WHO THE FUCK READS THE DAILY EXPRESS?

Hold down 'AltGr' and type 'e'

Thanks Mark - I méant it must have hurt the anti-Éurope Éxpréss to use filthy foréign punctuation.

touché

Oh I see, I hadn't noticed.

“Fifty years ago, the single-use plastic bag was almost unheard of.

“Now we use them for a few minutes and they pollute our environment for decades,” said EU Environment Commissioner Janez Potocnik.

we use them for a few minutes and they pollute our environment for decades

Much like a Greggs chocolate éclair.

I like that one!

oops, wrong thread

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/Jun/Week1/16003941.jpg

Wow.

that's quite irresponsible

also, desperate

Dead serious about continuing to produce the X-Factor

So what headline would they use if he really died?

(X_X) FACTOR

ugh that was supposed to be...

(X_X) FACTOR

Simon Cowell

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/Jun/Week2/16009105.jpg

Wondered what Kate was doing in East London's glorious Stratford for a minute.

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/Jun/Week2/16010211.jpg

FREE WATER (one cup per reader, may contain hidden danger)

Brilliant!
http://images.dailyexpress.co.uk/img/covers/257x330front/2011-06-28.jpg

It's got everything - melting roads, crippled Britain ("Crippled" the new "Broken"!), good news health story and subservient Scots. And free petrol. Really it's a win-win.

mmm..

Bit cheerful though.

Don't worry I'm sure they'll discover that sunlight causes cancer tomorrow.

or six weeks ago http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/244770/Mothers-put-children-at-risk-from-sun

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/Jul/Week1/16023160.jpg

DUCHESS OPENS HER HEART, POURS IN FREE SUGAR

cruel bbc game show offering jobs as prizes? do they mean the apprentice?

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/Jul/Week1/16024985.jpg

Literally living off bread and water with the Express.

and salt.

The Express is always best taken with a pinch of the stuff anyway.

This is the same paper that is running this to-day.
http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/257040/Herbal-remedy-s-nagging-relief-to-the-henpecked-

The world’s first anti-nagging medicine hit the shelves yesterday.
And, although the makers claim it works for both sexes, they admit it is particularly effective in women

They really are the best place to get your science news.

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2011/07/05/article-2011630-0CE19E3900000578-274_243x331.jpg

it's the "Now"s that make me most want to kill

bearing in mind their readership must contain a high proportion of senile stubborn illogical old gits with blood pressure issues this salt thing is pretty fucking irresponsible

this is an unusual use of the word "Now" though - usually it's "NOW [women are allowed out of the kitchen]", the "now" is all about how we're going to hell in a handcart and hatred of modernity. this one is more...relief tinged with sarcasm? "finally we can eat salt again"? god it'd such a batshit headline even on the slowest news day.

Which would explain the story in Private eye, that at Glasto all the copies of the DE that got sent to the site shop were returned unsold.

Guess they didn't run out of toilet paper this year.

bearing in mind their readership must contain a high proportion of senile stubborn illogical old gits with blood pressure issues this salt thing is pretty fucking irresponsible

Look at the long game, at least no-one will be buying the Express again.

FREE cyanide for every reader!

If only salt wasn't so salty, I'd get salted off my nut right now that the DE's given the OK.

I'd love to know the economic forces that makes an organ print this shit.

It was easy, it was cheap..

Lorem Ipsum fulfills those criteria. And would be a better read.

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/Jul/Week2/16027567.jpg

FREE LEATHER PASSPORT HOLDER SO YOU CAN GO VISIT THE NHS BILLIONS ABROAD

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/Jul/Week2/16029986.jpg

BRITISH NEWSPAPERS FORCED TO REMOVE FREE SUGAR OFFERS

This is presumably the same as the made up story about town halls being fined for not flying the EU flag? It must get very depressing for which ever Fatcat Brussels Bureaucrat has to rebut these stories esp. as they must know their work will never end and will be completely ignored. At least he's probably being paid £5m a week and living in a gold house for his trouble.

5m and I bet he is still taking our free sugar.

I'm going to bury this FREE loaf of bread so that EU bureaucrats cant' get their hands on it.

First line of the article...

BRITISH sports stars could be forced to wear the EU flag on their kit in the latest bid by Brussels to impose its symbols on the UK...

...so no one actualy being forced, at this moment, to do anything. Thank fuck we've got a free press.

America's most mysterious air disaster marks its 15th anniversary today amid conflicting claims that TWA 800 may have been blown up by terrorists, accidentally shot down by the US Navy or knocked out of the sky by a space capsule full of rats.

Now rat spaceships cause fury