WHO THE FUCK READS THE DAILY EXPRESS?

No need to get all yog(butt)hurt over the situation.

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/Mar/Week4/15962618.jpg

NUCLEAR FALLOUT 'CAUSES CANCER'

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/Mar/Week4/15963305.jpg

IN TOMORROW'S EXPRESS: FREE SALT FOR EVRY READER

Let me guess - salt not actually banned in chip shops?

It wasn't on Tuesday, though I'm in Scotland and we have our own law system that puts compulsory salt clauses in all fast food licensing.

Cash-strapped Lib Dem-run Stockport Council, facing cuts of £50million over four years, wants fish and chip shops, cafes and Indian restaurants to hide salt shakers behind the counters...

...Five shops have signed up to the “out of sight, out of mind” salt scheme.

Where/how did Liz Taylor get a million pounds? She's hardly been churning out blockbusters for the last three decades.

Perfume, & a clear business head apparently.

Its hard enough to get enough salt&vinegar on yr chips at the best of times..

I've been looking it up - apparently she had over £200m in jewellery alone so fair dos.

Best line: "It is not the first time the health conscious council has targeted fast food addicts. In 2009 it gave cafes salt cellars with five holes instead of 17, prompting Tory leader Mr Jones, to say it created a “nanny town”."

lmao

Not enough use of the word 'daft' in front page splashes imho.

...although 26 times in a month might be overdoing it.

Forget it, Mr Jones. It's nanny town. [jazz to fade]

Just got a 'special edition' of the Daily Express through my door - a eurosceptic bonanza. Lots of dudes dressed up as crusading knights, and best of all, a eurosceptic crossword! Example clues: 8 across - "Absolutely nothing - as some might say be get from the EU (3)" 10 across - "Dry, lifeless unproductive - not unlike the EU (4)" 22 across - "Turn your back on or ignore, as we should perhaps do to Brussels (4)"

In addition, a nice leaflet from UKIP telling me that Farage, my local UKIP candidate and "World Famous Global Warming Sceptic" Christopher Monckton will be holding a meeting in my village hall - right across from my house - on Monday. Dunno if I'll go or not. If the answers weren't under the crossword I could ask help with a clue.

i'm sure they did a Europhobe crossword a few months back too. I wouldn't bother going to the village hall, it'd be quicker to post your nail bomb

I'm restraining from jokes like that in case I wake up to lots of RAF MPs in my bedroom on Monday morning (village is mostly an airbase, hence their targeting it I suppose).

Don't miss the chance to see Monckton's goodly eyes in the flesh.

Goodly = googly. FFS phone.

Just got a 'special edition' of the Daily Express through my door - a eurosceptic bonanza. Lots of dudes dressed up as crusading knights, and best of all, a eurosceptic crossword! Example clues: 8 across - "Absolutely nothing - as some might say be get from the EU (3)" 10 across - "Dry, lifeless unproductive - not unlike the EU (4)" 22 across - "Turn your back on or ignore, as we should perhaps do to Brussels (4)"

it's all, like, just so shamefully, gob-smackingly juvenile.

Would go to see Monckton and Farage for a laff. Two twits together.

I wonder if he'll have any gems like this foe us Fifers : "The Scots are subsidy junkies whingeing like crumpled bagpipes and waiting for a fix of English taxpayers' money."

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/Apr/Week1/15964951.jpg

NOW MORE FREE SUGAR FOR MUMS ON MOTHER'S DAY

shopping is banned get your sugar for free dys

unless you are the one lucky Express crusader who wins £5,200 of Asda tat

Going the way of the Sunday Sport:

The Daily Express could be heading into new ownership after Richard Desmond, its media tycoon owner, asked Goldman Sachs to conduct a review of his newspaper assets.

The investment bank, one of Desmond's long-standing advisers, will assess a range of options for the Express and its tabloid sister title, the Daily Star. There is no formal mandate for a sale at this stage. The move comes after Desmond was courted by Barclays Capital to find a buyer for OK! magazine. It will stoke speculation that the colourful press baron, who recently became a father again, could be preparing to leave the publishing industry, where he has spent his entire career.

Bankers are forecasting a new round of consolidation for newspaper companies, which are trying to drive new digital income streams to offset falling print circulation.

They think Desmond's titles could be a good fit with Lord Rothermere's Daily Mail or Trinity Mirror, which owns the Daily Mirror and the People.

The Express has been a goldmine for Desmond, who acquired it for £125m from Lord Hollick's United News & Media in 2000. He has taken out £200m in pay and pension, plus £100m from a property deal.

His newspapers make an estimated £50m annual profit and could fetch £300m-£500m. The Express had a circulation of 624,000 in February, down 7.3% compared with a year ago.

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/Apr/Week3/15974289.jpg

DIANA FANS NO LONGER CONTENT WITH FREE SUGAR, GO ON WEDDING CRUSADE

is that for real only i saw the front of the Sunday Express yesterday and they said it were them bad bad Mussulmans who was plotting to taint the confetti

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/Apr/Week4/15978126.jpg

YOUR GUIDE TO THE ROYAL WEDDING'S POCKETS

I'm outraged! 1 kg of sugar? KG!? What kind of weird euro unit is that? Don't tell me your proud nation has fallen victim to the exact kinds of bizarre european measurements your grandfathers fought against!

The iconic image of London’s red buses has become known across the world as something quintessentially English.

Humiliatingly, however, millions of ­passengers are now being driven around the capital in buses that bear the logo of their new French owners, a stylised image of the River Seine meandering through Paris.

RATP Group, the state-owned French company that runs the Paris Metro, took over bus operator London United’s prized routes last month.

The company is keen, however, to deflect suggestions of triumphalism. A spokesman said: “RATP were keen that the brand of London United was more prominent than their own, hence the size of the lettering.” Mayor Boris Johnson’s political opponents are less than impressed, however. The famous London Transport symbol, designed in 1908 and known as the “roundel”, disappeared from buses after privatisation in 1994.

John Biggs, Labour’s deputy leader of the London Assembly, said Mr Johnson had been “caught napping”.

He added: “RATP have succeeded where Napoleon failed. It sends out a strange message from the world’s greatest city and Boris needs to either invade France or devise some symbolic remedy by representing London on its own buses.”

Humiliatingly, however, hundreds of thousands of thoroughbred British crusaders are now reduced to saving newspaper coupons for 1kg bags of free sugar.

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ZAn-ABmM9m4/TH17OWvZjCI/AAAAAAAAJtw/LECGVX_TP94/s1600/john+biggs.jpg

Driving it forward: arrow points at his head
John Bigg: his crotch?

"They don't call him 'Biggs' for nothing."

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/Apr/Week4/15979941.jpg

...according to Andrew Morton, who may have some leftover books to sell.

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/May/Week1/15986298.jpg

Kinda glad he's not my granny.

Is it common knowledge that you can write your own URLs for Express stories? I just learned that the site ignores everything after the number so you can say what you like:

http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/228984/the-usual-racist-bullshit

I did not know that.
http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/244599/heres-some-shit-we-made-up-earlier-about-eurocrats

quite a few news websites work like that

Yeah, that's where the whole Independent meme the other week came from. People believing that the staff actually made those.

<3

http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/244599/richard-desmond-fists-termites-into-his-dead-mothers-rectum

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/May/Week2/15990185.jpg

FRONT PAGES NOW DECIDEDLY LESS BONKERS SINCE HUGH WHITTOW TOOK OVER AS EDITOR, STILL CRUSADINGLY XENOPHOBIC IN PARTS

Hmm.

Which bit is less bonkers?

Also, Saturdays front page was basically "Kate Middleton is famous"

Which means that 95% of their front pages will feature Kate in some form or other, a'la Diana...

Less bonkers in that I'd expect Europe and women bashing on the Express front page, less so coupons for bags of free sugar and rants about gays attending Kylie concerts.

Although:

It has traditionally been confined to the playground but sometimes enters the classroom.

Now street slang is making its way on to the Scrabble board in a move critics say risks “dumbing down” the English language.

Words including “thang”, “innit” and “grrl” are among 3,000 additions to the official reference for Scrabble players, published today in a move sure to raise eyebrows among loyal followers.

Collins, which publishes the list of Official Scrabble Words, says the changes reflect the “eclectic mix” of words in common parlance.

But Marie Clair, spokeswoman for the Campaign For Plain English, said the move risks “diluting” the English language.

“We already have one of the richest vocabularies in the world without adding further confusion,” she said. “The standard of English has dropped drastically in recent years and it is things like this that contribute to that.

“We can all accept that language evolves but how can we expect people to use it properly if we allow slang and technical jargon into a game which is supposed to represent the best of the English language?”

Words from Indian cookery such as keema, alu, or aloo, and gobi will also be included as well as slang words for various drugs such as tik, gak and tina.

Internet jargon such as Wiki and MySpace has also made the cut.

Marie Clair? You can't be a spokesperson, you're a magazine!