"Can I say you're my girlfriend on Facebook?"

otm re: cryptic shit

i got this today. i un-friended her.

Heyy babes.
As y'all probs know I have some cranky cranky guts. I've been hard at work for years trying to figure out every aspect of their quirkiness and have managed to figure them out really well (yay!).
Overall, it's pretty complicated because a lot of what I can and can't handle is based on how my guts are doing at that time. The two main factors affecting this are where I am in the days guts-wise (what I've eaten so far, how long its been since I've eaten, etc.), and my stress level at the time. Hence, I'm more able to eat certain foods when I'm generally eating well and staying chill (or if I'm on vacation!). Smoking weed all day def helps as well. Taking my mornings slow and snacking all day are also a huge help.
In general there are lots of vegetables that I can't eat at all, and many others that are difficult. In general I need to eat a large amount of meat and grains; if I eat a meal with lots of vegetables they need to be accompanied by an even larger amount of grains and protein.

That said, here are some lists!

FOODS I CAN NEVER EAT (it's not an allergy, so a miniscule amount isn't gonna do anything)
-Refined Sugar/Corn Syrup
-Soy (lots of places I can't eat out cuz they cook with soy oil!)
-Coffee, Beer, some other types of alcohol
-Bean Sprouts
-Cabbage, Broccoli, Bok Choy, Brussel Sprouts, Cauliflower & other similar Brassicas
-Bananas
-Garlic (if cooked very thoroughly, I can handle an itsy bit)

FOODS I CAN EAT IN SMALL AMOUNTS
-Onions (if cooked thoroughly; green onions are easier)
-Wheat/Gluten
-Dairy
-Pork
-Spicy things (anything heavily spiced, not just chiles)
-Most crunchy vegetables. This is hard and I generally avoid most veggies except the ones on the love list below. However, if they're cooked until soft, I can eat these types of veggies in small amounts. Things like snap peas, carrots, radishes, asparagus, etc.

FOODS I CAN'T EAT EVERYDAY (or if my guts are esp. cranky)
-Corn
-Beans/Lentils

FOODS MY BODY LOVES
-Starchy Root Vegetables (sweet & reg potatoes, sunchokes, taro, beets, yams)
-Leafy Greens (stems removed)
-Beef and Chicken
-Squashes (all kinds!)
-Rice, Quinoa and Oats
-Eggs
-Nuts (esp. cashews for some reason)

THINGS I EAT TO CALM MY GUTS
-Plain Rice or Quinoa (usually cooked w/ turmeric, an anti-inflammatory)
-Barbara's Shredded Oats
-Marshmallow & Licorice Root Tea
-Dark Chocolate (how convenient!)


SO MUCH STUFF!
There's obviously a lot of things that aren't on any of these lists; unless they could possibly fall into a category with something else, they're probably just fine for me to eat, just not especially fabulous for my guts or anything (like fruit).
I'll update this list if/when I think of anything else, so it will be up here as an evolving reference

i mean.

what.

good lord. "tmi" barely covers it, really.

-FOODS THAT I CAN MASTURBATE WITH

-FOODS THAT LOOK LIKE FOODS I CANT EAT

-FOODS THAT NEED TO BE REGURGITATED INTO MY MOUTH

I wish I could unfriend her too, just for the satisfaction of it. Jeez, Table!

Why was she telling everyone that? Does she expect everyone to note it all down and make her bespoke meals every time she visits?

smoking weed all day def helps as well.

Yeah like are her friends hurriedly revising their shopping lists in case she pops by for a visit?

i just. like. i don't even know.

the place this came from is a place i never hope to be. or even experience through the internet.

A girl I went to university with posted a status last week saying something like "Eighteen days! Think I'm going for the world record." Typically vague, so her sister left a comment asking her what she was on about. Turns out she had been on her period for eighteen days. I'm pretty sure this is the kind of thing you tell a medical professional, not Facebook.

O_o

lol this has been driving me crazy

http://betterfacebook.net/blog/blog/2011/04/28/fix-the-missing-cursor-in-facebook-comment-boxes/

Wut, the cursor isnt missing for me and I have a 3.x version.

It's missing for me. Double annoyance between that and the carriage return = submit nonsense.

If I had to be in Sheffield Lake, I'd drink, too.

http://admflwlng.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/like-and-dislike-stamps-530x406.jpg

haha I could totally get those made here

24-Year-Old Father Posts "Bout To Kill Ma Kid" On Facebook 2 Minutes Before He Actually Does

http://www.businessinsider.com/ramazan-acar-admits-to-killing-daughter-on-facebook-2011-5

christ, how terrible. I thought this would be an accidental death, like baby wouldn't stop crying & he shook her or something :(

It's all over our papers today. Detailed chain of events recounted here. DO NOT read it if you are in any way upset by anything ever – I am completely devoid of empathy and I very nearly cried in front of colleagues.

jesus.

oh jesus that is awful!!! i hadnt read about it til now...what a piece of shit

Yeah that one had me staggered when I read it y'day. Multiple fb posts about killing his own daughter is just next level holy shit you monster stuff.

The worst thing about these kinds of deaths is they are so very often revenge-on-partner killings. Nothing to do with the kid at all. The man (or woman, to be fair) wants to hurt their partner, get back at them. Its why that other guy threw his daughter off the westgate bridge recently (that one was just terrible as well)

I know that was what I was thinking about all the way home...its like he isn't even really thinking of his daughter as a person, just a thing that can be used to get back at his wife. And the FB stuff is just so wrong..but on the upside all the more evidence in the murder trial. God that poor little girl.

Oh Facebookpaws

what in the shit is this

Put your Myspace in your Facebook and Reach More Fans

You can now publish your Myspace page within your Facebook fan page and it will automatically sync your Myspace songs, videos, photos, and more.

Getting Started is easy.

http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y176/edwardiii/ArtistFBapp_external_main3.jpg

ugh

"Put Your Head In An Oven and Kill Yourself Now"

Oh boy, exactly what we needed to make Facebook more shitty - MySpace backgrounds!!!!

http://www.cpuidle.de/blog/wp-content/1stbluescreen.jpg

A friend was explaining to me that myspace ditched a lot of their own stuff a while ago and rely on the facebook api and tools. I guess that makes sense business-wise, but it's still pretty amazing.

myspace is a mess, currently murdoch's trying to build it up just enough to sell it off iirc

who would buy it (i'm sure someone will, but why?)

Guy Hands

"Bridesmaids was hilarious! I am all lubed up for Hangover II next week!
a few seconds ago"

http://i54.tinypic.com/fnsmt3.jpg

http://gawker.com/5806002/mark-zuckerberg-is-now-killing-animals-with-his-bare-hands

Zuckerberg posted his own comment in response, explaining that he fixates on a personal challenge each year (in 2009, he wore a tie every day)

pissweak goal

what are your goals toughie

wear a hat every day

do these hats bear subcultural markers

omg you could be like Bartholomew Cubbins and wear a hat on top of the previous day's hat until you're wearing 365 hats. DO THAT IT WILL BE AWESOME

fuck wearing 365 hats

:(

I'm all for the idea of being prepeared to slaughter/dress yr own meat if you're gonna eat meat. Learn its provenance, it doesnt grow on plastic trays.

I was the only member of my family who ate the pet cow when it was time to be slaughtered :/
(Mum bought it for meat, but then she named it and hand fed it so I don't think her heart was ever truly in that plan)

Once on my cousins farm we were eating wild rabbit (tasty but p tough) and my cuz decided to inform us this was the one he'd buckshot, and gutted and skinned, and went into detail while we were snacking on it. Hahah. That didn't go down too well. He got sent away from the table =)

lol