Why I hate the Daily Mail, as distilled into one edition

http://www.chortle.co.uk/features/2011/07/19/13653/stewart_lee:_what_i_really_think_about_michael_mcintyre

In a bizarre suggestion, he says: ‘Those who would defy political correctness must behave according to the old rules of our culture. Ladies should be wives and homemakers, not cops or soldiers, and men should still hold doors open for ladies. Children should not be born out of wedlock. Glorification of homosexuality should be shunned.’

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2018206/Vlad-Impaler-genius-The-crazed-hate-filled-manifesto-mass-murderer.html

i am amazed

also at that URL

That Moir article about Michael McIntyre seems to have vanished. Which is probably best when it comes to anything puked out onto a page by her.

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/Jul/Week4/16038880.jpg

it is wrong that my first reaction was 'lol'

that is a really horrible story but yeah, i think it's a bit much to assume the whole free breakfast part of it had anything to do with it.

yeah ronan is right, the actual story is kind of more horrifying than the stupid free breakfast lead angle would imply

i swear i read this story a few weeks back, on gawker or the guardian or something? daily mail, o arbiter of opprobrium, thou art slipping!!

He was convicted yesterday,

Lex is right, it's the last story that needs a spurious 'angle' imposed upon it to make it sound horrific.

I am so very very sorry, I didn't mean any of it

http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2007/07_03/chav1DM_468x360.jpg

read that as 'chav IDM'

Tut...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2033229/Pups-kittens-clubbed-death-EU-lab-welfare-plans.html

Ministry of silly old sods:

The comic was asked what he thought about British culture and the recent London riots during an interview on 7.30, a television show in Australia, where he is currently on a stand-up tour.

He replied: 'I'm not sure what's going on in Britain. Or, let me say this – I don't know what's going on in London, because London is no longer an English city.

'That's how we got the Olympics.

'They said we were the most cosmopolitan city on Earth. But it doesn't feel English.

'I had a Californian friend come over two months ago, walk down the King's Road and say, "Where are all the English people?"

'I mean, I love having different cultures around. But when the parent culture kind of dissipates, you're left thinking, "Well, what's going on?"'

Morrissey is Californian?

The ‘hard core’ of internet pirates tend to use sites such as the Swedish-hosted Pirate Bay, where a huge list of links offers thousands of films, TV shows and albums for free, sometimes even before they are officially released - but you need special BitTorrent ‘peer-to-peer’ software such as Vuze to download and share from the site.

I hate the Daily Mail because their bullshit gets blindly copied by our formerly respectable media just because controversy = clicks = who cares whether it's true or not.

E.G.: someone said a date on the BBC using the Common Era -> BBC BANS BEFORE/AFTER CHRIST!!!!OMG!!!! http://tabloid-watch.blogspot.com/2011/09/bc-and-ad-not-jettisoned-by-bbc.html

and as usual, here's the Belgian lazy translator hacks:

http://www.vandaag.be/entertainment/79483_bbc-bant-benaming-voorna-christus.html
http://www.gva.be/nieuws/media-en-cultuur/aid1080207/bbc-bant-benaming-voor-na-christus.aspx
http://deredactie.be/cm/vrtnieuws/cultuur%2Ben%2Bmedia/media/110925_ChristusBBC

Piss-takey Guardian article: http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/the-lay-scientist/2011/sep/25/1

http://i.imgur.com/SpE3J.png

Fuck those people piss me off. Fine, give yourself zero chance of recovery, but don't con others into your dumb fairyland shit. This "Fiona" wants to get one (1) clinical study and sodding well read it. ANGRY.

By that I mean by all means cut out meat or whatever but taking down medical treatments? What the hell is wrong with oh no i've fallen into the daily mail's honey pot haven't i

I think it's more of a turd pot.

kind of o_0 at grimey Simon Heffer only being 51 years old [via the Guardian interview today]

like I remember being maybe 15 and reading the Mail at my gran's house and thinking "who is this ridiculous rightwing dinosaur"

except in a few years I will be the age he in fact was then, and presumably still thinking that

sobering

Dacre laying down the law at the Leveson inquiry - he's never going to make it as an after dinner speaker.

Oops forgot the link - http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-15273670

Apparently this afternoon a woman was arrested trying to get into Daily Mail head office building after dousing herself with petrol, screaming "I want my pictures back!"

No other details are forthcoming at present.

wkiw

http://i.imgur.com/Zmz0N.jpg

The date is October 29, 2018, and Britain faces its darkest hour. On the battlefields of Europe, our Armed Forces have been humiliated. In makeshift prison camps on the continent, thousands of our young men and women sit forlornly, testament to the collapse of our ambitions

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2054913/Europe-war-2018-As-Angela-Merkel-says-euro-meltdown-spark-battle.html

If that was the pitch for a First Person Shooter, it would be rejected as too stupid/unlikely.

I mean, it's less likely than the plot of Homefront (North Korea invades the mainland United States).

Daily Mail is ignoring it's own prediction of disaster striking us next year, due to a solar superstorm.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1171951/Meltdown-A-solar-superstorm-send-dark-ages--just-THREE-years.html

Pillars of incandescent green writhe like gigantic serpents across the skies. Pillars of incandescent green writhe like gigantic serpents across the skies. Pillars of incandescent green writhe like gigantic serpents across the skies. Pillars of incandescent green writhe like gigantic serpents across the skies. Pillars of incandescent green writhe like gigantic serpents across the skies. Pillars of incandescent green writhe like gigantic serpents across the skies. Pillars of incandescent green writhe like gigantic serpents across the skies. Pillars of incandescent green writhe like gigantic serpents across the skies. Pillars of incandescent green writhe like gigantic serpents across the skies. Pillars of incandescent green writhe like gigantic serpents across the skies.

http://www.butireaditinthepaper.co.uk/2011/10/30/one-minute-youre-relaxing-on-holiday/

wait why are sarcozy and putin in charge of zombies?

Surprised this hasn't been posted. This might just be her masterpiece
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2056875/Liz-Jones-baby-craving-drove-steal-husbands-sperm-ultimate-deception.html

I resolved to steal his sperm from him in the middle of the night. I thought it was my right, given that he was living with me and I had bought him many, many M&S ready meals.

SURELY she can never top these sentences

I just read that somewhere else about five minutes ago and was coming to post it! Amazing.

What a thoroughly horrible human being this woman is.

Liz Jones last week: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2053548/LIZ-JONES-The-price-Im-paying-hating-body.html

Part of the reason I never had children was not just that my first and last period came when I was 18...

M&S hairtrigger meals

"Part of the reason... was not just... " is a dreadful formulation.

As a feminist, I looked down on mumsy types.

So much wrong in such a short sentence.

And the lengths these women are willing to go to make my half-baked attempts seem amateur. One tells me she used secret hormone injections to make herself more fertile; another uses a clandestine ovulating chart kept in the tea towel drawer (a place she knows her husband never looks in).
I spoke to another friend over the summer who told me she was trying to get pregnant with her fiancé. She said: ‘I really want a year off work. I might even go part-time after that, maybe two days a week. He will just have to work harder.’
It reminded me of the time when I asked my now ex-husband whether he was dating again. ‘No, not really,’ he replied. ‘I don’t want to get some woman pregnant, find out she’s a cow, and spend the rest of my life shackled to her.’

She's just making this shit up isn't she?

It's just amazing in every single way. I had to buy the Mail on Sunday this weekend (my mum's collecting vouchers for something and is out of the country, right?) and this is a fucking belter as well: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/article-2054264/In-I-stand-accused.html

She's not a feminist, she's an automaton. A fucking bullshit machine.

I think it's so fortunate for lifestyle columnists that, despite their apparently toxic personalities, they have a vast and varied army of candid friends who have collectively had every extreme experience under the sun and will provide precisely the anecdote that's required, week after week. What a miraculous thing.

Biggest lol:

Just look around at all of the (male) celebrities now paying child support for children conceived in a fling (Hugh Grant, Jude Law, Justin Bieber, Tom Brady, François-Henri Pinault) to know they weren't paying attention. Great article Liz.
- simply_put, Las Vegas, NV, 3/11/2011 4:32

Reading back on those "dairy" entries the sheer nerve of her going on about her new windows, new Range Rover, forthcoming marble bathroom, holidays in NY and Ibiza and weeks away covering the fashion shows (is that her real job?) when last year she was pleading poverty and old ladies were sending her fivers (supposdely), is astounding. I wonder if she knows how this all sounds and just plays up to it or if she's oblivious? I am aware that I am spending too much time thinking about this.