Death doesn't.

Realize that there is a next day.

This is the problem.

It can be better, worse or the same.

Which gives it over a 2/3s chance of being terrible (better than atrocious can still be terrible).

Realize that life offers change and does change Death doesn't.

I fear change.

I honestly and truly feel that you have to pull through. You are not seeing things as they are. I would strongly urge you to try everything. Change of place, job,... A small change can make you see some light. It does not have to be medication per se. But if you are this deep, why not? You do not deserve this.

what's the point in living, emil.y? probably not much, but what's the point in dying? yours is just one small, human life, the things you do pretty insignificant in the grand scheme of things. all those terrible things you talk about having done to people - the worst of the effects of those things on those people last maybe a few years, a few decades in the worst case scenario.

if nothing really matters, than dying doesn't really matter either. you're already here, you might as well hang about. the thing is, ultimately you are responsible for your choices: you are making the choice to treat people the way you (think you) do. if you think you treat them badly, why not try to treat them better? obviously, it's not a straight line from where you are now to somewhere you will feel better, but you are making the choice to not try meds or further therapy, or explore alternatives. the way you look at the world is also a choice.

trying to think up ways to kill yourself that will have the least impact on your loved ones is pretty exhausting - why not put that energy into figuring out a plan to try out some psych meds? things aren't magically getting better for you, and you're still thinking about killing yourself, so i feel like at this point you might as well give the meds a shot or two.

seeing this <3 is just making me think everyone is teabagging emily repeatdely

awww <3

Five years ago today my dad killed himself.

I miss him a lot.

Oh Krakow. All my heart in sympathy.

Thank you. Five years feels both like forever and like no time at all.

sorry to hear Krakow.

i'm very sorry to read that, krakow.

my sympathies as well, man.

Wishing you all the strength for just getting through things today.

sad to hear about this. best wishes for today, A. xxx

<3

you work in a record shop yeah? Hope you find something great today.

You can always talk to ilx, we's here for you.

<3

All the best today, Krakow

<3
fwiw it always makes me happy to see an ilm thread bumped b/c of your photos. They are always colorful and awesome.

krakow <3 <3

Thank you everyone. Your support really does mean a lot to me and was why I felt wholly comfortable posting here. It was never likely to be the best of days, but it wasn't too bad.

I probably should have pushed myself to get out and do something, but I found it impossible to summon the energy or motivation, so ended up pottering at home.

I really thank you all for your good thoughts and your good <3s!

sad to hear that. take care xx

best wishes, krakow! <3