Dear Abbott

Friend of mine and I drove to Vegas from Arkansas, stopping over in Tyler, Texas, to visit a friend.

As we're getting out of the DFW metroplex, my buddy's looking at the map and says "Abilene's up next." I'm happy that we're speeding along through this godforsaken place. I point to the end of the map, on his left side. "So that's El Paso, right?"

He frowns, shifts in the passenger seat and unfolds the map like another nine or ten times where now the left edge of the map is over my steering wheel. "No. There's El Paso."

would drive all these spaces reading cormac mccarthy imo

you're a terrible man for brazenly endangering fellow motorists for the sake of some literary tourism

the size of TX is always more boggling to me than AK precisely because it is so drivable. it's easy to think of Alaska as inaccessible wild frontier, untrammeled by man and as out there as, like, siberia or w/e. but Texas is huge AND settled AND pretty easy to get around. irritating though it can be, i think i get why Texans can be so chauvinist, they've got their own fucking country

So does Kyrygystan

yeah but the city of el paso probably has more miles of road than kyrgyzstan

So does London.

Also PS L'Abb now lives in Tucson and not Las Cruces FYI

Abbott, I just saw a 9 or 10 year old kid walking around in dc with her family. she looked just like every childhood picture you've ever posted up in here and she was wearing a shirt that read "Stay Cool."

:D

http://i.imgur.com/SZcLJ.jpg

gr80 u should go to alaska

probably want to wait until next july unless u leave now, tho

alaska man http://perpetualweekend.com/2010/02/33-days-across-wrangell-st-elias-national-park/

i want to go to alaska, and bask in the midnight sun

alaska man http://perpetualweekend.com/2010/02/33-days-across-wrangell-st-elias-national-park/

― caek, Friday, August 5, 2011 8:19 PM (33 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

fn epic btw

went on an alaskan cruise and juneau is so lol. that's what you call a capital?

remember having layovers in anchorage before they figured out how to fly around the world w/o stopping

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/5/59/Alaska_area_compared_to_conterminous_US.svg/800px-Alaska_area_compared_to_conterminous_US.svg.png

this image is so sad, it's like alaska is the ugly ducking and tryna fit in but you can just see its feathers are not as white as the other ducks, plus it's morbidly obese and has pimples AND a unibrow

alaska man http://perpetualweekend.com/2010/02/33-days-across-wrangell-st-elias-national-park/

― caek, Friday, August 5, 2011 8:19 PM (33 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

fn epic btw

― ice cr?m, Friday, August 5, 2011 2:52 PM (9 minutes ago) Bookmark

OTM!!!!

it didn't mean to but it sat in two of the great lakes and now michigan, illinois and wisconsin won't speak to alaska anymore

i feel like an alaska trip is in my near future-- alaskan airlines does pretty affordable nonstops to honolulu now, also i recently met a girl who lives there but she has a boyfriend at the moment etc

Hmmm, that looks familiar...

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_uXJhOIYd8UI/SyZsGfiuTfI/AAAAAAAAAO4/luMlrQqtQzw/s400/banner-sarahpac.jpg

remember having layovers in anchorage before they figured out how to fly around the world w/o stopping

lol ted stevens (rip) intl airport

alaska man http://perpetualweekend.com/2010/02/33-days-across-wrangell-st-elias-national-park/

This is so wonderful I want to cry. Brown bear say hi to me

ui always want to call abbott, Crabbot. haha hey crabot whats it like being a freakin arthropod!!!

http://i.imgur.com/y5wjA.jpg

http://fc09.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2010/288/f/7/crabbit_by_inonibird-d30tcth.jpg

alaska man http://perpetualweekend.com/2010/02/33-days-across-wrangell-st-elias-national-park/

― caek, Friday, August 5, 2011 8:19 PM (33 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

fn epic btw

― ice cr?m, Friday, August 5, 2011 2:52 PM (9 minutes ago) Bookmark

OTM!!!!

― ( •ิ.•ั) (gr8080), Saturday, August 6, 2011 3:05 AM (8 hours ago) Bookmark

Seriously... whoa... mind is blown, that is fantastic

I got chills just reading that, the photos are incredible too. Stunning.

i wil go to there

ok the decision is carlsbad caverns. apparently awesome caves made by h2so4, kind of on the way from the telescope to el paso, and if i stick around until 7.30ish then i can see the bats leave. and i get to tick NM on my states list. ayo!

p.s. sorry for thread squatting abbott!

livin the dream

We used to have this right-wing shock jock named J. Paul Emerson who was my radio station network's plan to be the next Rush Limbaugh. Oh, how he was going to be famous. The fact that he pissed off San Francisco only made him more appealing to the owners of my radio station.

Once he got started, he was on just our station in Little Rock. I guess the plan was for him to gather steam and multiply his affiliates from there. Thing was, he didn't live in Little Rock. I'm not even sure if he had ever even been to Little Rock. He did his show remotely through an ISDN connection from, what I was told, a little tourist hut somewhere on the grounds of Carlsbad Caverns, his mama at his side.

He'd talk about drinking hot water. He'd "hit" himself with a 2x4 named Irma. First day on the air, he told a caller to go fuck himself. He was a real "character" who brought the loons out of the woodwork, the ones who believed that since the Ozark National Forest had been federalized, it was only a matter of time before the U.N. would take over their property.

Funniest parts was when he'd try to act like he was in Little Rock. He never gave away the fact that he was in New Mexico, a time zone behind everyone. But he'd say it was ten when it was really eleven. Pronounce the "h" in Markham Street. Say it was a wonderfully sunny day when it was raining.

He was eventually let go, having never gained another affiliate on our radio network. Sometime in the mid 00s, they found him dead in his trailer, where he had been for some time. But anytime now I hear mention of Carlsbad Caverns, I automatically think of American tourists, cameras around their necks, milling about some pebble-paved walkway under an enchanting blue sky while inside a building resembling a WPA restroom, an angry fat man with a long beard shouts spittle into a microphone to another state 1000 miles away.

haha beautiful final sentence. i will look out for his resting place.

I went to Carlsbad Caverns 19 years ago. Let me know if they've updated the sad cafeteria 230m below ground.

would spelunk.

Dear Abbott,

What's it like playing keyboards for the Dandy Warhols?

Your Pal, Foot-Foot

Dear Abbott,

I saw you on the Chinese Mother thread and I haven't seen you since you left (xcept for the pic w/ Stevie D) and it's my birthday and seeing you post makes it EVEN BETTER!

Dear Abbott,

http://i.minus.com/ibzXM0dg0uNwh9.gif

– P. Plains

lol

hahahahahaha omg

^^^America

holy hell, the mormons just encapsulate it

please tell me there's a full video of that somewhere.

dying

Dear Abbott,

My sports team has been dysfunctional and pathetic this entire season and shows no signs of improvement. The owner acts like a dickhead. The front office is in disarray and the job of general manager has been turned down by at least six people, who clearly see the job as poisoned.

Should I stick by my team? Should I jump aboard a different team or even a team in a different sport? Should I become unafilliated? I need your advice.

Sincerely yrs.

Pummelled in Portland

Dear Mr. Plains,

Holy lol thank you.

Dear PMLD in PDX,
Why the shit are you playing sports???
Slothfully,
Abbott "Who's on Worst" M.

Dear Mr. Plains,

Holy lol thank you.

― does Red Stripe work like poppers? (Abbbottt), Thursday, April 12, 2012 2:26 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

hahahaha

Once again, I'd love to know the source for this thing.

SLC buddy posted it on FB with comment: "behold. this happens every day in Magna."

that's all I got.