another maniacal Armond White review, this time "Fahrenheit 9/11"

Bunch of fanboy bros sitting around thinkin "wish Bay's fantasy of mankind's upheaval was about more than just dynamism tbh"

oh wait, haha, he does tell me that the movie means nothing:

"In Dark of the Moon, Bay’s machines mean nothing."

Bunch of fanboy bros sitting around thinkin "wish Bay's fantasy of mankind's upheaval was about more than just dynamism tbh"

― polyphonic, Sunday, July 3, 2011 10:49 PM (3 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

lold at this btw. lets go to aicn and comment "Man, I loved Transformers 3 but I couldn't help but wonder... would the futurists approve of this decadence?"

a disapproving Umberto Boccioni watching Transformers 3

http://www.italiamia.com/art/UmbertoBoccioni.jpg

"what decadence"

said it in the transformers thread but this guy's terrible grammar and completely incoherent self-contradictory prose is way more damning and indicative of a nonfunctional mind than anything he's ever said about norbit

excavates Chicago’s secret moral corruption

man this is such classic armond

This guy's non-functioning binaries and constant K-Lo-esque begging for sympathy is way more damaging than his beret.

what is "secret" about chicago's moral corruption anyway?

no one cept Armond knows about it exists

*omit about

A Decepticon army buried on the dark side of the moon that tries to destroy Earth is an allusion to Daley's attempt to (Deceptively) rig the 1960 election to destroy Earth with buried voters think about it

It's the mid-year best, with The Green Hornet and Film Socialisme!

http://www.nypress.com/article-22612-the-2011-mid-year-reckoning.html

Plus, Joe Nussbaum’s serene Prom and Tom Hanks’ also serene Larry Crowne.

What, he couldn't think of another word?

and an honorable mention for repo chick!

"Jodie Foster’s melodrama The Beaver"

that is one word for it, yes

Joe Nussbaum’s serene Prom and Tom Hanks’ also serene Larry Crowne.

Attack the Block

Not so much for the review as a whole, but for this bit:

Attack the Block's comic-ghoulish street sense (the aliens are described as looking like a "monkey fucked a fish") is exactly the kind of thing Tina Fey, Alec Baldwin, Tracy Morgan and cohorts don't do on the SNL knockoff sitcom 30 Rock, with its snarky celebration among privileged media-elites. Here, awareness of class dissatisfaction applies to different races and professions (including cops vs. dole-queuers), if not exactly uniting them.

I mean, where the hell does 30 Rock have come into this? And what does it have to do with anything?

sometimes i feel like he just sits down with a few dozen clauses and then sort of attaches them together at random, a comma here, a semicolon there, parentheses around this one, an em-dash offsetting that one

I love it when snarky media elites from one medium attack ones from another with no trace of irony whatsoever.

...Or in other words, Armond's pot & kettle must not match.

loathing sitcoms shd be applauded in any context

i'm glad to see ppl noting what a bad stylist he is: sometimes i feel like his wack opinions are mainly there to distract you from how awful and unreadable he is on a sentence by sentence level. he writes like a guy dictating on quaaludes.

loathing sitcoms shd be applauded in any context

― satan club sandwich (Dr Morbius), Thursday, August 4, 2011 6:53 AM (23 minutes ago) Bookmark

Figured you at least for a staunch supporter of the multi-cam, Mary Tyler Moore style sitcom. Either way your comment is loveably ridiculous.

post-Shelley Long-leaving-Cheers, obv

Is he writing reviews anywhere?

http://cityarts.info/category/film/ ?

cheers!

Not only that, he's EDITOR of that fortnightly.

And he hates Moneyball even more than I do! Tho as usual, damned if I can figure out why.

http://cityarts.info/2011/09/27/nerds-strike-out/

I didn't get the sense that you hated Moneyball.

weird that he wanted 50/50 to be about god or some shit

is Armand an Xtian?

It’s rare for actors to delineate an athlete’s physical assurance; Pitt doesn’t even try. His Billy Beane is a beer-belly characterization by a pin-up

This is so wrong that it verges on parody.

A "beer-belly characterization" is kind of what I got from Pitt in that movie, but I liked it.

A player who's been retired for a dozen years doesn't nec have an active athlete's bearing. Pitt has it cuz he's a movie star, and the movie is synthetic.

and Hollywood is normally so good at accurately portraying schlubby leads

morbs am i right that hoffman as art howe is just some hilariously wrong miscasting? don't mind jonah hill as depodesta cuz it's just hilarious to imagine him finding out billy beane got brad pitt and he got jonah hill.

Hoffman is just not believable, and the character as written has no dimension.

also Armond: Beane turning down $12.5 M actually happened, schmuck.

yknow if turner was still in control there'd be a tnt dramatization of john schuerholz' built to win by xmas.

...Sandler knows how our plumbing works.

Sandler truly is our Lubitsch.

Superb stuff

comments on that are fantastic

Jaime N. Christley 8 minutes ago

You found it hilarious? You must have been internalizing your laughter, because I was sitting three feet away from you during the screening and you didn't so much as crack a smile.
Flag 1 person liked this. Like ReplyReply renegadeisback 14 minutes ago

If any movie has a religious backbone, hack Armond White is happy as a pig in shi*!.
Flag 1 person liked this. Like ReplyReply Pat Reynolds 15 minutes ago

Woah. This is amazing. Just like "Jack and Jill" seems like a parody of an Adam Sandler movie, I almost thought this was a parody of an Armond White review. That's how ridiculous this is.

"All Sandler’s best comedies (Grown Ups, Bedtime Stories, I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry and the great Spanglish) are really love stories"

Oh My.

He has kind words for *Grown Ups* but neglects *Zohan*!? V. disappointed.

In Jill drag, Sandler looks like young women you see on the subway; she’s a homely archetype Fanny Brice, Judy Canova and Martha Raye made popular. (Eddie Murphy also mastered this comic affection in The Klumps and Norbit.)

Apatow produced Zohan i think?

If the comment about him not cracking a smile during J&J is in fact true, it is incredibly telling.

I'm just finding it super funny that White's taste in sandler films is disappointingly highbrow, relatively speaking.

Is this anti-semitism?