Why I hate the Daily Mail, as distilled into one edition

proper sore losing there

In spite of all the practice, still the world's worst losers

thanks to all the practice

http://www.pressgazette.co.uk/Pictures/web/w/a/o/martin_samuel.jpg

Why are the English rugby team (i.e. not England) so bad and hated

... must be an Irishman or two working for Nike... or Scottish, Welsh, French, Australian, South African, New Zealander...

Disappointing that the beeb don't actually show the video, which will no doubt be required viewing for all opposition teams playing England in future. Well done Nike!

http://i.imgur.com/KIr1b.jpg

Close thread, we're done forever:

Next, having removed my knickers — something I don’t do lightly — I lie on my side, knees to my chest.

Amanda inserts the small nozzle of the tubing. This is strange, but not painful.

Amanda sits next to the tube, massaging my abdomen as warm water is gently pumped into my body. She sits watching the contents being whooshed back out down the tube.

Primitive tribes used river water and hollow reeds to perform the first enemas
I can’t see the tube, so I watch her face intently. Occasionally, she raises an eyebrow. She agrees my abdomen is very distended. ‘You have been holding on to a lot of anger, hurt and grief in your tummy,’ she says.

I’m a vegan, so there’s none of the mucus from dairy, or bits of old rotting meat, in my intestine (meat can lodge in the colon for years, which can contribute to cancers and other illnesses), but a hint of diverticulosis: this occurs as you get older, and means pockets of gas and food get lodged as your colon loses its elasticity.

I tell Amanda I always feel things in my stomach. I think my anorexia, which I suffered from acutely in my teens and 20s and have never quite been able to shake off completely, is because I feel fear and stress in my gut, and so I starve it.

Amanda gives me a coffee enema, pouring weak organic coffee into the big cylinder above me. This feels very strange, slightly sharp. She adds electrolytes and herbs, designed to help my liver to release bile.

At the same time, she massages around my liver (on the right hand side, just under my ribs), and the ileo caecal valve, where the small intestine meets the large intestine (the enema doesn’t reach beyond this point).

‘Wow!’ she says, looking pleased, and I feel like a child on a potty. ‘But aren’t our bodies designed to look after themselves?’ I say. ‘Haven’t we existed for millions of years without expensive treatments in spas that flush out our bodies?’

Not Safe For Breakfast

wtf

Liz Jones now literally serving DM readers any old shit.

Amanda gives me a coffee enema,

While reading that I very nearly had an involuntary coffee nasal irrigation all over the keyboard.

‘But aren’t our bodies designed to look after themselves?’ I say. ‘Haven’t we existed for millions of years without expensive treatments in spas that flush out our bodies?’

And even, at the end, she sees the inherant bullshit at the heart of all things.

@You have been holding on to a lot of anger, hurt and grief in your tummy,’

Hooray, even in the midst of an investigative piece into a health treatment, Liz still manages to shoehorn in a "poor me, poor my life" reference, conveniently vocalised by the person she's with who can SEE HER PAIN!

alt: You are full of shit, btw.

‘But aren’t our bodies designed to look after themselves?’ I say. ‘Haven’t we existed for millions of years without expensive treatments in spas that flush out our bodies?’

This'll be the same Liz Jones who has run up thousands of pounds of debt on various treatments and potions and spa breaks and quick fixes?

yeah but she existed for millions of years before that

No wonder they had to use a coffee enema if her shit's fossilised.

Willing to give the Mail a little credit for this story.

The "HaveYourSay" is priceless tho.

Ein Volk, ein Reich, ein Bathroom?

think ken c works for the mail

http://i.imgur.com/KhWui.jpg

You shouldn't click on this - I shouldn't have clicked on it - but I'm recording this Liz Jones piece here for posterity.

http://www.mailonsunday.co.uk/debate/article-1372758/Seeking-cosy-hostel-17-cats-collies--me.html

Can we have a whiparound for her?

As long it involves actual cat o' nine tails.

PETER HITCHENS; We can protect a mob in Benghazi, so why not a little girl in Stockwell?

Was at my Mail-reading mother's house today and almost choked on my breakfast at that bit of solid Liz Jones gold.

Fuck

Ha, lucky you :)

http://i.imgur.com/VTLvz.jpg

they really do the crappiest graphics ever

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/article-1373743/Martin-Samuel-Were-Manchester-United-want---dont.html

350lb livestock rapist marty samuel continues his strange vendetta against minority interst irish sports

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-1373849/Nick-Cleggs-Social-Mobility-Strategy-Privilege-guilt-betrayal-poor.html

Weird take on social mobility: they swipe at Clegg's "internship in daddy’s bank" and in the same article assert that parents are the "most effective engine of social mobility" so we mustn't stop parents trying to help their children up the ladder.

Richard Attenborough loved making historically fatuous films such as Gandhi, which depicted British imperialists in India as murderous monsters.
We might suggest, in defence of Blair and Attenborough, that they do not know any better. They learned little history at school, and have spent most of their lives in the company of people who, though British, do not think much of Britain.

But Cameron attended what is probably the best school in the world, Eton, and is a highly educated man. He is also a Tory — indeed, leader of the Conservative Party. Thus, it does not seem too much to hope that he knows something of Britain’s past, and takes pride in it.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-1374257/David-Cameron-compelled-knock-Britain-abroad.html

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-1374256/David-Cameron-Pakistan-Why-does-PM-talk-Britain-down.html

But Cameron attended what is probably the best school in the world, Eton, and is a highly educated man.

Blair and Attenborough not highly educated, can't be, didn't go to Eton (or Charterhouse like Max)

not good enough schools for him and his standards

Haven't the Tories worked out by now that Caneron will say anything to anyone, he's a PR man

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-1373872/We-Tory-PM--Lefties-luvvies-run-Britain.html

Chris Jagger, we would like you to be clear that your life is of very low quality

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1378325/Rolling-Stone-Mick-Jagger-fills-arenas-brother-Chris-cans-sell-village-hall.html

okay the guy lives in a renovated farm house in a gorgeous part of england, has two jobs, and plays music and has even released an album.

sounds like he's doing okay to me

having two jobs isn't my idea of a good time

yeah sort of otm, having two jobs isn't like having two cars!

unless you're a funeral director and a clown

John Prescott to thread...

"...GIFs, a type of picture format similar to a Jpeg which has been around since the invention of home computers.

Only now with broadband Internet are they bringing it to life with a startling effect."

Give them ogg vorbis, make 'em cry.

"There's a new music type of image format taking over this country and it's called indie GIF."

"Those cheeky chappies, the popular beat combo know as The Rolling Stones, have also used this so-called 'moving picture' technology."
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/e/e7/SatanicRS.jpg

I for one cannot wait to switch on the Televisor this evening and see what Raymond Baxter Esq. has to say about JIFs on 'Tommorow's World'.

Shit article but I love this magical moving picture
http://istyosty.com/tmp/cache/85b1a3f01735809ed9a5a2d43beaa9be6a79d404.gif