Poll: what's the worst part of getting old?

new contender

Being closer to death wins every time, and the fact that it's not an option on this poll is telling of the age and/or awareness of the person who started it.

death is all around, guys

And if you're not afraid of that, there's little else worth being afraid of.

fear is the mind killer

death is all around, guys

*throws beret*

Well, exactly! We all deny death as a matter of getting through every day. SO why freak out about things that aren't DEATH? (Apart from certain things, like waterboarding.)

tbrr "watching friends and relatives dying ahead of you" seems to be edging out fear of personal death as the worst part of getting old

Being closer to death wins every time

This is where following American politics and projecting waht the 2060s will be like provides a silver lining.

Diminishing employability

Bad as growing old alone must be, growing old in a close, loving relationship isn't perfect either. You know one of you will almost certainly die first. That thought is scarier than death for me.

Varicose veins

Actually my main problem is that I've gotten so handsome the ladies just will NOT. leave me. alone.

^^^

You are both sleek and dashing, but the worm is about to turn.

The worst part about getting old: acquiring the arithmetic skills necessary to calculate how old your grandparents were when your parents finally reached their age, then subtracting how many years they (your parents) have left.

man death is so certain I don't even see the point in fearing it, it's like being afraid of the sun

^^^

acquiring the arithmetic skills necessary to calculate how old your grandparents were when your parents finally reached their age, then subtracting how many years they (your parents) have left.

eh my grandmother's about to turn 101 and my mother is 65 so that doesn't seem so bad.

by that math I have a whole other lifetime to live coming to me

a close family friend is 95 (or maybe 96 at this point, wo), and in the past year, she's tried to stop eating, stop getting out of bed, and stop communicating verbally, though she's perfectly capable of doing all of these things. the reason she gives? "all of my friends are dead, and i don't really care to adapt any longer, i did that for 90 years." tbh, i'm on her side, and sort of wish the family would just let her die.

saw a couple items on last wwi soldier who was 110 and thought, "hmm i hope he was happy, because otherwise i rly don't wanna be that dude."

Being closer to death wins every time, and the fact that it's not an option on this poll is telling of the age and/or awareness of the person who started it.

― DSMOS has arrived (kenan), Wednesday, May 11, 2011 11:20 AM (29 minutes ago)

mmmm, probably, but speculation on how it's telling on me would be telling on the speculators. #infiniterecursion

You know, I'll sleep a bit easier once I get to the point that my friends and loved ones are dying in hospital beds surrounded by their grandchildren rather than getting run over by drunk drivers or overdosing on pills.

Dying isn't a huge fear. I just think about the kids once again. Talking to those who were minors when they lost their parents compared to those who were in their 50s or 60s when they became orphans, it really seems the latter is preferable to the former.

fwiw, I wanted to stick to the physical breakdowns accompanying aging, and almost didn't include the "fear of falling" one for that reason.

I'm okay with no longer existing. Hope it's not too painful getting there.

all the writing I did that would make me cringe now, is lost to history

Your old Graffiti stuff holds up just fine!

"Reduced energy" is the main one I'm really feeling so far - no more bounding up two flights of stairs, two steps at a time.

*throws beret*

A+ lol

Well, exactly! We all deny death as a matter of getting through every day. SO why freak out about things that aren't DEATH? (Apart from certain things, like waterboarding.)

― DSMOS has arrived (kenan), Wednesday, May 11, 2011 11:28 AM (37 minutes ago)

Every day I give less and less of a fuck about death, and more and more of a fuck about pain and discomfort. There's the telling difference between us, Kenan.

Older me is better than younger me but I think I'm not yet old enough to judge otherwise yet.

But I know the lovely unfathomableness of watching time pass, of watching my children age. I'm not sure what death is but what I fear is that important things will go on & I can never be there, & yet that is happening right now, as my children become & I am not there & can't be there & don't really always want to be there, but when you're there it is a such a glorious now: time stand still. So I know that, but I don't think that's a tragedy of getting old; it's more a tragedy of living.

i fear living to 110 more than i do death. but i think if had young kids, death would concern me a great deal more.

Very good thread indeed -- given WmC's note about the physical breakdowns, I'd be cheesed off beyond description if my hearing fully or mostly went (I'm not that thrilled with the slight tinnitus I already have but it would have been a lot worse had I not used earplugs over the years when it came to shows). On a practical note I really hope I have not inherited my mom's increasing troubles with food as she's aged, on a purely selfish note the inventors of ear hair and other such monstrosities deserve a beating, even if said inventors are only DNA and evolution.

But dementia would probably be my closest worry, if only because of what it could all eventually mean or imply. Yet I think that's also derived from my own experience, in that while I've known older relatives of friends who have suffered or are suffering from it, in terms of a direct impact on my life I really *haven't* seen it on a consistent, long-term basis.

Of my grandparents, one died when my mom was only five or so, another when I was thirteen, killed by a quickly moving cancer, still a lucid and sharp person through the end -- and those were both of my grandfathers. One grandmother I didn't see before her own passing for almost fifteen years, from when I was about sixteen or so, and I only have vague stories about her state of mind when she did. That left my other grandmother, and while according to my parents she was getting a little troubled closer to her death, a kind of fearful paranoia about things that weren't really there, I never saw that myself when I visited home.

So that leaves my parents, and they've joked over time about failing memories here and there; the physical drain has become more apparent with time, especially with my dad, still a regular bike rider but someone who tends to walk much more carefully and slowly these days -- as he told me one time, "Hey, growing old sucks!" But as noted, they've joked a bit and confessed a loss here and there about something in the past but it hasn't yet changed who they are, at least to my mind. If that does eventually happen then I'll know for the first time directly what a constant concern that might be, and I might worry more actively about myself in the long run there.

But I can't and don't know. So I wonder, wait, and go on about things.

Every day I give less and less of a fuck about death, and more and more of a fuck about pain and discomfort.

This sums me up as well as anything right now.

this thread is making me realize how young i am on the scale of ILX, and also sort of makes me sad that i probably will never have children.

actually, not to derail thread, but i've been thinking a lot recently how i really want to raise a kid at some point. think i'm going to go with a dog first, but still.

this is me too. how old are you?

My great grandmother's 10-year long slide from dementia to deterioration was a terrible thing. I don't fear death so much as dementia.

except i've started with a chameleon.

xpost

I understand the point of view from you ILMers, but I'd much prefer to go deaf than blind. I spend twelve hours a day reading and only occasionally listening to music. By the time I've gone Beethoven on everyone, I can communicate with Beeps from her arctic mansion and Hank from the floor of the Australian Parliament through text, letters and ISP Copoy.

But I'll be okay with marching through each day like a robotic exoskeleton, stepping on skulls in a silent post-apocolyptic skynet world. Long as I can read the open/closed sign at the diner.

The diner where long pig is the only meat on the menu!

I could learn Braille though. Or listen to people reading, or recorded readings. There's no braille for sound.

I think I'm less worried about going blind -- or even just having vision problems -- simply because I've had glasses since I was three or so; I'm used to the idea of something there not working as it should (eventually everyone else in my family had to start wearing them so it was kinda nice not to be alone).

There are subtitles and vibrations. Plus, I've got that iPod that's called my brain.

xp

"Sunrises and sunsets? No, I haven't seen one in years. But I did hear the Muzak version of 'Love in an Elevator' at the oncologist's yesterday."

For completeness' sake, and at the risk of needing thread to move to ILTMI --

Losing hair where you don't want to lose it -- check; male pattern baldness started in late teens
Growing hair where you don't want to grow it -- check; CURSE YOU EAR HAIR
Deteriorating hearing -- nope! The audiologist said my hearing was better than hers. So a few weeks later I went to hear Sunn O)))) play live and left out the earplugs. It was awesome! Live music with earplugs is like having sex wearing eight condoms at once (I guess).
Deteriorating vision -- deterioration is accelerating, and since I work in graphic design/prepress, it really worries me.
Graying hair -- yeah, but who cares. I do wish my beard would go ahead and go completely white.
Papery skin/loss of elasticity in skin/wrinkles -- check, but I've always been moderately homely so I don't care much about it.
Reduced energy levels -- definitely. I worry about low energy levels and think "following the fatal heart attack, an autopsy revealed 85% blockage in his heart blah blah blah"
Slower reflexes -- not really showing any signs of this, yay.
Longer times to recover from injury or exercise -- I cool down and return to my resting heart rate after doing yard work as fast or faster than I ever have, so yay.
Melanin deposits/age spots -- some; no biggie.
Moles -- as mentioned upthread, new moles on my face be pissin' me off.
Bowel/elimination problems (including hemorrhoids) -- never, hooray.
Eating/Digestion problems -- no problems to speak of. I try never to eat within 2-3 hours of bedtime, which helps.
Thickening/yellowing of nails -- nah.
Metabolism slowdown -- yeah, but that started 20 years ago, so it's hard to get wound up about it now. I plateau'ed at 220-225 lbs. and a 38 waist a few years ago, am keeping an eye on the situation.
Memory problems -- none to speak of
Reduced libido -- I wish
Dental problems -- none to speak of
Fear of falling/fear of injury/loss of physical courage -- nah, not really

i'm *eep* 26. i realized the other day that i've now been on ILX for almost 1/5 of my life.

I've been on for a quarter of it. Odd feeling, that, but I've been on the Net itself for almost half my life so hey.

yeah, been on the internet for more than half of mine. lol remembering debating merits of punk albums in aol forums in 1996.

I read Special Exits (recc'ed by forks!) and it is very bittersweet & powerful. It also gave me the frigging heebie-jeebies about my body & mind decaying. It's about the author's father & father's wife getting old & approaching death.

http://wilsonknut.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/special-exits-79-001.jpg

I think some of the problems they had was just not taking good medical care of themselves, though. Like the wife goes blind because she forgets to take her glaucoma eyedrops – could have easily been prevented.

I just ended a job at a call center helping people order prescription medications by mail (mostly very very old people) & it was amazing to me how many people were so lackadaisical about their medications. They would try to order a prescription that expired two years ago (most rxs are good for a year in the U.S.). So I think just staying on top of your medial care can make a big difference in avoiding a lot of the scary things that happened to her parents in this book!

OTOH the most truly depressing thing at this job was very lonely old people who had stayed around because of being fastidious about their health care. A couple of people in their mid-'90s who detailed how they outlived all their friends and family and have been alone for over a decade. "I guess these pills are keeping me alive, but what good is it doing?" I think that kind of isolation would be the worst thing about being old. I am pretty good at quietly entertaining myself – assuming hearing/motor skills are ok enough for me to still sit & knit with some music on – but would it still be fun if everyone I knew had been wrenched from my life years ago & all I had was the specter of death to keep me company?

I've been avoiding this thread, although, as the Oldest Known Ilxor, this should by rights be in my bailiwick. I've watched many people age and die, some from very close by. Their aging all shared broad similarities, but no two aged alike, and no two suffered the same mental or physical deficits, and each dealt with it as best they could.

Dementia may be the most dismaying to contemplate, but even there the emotional response to it varied among the victims, from eruptive anger to a sort of serene resignation. Surprisingly, I've known more who took it well than those who did not. Mostly it depended on their core personality before the onset.

So, I can't say there really is a particular aspect of aging that is worst, because it is so individual a process. All you can do is attempt to age with whatever grace you can muster. The other aspects are beyond your choosing.

i'm *eep* 26. i realized the other day that i've now been on ILX for almost 1/5 of my life.

woah - ok - i'm 33 and only just getting gloomy about the prospects of having kids. how come you're feeling this way at twenty-fucking-six?!

tbf people waiting to have kids til their 30s and 40s is a fairly recent (and predominately western) phenomenon

Dementia may be the most dismaying to contemplate, but even there the emotional response to it varied among the victims, from eruptive anger to a sort of serene resignation. Surprisingly, I've known more who took it well than those who did not. Mostly it depended on their core personality before the onset.

Most interesting, and noted.