Dear Abbott

Oh probably my favorite song is Minnie Riperton's "Adventures in Paradise."

Dear Abbott,

"As is well known, the return of the beloved
does not correct
the loss of the beloved"

y/n?

Dear S.,

To the meager extent I understand that lil' free-verse triplet, y. It is a bad idea to get back with a lovah with whom you have previously severed ties. However, I feel losses in this life will seldom be directly corrected.

Should I get cable TV?

Dear brownie,

If you watch TV more than two hours a day, or if it costs $35/month or less, you should get cable TV.

A.,

I should learn an instrument. Guitar or piano?

Wanko

Dear Abbott,

what would be a really good question to ask you?

Thanks,
StanM

Dear wanko,

Learn the piano. Do not learn the guitar. Learn the piano.

Dear Stan M.,

Certainly not "have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal lord and savior?"

what are your five favorite rap songs?

Dear Abbott,

Should i stay at work late today so i have more money for booze next week or leave on time and booze tonight?

Dear Abbott,
Is there any kitchen use for leftover solids after getting the juice out of a carrot, or does it go into the compost bin?

dear abbott

where is my scooby doo valentine? i am checking the mailbox everyday, to no avail.

yours, in anticipation,
xjustine

Dear Abbott,

Should i stay at work late today so i have more money for booze next week or leave on time and booze tonight?

-- carne asada, Wednesday, October 3, 2007 4:13 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Link

i already know my answer to this one

Abbott, what is and what's answer to this one?

Daer Abbott

Who can make the dance ram?

Oh probably my favorite song is Minnie Riperton's "Adventures in Paradise."

Hey, I really love this song too! And I love the whole Adventures in Paradise album, though I think "Love and It's Glory" is even better than the titular song, it's so melodramatic and full of passion. "Come on Aliya, carry your bride, take her where the sky meets the see!" Do you like that one?

Dear Ethan,

I will ponder your query about my five favorite rap songs. As I am not in High Fidelity I do not have a prefab five list. Favorite right now is The Roots' "Water"...a more through reply will come soon.

Dear carne asada,

Go for the cheaper drunk tonight and have more quantity. I elected not to work extra and bought an affordable 1.75 L bottle of Evan Williams ($16), acceptable in coke and as shots followed by some other beverage (water prevents the hangovers).

Dear Mr. Hardy,

If you have a pet guinea pig, they will eat any leftover veg or veg components with glee. They are a lot cuter and more satisfying than mulch piles. However, do not feed them carrots or carrot byproducts exclusively because they are starchy and can lead to anal impactions, which are a pain for bpoth master and pet to remove.

Dear brownie,
IS = helpful was to relieve anxiety attax. This one is was not were. It will be by this time tomorrow.

DAREST Blueski,

Gance rammed by three-year-olds who are uncoordinated or Andrew W.K.

Dear Abbott,

What church are you an abbott of, and where can I subscribe to your newsletter.

HOOS

post script

happy hour alone c/d

Dear Mr. HOOS GRANDE,

I am a ULC reverend so I could baptize you as the church I once tried to start. It was called What Pies Regrese. It was about taking shots, we talked about Tom Sawyer's fake funeral. We also took shots (of alcohol). There was only one session. Maybe What Pies Regese needs to have a general conference .

p.s. Happy Hour alone is the best thing in the world, esp. if it is at your own house.

As I am not in High Fidelity I do not have a prefab five list.

zing :(

Record stores are boys' clubs, dude.

dear abbott,

how many dumplings should i eat today?

bell_labs

Dear Ms. labs,

I think 4-7 dumplings sounds perfect.

Dear Abbott:

My son is the proud owner of 2 gently used guinea pigs - he's read all kinds of literature about them, and considers himself quite the expert, but what advice do you have for a budding piggie owner that might not otherwise have been covered by generic online websites?

Love,

Luna

Dear Luna,

I am glad he has guinea pigs; they are thick-skulled furry peanuts that only love!
1. Parsley has the highest vitamin C content of any vegetable. It's also cheap and keeps a while in the fridge: a perfect cavy snack.
2. No matter what any site says, do not try to introduce two males who have not been raised together. It will only yield violence, injury and competetive peeing.
3. Don't try to teach guinea pigs tricks, they are too simple to learn them and won't enjoy it.
4. You can line the bottom of the cage with thrifty nickel classifieds/free weeklies because most inks are soy inks these days and will not hurt the cavies. You will not need to spread near as much bedding in the cage. It saves money and bedding.

5. Don't get extremely guilted out by sites that say you need like 6 square feet per pig in their cages. That is simply unfeasible in many houses and if they are getting a lot of personal attention (which if you have a boy, they probably are), it does not matter so much.

ever since I was three I knew that something was something different in my sexual preferences, as time went on I realized that I liked anime babes and Hentai. Ever since then I have been looking at anime porn and such, I`m not attracted to real girls that much. If I see a girl naked I won`t like it but If I see hentai I`m all in for it. Since I`m a christian I`m wondering if God made me thid way for punishment or something, I don`t blame him at all. He didn`t have to make me anyway so I thank him for simply making me. Anyway is it normal for me to like anime babes or not? Should I tell my parents or hide thid decret from them? I`m looking at this HOT anime babe in her bra and panties and I`m hard as heck! But is this a sin?

I've noticed they eat the shit out of parsley - good! They're both girls, so we're good there. Do they get bored? I feel sort of bad for them being stuck in the cage all day with not too much to do. Also, do they EVER like being picked up? I don't think they were played with much by the girl who owned them before him, so they mostly squeak and run away.

It would be awesome if luna's questions were about hott anime babes.

Dear Luna,

They just like to scatter and scamper away. They are prey animals with no option for fight reflex so most any nearby motion = flight mode. Once you've picked them up, though, they do enjoy being held. Some like having their sides stroked, some behind the ears, and some like having their chins scratched. Most all of them dislike having their butt/oil gland touched and the bridge of their nose.

If they have each others' company it is unlikely they are bored, though it's good to give them some outside the cage time, even if they are not used to being held. If I don't have time to hold my little guy or such, I usually just lay a towel down in the empty bathtub and let him play in there. It gives him a chance to run around and have a little change of pace.

Dear iiiijjjj,

You need to retake eighth-grade Boner Hiding class. Tuck it behind the waistband of your undies. Then go to your parents and whip it out and ask how you can get rid of it. Liking anime baebs is not a sin, however.

My dearest Abbott,

The rain continues without cease, and the men complain of numerous ailments and the quality of their boots. Our retreat from Hamilton's position has been perilously slow, and men are lost at every turn. Bergson fears desertions, but I am told we are merely losing men to mud, hunger, and infection; they straggle behind the march and collapse, quickly lost to us behind the curtain of the advancing mortars. It is true that a leader's fear can travel down the ranks, but it is equally true that the men's fear can cycle up them, just as the gangrenes assailing their tired feet may eventually reach their hearts. With every inch of rain, a knot of worry builds in my breast, whispering to me that I may never again see the wide prairies and sun-baked adobes of my home. If god grants me not the blessing of returning to you, I ask only that you offer what consolations you can to my mother and sisters.

My question is: does this saber look better if I wear it like this, or tie it around more like this?

Yours, etc.,

Ma chère Abbott,

Que reste-t-il de ces beaux jours?

Veuillez agréer, Madame, l'assurance de mes sentiments distingués

M

CDearest nabisco,

Godspeed to you in these hours of tribulation. Your saber will look totally bitchin' if you just carry it in your non-dominant hand all the time and swing it around like a barely-coordinated loon. Everyone loves a wildcard. The place where you carried your saber can then be used for a picnic satchel to carry a very dignified meal: a bottle of red wine with crystal goblets, a round of firm and savory cheese, two poached eggs, Two jiggers of finely aged scotch, a fresh aubergine, and kumquats from a first-fruited sapling.

Dear Abbott,

If they made a movie about your life, who would play you?

Peace.

Liebe Herr White,

Deise Tagen kann nicht am Luft sein. Die Futur ist eine große Null.

Danke,

die traurige Abbott

Dear caek,

Why is it the only person I can think of is Paul Giamatti? That is wildly inappropriate. I would like to be played by Lillian Gish, were she not dead. Trying to think of a suitable living actress my age is vexing. I am truly drawing a blank. If they hired Sarah Silverman to play me, though, the casting director would get their ass spanked until it was beetroot red, which would later blossom into beetgreen colored ass bruises.

lily taylor duh

ethan OTM

Abbott-

did you ever hang out with my friend Ashl3y?

-gr80

Dear Abbott,

President Bush: great president or greatest president?

Dear Abbott,

How does it feel?

Kind regards,
Bob

Hey Abbott,

Why do you hate Led Zeppelin?

Yrs,
Max

hey abbott,

lou_costello.gif

holla atcha boy,

HOOS

dear abbott,

you are avoiding my question. my heart is broke.

xRR

Dear Abbott,

Pip pip. Jolly good. As you were. Carry on.

Haha, I was reading nabisco's entry in the Ken Burns Civil War doc narrator voice even before I knew what it said (the opening salutation did it)!

And surely Julia Stiles would star as Abbott.

Dear Grady,

Yes I have and she and her husband are the coolest, funnest smartest people we've hung out with or met in a long time. My fiancé loves them too. Muchos gracias.

Dear Viceroy,
Dalek Sec: great dalek, or the greatest dalek?

Dear max,

I do not hate Led Zeppelin so much as I have been forced to be around people who I hate who worship the Zep. Whatevs. Hence the negative connotations. I can't relate to their Zeppitude-love because the only song I truly truly love of theirs is the first one on that album w/the great cover of everyone holding that obelisk-thing, and they just want to listen to fucking Dazed and Confused for the eight gajillionth time.

Dear Rubyredd,

My sincere apologies for my sloth and ignorance. I have the valentines here on my desk, no less, but I got all intimidated and when you suggested a boffo envelope that will leave yr roomies in shock/awe. FWIW there are letters to my congressmen, stamped & all, that have just been sitting on my coffeetable for three days and they're re: a very important concern to me.

Dear Bob,

It feels very carefully.

I thought of you: http://mikelynchcartoons.blogspot.com/2015/02/the-cardtooner-by-milt-hammer.html

Baptismal

I used to think
that girls never went
to the bathroom,
and that by some
incredibly intricate 
phenomena 
no waste came 
from their magically 
forbidden orifices.
 
Then at sixteen 
my first love
a seventeen year old
gum chewing angel,
with deadly accuracy,
shat on me.

-Harry Chapin

^your description of Mr. Chapin's poem has haunted me for years, so I finally tracked it down. he doesn't actually specify that the dump took place on his chest, but I find it unlikely that the sex act was anything other than a 'hot carl'.

but 'Cat's in the Cradle' is still a cute, sweet, innocent song, right? I'm so conflicted...

haha ok you're right, she just shat on him with accuracy, guess it coulda been ANYWHERE
good on you for tracking it down
it was a favorite & influential English teacher who shared his poetry book w/me

I love those doodle cards, too, forks :)
bonkers & fun
I am hoping they'll let me do a general drawing elective next year

He doesn't say it's a sex act. She might have sharted on his leg while spooning.

or from a balcony while he was walking by

doesn't sound very accurate

Maybe it was a really old dog.

fuckin y'all and yr alternate explanations <3

sadly, in the context of a poem, this may have been a metaphorical shit

ok I don't think this poem is REALLY substantive enough to make shitting some extended metaphor
just seems like a shocker ending

people people people, you're forgetting the interpretive value of the title

thought of you
http://www.benzilla.com/?p=5433

That's crazy!!

Looks neat tho' right? And to be able to perfectly replicate the EC lettering!

Yes, what a fun doodad. Yields far more personable results than the typefaces created for Dilbert or w/e. And v affordable. I had to tell myself not to buy one.

free font: http://www.fontspace.com/casey-burns/squa-tront

http://www.ebay.com/itm/Keuffel-Esser-K-E-LeRoy-Lettering-Kit-with-Two-Scribers-Letterguide-Scribe-/141676697043
$26 bucks with postage! heck i'm tempted to get it for you!

Why didn't you tell me you were in town? Would've met you for lunch.

http://i.imgur.com/DK6JFS3.jpg

what happened to your hilarious "less sins: to Bill" post? I can't find it anywhere and I kinda need it in my life right now.

ah, found it!

Oh my God, in high school, my circle of friends & I had this habit of making up really bad nonsense jokes with the punchline "license to Bill." This had gone on several weeks, that we'd be hanging out at my friend's house, playing video games and making "license to Bill" jokes, then finishing the evening by ruining his family's dinner with terrible jokes that all ended in "license to Bill." One night his dad said, "Enough of your jokes, I want to tell you something serious my pastor told me about today." His dad was an evangelical Christian – the kind of guy who was too Christian to open fortune cookies because they were "false prophecy" – so we all knew this could go on for a while & you just had to be polite and listen. He started going on and on about what the pastor had to say about the Monica Lewinsky scandal, and how it was dragging our nation down, and he started reading out loud this letter his pastor had written about the dangers of dishonesty and adultery. "And do you know what he wrote on the envelope?" he said. "Lies! Sins! To Bill!"

― breaking that little dog's heart chakra (Abbott), Saturday, June 26, 2010 8:51 PM (5 years ago)

hero dad obviously

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b076cg3n

abbotbod

— New New York Times (@NYT_first_said) September 30, 2020