I'm sad

Almost sent you ilx mail but you're just such a total stranger. Stop being abstractly fucked.

Nobody can really sort out someone else's fucked-uppery, but otoh people are apes not tigers, we evolved to live in social groups, so I figure some emotional support (even if it's as abstract as ILX) should > nothing.

(I'm offering this rather than asking for it btw. I am feeling pretty together atm, to the extent that when I burst into tears after reading some dumb article in the Guardian, I can be all 'uh, hello sadness, wondered where you'd got to, don't feel obliged to stay tho, k?' and it goes away again for another day or 3.)

Has anyone tried the scheduled misery approach?

kinda entering this weird zone where the extended bummer has taken on this strange blissful sadness thing, haven't felt that since i was a bummed out teen

yeah it's tough when your perception of 'normal' changes to accomodate new sadness :/

it's not even just adapting, though...it's like this bullshit fleeting "i'm glad i feel this way right now, this is how it should be" shit that i know is wrong but keeps coming back

today I made up a little 60s pop pastiche in my head called "Another Rainy Day (in Rainy Daysville)" that was basically abt this

as long as you guys don't start putting every day is like sunday on repeat I think we're good here

It's another rainy day...
in Rainy Daysville!

All the children want to play, but they
know that they will
never have the chance (oooh, oooh)
because life is cruel
and holds no answers... (sha la la la la la)

I think I may stay,
I like the way they think
in Rainy Daysville (ooh, ooh, ooh)
(x2)

second verse was smoething abt pulling apart the soggy pages of the Daily Rainsman, looking for the weather forecast (rainy)
etc etc

OH HAI SADNESS. NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN. NOW PLEASE TRY NOT TO FUCK UP LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE THIS TIME.

Why has it got to the stage where I can't drink even a little without starting to cry? I used to be the most hard drinkinest mofo that ever there was. Now I'm some sort of gelatinous blob of lady tears.

crying is cathartic though

It can be, definitely. But at the moment it seems like my brain just melts and I turn into a gibbering imbecile instead of actually crying because of anything tangible.

wait, are you crying or gibbering?

you don't seem to be sleeping v. well (said the pot to the kettle) xp

Crying and gibbering kind of go together. I dunno, if you've never experienced it maybe you won't get it - it's basically incomprehensible desperation.

And yeah, I can't sleep right now, which takes everything that might be somewhat bad and tosses it up into the realm of unable-to-deal-with-this.

probably a cross-atlantic semantic discussion of the word "gibbering" would not be v helpful

Ha, no, that sounds like exactly the sort of thing that would get my mind away from self-indulgent misery. How would US people define gibbering?

well, it's like talking nonsense - like gibberish

i always think of lovecraft when i think gibbering - like gibbering horror some monstrous alien tongue w/e

im p sad too :/

i never did find lovecraft's grave, even though i hung out at that cemetery quite a bit when i was 18 and sad.

Okay, yeah, that's the root. But 'gibbering' in itself is more usually used to indicate non-stop free-flowing talking to oneself as in the onset of madness - babbling, basically. Not that I'm trying to indicate clinical problems in myself, it's used fairly freely.

xxpost

Hey Lamp, I'm sorry you're sad. Is there anything we can do?

my definition of "gibber" comes from that one wodehouse story (who knows which one) where jeeves says something polysyllabic and clinical and bertie says "YOU GIBBER, JEEVES"

some wodehouse would probably improve things.

emily no its ok im just kinda down on myself cuz some things arent really working out, lyfe is hardship, every little dissatisfaction is another irksome weight

Damn, I'm sad. Something just reminded me of someone I used to know. I'm not going to wallow, but I went from laughing out loud at Elvis singing "Sweet Caroline" to remembering something unrelated and tears just flowed.

Today at work I talked about butterflies emerging from cocoons to be eaten by birds, but I was kind of joking. Kittens get killed by pitbulls and that's how it works type talk.

Pissed off at the world and quite down earlier tonight. Wound up going to gym, listened to the latest Nerdist podcast and did like 35 mins on an elliptical at peak heartrate. Feel far better.

Also, saw a dude working out in a Flynn's Arcade tshirt from a Tron promo thing, another guy had a Dragon Age II strategy guide as reading material, and a third had a large tattoo of a tallbike on his abdomen.

lamp <3

Emily, how much drinking is "a little drinking" for you?

Crying is sometimes cathartic but also sometimes "fuck not this again" if it keeps happening enough, imo. I hope my faves emil.y's beers will be tear-free soon enough. Same w/all my sad friends.

lamp and em i have <3 for u both

http://staystrong.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/Peter-Poland-tattoo.JPG

Crying can indeed be cathartic, but catharsis is just a necessary first step.

After a catharsis of sadness or fear, you need to re-evaluate the situation to find a way, or a plan, to leave the cause of your fear or sadness behind. It helps after a catharsis to feed your neural pathways of hope and happiness, even if all you can find to feed them are tiny scraps. Give them as much sustenance as you can! Look at the bright side, not because this breeds delusions, but because there really is a ray of brightness somewhere, if you scrounge around, and because looking at it is a relief and a lesson.

I express my sympathy too.

Three things made me cry today:
1. work
2. a quote from a blind man saying how music sustained him like food, that ended with "Music was made for blind people"
3. my sister-in-law posting a picture of an amazing flower saying it is "one more proof God exists"

So I think that I'm probably sad.

awww

<3

I cried buckets last night because I turned 40 and I really don't want to. I'm being so lame about it.

oh Trayce don't be sad <3

Remember that you're not alone Trayce, this change is going to be weird but you gotta lean into it- maybe talk to people who are 50? I just had a long talk with my father about aging and change and stuff and it was really helpful to hear from someone farther along

Thats a good idea tbh.

50 is much better, as long as you stay healthy.Less angsty by far for me.

I keep crying at songs and poems and articles, and have started sleeping badly and not tidying things up, and it feels like falling into sadness is this inexorable process that has already been started. can you ward if off by being careful, do you think?

only speaking from personal experience but, to some degree, yes. sadness wears a path in my brain where once things veer in that direction, it is very easy to just give in and slide down. it takes a lot of vigilance and will, but sometimes you can "divert" and force yourself not to succumb by reinforcing routines, seeking company, talking to a friend, little things like that can avoid the spiral... the hard part is deciding to, and actually doing it. but you can do it.

hang in there. unload here if you need to <3

Thinking of my fellow sad folks. Hope everyone feels a little better soon.

The mister has picked up some forms for me to register with a doctor. There's a possibility I have an undiagnosed thyroid problem which is tilting my brain further towards my pre-existing inclination to hate everything and everyone and most especially myself. All the women in my family have had either underactive or overactive thyroid so it's quite possible. However, I know from experience that just having the forms doesn't actually mean I'm going to go. It's pretty much reaching a stage where there are only two paths I can take, and I've already spoken on the other thread about one of those paths. It might finally be time to consider the medical one.

I also have a similar thing to Trayce, having just turned 30 and being in an absolute state of rejection towards this fact. I know it shouldn't really mean anything, but it totally does.

Well that's a start. If there's a real medical condition that can be remedied, basically without even having any undesirable side-effects, you might be looking at a much happier emil.y in the mirror sometime soon.

That is indeed a very good start Emily, I'm glad to hear the mister did this for you! Sounds like a keeper! :-) I hope he can help you with filling them out too (I know all too well about having the forms in not meaning you are going...)

But this is well worth researching as, if there is anything wrong with the thyroid, it can clear up at least something - however small a portion - of despair and anxiety maybe. Please take care!

Yeah emil.y, the medical angle definiately sounds like a step in the right direction and hopefully will help you in the long run. <3

Emily, if you have an extensive family history of thyroid problems the medical angle should have been the first thing you should have considered.

tremendously helpful insight there

And to think I spent all that time avoiding saying exactly the same thing.

Yep, pretty much as depressed as I've ever been over the last 24 hours. Looking for a nice warm hole to curl up in for the next two to inifinity hours.