Why I hate the Daily Mail, as distilled into one edition

http://www.harlequinproperty.co.uk/associates/images/patcash.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/3Gz4T.jpg

http://www.dirtyhoe-asheville.com/images/general-pics/hoes.jpg

As with all these DM articles, I'm torn between "don't react, that's what they want" and "KILL KILL KILL".

xp or http://www.mtv.com/shared/promoimages/bands/m/millionaires_the/a_z/281x211.jpg

Look around you. So many fields of public life are now dominated by those with, at the very least, a private education, in many cases wealth and in a few instances a title. In the arts, sport, television, fashion, music, nightlife and, of course, politics.

I guess in a way it stands as a tribute to the English language that the three-letter word 'now' can be so dishonest and fraudulent in that sentence

This is completely fucking batshit, even by her usual standards.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-1347621/Is-lovely-Jo-just-thumbnail-police-website.html

So much wrong with that article, but I think the mangled syntax in this sentence shows Liz for the talent she is:

The lane is narrow. I can’t see how a car stopped here and a man struggled with a body without being beeped at and
told to get out the way, as I was.

Isn’t it interesting that you can snatch a young woman’s life away from her in the most violent, painful, frightening way possible, take away her future children, her future Christmases, take away everything she loves, and yet there are elaborate systems in place to ensure you do not cross a bridge for only 30 pence?

No, it isn't in the slightest bit interesting, you deranged ghoulish weirdo.

she could probably buy a nice cup of coffee from the pageview bonuses your links have accrued

which she'll probably end up throwing in someone's face in a tantrum

and she'll write a column about it

/repeat

idk how it works (maybe some sort of mirroring type thnigum) but there's some way of linking articles on sites which you deem ~unworthy of your patronage~ that means you don't click on the site itself (no, not 'cut and paste the text') - I'll try and find it now

yeah i was trying to think of that

could link to the googlecache but if it's new it probably hasn't been cached yet

Just doing my bit to keep her head above water and keep her in Prada and holistic equine therapists.

wd Instapaper do it? not sure how it works.

it's http://istyosty.com/ I was thinking of - I guess you might have to give them one page hit so you can c+p the URL but still

dj menschap

thanks for that

although it does make me think of the cash they've got from my all too regular visits to the daily mail football pages

(they are one of the more comprehensive newspaper football sites m'lud)

Liz Jones now trending on Twitter as a result of this latest insanity.

In conclusion, the Mail thinks that everyone should be given a vaccine that can kill them and that cost shouldn't be an issue but that we shouldn't spend too much on it.

http://primlystable.blogspot.com/2011/01/mail-give-children-vaccine-that-we-said.html

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=3437&Itemid=29

The Mail today reprints Bob Stanley's article on Pear's Soap that was in G2 last week.

Nothing in that sentence should make any sense to anyone.

Isn’t it interesting that you can snatch a young woman’s life away from her in the most violent, painful, frightening way possible, take away her future children, her future Christmases, take away everything she loves, and yet there are elaborate systems in place to ensure you do not cross a bridge for only 30 pence?

This is a phenomenal sentence.

Isn’t it interesting that you can snatch a young woman’s life away from her in the most violent, painful, frightening way possible, take away her future children, her future Christmases, take away everything she loves, and yet local councils still can't collect your rubbish more than once every two weeks?

Isn’t it interesting that you can snatch a young woman’s life away from her in the most violent, painful, frightening way possible, take away her future children, her future Christmases, take away everything she loves, and yet you still cant get a plastic bag in M&S without paying 5p

Isn’t it interesting that you can snatch a young woman’s life away from her in the most violent, painful, frightening way possible, take away her future children, her future Christmases, take away everything she loves, and yet schools won't teach your children unless they speak Polish?

xxxp tbf the guy operating the toll booth was probably like "shouldn't you be back underneath the bridge?"

"a White Company button". Other batshit columnist-trolls just don't have that attn to detail.

If only ghouls could pay tolls with White Company buttons, the world would be a safer place

I head up the hill towards Clifton, the leafy part of the city. It’s quieter now, and darker. I find Tesco, and go in. I almost buy that upmarket pizza; the choice tells me Jo wanted a lovely life, something above the ordinary.

But anyone who buys from the Tesco Value range deserves to be shot like a rabid dog, obviously.

I love the flatness of her moral and mental universe, like there's an unordered list of Bad Things in her head that includes:

- ponies getting ill
- not having cash when you need it
- girls brutally murdered, body dumped in woods
- men leaving underwear on floor when they live in your house/in washbasket when they don't

At what point does the article go "shit, this thing's still on!"

dunno why you guys bother with this bollocks tbqh

Because it's funny?

I'm not, I'm just reading this thread.

They might be making it all up as far as I know...

well then keep on delivering enough page hits to keep paul dacre supplied with filipino comfort women for the rest of his natural life

I'm reading it via a blog to avoid exactly that but I think it's a weak argument anyway. I don't think the liberal-outrage vote is that significant a proportion of the Mail's 40m page views a month.

well it must supply some proportion eh

liz jones is batshit insane, which is why her presence is nowhere near as offensive as, say, littlejohn. or for that matter almost every other mail piece where their warped morality is inserted into both news and features as a matter of course - was gonna say insidiously but it's far too bludgeoning for that.

That Daily Mash parody is great

I don't have £5 and try tossing a Kraft cheese single and a Michael Bublé CD into the toll booth. It doesn't work.

The lane is narrow. I can’t see how a car stopped here and a man struggled with a body without being beeped at and
told to get out the way, as I was.

The line before this one is vital to our understanding of Liz...

I’d have expected the cars to slow down here to show respect but they sped past, carrying people on their way home from work.

People don't even rubberneck anymore, what the fuck is wrong with people?

http://newsthump.com/2011/01/17/liz-jones-urged-to-recreate-last-24-years-of-elizabeth-fritzls-captivity/

The Mash one is terrific.

I got the feeling the world is starting to forget Liz, that she'll become just another thumbnail on the Daily Mail website, along with Peter Hitchens, Jan Moir and that fucking lunatic Melanie Phillips.

I essentially think the Daily Mash sucks and is not funny but they have improved over time to the extent that they will occasionally hit a treble 20 and that was one of those moments

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1348207/Gay-couple-win-1-800-Christian-hotel-owners-refused-double-room.html

Mrs Pilkington, a devout Christian who says she ‘understands the issues’ because her son is gay, has treated around ten patients using the controversial Sexual Orientation Change Efforts programme over the past decade. She said she wanted to help ­others who were in a ‘similar place’ to her 29-year-old son who, she insisted, was ‘heterosexual. He just has a homosexual problem’.

lol crazy pants

heterocide imo

http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5121/5369140647_4a7109696f_z.jpg

look closely at the tattoo on the right forearm of the guy on the left in the mail's cartoon about the gay couple who got turned away from a b&b. because obviously *they're* the real nazis.

i can only see squiggles but lol at how the rights depiction of homosexuals has gone from dandys to biker thugs. where did that come from?

oh wait i see it now. looooool wtf daily mail

thought the old dear at reception was a bloke for a minute, which made the whole thing even more wtf

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/Jan/Week3/15899706.jpg

Imagining this girl crawling into playgroup wearing a top hat and toting a cigarillo and calling her playmates 'old chum'.

'What ho, school master! Is it time for elevenses?'