Innocuous things that make you irrationally angry (a list thread)

I think that Beavis & Butthead video that PP just posted would go in that thread

when the water level in a toilet is too high and so you sit down and your penis touches the water

Eeeuuuuuuwww! Never happened to me, but just imagining it... >shiver<

people that say "nice out" when you burp

Who says that? Those people are terrible people.

"nice out"? ... that doesnt even make sense, what the.

I want to get more into using twitter, but the only places I ever get tweetful thoughts are on the train and on the work toilet. And there's no signal there. This makes me irrationally angry. Tell a lie, there's signal on the train until it goes through a tunnel which it inevitably does whenever I go to hit 'send'.

Also: why are all the alarm tones that come with iPhone so bloody distressing? And why don't they switch off automatically after a while? I ask this because if I get up before my alarm goes off and have a shower, I'll be oblivious to the fact it's now driving my neighbour fucking mental at 7 in the morning.

The guard dog outside our house has quietened down now but it did have a 15 minute tantrum Saturday morning at some unholy hour. Three cheers to the lady across the road who happens to work at our local who strode across the street in her slippers to give the watchman what I assume was a good bollocking, because the barking stopped straight away.
Just now we were woken up by loud voices - a car full of lads had been pulled over by the police and they were just standing around outside the house with blue lights flashing into our window etc. I opened the door and told them all to get a move on. I love the fact I got to tell the police off - they were just standing there while the kids were bantering away with each other. It looked like a disco! Anyway, the fact I'm still up is making me ia.
Think this is all karma. Only the other week I was telling my mate to get over the fact he lives in a noisy area ('it's just life going on outside, ignore it' etc) and now i don't feel like I've slept a wink all week due to combination of heat and noise.

people who arrive at a movie on a Saturday night at about the time it is scheduled to start, or during previews, and make a disgusted look when they realize all of the primo seats are taken.

GET HERE EARLIER FUCKOS

What's a primo seat?

so basically you are saying schadenfreude makes you irrationally angry?

oh I enjoy their misfortune but it annoys me how some of them carry on as if they're offended that the almighty theatre gods didn't save them seats

Someone sharing their shoddy coursework in a class demonstration as if it were pure genius. Do you have to expose everyone to your delusions about your artistic capabilities?

I'll be happy when I don't have to take any more crowded art classes.

People speaking to a large group of people in a large room who make no attempt whatsoever to speak above conversational volume. Also: people who claim they "don't know how to speak into a microphone." It's not complicated.

people who should know how to speak into a microphone but can't

What do they get wrong and what do those who claim not to know how mean? I don't talk into mics very often, but I think I do it well and besides for one or two seconds where I'm trying to gauge the volume, it's not confusing. Though now of course I wonder if I have been fucking it up.

People who use the term "personal responsibility" to insinuate that anybody who is in dire straits of any kind are 100% at fault for their own predicament....

^^^^
<3 <3

When a small online image has an "enlarge" button and you click it and it gets like 5% bigger.

What do they get wrong and what do those who claim not to know how mean? I don't talk into mics very often, but I think I do it well and besides for one or two seconds where I'm trying to gauge the volume, it's not confusing. Though now of course I wonder if I have been fucking it up.

― weakness for Cinnabon; rampant heterosexuality (Je55e), Sunday, August 7, 2011 9:31 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark

The last time I witnessed this, the speaker was waving it around, resulting in huge volume changes that she was oblivious to. It was actually kind of funny.

When a small online image has an "enlarge" button and you click it and it gets like 5% bigger.

YES

http://youtu.be/FnKEQtR30rM?t=2m4s

^OTM

and IRL LOL
I almost hyperventilated. I'd forgotten about that bit!

LBM has always freaked me out a little bit because he looks almost exactly like my grandmother.

Also ppl who effectively eat the mic, making everything sound like BWOOWOOBBWOWBB

I actually find that hilarious every time, regardless of context. It always reminds me of the closing moments of Richard Pryor's Craps (After Hours].

people who talk about 'bathroom etiquette' ie that someone should wait to blow farts/diarrhea until you're out of the room, or should 'courtesy flush'. IT'S A FUCKIGN BATHROOM, IT'S MADE FOR BODILY FUNCTIONS...and there are no rules.

of course I mean public restrooms. Unless you bring other people in while you #2 in your own house, but if so, I don't wanna know you

Starbucks barristo/cashier who is too nice

Oh wow, I loved LBM and watching that just now, I realized: He's the male version of Edith Massey, right down to the absurd laughter. <3

Not crazy about when we ask a client for information about his or her case and s/he provides information that we could have in the top result of a Google search of the same query. When I ask for the address of the legal department of a mega-corporation that you worked with for 5 years, maybe you could do better than providing the address of a local franchise or sales agent of that company!

do i just not know proper laundry origami or do folded clothes NEVER fit in drawers efficiently? Every drawer ever is either 1 inch too short or 6 inches too narrow.. This is bullshit, man.

I guess the only thing that can really piss me off is when people VERY SLOWLY put their money away and leave their groceries just there . After a few minutes they will start taking their groceries away. This is at the supermarket checkout. Then you are trying to kind of trying to push them softly away because you want to bag your groceries. I hate that. But not enough to froth at the mouth.

Or when people come into our shop and ask the way. You explain it to them but they say you're wrong. And do this again after you gently tell them the correct way a second time. I HAVE FUCKING LIVED HER 35 FUCKING YEARS YOU FREAK. I THINK I SHOULD FUCKING KNOW. lol. I don't shout. I just tell them:"I guess you're right."

The US thing of describing someone as an X-American (ie Irish-American, African-American, Italian-American) when the person from the other country was 5 or 10 generations back. Means that there's no straightforward meaningful way of describing someone who was, say, born in Africa or Ireland, and is now a US citizen.

1st generation African-American

When I was in grade school I was confused about how people from other countries talked about their ethnic heritage. My dad's parents immigrated from Germany and they were just plain old German. Not German of ____ ancestory. This did not sit well with me.

OTOH, my mom came to the U.S. from Mexico where her ancestors lived for many generations. Even so, my mom and her family say "We're Spanish, with 1/16th French," like the US-ians doeven though AFAIK, none of them have ever been to Spain. But to US-ians, we're all just Mexicans (including me, even though I'm only 1/2 Mexican).

Maybe it's a New World thing.

That's probably got something to do with German nationalism on that one hand and then your mother wanting to differentiate her family from the Indios on the other hand.

On one hand we like to pretend we have diverse ethnic identities. On the other hand, people love to hate on identities that are more authentically or loudly expressed.

Africa's not a country so that shouldn't be too hard to figure out..

people who go careening around corners in a building without looking, almost crash into you, then say "excuse me" huffily like it was you that almost smacked into them.

Yes! And myself, for automatically saying "Oh, sorry!" every time, even though it wasn't my fault.

Even to the point of apologising automatically to doors, trees, walls, etc, that I walk into, thus making me a fuckwit twice over

<3

The moment when you somehow push the insole up inside your shoe and know that from that moment on, it will never remain un-scrunched in its correct place again.

- when you click on a link on your phone to see a photo or article and the site you're going to insists on loading every single piece of surrounding garbage on the page over your slow as shit mobile internet before showing you the thing you're there to see/read

- when you get to a tunnel just before the last bit loads

smokers who hold their cigarette way away from them cos of course their ash should fall on someone else. absolute cunts.

but once they are looking in the opposite direction to where their outstretched cancer stick hand is then it's totally okay, they can't see it in your face.

The moment when you somehow push the insole up inside your shoe and know that from that moment on, it will never remain un-scrunched in its correct place again.

oh god

nightmare fuel

when you click on a link on your phone to see a photo or article and the site you're going to insists on loading every single piece of surrounding garbage on the page over your slow as shit mobile internet before showing you the thing you're there to see/read

oh god this kills me, and when you see "waiting for shitty.ad.server.com" in the status bar - and you view source and all the content you read is there! right there! show it to me you cunts!