Innocuous things that make you irrationally angry (a list thread)

Q: How are you?

A: Ah, y'know. [grimace, shrug]

To my stuffy English self "I'm well" sounds like "I'm healthy and reasonably content" and "I'm good" sounds like a declaration of how awesome you are as a person

but my Northern Irish partner always says "I'm good" so I'm getting used to it

Daria otm esp when you know the person is saying it to emphasize the fact that you used "good" incorrectly and, yes, there are people that do that.

hi dere you hate me ;_;

Ok so, you know what else deserves fiery death? Fitted bed sheets that constantly slip off the corners and bunch up underneath you at night. F U. Is a competent piece of elastic too much to ask for in life?!

a related thing I hate: BED SUSPENDERS

wait what is that
all I can picture are pyjama suspenders & it's making me lololol

well really they are called sheet suspenders; they are ostensibly for non-fitted sheets (you clip them to the corners under the mattress to keep the sheet on the mattress) but my wife insisted on getting a mattress pad (btw, something else I hate) that didn't quite fit on our mattress, so instead of returning it she bought some suspenders to clip the thing into submission and it drives me fucking insane that we spent $ on shit that makes zero (0) material difference to the quality of my sleep (why would a PILLOWTOP mattress need a mattress pad?????? itisamystery.gif)

see also: bed skirts and about 70% of all window treatments

Yeah, screw those things too. If I already bought a sheet that's supposed to fit my bed, why do I have to buy these other things to make it fulfill its purpose? No. No. No.

My mother used to throttle us with her eyes if we used CAN I GET A while ordering food/drink/services from anyone, and my grandmother was the stickler for going mental at people who said I'M GOOD instead of FINE, THANK YOU. However I think my mother gave up on enforcing MAY I PLEASE HAVE somewhere during my sister's adolescence because my sister uses the Minnesotan version, KIN I GIDDA.

Le sigh.

"Can I use the bathroom?"
"I certainly hope you can!"

Mattress pads are great! They absorb sweat and stuff and keeps it off your mattress. Also they help keep you cool, since most mattresses have synthetic material as a cover while mattress pads are cotton.

ugh, they are also slippery & diffract the awesomeness of the mattress underneath

"Did you get a haircut?"
"No, my head shrank" / "No, my hair grew backwards"

Basically IA at any sarcastic or 'clever' answer to a benign social pleasantry.

I bought a bed skirt b/c the base of my bed is very exposed and pretty ugly.

http://www.tempurpedichelp.org/uploads/tempurpedichelp/images/20083201194839077801.jpg

It works out nicely b/c the cats scratch the base (we made a compromise - they get to scratch the bed and not the couch) so I keep the skirt lifted to expose it. Then I want it to look nice, I pull it down to cover the claw marks.

It must be hard to sleep all tilted sideways like that.

I usually answer "how you doing/how's it going?" with "kickin' it" to avoid the whole good/well situ

Mattress pads are necessary for the reasons Jenny stated. Mattresses are long-term and so are body oil and skin flakes. I use an allergy bag, and AT LEAST one mattress pad. The reason for the allergy bag is that I'm terrified of bed bugs.

JENNY: all joking aside the other night when I had the horrific acid reflux, I considered lifting my bed to about a 15% angle to hold down the refluxing. But I was worried I might break the arms.

I have no beef with mattress pads because they are washable and prevent dust mites and HUMAN STUFF from getting into actual mattress. If you don't use one, your mattress is gonna get nasty.

Daria otm esp when you know the person is saying it to emphasize the fact that you used "good" incorrectly and, yes, there are people that do that.

hi dere you hate me ;_;

― Tom Skerritt Mustache Ride (DJP), Wednesday, June 1, 2011 9:19 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark

Aw. You know that's not true! Just next time I see you if I say "I'm good" just know that I fully realize that it's not proper grammar. ;)

as long as you don't say 'as it were' and 'if you will' or 'slippery slope'

"I'm good" sounds weird to my ears but it may be someone else's regional inflection.

I actually think I say "OK, thanks" more than anything else probably to avoid having to choose either well or good. I don't really know why but "I'm well" just sounds stuffy.

There's a guy in the office who in the hallways says to me every time, "Hey, whatcha know?" to which I invariably answer, "fine, thanks."

Wish I could find a video of George Carlin's bit about answering "How are you?" with "Fine." "People aren't 'fine.' HAIR is 'fine!' 'How's your hair?' 'Fine!'"

"Hey, whatcha know?"

Wait.

What does that even mean?

I hate our electro-locke door that opens with a BANG everytime making me jump up and try to minimize ILE

Jesse where did you get that bed base? Magical storage = want

Love Carlin, but that one sounds sub-Seinfeldian. (...they should call it Roundteen...)

I dont use a mattress pad. Hi I am a disgusting savage ;_;

It's the Sultan Alsarp http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/10098893. I highly recommend it, but it is HEAVY as fuck (mine is Queen size). If I were to do it over, I might do one of the multi-piece ones with drawers underneath. Or one of the ideas on
Ikea Hacker.

Re sheets that fit/don't fit! I think bed suspenders are because people used to buy two flat sheets instead of a flat + a fitted. Because fitted sheets on the bottom wear a lot more than top sheets, which only lay over you, so if both were flat, you could switch them out.

I think hotels might also use multiple flat sheets to simplify laundry and laundry storage/assignment -- just grab two ANYTHINGS for each room and you're good to go. That's what we did when I used to be a maid.

i duct taped my sheets incollege to the mattress

I also get disproportionately angry at our kinky garden hose. Bastard hates to be coiled up, and neatly? Well, forget it.

as long as you don't say 'as it were' and 'if you will' or 'slippery slope'

I can't help it if I grew up watching A Bit of Fry & Laurie and reading British computer games magazines :(

(I don't think I say any of these very often, though - the first occasionally, the second never, and the last only sarcastically)

(became i.a. during the course of typing this when I accidentally mashed some key combination which apparently meant "change screen resolution and aspect ratio to something wacky and unreadable")

"Did you get a haircut?"
"No, my head shrank" / "No, my hair grew backwards"

You would think someone's head shrinking would make their hair look longer! Isn't that why the hair of corpses is perceived to grow?

It's a really dumb question, most of the time.

beat it to death kim!!

surely it's just a pleasantry, however inane.

I hate having to tell clerks at kiosks/coffeeshops/wherever my name. Not for any privacy or respect reasons. It's just that they always misspell Tre as Tray or Trey or Ray or Tony or Tay or Terry or Trip. And even if they get it right, I'll still miss them calling it out when my order is ready since the AYE sound is probably the most common sound in the English language.

I've experimented with giving them a different name, but (A) Suddenly being asked your name and fumbling for an answer is one of the oldest tricks in the book for cops and border patrol. It's the most difficult question to lie about, if you're unprepared.

and (B), no one's going to believe that my name is Javier anyway.

― Pleasant Plains, Thursday, May 26, 2011 10:46 AM (1 week ago) Bookmark

PP lived next to a women for...5 years? I was there for the last two of those years. Tre is a Tre because his suffix is III. He tells neighbors his 'real' name with the reasoning that if his mail is accidentally delivered to another house they'll know whose it is. Towards the end of our time at that house I got pretty friendly with the woman and her newish fiance. I slipped up a bunch of times and referred him as Tre in his absence. One day the woman approached me. 'Your husband's name is Tre?? Ive been calling him _____ for 5 years!!!' 'I know. He's kind of weird'

lol

I didn't realize that Tre wasn't his real name. I've always thought it was p cool.

Tre cool, boom boom.

i've expanded on a couple of my posts on this thread -

http://strangersihaveloathed.tumblr.com/

This may be a repeat and I know it's kind of mean, but today it ticked me off again: women who wear nice delicate shoes and then turn their feet out when they walk. If you're going to make like a duck, wear duck feet. I mean, why bother?

Although I made a poor shoe choice of my own today: my new pumps I bought to go with my new suit look lovely but they just don't...fit my stride, somehow. The left heel comes off when I step, and it hurts something in my arch to try to keep it on. I haven't worked out the base problem, so I guess that's another ia.

i never wear nice delicate shoes. have you seen a city street lately? it's all broken glass and dog poo!

(ps: rhetorical question)

women who wear nice delicate shoes and then turn their feet out when they walk. If you're going to make like a duck, wear duck feet. I mean, why bother?

As someone who has the inverse of this (ie my feet turn inwards, and I was born that way) and has been accused mockingly of "walking like a duck" dozens of times and made to feel like a retard, that... kind of hurts.

(I cant wear heels, and I've grown tired of defending wearing docs/boots/solid shoes as if I'm some kind of stubborn hipster/dyke/lacking in elegance person instead of someone who is in pain 80% of the time I am on my feet)

i have both high arches and wide feet, so most shoes are uncomfortable for me. i sometimes wish i could be a delicate flower english major anorak-crush type, but i'm stuck with dyke chic so i embrace it.