Best snippet of overheard conversation

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On the tube a few weeks back:

Girl1: "I can't believe she didn't know Paul O'Grady was gay!"
Girl2: "Some people are just like that though.... My nan's a real homosexual."
Girl1: "Homophobic. Homosexual means you is gay innit."

― marianna, Tuesday, 10 May 2005 09:18 (twenty-one years ago)

in the grocery store:
man to woman, totally casually and loudly: "it feels okay now, but i haven't used it during intercourse, so you never know..."

― ()ops (()()ps), Friday, 13 May 2005 14:56 (twenty-one years ago)

Two middle-aged dudes walking down the street behind Sarah and I: "She's a really nice girl, she's got this great red hair. She's got a really big rack, and she's got the hips to go with the rack, but she's still really thin."

― n/a (Nick A.), Tuesday, 24 May 2005 16:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Last night at a dive bar, this skinny middle-aged guy in a trucker hat (because, you know, chances are good he was actually a trucker) suddenly shouted, "LABIA surgery!??!!"
My roommate and I had just eaten some mushrooms and I choked on my beer and almost threw up.

― kirsten (kirsten), Tuesday, 24 May 2005 19:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Just now, from the office next door: We need to start thinking outside of the box before it COLLAPSES AND FALLS DOWN AROUND US."

― the black hand, Thursday, 26 May 2005 22:21 (twenty-one years ago)

That one made me laugh out loud.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Friday, 27 May 2005 12:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Sometimes at work I am reminded that I work in a software house. Overheard today:

"The only thing with Klingon is, there's no verb 'to be'..."

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Wednesday, 1 June 2005 16:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Hahaha!

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 1 June 2005 16:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Oddly, the person speaking was a) not a programmer or DBA or any kind of techie, and b) female.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Wednesday, 1 June 2005 17:13 (twenty-one years ago)

This past weekend I was on MAGNIFICENT MILE, which is basically the big stretch of fancy touristy shops like Nordstroms. There are always street performers out there, but this time there was a new one: COPPER COWBOY. A cowboy wearing all shiny coppery clothes and with shiny coppery face paint, so that he looks like a copper statue of a cowboy. People are supposed to tip him to take photos and pose with him. But apparently this one group of Japanese tourists had taken his photo without payment, because he kept yelling "HEY ASIANS! ASIANS! HEY! HEY ASIANS!" and pointing at his "Tips for Photos" sign.

― n/a (Nick A.), Wednesday, 1 June 2005 17:34 (twenty-one years ago)

While I was on the bus about an hour ago, a man in very tight jeans got on, walked to the back and sat down, then suddenly spat out "Duck-billed platypus" very harshly, as if the consonants were sticking to the roof of his mouth. He then walked back to the front of the bus, grinned at the driver and said, "Wrong bus."

― kirsten (kirsten), Friday, 3 June 2005 00:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Maybe it as Captain Haddock?

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Friday, 3 June 2005 06:19 (twenty-one years ago)

as = was

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Friday, 3 June 2005 06:21 (twenty-one years ago)

This isn't exactly a conversation, but yesterday a pre-adolescent girl's (like 10 yrs old) cell phone rang in the deli. It played the whole Full Metal Jacket "me so horny scene." "Soul brother too boucoup" and all.

― Chris H. (chrisherbert), Friday, 3 June 2005 06:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Maybe I'm being dumb, but how is that possible? I thouht cellies had these beep-toot ringtones?

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Friday, 3 June 2005 06:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Not this one. Mine can play back recorded stuff too, but it sounds horrible. Her's sounded pretty good.

― Chris H. (chrisherbert), Friday, 3 June 2005 06:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Um, okay, so there's this indian guy in the suite next to ours. I walked out the front door just now, and he was standing in his door yelling at someone, 'you are being a kitten! Stand up for yourself and stop being a kitten! If you are going to continue to act this way, no one will respect you, you are a kitten! Aimee, don't you agree? What a kitten!'

the person he was talking to looked slightly dumbfounded "a kitten?" - as I did until I realized what he was trying to say.

"Raja, I think you mean 'pussy'."

"Yes, yes, a pussy, you are being a pussy!"

I walked away.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 7 June 2005 21:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Wow, no mention yet of Overheard In New York.Com.

― billstevejim (billstevejim), Tuesday, 7 June 2005 21:49 (twenty-one years ago)

5 mins ago. 19ish year old scally male to older vest wearing benefit type, “ave just gonna lost 90 quid on a fuckin gamblin machine an a”

Idiot!

― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 12:18 (twenty-one years ago)

I didn't quite catch it.

― Cartain, Thursday, 9 June 2005 12:19 (twenty years ago)

Man: "god, I havent been here since the last time we were here!"

?? This makes perfect sense. It means "I know you haven't been here for a long time, and you might think that I would have been here since, but actually I haven't". Like if a friend from out of town turns up and says "let's go to that bar we went to last time", then when you get there you might say this.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Thursday, 9 June 2005 12:28 (twenty years ago)

Maybe I'm being dumb, but how is that possible? I thouht cellies had these beep-toot ringtones?

Tuomas, it's 2005 and you live in Finland for god's sake - mobile phones have been able to play mp3s for years!!

― Markelby (Mark C), Thursday, 9 June 2005 12:51 (twenty years ago)

Setting: Men's room in my office building
Characters: Dude 1, a guy with a huge cast on his leg and crutches, using the urinal, and Dude 2, his buddy who is standing over by the door, presumably to help him out with the door

Dude 2: Hey, did you know milk cures PMS?
Dude 1: Yeah?
Dude 2: Yeah. (pause) I bought my wife a cow. (Chuckles to himself).

FIN

― n/a (Nick A.), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 16:30 (twenty years ago)

Alpha-male bro in a suit in the hallway outside my office:

"This is absolutely fucking ridiculous. I told you not to process that check until the 18th, and you did it anyway. I specifically said....."

(pause, pacing briefly)

"No, bullshit. Listen to what I'm saying, Mom."

― Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) (Gear!), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 16:36 (twenty years ago)

two weeks pass...

At glasto, near the green fields, “we’ve just gone round in a big circle (sigh)”.
Made me laugh.

― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Thursday, 30 June 2005 12:55 (twenty years ago)

Passing a couple on the street the other day, the man was talking animatedly to his female companion "...so NOW that I don't think that I WAS breastfed I..."

― Kim (Kim), Thursday, 30 June 2005 13:40 (twenty years ago)

Two of your standard Boston college boys, Newbury Street, presumably not drunk:

"Man, you got me...the ovaries?"

― now now now, Thursday, 30 June 2005 14:03 (twenty years ago)

probably some indie band's CD.

― jed_ (jed), Thursday, 30 June 2005 14:06 (twenty years ago)

"I'm reading Slaughterhouse Vee"

― beanz (beanz), Thursday, 30 June 2005 15:50 (twenty years ago)

My housemate over heard me slagging him off to my mate.

It went something like this, “ I couldn’t believe it he came in shouting, banging doors and then went into the bathroom and puked up loudly in the sink, dirty bastard. He didn’t even use the toilet. Then he starts talking to himself like a fucking mental case and groaning til about 4 this morning.” when I’d finished my rant, I walked past his door and noticed that he hadn’t left like I thought, he was in his room awake and well within hearing range. Doh!

― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Monday, 4 July 2005 09:03 (twenty years ago)

D: "Exactly! This summer is all about positive energy, like we were talking about!"

J: "Yeah! But we have to be careful that it doesn't become raver energy, or too-happy energy, or the gym energy..."

D: "Of course...."

J: "It has to be Andrew W.K. slash E.L.O. energy, we have to style it out, or else..."

― LeCoq (LeCoq), Monday, 4 July 2005 19:27 (twenty years ago)

not a conversation, but a t-shirt slogan on a big fat elderly woman:

"If you fuck it, they will come"

― Hand Shapes (nordicskilla), Monday, 4 July 2005 19:30 (twenty years ago)

In the gym locker room this morning

Naked man #1 : So, how are you coming along with the smoking?
Naked man #2 : Well, I don't smoke.
Naked man #1 : Still keeping it up, then!
Naked man #2 : No, actually I've never smoked.
Naked man #1 : Good for you. GOOD FOR YOU.

― Felix Leiter (nordicskilla), Wednesday, 13 July 2005 17:01 (twenty years ago)

#2 thought #1 was hitting on him. I guarantee.

― n/a (Nick A.), Wednesday, 13 July 2005 17:22 (twenty years ago)

"smoking"

― n/a (Nick A.), Wednesday, 13 July 2005 17:23 (twenty years ago)

two weeks pass...

Standing in front of Monet's "La Debacle":

She: This is rather nice.
He: ...
You could do that, couldn't you Michael?
He: mmm

― rainy (rainy), Friday, 29 July 2005 00:25 (twenty years ago)

(La debacle is a river scene, not : she's suggesting he could be a 'contortionist')

― mark grout (mark grout), Friday, 29 July 2005 06:06 (twenty years ago)

one month passes...

"... Mary Carpenter, the country singer"
"I think you'll find it's Mary Chaffinch Carpenter."
"Really?"
"She got married you see."
"Oh..."

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Tuesday, 20 September 2005 14:51 (twenty years ago)

wandering around hay-on-wye the w/e of green man with a can of beer in my hand, one middle-aged bloke'sbloke says to the other middle-aged bloke'sbloke "oi... look at that... there's a woman drinking a pint. how often d'you see that, eh?"

― emsk ( emsk), Tuesday, 20 September 2005 16:18 (twenty years ago)

NOTHING SEXIER!!

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Tuesday, 20 September 2005 16:23 (twenty years ago)

"...a lot of country songs lately. In fact, I've got one of my own. It's called 'Duct Tape.'"

― n/a (Nick A.), Tuesday, 20 September 2005 16:24 (twenty years ago)

four months pass...

Great thread.

On train this morning:
Student A: yeah so I have to read something called Ulysses?
Student B: Ulysses?
Student A: yeah I don't even know what it is. I mean, is Ulysses some kind of monster? I think so... sounds like it, you know something like the Loch Ness Monster?

― Archel (Archel), Thursday, 26 January 2006 17:01 (twenty years ago)

Heh. A funny update/aside to my strange top hat and tails man from upthread: I saw him again, some months later. He was in one of the jewish bakery/cookie shops down the road, buying a big bag of pastries. He was still dressed exactly the same as when I last saw him.

I'm starting to wonder if he's all there.

― Trayce (trayce), Friday, 27 January 2006 03:05 (twenty years ago)

six months pass...

'i don't listen to anything other than top 40.'

'oh really? yeah, i listen to this one station, most people haven't heard of it. indie 103.1...know it?'

(funnier if you're from L.A.)

― gear (gear), Tuesday, 1 August 2006 22:23 (nineteen years ago)

two months pass...

"Ever dip a peanut butter & jelly sandwich in yr chili?"

...and...

"I always put peanut butter and hot sauce on mine."

― polar bear flashback episode (nickalicious), Monday, 30 October 2006 18:09 (nineteen years ago)

"So the last time time I got a DUI..."

― Jena (JenaP), Monday, 30 October 2006 18:45 (nineteen years ago)

"We'll be doing dildo puppet theater that night. . ."

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Monday, 30 October 2006 19:00 (nineteen years ago)

and where is this dildo puppet theater?

― Sam rides the beat like a bicycle (Molly Jones), Monday, 30 October 2006 19:01 (nineteen years ago)

Haha I didn't ask.

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Monday, 30 October 2006 19:02 (nineteen years ago)

four months pass...

A : I am sick with shame.
B : You should be, I never even contemplate shitting in the workplace.
A : It's like the time I was busted scratching my ass down my pants!
B : You do some terrible shit at work
A : What happens if you are absolutely busting for one though?
B : You should be ashamed
A : yeah
B : You hold it at all costs even if it breaks your bowels
A : What are you, my mother!
B : Or you tell them you're sick and go home
A : "I am sick, I need to shit"

― Hard like armour, Wednesday, 28 February 2007 05:05 (nineteen years ago)

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