Why I hate the Daily Mail, as distilled into one edition

miss marple SOLVES crimes ailsa

So does Wallander. Meant why MEN commit these crimes.

like, she's saying that crime's a man thing (because we all know men are bad in Jonesworld), but she's failing to notice that the fictional crime wasn't committed by a fictional man.

wait is miss marple a documentary

Wait? Liz Jones has a black friend?

Or, more appropriately: Liz Jones has friends?

That DM article makes practically no sense from one sentence to the next.

Well, aye, it's written by Liz Jones.

Jones is criticising the BBC for cancelling the baby kidnap storyline. If the BBC hadn't, she (or some other DM writer) would be criticising them for not cancelling it.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1345413/Gabrielle-Giffords-shot-Jared-Loughner-left-6-dead-Gwyneth-Paltrows-cousin.html

This is some real journalism.

Gabrielle Giffords shot Jared Loughner?? Holy shit!

DM readers can't be expected to care about anything unless a celebrity they've heard of is somehow connected, no matter how tangentially. See also 'Liam from One Direction's sister's boyfriend dies in a fight'.

Hooray, another week, another classic moment of self-awareness-bypass from Liz Jones. On being dealt with by shop assistants:

I was quite often made to feel stupid, old and poor

They must read your column then, eh?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1346991/Fed-surly-shop-assistants-care-Youre-We-unleashed-LIZ-JONES-investigate-just-Britains-served.html

I need to stop reading this, but it's so addictively bad. Nearly as good as her diary, wherein she is recreating a bad chicklit romance with a fake Jim Kerr.

btw, who the fuck thinks of asking staff in H&M if they'll specially tailor trousers for them?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/football/article-1347334/Wolves-ready-snap-Lens-midfielder-Sidi-Keita.html

http://www.rclensois.fr/images/players/sidikeita.jpg

all black ppl look the same to the daily mail i guess (assuming they haven't edited it by the time u read this)

Yesterday the Herald's "famous people's birthdays" bit had "Emily Watson (pictured), 44" accompanied by a picture of Emma Watson.

More muslim hate. Comments are sickening.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1347335/Asian-sex-gang-Victim-tells-harrowing-story.html

Jack Straw can't help himself eh?

"rape rover"

Hey Daily Mail, this here iPhone user does not want to download your app. Sod off.

New meaning to the term 'shawcrossed'

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2011/01/16/article-1347610-0C7CB912000005DC-37_196x166.jpg

Either this one is Gob out of Arrested Development or Harry Hill, can't decide.

the self-styled ‘posh’ stand-up comic

REALLY CAN'T WAIT TO CHECK THIS GUY OUT I BET IT IS WHAT UK COMEDY HAS BEEN MISSING

"Loves football and drinking but is media savvy too"!!!!

http://www.harlequinproperty.co.uk/associates/images/patcash.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/3Gz4T.jpg

http://www.dirtyhoe-asheville.com/images/general-pics/hoes.jpg

As with all these DM articles, I'm torn between "don't react, that's what they want" and "KILL KILL KILL".

xp or http://www.mtv.com/shared/promoimages/bands/m/millionaires_the/a_z/281x211.jpg

Look around you. So many fields of public life are now dominated by those with, at the very least, a private education, in many cases wealth and in a few instances a title. In the arts, sport, television, fashion, music, nightlife and, of course, politics.

I guess in a way it stands as a tribute to the English language that the three-letter word 'now' can be so dishonest and fraudulent in that sentence

This is completely fucking batshit, even by her usual standards.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-1347621/Is-lovely-Jo-just-thumbnail-police-website.html

So much wrong with that article, but I think the mangled syntax in this sentence shows Liz for the talent she is:

The lane is narrow. I can’t see how a car stopped here and a man struggled with a body without being beeped at and
told to get out the way, as I was.

Isn’t it interesting that you can snatch a young woman’s life away from her in the most violent, painful, frightening way possible, take away her future children, her future Christmases, take away everything she loves, and yet there are elaborate systems in place to ensure you do not cross a bridge for only 30 pence?

No, it isn't in the slightest bit interesting, you deranged ghoulish weirdo.

she could probably buy a nice cup of coffee from the pageview bonuses your links have accrued

which she'll probably end up throwing in someone's face in a tantrum

and she'll write a column about it

/repeat

idk how it works (maybe some sort of mirroring type thnigum) but there's some way of linking articles on sites which you deem ~unworthy of your patronage~ that means you don't click on the site itself (no, not 'cut and paste the text') - I'll try and find it now

yeah i was trying to think of that

could link to the googlecache but if it's new it probably hasn't been cached yet

Just doing my bit to keep her head above water and keep her in Prada and holistic equine therapists.

wd Instapaper do it? not sure how it works.

it's http://istyosty.com/ I was thinking of - I guess you might have to give them one page hit so you can c+p the URL but still

dj menschap

thanks for that

although it does make me think of the cash they've got from my all too regular visits to the daily mail football pages

(they are one of the more comprehensive newspaper football sites m'lud)

Liz Jones now trending on Twitter as a result of this latest insanity.

In conclusion, the Mail thinks that everyone should be given a vaccine that can kill them and that cost shouldn't be an issue but that we shouldn't spend too much on it.

http://primlystable.blogspot.com/2011/01/mail-give-children-vaccine-that-we-said.html

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=3437&Itemid=29

The Mail today reprints Bob Stanley's article on Pear's Soap that was in G2 last week.

Nothing in that sentence should make any sense to anyone.

Isn’t it interesting that you can snatch a young woman’s life away from her in the most violent, painful, frightening way possible, take away her future children, her future Christmases, take away everything she loves, and yet there are elaborate systems in place to ensure you do not cross a bridge for only 30 pence?

This is a phenomenal sentence.

Isn’t it interesting that you can snatch a young woman’s life away from her in the most violent, painful, frightening way possible, take away her future children, her future Christmases, take away everything she loves, and yet local councils still can't collect your rubbish more than once every two weeks?

Isn’t it interesting that you can snatch a young woman’s life away from her in the most violent, painful, frightening way possible, take away her future children, her future Christmases, take away everything she loves, and yet you still cant get a plastic bag in M&S without paying 5p

Isn’t it interesting that you can snatch a young woman’s life away from her in the most violent, painful, frightening way possible, take away her future children, her future Christmases, take away everything she loves, and yet schools won't teach your children unless they speak Polish?

xxxp tbf the guy operating the toll booth was probably like "shouldn't you be back underneath the bridge?"

"a White Company button". Other batshit columnist-trolls just don't have that attn to detail.

If only ghouls could pay tolls with White Company buttons, the world would be a safer place

I head up the hill towards Clifton, the leafy part of the city. It’s quieter now, and darker. I find Tesco, and go in. I almost buy that upmarket pizza; the choice tells me Jo wanted a lovely life, something above the ordinary.

But anyone who buys from the Tesco Value range deserves to be shot like a rabid dog, obviously.

I love the flatness of her moral and mental universe, like there's an unordered list of Bad Things in her head that includes:

- ponies getting ill
- not having cash when you need it
- girls brutally murdered, body dumped in woods
- men leaving underwear on floor when they live in your house/in washbasket when they don't