Why I hate the Daily Mail, as distilled into one edition

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A pub full of idiots.

I missed the bit of A Clockwork Orange with the mimes.

smuggest use of sic ever

Really, REALLY thinking of pitching an article about Juggalos to the Daily Mail now. Shit would blow their minds.

The captions are the best...
http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2008/03_03/MimesL1703_468x372.jpg
You looking at me? These two look to have come all the way from France

why do all the comments come from people in Australia, United Arab Emirates etc.

Tories in exile until the return of the One True Government.

Inside, as these photographs show, youngsters were jumping up and down with cans and bottles, spraying them around as though they were at a rave.

those pictures show that? that pic above looks like a rather tame night out in my local.

and "spraying them around as though they were at a rave.", no rave i ever went to did people do this.

laffable

That article is sheer awesome

The picture of all the bottles and cans sorted and crushed in recycling boxes.

"oh noes our "house" is destroyed by a wild party, but NEVER MIX GLASS AND METAL"

http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2008/03_02/nicolebatLL_1000x895.jpg

^ <3

Her top lip appears to be dead.

Obviously the kid who posted her party details on bebo is a bit thick, but then a lot of kids are a bit thick and naive. I felt quite sorry for her, it must have been fucking terrifying, losing control like that. The ppl who turned up at the house and trashed the place are cunts. It would be really funny if someone ran a dummy party, advertised on web 2.0 social networking sites, and when the lairy lot turned up, have a bunch of heavies spring out of hiding and break their motherfucking legs with iron bars.

Admittedly the picture of the girl in the domme outfit was pretty lulzy. The article is archetypal/typical of the hysterical steez of the dail mail as well "when you are out seeing a show in the city, your teenage children are havig group gay sechks on the washing machine oh no it's a national crisis bring back the birch" etc etc. That paper is such a piece of shit it makes me ashamed to be britishes.

Really, REALLY thinking of pitching an article about Juggalos to the Daily Mail now. Shit would blow their minds.

-- Dom Passantino, Tuesday, 18 March 2008 14:01 (3 hours ago) Bookmark Link

You must do this. You must then attempt to leverage yourself into a position as a staff writer. There could be nothing funnier in this world than D Passantino on the proud masthead of the daily mail DO IT DOM.

I enjoyed the lament that the mother should have to go through the shame of strangers seeing her daughter in that outfit on the internet, right beside the Mail's reproduction of said photo.

This is also typical mail fare though, yes? "Oh no, YOUR TEENAGE CHILDREN are indulging in kinky sex and wearing provocative outfits, isn't it disgusting? Here's a picture, btw."

Yes it is, but I still love it. My old landlady got the mail everyday and so I used to have regular access (to the newspaper). I couldn't understand how women could read a rag whose stock story was basically 'Women Are Scum'. Then I realised the story was actually 'Other Women Are Scum'.

'Women who are having more fun and decent sex than you are scum.'

decent sex, ha.

Someone make a facebook group to get Dom to join the daily mail staff

"Is fear of offending ethnnic minorities stopping police from ending the misery of teenage sex slaves?"

Check out the amazing Photoshop skillz in the first pic here:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=547008&in_page_id=1770

And cower at the v fucking violent video game in the second picture.

Is Anne Diamond doing a gang sign in that picture?

wow that's got to be a joke article.

http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2008/03_04/beat1MOS2903_154x100.jpg
Bea the hippy princess raves at the full moon

"Last Saturday night, Beatrice's group headed to Koh Phagnan to enjoy one of the island's notorious "Full Moon" raves.

A tourist was stabbed to death at that party, although it is not known if Beatrice was aware of this."

o_0

Millions of girls using Facebook, Bebo and Myspace 'at risk' from paedophiles and bullies and we've got the photos!

Facebook makes it too fucking hard to perv on these girls. The one area it's worse than MySpace.

speaking from experience?

Of course.

I saw Princess Beatrice at Cross Central last year, on the roof of Canvas at about 7.30am as it was the only sound system still playing. She was clearly pilling her tits off, but I thought she was Peaches Geldof so thought nothing of it.

yeah warning to anyone opening that facebook story, pics of young girls in scantily clad clothing

i love that the facebook screenshot is like the most boring page in the world.

PEDOGEDDON

More filth elsewhere in today's edition: she turned pink and frowned, like a woman whose bottom had just been goosed by a passing cad (not worth opening, I just liked the saucy Edwardian turn of phrase). This thread is starting to make me love the Mail.

Mail 2.0 - http://beta.dailymail.co.uk/ - is only open from 9am to 7pm on weekdays.

Reminds me of how the Virgin Trains online shop used to close at night.

This article is the DM summed up in one article. The fetishising of the police officer, the dodgy stats, the ridiculous picture of what policing used to be like in the good old days. It needs a celebrity angle though.

All 43 forces in England and Wales have firearms support units, including the Metropolitan Police's crackcrap SO19 unit.

Fixed.

"a staggering 12 pieces of equipment"

roflroflrofl

Can we really transplant a human soul?

"BELT"

Brit School to thread.

"I think Gordon Brown should launch an investigation into just what is happening here. If the source of the soul can be found, and some souls are discovered to be superior to others, then this could be another source of revenue for the Government. After all, they (over) tax everything else!"

Has to be a wind-up.

In one celebrated case uncovered by Professor Schwartz's team, an 18-year-old boy who wrote poetry, played music and composed songs was killed in a car crash. A year after he died, his parents came across a tape of a song he had written, entitled, Danny, My Heart Is Yours.

In his haunting lyrics, the boy sang about how he felt destined to die and donate his heart. After his death, his heart was transplanted into an 18-year-old girl - named Danielle.

When the boy's parents met Danielle, they played some of his music and she, despite never having heard the song before, knew the words and was able to complete the lyrics.

fwd this to everyone you know!!!!

"I'm gonna die and give you my heart
I hope you will make a brand new..."

"omg i know this!"

The Daily Mail will believe anything. As will their readers. Remember this from last year?
Campaigning parents plan to burn children's books with grisly endings.

I can't keep[ away from that transplant story it's fantastic...

For a few brave scientists have started claiming...

So brave, so very brave...

Many scientists will, of course, point out that tens of thousands of organ transplants have now been carried out worldwide

more like hundreds of thousands

scientists haven't even managed to define what exactly consciousness is

useless lazy bums!

It has already been proved that hearts have their own residual brain, that is why people often take on the idiosyncrasies of the donor.

- Nigel, Somerset