Hell Is Other People At Breakfast - Caring For Your Introvert

sigh. it seems like every day since i started my new job, i've had someone remark about how "quiet" i am. and it's true in that situation -- i'm there to get my work done and my top priority isn't socializing. but i'm starting to resent people making a thing of it, like they're putting the onus on me to be a fucking social butterfly when i really have nothing much to add to the watercooler conversation. want me to talk? i can talk at length about experimental music, urban policy and infrastructure, design, ambitious cooking projects, literature... but i just don't have very much to say about your kids, your SUV, or your diet. sorry i'm not part of the special breeders' club. i apologize on behalf of my withered old uterus.

:)

I spend as much time at work avoiding my colleagues as I do actually working.

i think the next time someone says "you're so quiet" i'll respond with "you're so loud!"

I'm getting better at knowing when to shut the hell up. I doubt I'll ever be very good at it.

Man, having spent most of my life working office jobs I can totally sympathize. Working in a record store now seems like paradise because there's literally nothing to talk about but music; even the methed out freaks selling cds they just lifted from a convertible don't get on my nerves. I guess being around spergin' record nerds and terse junkies makes me feel pretty functional.

i think the next time someone says "you're so quiet" i'll respond with "you're so loud!"

Ha, I will have to remember this.

pretend you don't speak english

(hi tokyo rosemary! please be less quiet with your posting; you are missed!)

I am a person who looks forward eagerly each year to my opportunity to spend from two to three weeks alone in the remotest wilderness I can reach on foot. I have a basically cheerful disposition when I am properly fed and cared for, and I do like people, but I find them ultimately quite tiring to spend a lot of time with.

The main difficulty is that other people keep desiring me to fasten my attention to whatever they are doing or thinking. They seem to think their thoughts and activities are quite fascinating. I suppose they are, up to a point. I just wish they weren't so repetitious, so perverse, so egotistical, so random and so impenetrable.

I find I enjoy more and more the sorts of people who cheerfully mouth a few simple well-worn jokes, make a few commonplace remarks on the weather, and otherwise engage in soothing and soon-finished rituals, then leave me be. Either that, or they'd better have something of substance to say.

my sisters and I were talking about this exact thing the other day. my take is that extroverts get made uncomfortable by "quiet" people and so feel compelled to try break their shell or whatever. and they are totally oblivious (prob due to lack of much introspection) to the fact that saying "you're so quiet!" is the exact wrong tact to doing this.
last time someone said this to me (a couple weeks ago) I said "ok I'll yell out randomly every couple hours then". "yes please!" was her response.

plus they think you're just *dying* to talk and engage with them about their stupid shit but are just too shy

I took a picture of one of my coworkers schedule so I could figure out when to avoid him on the elevator (there's only one elevator at the place I work)

my take is that extroverts get made uncomfortable by "quiet" people

there's probably some truth to this, where extroverts think people who don't talk much are being secretive and haughty. plus, the conventional wisdom says that solitude and quiet make extroverts depressed, bored, and lonely, while those things energize introverts. in turn, introverts find extended social situations pretty draining.

yeah i still remember my gf in hs-- who ran with a different clique before we met--telling me that they all thought i was stuck up. i was totally befuddled, cause my lack of interaction with them was do to me thinking they were TOO cool for me rather than not cool enough.

Here's my thing: I'm really, really good at interacting with people. My husband, my mother, everyone says so. The problem is that 1) I don't like talking to people, it's draining and a major chore and 2) I have to be around people constantly to keep from going insane. The happiest times in my life have been when I had lots of acquaintances and did things with them, but I still wanted to go back into my own little world and be miserable and comfortable. My depression is finally getting treated properly and my real personality is emerging; I just wish it was something other than the playful party girl that I seem to be on the verge of turning into.

(hi tokyo rosemary! please be less quiet with your posting; you are missed!)

^^^^^^^ on this

^^^ cosign

Adding to that.

man ever since I've started teaching, I have to shelve as many of my introverted tendencies to the fullest, and there are lots of them. I think this ends up manifesting as frequent beard scratching and pacing. I get home and try to do power recharge which involves a solid block of doing not much of anything. i don't think this is me being fake, just presenting a different version of myself which runs on batteries.

Your yearly "introverts are really OK" article for now:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/2012/mar/13/why-the-world-needs-introverts

https://scontent.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xfl1/v/t1.0-9/11988472_10104280404741389_7340321221683726831_n.jpg?oh=2e3081acad5bbb46201a4f5405c22277&oe=565EB9E0

You're living all over me

posted by a shopping addict who posts a lot of selfies (usually with friends) from clubs and restaurants. Never thought she would think of herself as an "introvert."

"I need a crowd of people - but I can't stand them day to day"

probably interprets introversion along lines of a general misanthropy, "im surrounded by losers" or something like that.

I am a massive introvert and i think i like people so much precisely because i tend to avoid them!

I have to be around people constantly to keep from going insane. The happiest times in my life have been when I had lots of acquaintances and did things with them, but I still wanted to go back into my own little world and be miserable and comfortable.

^from upthread--i think this perfectly captures the introverts dilemma.

"If you'd like to reach me, leave me alone"

Introversion by no means necessarily entails attendant misanthropy. People exhaust me but I think they're mostly good eggs.

I've never hit an upper limit on how long I'd be fine completely on my own, but I bet it's a loooooooong time.

this is a good thread! max's post about introversion sometimes being misused as a cover for depression also otm. (and something i've only recently recognized about myself.)

"I need a crowd of people - but I can't stand them day to day"

― calstars, Wednesday, September 2, 2015 11:15 AM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

It's I can face them day to day, and he's talking about celebrity -- he needs a crowd of people because he performs for a living and has to keep feeding the beast, not because he likes anything about crowds.

*can't

http://www.clickhole.com/article/8-signs-youre-unholy-amalgamation-personality-trai-2895 nails it imo

at one of the most acutely depressed-feeling moments in my life i had to endure sitting with extroverted friends at dinner making fun of me for my complete lack of affect.

extroverts are morons

the invention of smart phones has really caused a problem because the "i just enjoy listening" excuse doesn't really cut it when you're looking at your phone under the table.

i think my biggest complaint with extroverts is that they are weirdly self-obsessed--they really think your behavior is some reflection on them!

extroverts are morons

― j., Wednesday, 2 September 2015 19:26 (26 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

:(

what about extroverts who've had a mute button installed by years of savage internet battery at the hands of shut-ins ;)

years of savage internet battery

pistol-whipped by electrons

it's interesting reading abbbott's comments upthread about separate rooms. mr veg & i share a bedroom but it's not a room you can really "hang out" in anyway... but most days 9 times out of 10 he hangs in the computer room & i hang in the living room, both of us reading or whatever. like, all weekend except meals & a bit of shared tv watching.

i dont think ppl really get it, and they think something is wrong but we totally love each other & talk but silence/not having to talk is one of our great shared treasures

i have spent the past few weekends having a 1-night sleepover with 2 girlfriends and the 8-12 hours of constant conversation is fun & great but so exhausting for me that by the time i get home i am practically RUNNING for my front door to greet the calm loving quiet of my home & spouse

days at work where i have to be on the phone or participate in a lot of meetings are the same, it just takes a lot out of me & quiet recharges me

I took a picture of one of my coworkers schedule so I could figure out when to avoid him on the elevator (there's only one elevator at the place I work)

― dayo, Tuesday, January 25, 2011 7:07 PM (4 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

<3

comic noir premise

I haven't read all of this thread, but is there a general sense that extroverts don't feel the need to be as defensive as introverts about their preferences? I mean is there an extrovert superiority complex equivalent to the introvert superiority complex?

yeah you guys are suuuuuch bummers *does a big dance* *the dance represents freedom of expression*

in all seriousness this is equivalent to a no racism against whites type situation and i will own my extrovert privilege

I mean nevermind that these are completely made-up categories with little empirical evidence to support their actual existence

Why so butthurt, introvert?

(btw I a verifiable ambivert)

TBH the only time it has ever occurred to me to even categorize myself definitively as an "extrovert" or "introvert" is when these clickbait pieces come around, they just don't sound convincing to me as personality categories. I think most people enjoy some mix of social time and alone time in their lives, and then there are also people who face actual social anxiety and/or depression and pathologically avoid social contact, and there are people driven by some kind of unhealthy need for attention from others as well. And there are people who have some mix of social anxiety and need for attention too. But I don't understand what defines a person as an "introvert," like at what point does a person NOT suffering from social anxiety or depression sufficiently prefer aloneness that they can be considered "introverted"? And meanwhile I almost never hear anyone self-describe as an "extrovert."

introverts: dicks

extroverts: giant mechanised dildos

it's spelt extravert anyway ffs

at what point does a person NOT suffering from social anxiety or depression sufficiently prefer aloneness that they can be considered "introverted"?

as with so many things, it is a spectrum and people can appear at all points along it, but that does not negate the existence of either end of that spectrum

It's just that listicles about what introverts are "really" like always seem so presumptuous, as though everyone else has these "myths" about introverts that need to be cleared up, rather than the reality that no one cares. They sound more emblematic of narcissism than introversion.

increasing trend towards neuro-diversity means = you will be classified in every particular so that the exact parameters of your inclusion can be determined.

or exclusion