WHO THE FUCK READS THE DAILY EXPRESS?

I love how they have "mother drags" and the photo caption where it's actually his aunt who's doing the dragging on the same page. Guess you can't expect too much accuracy from something written by only three people.

Kinda miss the random capitalized words other papers do, too. (the ARROGANT, SLOUCHED, MOBILE, STEALING, SMASHED, YEAH, BURST, TEARS)

http://i.imgur.com/B7jG6.jpg

RICHARD AND JUDY JOIN OUR CRUSADE TO HELP VICTIMS OF LOOTING AND SHOPLIFTING

He’s seen off Imperial fleets and fought paw-to-hand with some of the most fearsome troops in a galaxy far, far away, now Peter Mayhew – aka Star Wars’ “walking carpet” Chewbacca – has some ideas about how to deal with the UK’s looters.

Should chaos return to Britain’s streets, call in a Wookiee, Barnes-born Peter tells Day & Night ahead of next month’s Blu-ray launch of Star Wars: The Complete Saga.

“I think he’d grab a couple of Stormtroopers and sort it out,” the 67-year-old laughs.

And all the celebs that told the express to bog off will get named and shamed, shorty...

(xpost)

JOIN THE ARMY TO COMBAT THUGGERY

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/Sep/Week1/16061826.jpg

TACTIC TO STOP JOE COLE EATING CRISPS DURING HIS COMMUTE BACKFIRES

Regular Eurostar user Mr Beedell said: “I felt shocked. I thought it was outrageous that passengers couldn’t pay in ­sterling. My wife, Nicole, who is French, also thought it was absolutely disgraceful.”

Now the £ is banned?

Misuse of 'banned' has been the Right's bread and butter, hasn't it?

Now misuse of 'banned' causes fury

wonder if his wife is nicole from the renault clio adverts she was pretty

Surprised the Express is helping McVities (founded by a Scot, currently owned by French and US bankers) usurp traditional English pastries like the Greggs chocolate éclair with its free-loading cakes from a former colony.

MISUSE OF BANNED IS BANNED

JAMAICA GINGER CAKE IS FOREIGN MUCK AND SHOULD BE BANNED

You know who invented geometry, right? Foreigners.

Not to mention a red carpet photo from a filthy Italian film festival coming over here and taking the front page place of a good traditional English paparazzi shot or a plug for Celebrity Big Brother.

but... boobs!

Tabloid Watch has the whole story as usual: http://tabloid-watch.blogspot.com/2011/09/pound-still-accepted-on-eurostar.html

hey daily express how about a story on how Scottish notes are 'banned'* in England. You know, that part of Britain none of you have ever visited.

Not actually banned but a lot of shops don't accept them.

scottish notes aren't legal tender in england

or in scotland

Then they're BANNED!

Scottish and Northern Irish notes: "While not legal tender, they are UK Parliament-approved legal currency, which makes them a perfectly acceptable way to pay."

yep

except to english shopkeepers

to celebrate the good news you can now have a free pasty and not worry as long as you take the new 'morning after' pill?
http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/Sep/Week1/16062689.jpg

going by the other story on the front page - has anyone (other than the express & star) really given a shit about big brother this year?

The other papers can't give a shit since they're not owned by Richard Desmond (like Channel 5 is), the Daily Express and Star have to push BB since they are.

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/Sep/Week1/16064140.jpg

“Britain is set for a real battering,” he said. “It is looking like a sliding scale of misery with torrential rain and violent storms, some of which could be near hurricane force.” According to Mr Powell a front of warm air from the Continent is set to meet cold air, which will bring the risk of tornadoes.

“They can strike anywhere in the UK, although it is the Midlands down towards the South, the so-called ‘tornado alley’, which is most at risk,” he said. “There may also be the chance of seeing water spouts whipped up by tornadoes.

at least we'll all have free spicy lattices

http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6067/6123055963_9f31bb44be_o.jpg

According to Mr Powell a front of warm air from the Continent is set to meet cold air, which will bring the risk of tornadoes.

Rivers of blood! Its those French with their warm air what done it!

Ah yes, good old Tornado Alley.

EVERYBODY PANIC! Foreign air from the Continent!

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/Sep/Week2/16065793.jpg

Next year's Big Brother house to have a sign in the window "NO IRISH, NO PIKEYS, NO STARS".

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/Sep/Week2/16068152.jpg

Lives could have been saved if only the heartless Express had issued its £52 savings on traditional English theme park holidays a week earlier.

* Sigh *, fine where do I send my cheque?

http://i.imgur.com/C9v5J.jpg

Serves them right for burying railings in graves.

Below right: typical headline/article contrast.

PATCH THAT WILL / patch that could

also the amateurishness of using the exact same wording in the opening sentence as the headline

Chris Morris: It's just been announced there's to be an special inquiry into the government's handling of the Frome shipping deal, that flew to pieces last month, over allegations of gross ministerial misconduct. Our economics correspondent Peter O'Hanraha-hanrahan is with the minister for ships Michael Crane, he's just prised him out of an emergency meeting.
Peter: I'm with the minister for ships Michael Crane MP ...
Chris (in voiceover drowning out Peter): That's right Peter everything I've just said comes spewing straight back out of your stupid slab of a face.

I'm a big fan of the "£1 cheaper than the Mail on Sunday / 50p cheaper than the Mail on Sunday" graphical confusion.

There was one on the train this morning so I read it.

I didn't know Beachcomber was still in it! Never read it before, but John Lennon used to do a take-off of it "Beatcomber" for "Mersey Beat" paper, back before he was world famous.

Reasonably amusing in a radio 4 way...

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/Sep/Week3/16074678.jpg

PHWOAR, EH LADS?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5eBT6OSr1TI
Bring back capital punishment for paedophiles. Photo feature on schoolgirl skirt styles

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/Sep/Week4/16078427.jpg

TV presenter Tania Bryer and ex-EastEnder Sid Owen also attended yesterday’s launch at London club The Hospital – to give their support.

Who shrunk Melinda Messenger, and for what reason?

2,3,4...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6OrxQ5cKaOQ

It's more likely that Eamon Holmes has got bigger.

http://www.simpsoncrazy.com/content/lists/newspaper/news_107.jpg

Would probably be better for britain's health if they stopped giving away bags of sugar, truckloads of salt and cheesey wagon wheel pizzas every day of the week.