NAMING RIGHTS THREAD: Liverpool really won't win the Premiership 2010-2011

Richard Keys

His job is to sit around watching football, he's got the hairiest hands in television and he plays air guitar. While interviewing Richard Keys and his wife Julia, Small Talk ends up in his lap to stop him being caught by the fuzz

................

What about books?
[Laughs heartily, Small Talk is not sure why] I'm not big on books. My wife bought me a book for my birthday the other day. I'll call you back in a few years and tell you what it was about. [More laughing, Small Talk is still nonplussed] What was it, Julia? What? It's called Where the Soldiers Come From. It's got Mel Gibson in it. The film, that is, not the book. It's about Vietnam.

Julia Keys, pretty blonde wife of Sky TV's Mr Soccer Richard Keys, says she is not the "other woman" in Gill Faldo's sad little suburban tennis love triangle.

am starting to wonder if he really was inspirational to the creation of Alan Partridge. "Dave the Thief" is a total Partridgism.

I hope Julia isn't reading this thread

it's best she knows

couldnt be less interested in how badly behaved richard keys is in nightclubs tbph

http://news.sky.com/skynews/Home/UK-News/Sky-Sports-Presenters-Richard-Keys-And-Andy-Gray-Criticise-Female-Referees-Off-Air/Article/201101415908957?lpos=UK_News_First_Home_Article_Teaser_Region_1&lid=ARTICLE_15908957_Sky_Sports_Presenters_Richard_Keys_And_Andy_Gray_Criticise_Female_Referees_Off-Air

Sky Sports "apology" for sexism comes with huge "IS FOOTBALL A MAN'S GAME?" poll.

NOT THAT KIND OF SEXIST

MORE LIKE SEXIEST, AMIRITE?

from young guns, which tbh is the website with the most accurate transfer rumours i know of*:

Arsène Wenger opened talks with Southampton on Sunday afternoon, but contrary to reports in a selection of English newspapers, both clubs are yet to formally agree on anything. However, Oxlade-Chamberlain has privately told friends and family he is only interested in moving to North London. His proud Dad agrees with that choice.

“Arsenal, with the manager there, the way they play and how they develop players, I think they are the ideal choice.”

Arsenal are happy to match the South Coast clubs £10 million valuation, but they are still negotiating over the up front price and how much will follow in installments. Wenger confirmed nothing had been agreed, but remains hopeful.

“We need an agreement with Southampton and we need an agreement with the player. We are not the only ones on his case, but we try as hard as we can.”

*of course it helps when you mostly only write about 16 year olds Arsenal have on trial.

I've not actually seen the kid play. And do we have to call him Oxlade-Chamberlain? But considering Bale and Walcott are two of the 10 most exciting players in the league atm, you have to trust Southampton's ability to do wingers.

Oxlade-Chamberlain - Vennegoor of Hesselink is still longer, but good try there, young man

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ienZj9onV0Q

I was trying to get Keysey & Gray's SHAME on my mobile earlier but could only find this clip, and tbh I've got a lot of sympathy with them here.

if only it was Oxlade of Chamberlain...

... didn't Jon Anderson put out an album of that name in the 70s sometime?

oxo cube is his name

What about Troy Archibald of Henville?

In other news, West Ham continue to know how to run a club by ignoring the fact that Demba Ba cannot pass medicals and hope to sign him.

Obviously learning from Kieron Dyer fooling everyone and returning to the highest plain of English football.

Ba's name is far too short surely

That'll just look silly on the back of a shirt

they are actually planning add a bunch of stuff just to make the extra letter money in the club shop, following on from his time at Hoffenheim taking pictures with their sheep farmer mascot as BAAAAAAAAAAAAA

# Keysy and Gray are no sexists. These accusations are disgraceful. about 15 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone
# We once had a couple of slags in the Sky studios and Keysy point-blank refused to let Martin Tyler piss on their tits. He's a gentleman. about 15 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone
# "I want to piss all over these slaaaaags," roared a shroomed-up Tyler. about 15 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone
# "Not on my watch," Keysy retorted before threatening Tyler with his spanking paddle. about 15 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone
# Andy Gray is a prince too. He always hold doors open for women and tells them when their hair smells good. He's very old-fashioned. about 15 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone

funnier post just before it imo

Bloody love a bit of Bones Thugs N Harmony. They speak to Big Sam in a way I never thought Reggae could. Awe-inspiring stuff. 8:01 AM Jan 22nd via Twitter for iPhone

Christ, the Big Sam Twitter is such absolute shit.

nahhhhhhhh

I was playing air guitar to [hilariously incongruous song x] and the wife came in and looked at me funny. I [committed act of violent sexual humiliation y] on the fucking bitch.

try writing 2000 tweets as big sam in a few months as see if u don't repeat yrself

/and/

does uncannily pre-empt reality tho, witness the real madrid story or the keysy-as-sexpest meme

And now he's like wearing a dress or playing Pokemon or something! Lol! Big sam wouldn't do those things! Genius!

^ dngi

@shneakyoleary mate, I haven't "bullied" you in the slightest. You're the one constantly messaging me. Cut it out.

One match ban's not really much of a punishment is it? Ron Atkinson was rightly sacked for making racist comments about Marcel Desailly, how is this any different?

because racism is seen as less acceptable in the media than sexism?

agree with Cabbage! bad double standards!

Fake Phil Brown (RIP) >>>>> Fake Allardyce

Fake Berbatov is somewhere in between those.

because racism is seen as less acceptable in the media than sexism?

also the technical difference between Atkinson using an actual term of insult and Keys/Gray's comments only implying incompetence or inferiority based on gender, if we're nitpicking

excuse the "only" there

there must be a lot of staff just standing around listening to this shit w/o comment, like u'd be cast out for challenging grey or keys when they're talking shit?

i guess it's smarter to leak the audio, but a one match ban is bullshit, do not want to watch these loathsome dinosaurs

would feel better if it was okay to actually challenge them in that environment as peers! wtf qualifications has keys got that the boom op doesn't anyhow

In November 2008 Sky Sports was criticised by Roy Keane who named Keys by person in his criticism, "I was asked last week by ITV to do the Celtic game," he said. "A couple of weeks before that I was asked to do the United game against Celtic at Old Trafford. I think I've done it once for Sky. Never again. I'd rather go to the dentist. You're sitting there with people like Richard Keys and they're trying to sell something that's not there."

lol

start of next seasons sky coverage to see both of jamie redknapp's testicles get a promotion to main talking heads

Keys is a ridiculously anonymous anchorman, you barely even notice he's there. I'm not sure there are many people who'd be that bothered if he disappeared from Sky coverage altogether.

I only wish I could say Andy Gray was ridiculously anonymous too

there must be a lot of staff just standing around listening to this shit w/o comment, like u'd be cast out for challenging grey or keys when they're talking shit?

also a lot of staff having no problem with it at all, laughing along etc. surely, given that its a 'we have to be seen to be doing something about this' reaction to pubic furore rather than a consequence of internal policy.

I don't think there will be many technical underlings who'd be comfortable taking on an established and considerably-more-powerful anchor in that way. Much better to leak it and then let corporate embarassment do the work.

or maybe they're not all that bothered? Nb Not heard the tapes

Come on, there are probably huge numbers of people who have worked in that studio who think they're cunts. They probably do this or worse all the time. You just don't mess the with the stars if you want to keep your job, or at least stop it getting significantly less pleasant.

Predicting Alan Shearer MOTD leak in the next couple of weeks.

don't think shearer is interesting enough to have lol tapes lying around

as i said i've not heard it, so i'm not in a position to concur with the dickensian cowering workers in this sitch or not, tbh i havent much idea what this whole thing is as yet