You'd think a guy as focused on social rules as Jerry would recognize that "don't introduce people's mothers into dirty talk" is definitely one of them.
― nabisco, Monday, 15 December 2008 21:33 (fifteen years ago) link
And that's without even starting on the infantilizing/pedophilic aspect
John Cheever's letter in that episode is funny too:
"Dear Henry, last night with you was bliss. I fear my orgasm has left me a cripple. I don't know how I shall ever get back to work. I love you madly, John. PS. Love the cabin."
― what U cry 4 (jim), Monday, 15 December 2008 22:09 (fifteen years ago) link
oh and the comparison of the cabin with Superman's Fortress of Solitude.
― what U cry 4 (jim), Monday, 15 December 2008 22:10 (fifteen years ago) link
Jerry: Because I killed first and warmed up the crowd. He's like that fishthat attaches himself to the shark.
George: And you're the shark?
Jerry: Yeah, I'm the shark and he's the fish eating my laughs.
George: I don't know how a fish could eat laughs.
Jerry: Well, I'm glad I brought it up.
― Ant Attack.. (Ste), Wednesday, 11 February 2009 19:53 (fifteen years ago) link
George: I want you to have this job. Of course...
Jerry: Yeah?
George: That's it.
Jerry: What do you mean that's it?
George: He never finished the sentence. He got a call, that was the end of the interview.
Jerry: "Of course" was the last thing he said?
George: Maybe he was going to say "Of course I have to check with my associates."
Elaine: "I want you to have this job, of course the Board of Directors is under indictment and will be
serving time."
Jerry: "I want you to have this job, of course sodomy is a prerequisite."
― James Morrison, Wednesday, 11 February 2009 22:52 (fifteen years ago) link
what's the deal with what's the deal with
― burt_stanton, Thursday, 12 February 2009 03:03 (fifteen years ago) link
i love how the "seinfeld isn't funny" jibes on this thread are unfunnier than anything that was ever on seinfeld, viz a viz:
I keep reading this thread title as "Favorite lies from Seinfeld?" and then the tiny devil perched on my left shoulder sez "That he's funny?"
Then I think "Great. That's highly entertaining brain, thanks. You can stop now." lather, rinse, repeat.
― Kim (Kim), Saturday, August 23, 2003 7:52 AM (5 years ago)
― (The Other) J.D. (J.D.), Thursday, 12 February 2009 03:24 (fifteen years ago) link
George, at Monk's with Jerry: "When are they gonna learn that any news aboutChina is an instant page-turner?"
― Ant Attack.. (Ste), Friday, 13 February 2009 12:43 (fifteen years ago) link
"you know why dogs don't have money? no pockets"
― Tracer Hand, Friday, 13 February 2009 12:46 (fifteen years ago) link
on a sidenote...
wale recently released his 'mixtape about nothing,' a hip-hop mixtape with a seinfeld theme. and a cameo from julia louis-dreyfus! it's a free download here: <http://10deep.com/WALEMIXTAPE/>. and also pretty damn good.
― art hums, Friday, 13 February 2009 19:49 (fifteen years ago) link
argh.
http://10deep.com/WALEMIXTAPE/
― art hums, Friday, 13 February 2009 19:50 (fifteen years ago) link
I had it. I was there.. and then.. I hit the Van Wyck.
― double bird strike (gabbneb), Tuesday, 24 February 2009 01:17 (fifteen years ago) link
ahaha classic episode, elaine rampaging through her bedroom is so great
― suggban stevens (J0rdan S.), Tuesday, 24 February 2009 01:23 (fifteen years ago) link
George, in his apartment with Maura: "And so, for all these reasons, we are officially broken up. Thank you, and good night."
Maura: "No, George, we're not."
George: "But I proved it!"
Maura: "I refuse to give up on this relationship. It's like launchingmissiles from a submarine. Both of use have to turn our keys."
George: "Well, then, I am gonna have to ask you to turn your key."
Maura: "I'm sorry, George, I can't do that."
George: "Turn your key, Maura. Turn your key!"
---------------
Maura, coming in George's apartment: "Hey, Honey."
George: "What? M-Maura, what are you doin' here? I ended this relationship,twice."
Maura: "George, you didn't mean that. That was just a fight."
George: "Why does it only seem like I'm the only one working at this breakup?"
Maura: "George, I listened to your arguments, and they were rambling and flimsy. I'm not convinced. Come on, get dressed and let's get some dinner."
George: "All right."
http://www.lulu.com/items/volume_62/1863000/1863652/1/preview/320_1863652.jpg
― its gotta be HOOSy para steen (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Tuesday, 24 February 2009 01:42 (fifteen years ago) link
sorry hoos
― f f murray abraham (G00blar), Tuesday, 24 February 2009 01:45 (fifteen years ago) link
"Whatever happened to 'my what a lovely dress you have on MAY I HAVE THIS DANCE'"
― Ant Attack.. (Ste), Tuesday, 24 February 2009 13:02 (fifteen years ago) link
Well generally you don't need any extra incentive to murder a dry cleaner.
― loaded forbear (gabbneb), Tuesday, 5 May 2009 03:15 (fifteen years ago) link
Imagine. Her taking credit for your big salad.
― aaron d.g., Tuesday, 5 May 2009 04:35 (fifteen years ago) link
roommates and i str8 up dying @ the big salad ep atm
― zone 6 polar bear (J0rdan S.), Tuesday, 5 May 2009 04:45 (fifteen years ago) link
Caught one of my favorite episodes tonight:"As far as I can tell, your entire enterprise is more than a solitary man with a messy apartment which may or may not contain a chicken."
― Telephone thing, Tuesday, 5 May 2009 06:21 (fifteen years ago) link
Er, NOTHING more. That's what I get for Googling to get the right phrasing and just ctrl-v'ing without reading it first.
― Telephone thing, Tuesday, 5 May 2009 06:33 (fifteen years ago) link
..and over there son, is Brooklyn. That's where Spike Lee lives.
― Ant Attack.. (Ste), Tuesday, 5 May 2009 09:45 (fifteen years ago) link
"....Mulva?"
OTM.
― James Mitchell, Tuesday, 5 May 2009 12:51 (fifteen years ago) link
erry: Elaine, see this T-shirts, six years I've had this T-shirts, it's my
best one, I call him...Golden Boy
Elaine: I'm on the phone here.
Jerry: Golden Boy is always the first shirt I wear out of the laundry, here
touch Golden Boy!
Elaine: No thanks. (to the phone)Yeah, Yeah I'll hold.
Jerry: But see look at the collar, see it's fraying. Golden Boy is slowly
dying. Each wash is brings him one step closer, that's what makes
the T-shirts such a tragic figure.
Elaine: Why don't you just let Golden Boy soak in the sink with some
Woolight?
Jerry: No!!! The reason he's iron man is because he goes out there and plays
every game. Wash!!! Spin!!! Rinse!!! Spin!!! You take that away
from him, you break his spirit!
― Suggesteban Cambiasso (jim), Tuesday, 5 May 2009 15:30 (fifteen years ago) link
lol "this t-shirts".
you get the gist.
― Suggesteban Cambiasso (jim), Tuesday, 5 May 2009 15:31 (fifteen years ago) link
the entire series, pretty much
I need to start renting Curb Your Enthusiasm DVD sets pronto
― Beatrix Kiddo, Tuesday, 5 May 2009 15:39 (fifteen years ago) link
the ukraine is weak!
― slow lorax (k3vin k.), Tuesday, 5 May 2009 15:45 (fifteen years ago) link
woah. that's a lot of potatoes
― andrew m., Tuesday, 5 May 2009 15:52 (fifteen years ago) link
Hey could you do me a favour?What?Could yer shut up?
― Ant Attack.. (Ste), Tuesday, 5 May 2009 15:53 (fifteen years ago) link
Golden Boy was funnier to read than to watch
― loaded forbear (gabbneb), Tuesday, 5 May 2009 15:54 (fifteen years ago) link
Seinfeld Scripts
― SongOfSam, Tuesday, 5 May 2009 15:59 (fifteen years ago) link
"No, George, I.....am breaking up with you"
"You can't break up with me! I've got hand!"
"And you're gonna need it!"
― Adam Bruneau, Tuesday, 5 May 2009 16:23 (fifteen years ago) link
George: Hey.
Jerry: Where have you been? You know, you're on next.
George: I got lost on the way over.
Jerry: Got lost? We went to school here for three years.
George: What are these? (Holds test tubes to his head like antennae) Take me to your leader.
Jerry: Oh my God. You had sex. You had sex with Louise!
George: No, the Portuguese waitress.
Jerry: The Portuguese waitress?
George: I calculated my odds of ever getting together with a Portuguese waitress. Mathematically, I had to do it, Jerry.
Katie: George, George, you're on.
George: No, no. I'm not going on.
Jerry: Then what'd you come down here for?
George: To tell you about the Portuguese waitress.
― Krapp's lesser-known First Tape (Le Bateau Ivre), Tuesday, 5 May 2009 16:37 (fifteen years ago) link
"You know how the big toe is the captain of the toes, but sometimes the toe next to the big toe gets so big that there's a power struggle and the second toe assumes control of the foot?"
"The coup de toe."
― James Mitchell, Tuesday, 5 May 2009 17:50 (fifteen years ago) link
the funny part is how he says he used it & the joke fell flat
― autogucci cru (deej), Wednesday, 6 May 2009 00:20 (fifteen years ago) link
well its all funny parts really
what series is the ones that they make the sitcom called Jerry?
― jed_, Wednesday, 6 May 2009 00:27 (fifteen years ago) link
Season 4.
― languid samuel l. jackson (jim), Wednesday, 6 May 2009 00:29 (fifteen years ago) link
cheers jim.
― jed_, Wednesday, 6 May 2009 00:31 (fifteen years ago) link
i knew that straight away because i'm watching season 5 on dvd at the moment and in the box there is the first draft script to "the pilot" "season 4".
― languid samuel l. jackson (jim), Wednesday, 6 May 2009 00:32 (fifteen years ago) link
just watched the episode "the masseuse":
KRAMER: You know why Rifkin was a serial killer? Because he was adopted. Just like Son of Sam was adopted. So apparently adoption leads to serial killing.
― languid samuel l. jackson (jim), Wednesday, 6 May 2009 00:36 (fifteen years ago) link
Just got through watching all of it. Great stuff. It's not a line, so it may not count, but I love that bit where Jerry comes home and there's this... LASER of red light coming from Kramer's spyhole, and then he opens the door to this hell induced by the huge red neon chicken sign. I did NOT describe that well.
― James Morrison, Wednesday, 6 May 2009 01:03 (fifteen years ago) link
JERRY: Explain to me how this baby shower thing works.
ELAINE: What do you wanna know?
JERRY: Well, I mean, does it ever erupt into a drunken orgy of violence?
― James Morrison, Wednesday, 6 May 2009 01:10 (fifteen years ago) link
the one at the car dealership where george thinks the mechanic stole his twix. the way george's frustration slowly builds until by the end he's virtually a frothing lunatic is perfectly timed and acted.
"IT'S A TWIX! THEY'RE AAAAAAALL TWIX! IT WAS A SETUP! A SETUP, I TELL YA!"
― (The Other) J.D. (J.D.), Wednesday, 6 May 2009 05:05 (fifteen years ago) link
good episode, when he accuses the bloke of having a dollar bill in his wallet
"You're. Incorrect"
― Ant Attack.. (Ste), Wednesday, 6 May 2009 08:51 (fifteen years ago) link
Watching the one where Elaine gets bitten by a dog and she attacks Kramer, calling him a "Stupid hipster doofus"!
Kramer turns to George, who is eating pretzels, and asks "May I have one of those, madam" cos he's wearing ladies glasses.
― Adam Bruneau, Thursday, 14 May 2009 20:01 (fifteen years ago) link
haha that's the one where george turns up wearing swimming goggles, and Jerry says something like "so you're tunneling to the centre of the Earth?"
― Ant Attack.. (Ste), Thursday, 14 May 2009 21:12 (fifteen years ago) link