WHO THE FUCK READS THE DAILY EXPRESS?

quite a few news websites work like that

Yeah, that's where the whole Independent meme the other week came from. People believing that the staff actually made those.

<3

http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/244599/richard-desmond-fists-termites-into-his-dead-mothers-rectum

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/May/Week2/15990185.jpg

FRONT PAGES NOW DECIDEDLY LESS BONKERS SINCE HUGH WHITTOW TOOK OVER AS EDITOR, STILL CRUSADINGLY XENOPHOBIC IN PARTS

Hmm.

Which bit is less bonkers?

Also, Saturdays front page was basically "Kate Middleton is famous"

Which means that 95% of their front pages will feature Kate in some form or other, a'la Diana...

Less bonkers in that I'd expect Europe and women bashing on the Express front page, less so coupons for bags of free sugar and rants about gays attending Kylie concerts.

Although:

It has traditionally been confined to the playground but sometimes enters the classroom.

Now street slang is making its way on to the Scrabble board in a move critics say risks “dumbing down” the English language.

Words including “thang”, “innit” and “grrl” are among 3,000 additions to the official reference for Scrabble players, published today in a move sure to raise eyebrows among loyal followers.

Collins, which publishes the list of Official Scrabble Words, says the changes reflect the “eclectic mix” of words in common parlance.

But Marie Clair, spokeswoman for the Campaign For Plain English, said the move risks “diluting” the English language.

“We already have one of the richest vocabularies in the world without adding further confusion,” she said. “The standard of English has dropped drastically in recent years and it is things like this that contribute to that.

“We can all accept that language evolves but how can we expect people to use it properly if we allow slang and technical jargon into a game which is supposed to represent the best of the English language?”

Words from Indian cookery such as keema, alu, or aloo, and gobi will also be included as well as slang words for various drugs such as tik, gak and tina.

Internet jargon such as Wiki and MySpace has also made the cut.

Marie Clair? You can't be a spokesperson, you're a magazine!

Someone with a French derived name complaining about the decline in the English language?
They should release an expansion pack of number tiles and allow 1337 words.

Hope nobody points out Scrabble was devised by bloody Yank. We should be playing something more traditional like Jagd auf Kohlenklau.

NATIONAL SERVICE BRING IT BACK NOW SAY 40% OF OVER 60s - is what the article actually says. tbh I'm surprised at this, seems low.

Nine out of 10 respondents to questions posed by think-tank Viewpoint 60+ say levels of anti-social behaviour in the UK are higher now than when they were in their 20s.

In theory these people could be talking about the 1970s. I wondered how long it would be before that was regarded as a golden age when kids knew right from wrong and you could leave your door unlocked, thought it would be another 10 years or so.

NATIONAL SERVICE BRING IT BACK NOW SAY 40% OF PEOPLE WHO WON'T NEED TO DO IT

Also, were too young to do it the first time around even. It's been a shock to me to realise that someone born in 1950, who was only 14 when I was born (and thus missed out on the waste of time and money that was NS) are now in their 60s and can start to bitch about the good old days.

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/May/Week3/15992581.jpg

There are no words.

tbh I am in hayfever hell today, so Daily Express OTM.

Will you be seeking solace in a free chicken & stuffing lattice from Greggs tho?

Also, can Pippa actually afford a £300million man?

Saw that headline earlier and knew this thread would be back. Astonishing.

Can man live on the daily express alone, from the nutritional perspective?

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/May/Week3/15993344.jpg

This thread is going to get bumped every day this week, I'm betting.

Fury as fatties get free doughnuts.

i like how she's holding the donut as if it were made of radioactive pus

a Gregg's Lemon Drizzle Donut doesn't cost much more than 35p and it wd save you the bother of throwing away the Daily Express

Tell me when they do the free pizza slice.

FREE EXPRESS DOUGHNUT OFFER CAUSES CANCER, etc.

Gregg's don't do pizza slices round here? They do those baguette-y pizza things but they're not all that tbh

No, they're not. Just kidding...

Greggs' egg sandwiches with sesame bread are almost worth the terminally depressive experience of queueing up for.

Why is it termdepress?

Lady if you have to ask...

DL thought a girl at Gregg's was rather pretty,
Maybe even prettier still after he's had a few sandwiches to stop his hunger.
She was wearing a very nice blue top from Top Shop, which he liked,
he wasn't quite as keen on the fake tan that she had applied unto herself however he still holds her in high regards.

There is one thing, however, that really, really,
Really, really does trouble DL about this girl, which is that,
as mentioned before this girl is rather pretty,
however, by george! How she knows it?

So when DL looked at the girl standing there with her hoard,
he was also waiting in the queue looking at the board
and deciding whether to have the sandwich, or a sausage roll,
Or what the little amount of money in his back pocket could afford

Then when he noticed out the corner of my eye,
Looking towards DL's direction,
Her eyes locked onto his course,
He couldn't concentrate on what he wanted to order,
Which cost him his place in the queue I waited for. Yes.

And for a while there he was thinking - yes, but, what if?
Picturing himself seducing her with his wonderful wit.
Gazing at the lady as she were standing there opposite
he has no idea if she has notice or not.
And, when another man dressed in white who was also queuing behind
was also displaying signs of interest in the girl, DL had to admit
that, yes she is beautiful,
and yes, he is interested in her,
but he must stop fantasising for a second, to purchase chips, and drinks.

DL had hurt his head earlier while purchasing a drink.
I realised that was a digression, let us continue.
DL didn't want to come across as gay,
not gay as in merriment but gay as in homosexual,
to think girls can just flirt and guys will just come to her,
however, DL thinks that girl is really gay,
And gay as in having a lively, merry mood, and he knew this as she stood and queued,
DL, however, just did not want to give the satisfaction to her!

And then, just as the girl started to walk out of Greggs

With the milkshake and that the small donut in her hands,
DL thought, no, I can't, even though you look beautiful
and her lovely smile,
and the impressive tan, o, the temptation!
However something happened that just put a spanner in the works,
as the girl walked towards DL she just walked right past, brushing his shoulders slightly,
and then into the arms of that blasted white shirted man.

That's like a song by The Streets if LJ wrote the lyrics.

Oh gosh jolly good whizzer you're fit
but tally ho toodle pip don't you know it

Dry your eyes, my friend...

A grand lemon drizzle donut don't come for free.

Original Pie cake material

What's the recipe today, Jim?

And oft we jolly well go...

http://www.frontpagestoday.co.uk/frontpages/Daily_Express_newspaper_front_page.jpg

That girl's still smiling - the staff in Greggs must be pretty sick of her tho. Coming in with the voucher every day, as of someone approaching a rations counter.

MILLIONS MUST WORK AFTER 70... like this woman in the hat pictured below...

Ah, yeah, but she's DEFIANT and wont be COWED into RETIRING!!!

Also, the greggs freebie is the big one! Sammich worth up to £2.85 mates!

What Greggs products are left for Thursday and Friday? Take it that Belgian buns are out of the window, dreadful foreign muck.

I'm sure you can get all this stuff free every day from the dumpster around the back of Greggs, without having to buy the DE.

seems like something evil foreigners would make you do though, diana.

No thanks, I get my daily dose of xenophobia elsewhere

IWANT ONE NOW!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE OPEN GREGGS IN DUBAI!!! its nearly 2pm here so afternoon tea and a lemon drizzle doughnut how lovely!!!! will have to make do with just tea :-(

People should air their political views elsewhere. Why 'like' Greggs on facebook if all yr gonna do is post your political prejudices on their posts. Greggs is about supporting a north east based company, whom we love and support and are proud of. and it's all about THE FOOD and not your cynical agendas. Get over yourselves and eat an eclair.

my mum liked the donut, i dont care about politics.

The rest of the week it's doughnuts or somesuch, retail price 60p (took a sneak look inside), apart from Saturday where it's free cuppa coffee, £1.20.

(I'm repping for no reason really, there's no Greggs around here anyway)

There is here. It sells flat flaky soggy tasteless crap. Much like the DE.

On Monday our local paper gave away a free bag of chips up to the value of £1.50.