Invent interesting metaphors and similies for women's romantic novels.

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He applied his paddle of love and defibrillated her inmost heart.

Aimless (Aimless), Sunday, 26 June 2005 18:09 (twenty years ago)

He paradiddled her drum set.

Aimless (Aimless), Sunday, 26 June 2005 18:18 (twenty years ago)

He slowly perused her offerings and expertly placed his order.

Aimless (Aimless), Sunday, 26 June 2005 18:23 (twenty years ago)

He methodically demolished her reasoning with the pointed force of his logic.

Aimless (Aimless), Sunday, 26 June 2005 18:33 (twenty years ago)

He excavated her canal to accomodate his oversized vessel.

Aimless (Aimless), Sunday, 26 June 2005 18:37 (twenty years ago)

He placed his cuckoo's egg in her nest.

Aimless (Aimless), Sunday, 26 June 2005 18:39 (twenty years ago)

He tilled and amended her soil.

Aimless (Aimless), Sunday, 26 June 2005 18:43 (twenty years ago)

She dug his tuber.

Aimless (Aimless), Sunday, 26 June 2005 18:45 (twenty years ago)

She tabled all his motions until he adjourned.

Aimless (Aimless), Sunday, 26 June 2005 18:52 (twenty years ago)

i think you've found your calling aimless

dahlin (dahlin), Sunday, 26 June 2005 18:53 (twenty years ago)

Perhaps. I suspect it is a passing fancy, a will'o'the wisp, a momentary passion.

Aimless (Aimless), Sunday, 26 June 2005 18:57 (twenty years ago)

They committed amoral disarmament together. (Thank you, Green Gartside.)

Ian Riese-Moraine eats nation-states for breakfast! (Eastern Mantra), Sunday, 26 June 2005 18:58 (twenty years ago)

Stranded alone on that frigid northern expanse, twas hunger, not cruelty, that fuelled his fearsome desire as he savagely clubbed away at her seal.

Kim (Kim), Sunday, 26 June 2005 19:07 (twenty years ago)

one year passes...
Her womanly touch made his pillar of manhood totter.

Tuomas, Tuesday, 27 February 2007 20:24 (nineteen years ago)

one year passes...

She revived his thread.

Aimless, Friday, 7 November 2008 02:50 (seventeen years ago)

He cleansed her lysol douche.

Trayce, Friday, 7 November 2008 03:31 (seventeen years ago)

He plunged his steed through her narrow gorge.

moley, Friday, 7 November 2008 04:41 (seventeen years ago)

He graduated from Licking Valley High.

Trayce, Friday, 7 November 2008 04:53 (seventeen years ago)

He hungrily plunged his spoon into her creamy love pudding

BYE! GOOD (latebloomer), Friday, 7 November 2008 04:55 (seventeen years ago)

starbursts something something butterfly net

negotiable, Friday, 7 November 2008 05:10 (seventeen years ago)

three years pass...

Now that the sandbox has taught us about proper romance writing, perhaps this thread should take another whirl around the dance floor.

Aimless, Monday, 2 January 2012 06:35 (fourteen years ago)

He spammed her mailbox until her Outlook jammed.

Tuomas, Monday, 2 January 2012 13:53 (fourteen years ago)

He polled her repeatedly until she came out for Santorum.

Aimless, Monday, 2 January 2012 18:18 (fourteen years ago)

Oh! That reminds me. I have installment 1 (subsequent installments will come from the chapters for various emotions, moving from "happiness, joy" through "anger, rage, and humiliation" and finally ending in "disappointment", just as the book does)

Just to put some boundaries on myself (hehehe), the source material is limited to
words: http://i508.photobucket.com/albums/s325/mylynx/Book%202/The_Romance_Cover.jpg
images: http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7141/6594501137_66dfa8acfb.jpg

La Lechera, Monday, 2 January 2012 23:23 (fourteen years ago)

respect is paid to the winner of the sandbox poll at the end, naturally
http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7023/6596082263_5be3430906.jpg

La Lechera, Monday, 2 January 2012 23:24 (fourteen years ago)

That is completely and utterly brilliant.

emil.y, Monday, 2 January 2012 23:25 (fourteen years ago)

I like to imagine that the massive and strong hand is spinning her around by the top of the head.

emil.y, Monday, 2 January 2012 23:26 (fourteen years ago)

thanks!

i imagined that they were swaying to and fro in a deep hypnotic state, not touching, just swaying mechanically

La Lechera, Monday, 2 January 2012 23:28 (fourteen years ago)

I'd like to hear some more about this project...?

Tuomas, Monday, 2 January 2012 23:28 (fourteen years ago)

oh, it's nothing really. i was super bored and i started a poll on the sandbox with some phrases from the above linked "romance writer's phrasebook" that i have had sitting around forever. then it became evident that one could construct an entire story from these phrases, many of which were patently awful, and i made that thing i just posted.

i've chosen some more images and i imagine that it won't be hard to make more.

fyi i used elmer's glue to attach the words to the picture (this is a scan of the actual thing)

La Lechera, Monday, 2 January 2012 23:32 (fourteen years ago)

i also intentionally chose a boring serif font and plain old printer paper for the words.

i guess the book is arranged in a way that it's like connect the dots, and everyone connects the dots in a different way, much like the way people choose to interpret the same reality in different ways irl.

i really love that the last phrase in the book is "her mind was filled with sour thoughts" -- looking forward to using that one!

La Lechera, Monday, 2 January 2012 23:42 (fourteen years ago)

also, whose hand is it? it simply says "the hand"

La Lechera, Monday, 2 January 2012 23:48 (fourteen years ago)

http://www.freewebs.com/studiocube/Link_Against_the_Master_Hand.jpg

insert 2012 appropriate display name here (snoball), Monday, 2 January 2012 23:53 (fourteen years ago)

http://notcoming.com/animation/images/trnka_hand.gif

questino (seandalai), Tuesday, 3 January 2012 00:02 (fourteen years ago)

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/b/b1/Hand_of_Omega.jpg

insert 2012 appropriate display name here (snoball), Tuesday, 3 January 2012 00:04 (fourteen years ago)

http://www.iteetude.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/Foam-Monster-In-Emotional-Reunion-With-Severed-Limb.jpg

Quoth the raven "Nevermind" (ledge), Tuesday, 3 January 2012 00:07 (fourteen years ago)

http://mightyredpen.files.wordpress.com/2007/01/handfeardvd.jpg

insert 2012 appropriate display name here (snoball), Tuesday, 3 January 2012 00:10 (fourteen years ago)

http://cdn.bleacherreport.net/images_root/slides/photos/000/192/912/OfficeDepotHand_display_image.jpg?1270711336

insert 2012 appropriate display name here (snoball), Tuesday, 3 January 2012 00:12 (fourteen years ago)

http://www.addamsfamily.com/addams/thing3.jpg

insert 2012 appropriate display name here (snoball), Tuesday, 3 January 2012 00:13 (fourteen years ago)

Amanda, i love that!

horseshoe, Tuesday, 3 January 2012 00:54 (fourteen years ago)

the invisible hand imo

horseshoe, Tuesday, 3 January 2012 00:54 (fourteen years ago)

I made another one (i think this may be lol hueg but i wanted both sets of words to be somewhat legible)
http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7030/6635543553_54cb617579_b.jpg

La Lechera, Wednesday, 4 January 2012 19:48 (fourteen years ago)

whip some color into those cheeks!

The Silent Extreme (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 4 January 2012 19:50 (fourteen years ago)

glad this sandbox thread has been reborn

The Silent Extreme (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 4 January 2012 19:51 (fourteen years ago)

slim wild beauty

La Lechera, Wednesday, 4 January 2012 19:53 (fourteen years ago)

her hair was a cobweb

La Lechera, Wednesday, 4 January 2012 19:53 (fourteen years ago)

beckoned by soft ivory shoulders

mookieproof, Wednesday, 4 January 2012 20:33 (fourteen years ago)

covered in a cobweb of silvery hair

La Lechera, Wednesday, 4 January 2012 21:11 (fourteen years ago)

I would not be flattered if someone compared my hair to cobwebs.

They're coming to get you, (Jenny), Wednesday, 4 January 2012 22:04 (fourteen years ago)

holy shit

Romantic style in da world (crüt), Monday, 1 July 2013 17:18 (twelve years ago)

nsfw if your workplace doesn't want you reading stuff like "mixing your juices with my precum into a miraculous lubricant"

free your spirit pig (La Lechera), Monday, 1 July 2013 17:18 (twelve years ago)

"This is the best."

Romantic style in da world (crüt), Monday, 1 July 2013 17:19 (twelve years ago)

"Oh yeah, that's nice"

free your spirit pig (La Lechera), Monday, 1 July 2013 17:21 (twelve years ago)

this is the utter worst
i actually grew to like the romance writer's phrasebook after a while

free your spirit pig (La Lechera), Monday, 1 July 2013 17:25 (twelve years ago)

The one for men is clearly designed to turn on the man reading it more than the woman to whom it would ostensibly be read.

carl agatha, Monday, 1 July 2013 17:29 (twelve years ago)

"It’s usually a woman who performs phone sex for the man."

Also "like your wetness" is going to skeeve me out for a long time.

carl agatha, Monday, 1 July 2013 17:30 (twelve years ago)

lick, not like, but either way: skeevy.

carl agatha, Monday, 1 July 2013 17:30 (twelve years ago)

"Press 2 to finish off inside my very moist cavern"

emil.y, Monday, 1 July 2013 17:31 (twelve years ago)

Lolz

i didn't even give much of a fuck that you were mod (forksclovetofu), Monday, 1 July 2013 17:33 (twelve years ago)

"OMG! I'm oozing all over you"

http://protoncharging.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/neca_slimer_translucent.gif

emil.y, Monday, 1 July 2013 17:35 (twelve years ago)

lolol

free your spirit pig (La Lechera), Monday, 1 July 2013 17:38 (twelve years ago)

one year passes...

btw, i just bought this book based on this thread
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0399510028/

go ahead. make vid where u rap about this new TMNT movie. (forksclovetofu), Friday, 1 August 2014 16:29 (eleven years ago)

awesome! that's enough to make me post the audio version that i did recently. i was a little embarrassed about it, but what the hell
i hope you enjoy the book. it's a strange journey from page 1 to "her mind was filled with sour thoughts".

i hid the link bc i don't want it to be googleable! http://bit.ly/1oWeC0L

cross over the mushroom circle (La Lechera), Friday, 1 August 2014 17:54 (eleven years ago)

fucking awesome.

this book will live in my bathroom prob forever.

go ahead. make vid where u rap about this new TMNT movie. (forksclovetofu), Friday, 1 August 2014 18:05 (eleven years ago)

before too long you're going to start assembling your own…i had the book sitting on my shelf for years before i knew what to do with it. now i feel like the possibilities are endless!

cross over the mushroom circle (La Lechera), Friday, 1 August 2014 18:17 (eleven years ago)

well maybe not
the physical descriptions do lack range

cross over the mushroom circle (La Lechera), Friday, 1 August 2014 18:17 (eleven years ago)

but not DEPTH mirit

go ahead. make vid where u rap about this new TMNT movie. (forksclovetofu), Friday, 1 August 2014 18:21 (eleven years ago)

His eyes were pools of appeal.

cross over the mushroom circle (La Lechera), Friday, 1 August 2014 18:22 (eleven years ago)

OMG the track. Amazing.

emil.y, Saturday, 2 August 2014 12:22 (eleven years ago)

hey thanks! i'm proud bc the drums sound pretty good and seem to synch up with the story well enough

cross over the mushroom circle (La Lechera), Saturday, 2 August 2014 14:43 (eleven years ago)

three months pass...

are you enjoying the romance writer's phrase book y/n

i saw the trailer for the 50 shades movie and it looks AWFUL
like "here is a gift of some cherries, now let's hump in my private jet" awful

cross over the mushroom circle (La Lechera), Tuesday, 11 November 2014 21:20 (eleven years ago)

yes
it's nice to have around the house to sweettalk the gal with

Steve 'n' Seagulls and Flock of Van Dammes (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 11 November 2014 21:25 (eleven years ago)

haha
may your minds be filled with sour thoughts!

cross over the mushroom circle (La Lechera), Wednesday, 12 November 2014 00:18 (eleven years ago)


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