I'm sad

But the sage advice from therapists regarding feelings is to be analytical about them. "Why are you feeling this way?". "What triggered you to think like that?". Apparently just noticing the feeling and analyzing it in non-emotional terms is a great way to squander the feeling.

would like to see a Yes Man style gimmicky lifestyle-change memoir in which someone runs all of their life decisions by the Yahoo Answers crew.

But guys I swear, at one point it probably was an issue and the BREAK IT OFF advice would've seemed like good advice then, but now it really isn't. I'm even good friends with her new girlfriend, with no conditions or 'but's about it. Yr advice is appreciated, however, even though I think it's wrong in this v particular case.

Anyway I now have the baffling and doubtlessly terrible urge to assuage my blues by watching Scenes from a Marriage. Back to try to type through my floods of tears in... THREE HOURS??

I don't think one needs to break it off with an ex as a rule. Exes can be really good, if not best, friends. Stranger things have happened. As long as it is not the source, not even a small contribution to the source of your problems, of why you are feeling sad. When it is, I think deep down you already know and feel it is. If so, try and be courageous and admit it. But if not, it's perfectly ok.

All the best Merdeyeux, keep it up!

(I'm not part of the Yahoo Answers crew tbh)

I am a bit tired of people admonishing others for remaining close friends with an ex. It *is* perfectly doable and perfectly ok, you know.

I usually just burn the bridge entirely. I figure if I am worth anything they notice.

They usually don't.

Trayce, that was basically my sentiment too. Exactly, actually.

written then scrapped way too many posts on this thread, but trayce otm with the caveat that this goes a lot better once both parties have seen other people since even if just briefly.

Co -sign on the friends with exes thing. My long term gf of 15 years is still my closest friend 10 years after we broke up, and I'm hers. We have a child, and had to keep in touch for that, and maybe to begin with it was duty more than pleasure, but said child is now a grown up and on the cusp of moving out of both homes, and we still talk most days and meet at least once a week. Not weird, no sexual tension, we can talk about other relationships.....

It can just be nice and relaxing, and at this stage, if we do fight about something, we know it'll sort itself out, and there's no *relationship* to jeopardise, so it's cool.

with the caveat that this goes a lot better once both parties have seen other people since even if just briefly

Oh yep this definitely helps, yes.

thanks guys, I'm pleased that my gut feeling and rational analysis isn't contrary to all laws of nature.

(Scenes from a Marriage wasn't nearly the cavalcade of misery I was expecting. Unflinching and intense, sure, but the slivers of joy and happiness seemed really real as a result. Step it up, Ingmar.)

christ i'm so fucknig sad

too sad to correct typos even
brb gonna go zip myself up inside of a beanbag and cry or sleep or something

no specifics to get into think just need good cry, back is bent and world is wearying

hugs for u snowy, <3

am v much a proponent of 'see a shrink' over 'medication' but that is coming from someone who has never been clinically depressed

strikes me that there's a lot to be said for CBT tho, having done a large academic project on it. medication is something I am wary of

all strength to the sufferers itt :)

Ive had a few ppl dear to me suggest CBT in recent times. I suppose I should look into it, tho psychologists here are expensive (unlike psychiatrists theyre not on medicare and i dont have insurance).

I think a pall of sadness is weighin' us all down at the moment for what are probably v understandable reasons. *hugs* to everyone

Everyone should get their thyroid checked (and that goes for me too). I don't know why doctors don't include it as part of a regular check-up. My mom spent 5 days in the hospital last year and they did serious testing (CT Scan, PET Scan, MRI, etc.) and they couldn't find anything so sent her home with a diagnosis of old and depressed. A week later her physical therapist recommended she see her primary care doctor who ordered a thyroid test and found out her thyroid levels were off the charts. Within a month an endocrinologist straightened her out and cleared up (pretty much) the vicious mood swings. Caretaking for this was a bitch (as was my mom).

I have little room for sadness, it's an advantage of being angry about so many things.

Damn. I just did a triple-take: "Morbius is sad? Morbius is sad?"

Sadness is anger turned inward, so I hope Morbius never experiences that!

We'll see how not getting a raise because I started my job "just after" the employee-review process began last year manifests itself.

Best wishes to all those sad here. I've done time on pills and in talking therapy. They worked for the lowest ebbs and the talking seems to have instilled a structure through which I can talk myself out of new low ebbs so would always recommend that therapy. But sadness is a chemical-behavioural thing for me. Something I have to be aware of daily, work at if necessary, but unavoidably me. Like a mental limp.

http://i.imgur.com/8SMvJ.gif

ur... I mean
http://i.imgur.com/Uj0kr.png

xp lj: It's as absurd to be wary of psych meds as it is to be wary of meds for anything else. These aren't happy pills given out to keep potential troublemakers pacified, these are meant to put your body chemistry back into balance. Major depression is 60% chemical and bipolar disorder is somewhere around 80% chemical.

xp I just got a thyroid test as part of my lithium therapy (lithium can cause hypothyroidism) and I should get the results back soon.

i'm closing in on my one-year anniversary of starting antidepressants, and i can say without hesitation that it's been the best year of my adult life. not much else about my situation has changed; i'm still stuck in a part-time job with no room for advancement and i have hardly any social life. but i just feel better, generally. it's easier to talk to people, easier to go out and get things done, and i no longer feel like everything is pointless. now i know that only SOME things are pointless, specifically pampered chef parties.

Yes, I'm sad. I was smoking a cigarette earlier and thinking of how completely alone I am. My ex of four years ago then called because he needs to give me some drugs but to come pick it up soon because he had to leave with his friends for some party. I said no. I wish I could cry.

Just interrupting to cosign reddening's post.

The mister has taken me down and I've given my registration forms to the doctor. Have to wait a couple of days for them to do paperwork before I can get an appointment, though. I really hope that there is something medical here, because I feel like I'm in the middle of a slow motion implosion.

now i know that only SOME things are pointless, specifically pampered chef parties

so true, so true

It's 4:30 a.m. I could just be tired, but I feel sad to the bone. My skin feels sad, my hair feels sad, the bruises at the back of my eyes, sad. Wallow, wallow, wallow.

Feel so sick and empty. Still haven't made an appointment. Hate this all so much.

I'm sorry, em <3

Hi emil.y. Making the appointment won't make anything worse. I had to be dragged to mine by my partner, and after it happened it was a huge relief. Take care.

Go read up on myxedema comas and thyroid storms and see if that doesn't give you a little more encouragement to make that appointment.

I am sorry that you are going through this, and I hope you feel better soon.

my brother's been admitted to the psych hospital yet again. having so many feelings today. long story. i wish things didn't have to be so hard for him. jesus christ have mercy.

If it would help to tell your long story, I'll listen. Best of luck to your brother. I hope it's a reasonably humane psych hospital where he will feel (and be) safe. Hugs to you.

Zora otm -- let ILX be your swedish steam bath. Pour it on if you feel the need.

^^^^

I need advice for a close friend of mine...I am sad for her, and she is very, very, very sad.

How do you help someone who is addicted to 'fixing' people?

My friend is going through some terrible family traumas right now: her brother committed suicide off a hiking trail a year ago and they just found his body; her nephew committed suicide a month ago; and now her sister in-law, the wife of the brother who committed suicide, well her father died just days ago...and they're having the brother's funeral this weekend so it's just death upon death upon death.

She's been hanging in there so hard, she went to therapy to work through some of her family issues (her brother's suicide brought up a lot of stuff from her childhood that she had forgotten)...I don't think she's doing therapy any more, I think that was only a few months for the trauma after her brother's suicide.

But in talking to her these last days, she's just so depressed because she can't fix anyone's problems. All of these people in her life are either dying or losing people they love and all she wants to do is fix it...and I'm worried now that she's going to spiral because she can't find an outlet for her need to 'fix'.

She's a great mother and a good friend but she definitely has an obsessive need to 'fix'. And I keep talking her through it all, trying to gently remind her that she should fix actual material things, and house projects and stuff like that, and give more than her usual amount of attention to herself, because in this case it's not selfish...this is something she needs for herself, she needs to turn that desire to fix in on itself and use it to help her see her way through this, so she can support the people she loves without wanting to make their problems go away.

I guess there's not a lot more I can do here, aside from what I am trying to do...but I just feel so sad FOR her. It's so hard to watch, because she works SO hard to appear positive to everyone that watching her crack behind the smile is just heartbreaking. And i'm afraid if she pushes that facade too hard she'll just collapse.

this may be totally off-base but it sounds familiar -- and from what i know of people close to me who have similar and overwhelming caretaking / 'fixing' reflexes -- it could be that she is feeling the residual effects of being a 'parentified' child. if she was called on as a child to serve the functional, material or emotional needs of her parent(s) or other siblings, it's going to seriously effect her ability to prioritize her own needs, especially now. the things i could think of to express to her are: she does not need to assume that responsibility; she is just as affected by these tragedies as those around her; she deserves and needs to take care of herself.

again, this is largely informed by my own experience so it may not necessarily apply. but my sympathies go out to your friend and to you as well.

Thank you elmo --- you're actually spot on, she had a pretty messed up childhood and was sort of the surrogate Mom to her siblings at an early age, and I hadn't put that together with all of this now...makes total sense. I'll definitely hone in on trying to reinforce those points you've made, that seems 100% the right approach here.

Thanks for the clarity!!

In conclusion, boundaries boundaries boundaries, boundaries. Boundaries boundaries. Boundaries...boundaries. And boundaries.

oh i'm glad i could be of some small help, VG. parentification, aside from being an extremely awkward word, is a really tough thing to endure in terms of a person's emotional development. if she's willing to go back into therapy it's something she may want to look at. good luck to you both!

thanks again, elmo. check's in the mail :D

torn between reviving this or i'm drunk
both apply
finally got a referral to go to see someone who will give me pills, but i've been afraid to call him to set up an appointment
was it spinoza that thought if there was a god, it wouldn't have any sort of sympathy to humans because it would be so infinitely superior? i always think of god-games like civilization, and the times when i have lorded over these civs, and how easily i just deleted their savefiles, and how similar that might be to a hypothetical god who would be very interested in the problems of earth's people until she or he got bored and floated away

do you think your savefiles are waiting for you to un-delete them?

possibly! but really, they'll never be open again with reinterest. alexander, saladin and einstein v 1.0 were cool, but alexander, saladin and einstein v.2.0 are more interesting

be open again

druuuuuunk, i'm saad