Innocuous things that make you irrationally angry (a list thread)

Try the East Coast USA formulation - "Lemme get a [insert food item]"

High school French: Je voudrais un six-inch turkey on wheat, pas de fromage, sil vous plait

I try to remember to use "I'd like _________"

Yeah, I'm usually a "Can I please have"...May I is correct, but i don't want to sound completely posh. But I like to say please. Feel mean just barking orders.

you can do any of those, as long as you acknowledge the person behind the counter first. in years and years as a deli guy, i came to realize the only difference between a good customer and a bad customer was often that the good folks would start a conversation with 'how you doin.... can i have two pounds of pastrami?' vs. bad folks with all their 'gimme three quarters proscuitto sliced so think i can see the sun through it.'

sometimes i exaggerate my new england accent a little bit, too, just cuz i'm afraid i'll otherwise sound poncey

when someone says "how are you?" and i say "i'm good, how are you?" and s/he says "i'm well, thanks"

i don't care about grammar, "i'm well" sounds bad and pretentious

(i care about grammar plenty but not when it makes you sound funny)

"It puts the pastrami in the basket!"

xxpost

idgi, whats wrong with saying "I'm well"?

it's ok i suppose, just not my preference but i do notice sometimes people give you a raised eyebrow if you happen to say "i'm good" instead. yes i'm aware one is more grammatically fashionable, but i don't like it better so..

Daria otm esp when you know the person is saying it to emphasize the fact that you used "good" incorrectly and, yes, there are people that do that.

isn't "well" for health, and "good" for mood?
(in my head I rhymed "good" with "mood")

sometimes it feels like it has this air of correct grammar as a class marker. ugh.

the other thing is, "i'm well" feels like it narrows the scope of the question to "how are you feeling?" when the question "how are you?" is nearly always such generic small talk that it doesn't require a personal answer, so i'd rather say "i'm good" eg "everything is OK" instead of personalizing it unnecessarily.

I solve the problem of "I'm well" vs "I'm good" by just farting loudly whenever I'm asked the question

now there's a talent

If someone asks me first, I say I'm well how are you? But if I ask & they say good & how am I, I say good.
Or great! Or rockin like dokken

i'm that awful person who says "i'm well" and "i'd like." i don't think it's a "class" thing -- most affluent people i've met are too self-absorbed to think about how they use language. maybe if they went to some super-disciplinarian prep school.

(and for me, "well" refers to general well-being. it's not limited to physical health.)

(whereas "I'm good" means you are not evil)

Is the question "how are you?" itself grammatically correct?

i almost always say "yeah, pretty good...pretty good" though not in the larry david way just in case that's how it reads.

as for ordering food or whatever, i think i'd say, always "could i get....please" followed by a series of "amazing" "brilliant", "that's lovely", "excellent, thanks a lot" in response to further minor queries.

How are you?

Fine, thank you.

How are you?

Finer than frogs' hair split eight ways.

Q: How are you?

A: Ah, y'know. [grimace, shrug]

To my stuffy English self "I'm well" sounds like "I'm healthy and reasonably content" and "I'm good" sounds like a declaration of how awesome you are as a person

but my Northern Irish partner always says "I'm good" so I'm getting used to it

Daria otm esp when you know the person is saying it to emphasize the fact that you used "good" incorrectly and, yes, there are people that do that.

hi dere you hate me ;_;

Ok so, you know what else deserves fiery death? Fitted bed sheets that constantly slip off the corners and bunch up underneath you at night. F U. Is a competent piece of elastic too much to ask for in life?!

a related thing I hate: BED SUSPENDERS

wait what is that
all I can picture are pyjama suspenders & it's making me lololol

well really they are called sheet suspenders; they are ostensibly for non-fitted sheets (you clip them to the corners under the mattress to keep the sheet on the mattress) but my wife insisted on getting a mattress pad (btw, something else I hate) that didn't quite fit on our mattress, so instead of returning it she bought some suspenders to clip the thing into submission and it drives me fucking insane that we spent $ on shit that makes zero (0) material difference to the quality of my sleep (why would a PILLOWTOP mattress need a mattress pad?????? itisamystery.gif)

see also: bed skirts and about 70% of all window treatments

Yeah, screw those things too. If I already bought a sheet that's supposed to fit my bed, why do I have to buy these other things to make it fulfill its purpose? No. No. No.

My mother used to throttle us with her eyes if we used CAN I GET A while ordering food/drink/services from anyone, and my grandmother was the stickler for going mental at people who said I'M GOOD instead of FINE, THANK YOU. However I think my mother gave up on enforcing MAY I PLEASE HAVE somewhere during my sister's adolescence because my sister uses the Minnesotan version, KIN I GIDDA.

Le sigh.

"Can I use the bathroom?"
"I certainly hope you can!"

Mattress pads are great! They absorb sweat and stuff and keeps it off your mattress. Also they help keep you cool, since most mattresses have synthetic material as a cover while mattress pads are cotton.

ugh, they are also slippery & diffract the awesomeness of the mattress underneath

"Did you get a haircut?"
"No, my head shrank" / "No, my hair grew backwards"

Basically IA at any sarcastic or 'clever' answer to a benign social pleasantry.

I bought a bed skirt b/c the base of my bed is very exposed and pretty ugly.

http://www.tempurpedichelp.org/uploads/tempurpedichelp/images/20083201194839077801.jpg

It works out nicely b/c the cats scratch the base (we made a compromise - they get to scratch the bed and not the couch) so I keep the skirt lifted to expose it. Then I want it to look nice, I pull it down to cover the claw marks.

It must be hard to sleep all tilted sideways like that.

I usually answer "how you doing/how's it going?" with "kickin' it" to avoid the whole good/well situ

Mattress pads are necessary for the reasons Jenny stated. Mattresses are long-term and so are body oil and skin flakes. I use an allergy bag, and AT LEAST one mattress pad. The reason for the allergy bag is that I'm terrified of bed bugs.

JENNY: all joking aside the other night when I had the horrific acid reflux, I considered lifting my bed to about a 15% angle to hold down the refluxing. But I was worried I might break the arms.

I have no beef with mattress pads because they are washable and prevent dust mites and HUMAN STUFF from getting into actual mattress. If you don't use one, your mattress is gonna get nasty.

Daria otm esp when you know the person is saying it to emphasize the fact that you used "good" incorrectly and, yes, there are people that do that.

hi dere you hate me ;_;

― Tom Skerritt Mustache Ride (DJP), Wednesday, June 1, 2011 9:19 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark

Aw. You know that's not true! Just next time I see you if I say "I'm good" just know that I fully realize that it's not proper grammar. ;)

as long as you don't say 'as it were' and 'if you will' or 'slippery slope'

"I'm good" sounds weird to my ears but it may be someone else's regional inflection.

I actually think I say "OK, thanks" more than anything else probably to avoid having to choose either well or good. I don't really know why but "I'm well" just sounds stuffy.

There's a guy in the office who in the hallways says to me every time, "Hey, whatcha know?" to which I invariably answer, "fine, thanks."

Wish I could find a video of George Carlin's bit about answering "How are you?" with "Fine." "People aren't 'fine.' HAIR is 'fine!' 'How's your hair?' 'Fine!'"

"Hey, whatcha know?"

Wait.

What does that even mean?