vadge horror stories

*In this "humor" piece, the author alleges that he was trying to parody the Mittelamerican fear of sexual activity so prevalent in the earlier part of the century, a fear which continues to come through in popular culture and attitudes to this very day. However, it is clear that he himself is some kind of anti-sex freak with a standard run of the mill virgin/whore-complex, and that his attempts at joking merely serve as camouflage to try to steer people away from the psychic turmoil raging beneath his surface...much, indeed, as LYSOL DOUCHE rages beneath the surface, its scrubbing bubbles doing the work so you don't have to.

Vadge horror story: my friend went to Brazil and whilst she was there she had her labia trimmed and her snatch tightened, but it got infected. Eeeowrgh.

Though Ade expected just syphilis
He encountered L. polyphemus
He retracted his tongue
Found it(by a thread) hung:
the beast'd wrecked his hyoglosses.

Someone must indeed record the album.

Fuck that shit, cuz I ain't tha one
For a punk muthafucka with a vadge and a gun
To be beatin on, and throwin in jail
We could go toe to toe in the middle of a cell

Boy and girl are dating in high school. Graduation rolls around and they decide to stick together even though they each are going to different colleges very far apart. A few months pass into the freshman year, and she comes over to his dorm to visit for a few days. Shortly after they meet up, they go back to his room and begin fooling around. Eventually he starts to venture down for a little 'lingus, but when he takes her panties off, he notices that she smells a bit worse than he remembered. He figures that she just hasn't showered for a while or something and tries to start, but the smell is a bit overpowering. So he gets a sour apple Jolly Rancher and starts sucking on it in order to ignore the smell. He's licking her and the Jolly Rancher, when suddenly the Jolly Rancher accidentally goes into her vadge. So he quickly fishes it out, puts it back in his mouth, and bites down on it, whereupon he discovers that what he's biting down on is not a sour apple Jolly Rancher after all, but in fact a gonorrhea nodule! He immediately hits the bathroom, pukes, and tells her to leave. Turns out that she hooked up with some random skank guy at a club the second week of school - and had no idea that she had gonorrhea afterwards, either. Needless to say, the relationship didn't last much longer.

Could she have used some LYSOL DOUCHE?

"It's famous primarily for its opening sequence, in which Taki, the James Bond-like hero, picks up a beautiful woman in a bar. They go back to her place and have sex a few times, in a few different positions. After their last climax, as Taki drowses, the woman's hands elongate into pincers; her legs stretch out and bend back impossibly until she enfolds Taki like a spider. He breaks free in the nick of time, and as he flies across the room we see that the woman's vagina has turned into a fang-lined, gnashing maw."

Link not work safe!

these two words alone are enough to make me wanna ralph.

Hey! I predicted the Laura E link earlier in the thread!

I beg your pardon?

Also: SMOO!

I literally did gasp in horror when reading Girolamo's story, the first time I've ever had sort of reaction to anything posted on ILX.

-- Begs2Differ (cibul...), June 18th, 2004