WHO THE FUCK READS THE DAILY EXPRESS?

bearing in mind their readership must contain a high proportion of senile stubborn illogical old gits with blood pressure issues this salt thing is pretty fucking irresponsible

this is an unusual use of the word "Now" though - usually it's "NOW [women are allowed out of the kitchen]", the "now" is all about how we're going to hell in a handcart and hatred of modernity. this one is more...relief tinged with sarcasm? "finally we can eat salt again"? god it'd such a batshit headline even on the slowest news day.

Which would explain the story in Private eye, that at Glasto all the copies of the DE that got sent to the site shop were returned unsold.

Guess they didn't run out of toilet paper this year.

bearing in mind their readership must contain a high proportion of senile stubborn illogical old gits with blood pressure issues this salt thing is pretty fucking irresponsible

Look at the long game, at least no-one will be buying the Express again.

FREE cyanide for every reader!

If only salt wasn't so salty, I'd get salted off my nut right now that the DE's given the OK.

I'd love to know the economic forces that makes an organ print this shit.

It was easy, it was cheap..

Lorem Ipsum fulfills those criteria. And would be a better read.

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/Jul/Week2/16027567.jpg

FREE LEATHER PASSPORT HOLDER SO YOU CAN GO VISIT THE NHS BILLIONS ABROAD

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/Jul/Week2/16029986.jpg

BRITISH NEWSPAPERS FORCED TO REMOVE FREE SUGAR OFFERS

This is presumably the same as the made up story about town halls being fined for not flying the EU flag? It must get very depressing for which ever Fatcat Brussels Bureaucrat has to rebut these stories esp. as they must know their work will never end and will be completely ignored. At least he's probably being paid £5m a week and living in a gold house for his trouble.

5m and I bet he is still taking our free sugar.

I'm going to bury this FREE loaf of bread so that EU bureaucrats cant' get their hands on it.

First line of the article...

BRITISH sports stars could be forced to wear the EU flag on their kit in the latest bid by Brussels to impose its symbols on the UK...

...so no one actualy being forced, at this moment, to do anything. Thank fuck we've got a free press.

America's most mysterious air disaster marks its 15th anniversary today amid conflicting claims that TWA 800 may have been blown up by terrorists, accidentally shot down by the US Navy or knocked out of the sky by a space capsule full of rats.

Now rat spaceships cause fury

I fixed the picture:

http://i53.tinypic.com/xeefc1.png

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/Jul/Week3/16032870.jpg

Hope those free Mega Bloks are made in the UK

"Hi Kenneth, I haven't seen you in ages!"

http://i.imgur.com/orNt7.jpg

Nothing special, but just found that Sky News posts SUPER HI RES front pages on its Twitter page.

Look, you get a free weather report next to the Crusader.

Ugh, the triumphalist tone lurking behind that stabby shopkeeper blurb.

yesterday they trumpeted that 75% of disability claimants are FAKING IT. was gonna post here but every time i thought about it i just wanted to punch cunts in the throat so...

http://i.imgur.com/on6co.jpg

WEATHER: SHOWERS

oh god Morse prequels? fuck off and die ITV

Just watch old episodes of The Sweeney with sound off while repeating the phrase "I am a massive alcoholic and classical music snob".

think he does that anyway

"We're The Sweeney, son, and we haven't had any dinner mopey emo monologues about the futile nature of existence."

"I am utterly and abjectly pissed-off with this little lot. I've given the best years of my life to the job. I've got eighteen bloody commendations, if you include the one I didn't get yesterday. And how does this 'wonderful' police force show its gratitude for all my years of unstinting effort? It bangs me up in a crummy little cell like some cheap little villain - all because a toerag called Hutchinson's got a few bottles twitching on the Fifth Floor. Now, because that poor little bastard had the guts to get off his arse, I'm going to have to be reinstated. And what do you bunch of bleeding double-dyed hypocrites want now? You want me to crawl back to work and be terribly grateful that I didn't get nicked for something I didn't do. Well you can stuff it! I need a drink, Lewis."

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/Aug/Week1/16045454.jpg

Bleedin' equality watchdogs, coming over here and making our police follow 'human rights'.

So, is "toytown" off to the knackers yard?

toytown will be a free greggs pasty within days.

Is pesto panini the new garlic bread?

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/Aug/Week2/16046093.jpg

A lazy good-for-nothing yob on the front page, and a guy in an Adidas tracksuit.

Press-person's "exclusive" gets squeezed into a small column by some actual news.

Is the yoghurt to douse the flame of the shop below your flat?

http://i.imgur.com/0BkUe.jpg

NOW YOUR OFFICIAL EDL NEWSPAPER BRINGS THE CRUSADE HOME

Not desperate to give the Express credit for anything but they're the only paper putting something less than frightening on the front page. Given that people were going wild for the riotcleanup stuff yesterday I don't think the Express should be condemned for that as well.

It's not often they put actual photos of threatening stuff on their front pages though despite their looney reputation - plenty of evidence upthread. Today's Express follows the template of OUTRAGED HEADLINE and photo of a fruity girl down to a tee.

and free mousse. but yah rly brooms

http://i.imgur.com/cCd3P.jpg

If you were caught looting a tub of Flora Light from a Budgens, could you take a copy of the Express to court and get let off? I think we should be told.

I love how they have "mother drags" and the photo caption where it's actually his aunt who's doing the dragging on the same page. Guess you can't expect too much accuracy from something written by only three people.

Kinda miss the random capitalized words other papers do, too. (the ARROGANT, SLOUCHED, MOBILE, STEALING, SMASHED, YEAH, BURST, TEARS)

http://i.imgur.com/B7jG6.jpg

RICHARD AND JUDY JOIN OUR CRUSADE TO HELP VICTIMS OF LOOTING AND SHOPLIFTING

He’s seen off Imperial fleets and fought paw-to-hand with some of the most fearsome troops in a galaxy far, far away, now Peter Mayhew – aka Star Wars’ “walking carpet” Chewbacca – has some ideas about how to deal with the UK’s looters.

Should chaos return to Britain’s streets, call in a Wookiee, Barnes-born Peter tells Day & Night ahead of next month’s Blu-ray launch of Star Wars: The Complete Saga.

“I think he’d grab a couple of Stormtroopers and sort it out,” the 67-year-old laughs.

And all the celebs that told the express to bog off will get named and shamed, shorty...

(xpost)

JOIN THE ARMY TO COMBAT THUGGERY

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/Sep/Week1/16061826.jpg

TACTIC TO STOP JOE COLE EATING CRISPS DURING HIS COMMUTE BACKFIRES

Regular Eurostar user Mr Beedell said: “I felt shocked. I thought it was outrageous that passengers couldn’t pay in ­sterling. My wife, Nicole, who is French, also thought it was absolutely disgraceful.”