vadge horror stories

Message Bookmarked

Bookmark Removed

Not all messages are displayed: show all messages (564 of them)

View Previous Page...

me and my ex-catholic posse will probably be harping at this particular angle for DAYS

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Saturday, 19 June 2004 03:53 (nineteen years ago) link

So you are all recording these, right?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 19 June 2004 03:53 (nineteen years ago) link

No lovin'
from Jim?
Nourish
your quim!
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Lo Boob Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Saturday, 19 June 2004 03:55 (nineteen years ago) link

Hello to last week me. Fair enough.

― Lo Boob Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Saturday, 19 June 2004 03:55 (nineteen years ago) link

*hysterics*

― Trayce (trayce), Saturday, 19 June 2004 03:57 (nineteen years ago) link

ok for those who object to "perfect" rhymes:

Guesswork's good
for Roman types.
Who here needs
these Handi-Wipes?
LYSOL DOUCHE

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Saturday, 19 June 2004 03:58 (nineteen years ago) link

OMG ALBUM WAITING TO HAPPEN: "Ned Raggett Reads Slogans For Lysol Douche Written In The Burma-Shave Style"

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Saturday, 19 June 2004 03:59 (nineteen years ago) link

Husband'd rather
have a beer?
Get some Lysol
Up yer labia
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Lo Boob Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Saturday, 19 June 2004 04:01 (nineteen years ago) link

28 days
Through the thrush;
Time to clean
That uterus!
LYSOL DOUCHE

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Saturday, 19 June 2004 04:05 (nineteen years ago) link

After Mass,
things got real hot -
said he'd pull out,
then forgot?
LYSOL DOUCHE

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Saturday, 19 June 2004 04:08 (nineteen years ago) link

Men all think
you're just a strumpet?
Sterilise
thy facking crumpet
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Lo Boob Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Saturday, 19 June 2004 04:09 (nineteen years ago) link

Halt that odour
sweet and true
emanating
from your smoo
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Lo Boob Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Saturday, 19 June 2004 04:10 (nineteen years ago) link

"smoo"!

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Saturday, 19 June 2004 04:11 (nineteen years ago) link

http://img71.photobucket.com/albums/v216/sexymollusk/red_vadge_copy.jpg

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Saturday, 19 June 2004 04:13 (nineteen years ago) link

Lovin' at an
all-time low?
Whack some up
your camel toe
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Lo Boob Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Saturday, 19 June 2004 04:16 (nineteen years ago) link

couldn't say no
to sailor boy?
lather up
and smiles ahoy!
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Saturday, 19 June 2004 04:21 (nineteen years ago) link

hide your shame
from prying eyes--
stop their stares
and sterilize!
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Saturday, 19 June 2004 04:23 (nineteen years ago) link

works on counters
works on grout
works to flush
the fetus out
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Saturday, 19 June 2004 04:23 (nineteen years ago) link

OMG ALBUM WAITING TO HAPPEN: "Ned Raggett Reads Slogans For Lysol Douche Written In The Burma-Shave Style"

This COULD occur...

Dan and I, it should be noted, are currently creating the world's worst Lysol Douche TV commercials in chat.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 19 June 2004 04:24 (nineteen years ago) link

I am very ashamed of myself.

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Saturday, 19 June 2004 04:24 (nineteen years ago) link

(oh wait Ned, you mean
that somewhere there are the BEST
Lysol Douche ads. EW)

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Saturday, 19 June 2004 04:25 (nineteen years ago) link

Husband always
cleaning his teeth?
Prolly 'cause of
your stinking queefs
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Lo Boob Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Saturday, 19 June 2004 04:25 (nineteen years ago) link

bubble bubble
toil and trouble?
clean that coochie
on the double!
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Saturday, 19 June 2004 04:28 (nineteen years ago) link

Got a zygote
In your midst?
Give you bearded clam
A rinse!
LYSOL DOUCHE

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Saturday, 19 June 2004 04:30 (nineteen years ago) link

someone extra
on the ride?
subtract that pest
with pesticide
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Saturday, 19 June 2004 04:31 (nineteen years ago) link

LYSOL DOUCHE
to rid the whelp--
three lips? clit hole?
well, we can't help.

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Saturday, 19 June 2004 04:34 (nineteen years ago) link

[okay, I cannot in good conscience post the one I just came up with but it used the word "plunger"]

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Saturday, 19 June 2004 04:34 (nineteen years ago) link

if we had that thing
called "good conscience" we would not
have come near this thread

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Saturday, 19 June 2004 04:36 (nineteen years ago) link

if you're good
just drive on by--
but naughty girls
had better try
LYSOL DOUCHE*

*In this "humor" piece, the author alleges that he was trying to parody the Mittelamerican fear of sexual activity so prevalent in the earlier part of the century, a fear which continues to come through in popular culture and attitudes to this very day. However, it is clear that he himself is some kind of anti-sex freak with a standard run of the mill virgin/whore-complex, and that his attempts at joking merely serve as camouflage to try to steer people away from the psychic turmoil raging beneath his surface...much, indeed, as LYSOL DOUCHE rages beneath the surface, its scrubbing bubbles doing the work so you don't have to.

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Saturday, 19 June 2004 04:41 (nineteen years ago) link

Cleanse your crease of sperm and grease
Swishy-swoosh! With LYSOL DOUCHE!

Vadge horror story: my friend went to Brazil and whilst she was there she had her labia trimmed and her snatch tightened, but it got infected. Eeeowrgh.

― badger Kitten (badger Kitten), Saturday, 19 June 2004 08:10 (nineteen years ago) link

Badger Kitten, in its own small way that is the saddest story ever.

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Saturday, 19 June 2004 12:03 (nineteen years ago) link

'small' is not the word
for a story that gives me
THE PH34R REALLY BAD

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Saturday, 19 June 2004 12:06 (nineteen years ago) link

Have you got a reekin' thatch?
Then splash some Lysol on your snatch!
LYSOL DOUCHE!

― grym leighton (Crazyhorse), Saturday, 19 June 2004 13:11 (nineteen years ago) link

A friend of mine slept with a woman who had extensive internal scarring (childbirth), apparently it was like sliding past fossilised worms. Not exactly "ribbed for his pleasure".

― grym leighton (Crazyhorse), Saturday, 19 June 2004 13:14 (nineteen years ago) link

That story has harshed this thread's buzz.

― Dave B (daveb), Saturday, 19 June 2004 13:42 (nineteen years ago) link

if your puss has crusty cracks
areas of in and out
like an LP record's tracks
fill the space with LYSOL GROUT!

― x Jeremy (Atila the Honeybun), Saturday, 19 June 2004 14:21 (nineteen years ago) link

one time when i was tonguejacking this girls dick-mitten, a horseshoe crab stinger popped out from under her clitoris and poked me in my eyes!!!

― ARL (Adrian Langston), Saturday, 19 June 2004 15:41 (nineteen years ago) link

FOR ARL:

Though Ade expected just syphilis
He encountered L. polyphemus
He retracted his tongue
Found it(by a thread) hung:
the beast'd wrecked his hyoglosses.

― x Jeremy (Atila the Honeybun), Saturday, 19 June 2004 16:22 (nineteen years ago) link

*beams*

― ARL (Adrian Langston), Saturday, 19 June 2004 16:53 (nineteen years ago) link

Vinegar? Honey?
Don't be swayed
You catch more flies
With lemonade
LYSOL DOUCHE

― antexit (antexit), Saturday, 19 June 2004 19:14 (nineteen years ago) link

* even 24 hours later, sober, I <heart> this thread. It has given me such pleasure ( in a non-vaginally -traumatising way, hoorah).

Someone must indeed record the album.

― badger Kitten (badger Kitten), Saturday, 19 June 2004 20:10 (nineteen years ago) link

this thread is a vadge horror story.

― cozen (Cozen), Saturday, 19 June 2004 20:11 (nineteen years ago) link

I'll donate eleven dollars to a fund to getting Gear's roommate to contribute to it.

― Tep (ktepi), Saturday, 19 June 2004 20:13 (nineteen years ago) link

Every time I see this thread I hear "Fuck Tha Police"

Fuck that shit, cuz I ain't tha one
For a punk muthafucka with a vadge and a gun
To be beatin on, and throwin in jail
We could go toe to toe in the middle of a cell

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Saturday, 19 June 2004 20:16 (nineteen years ago) link

Is your love life
In a rut?
Only fucking
In the butt?
Toss aside
His trucker hat
And show off
Your indie twat.
When you're well
And truly fecked
Clean that goddamn
Couch you wrecked.
LYSOL DOUCHE!

― Tep (ktepi), Saturday, 19 June 2004 20:19 (nineteen years ago) link

*Joy*

― badger Kitten (badger Kitten), Saturday, 19 June 2004 20:29 (nineteen years ago) link

* applause *

― Dave B (daveb), Saturday, 19 June 2004 20:56 (nineteen years ago) link

indie twat!

― oops (Oops), Saturday, 19 June 2004 21:19 (nineteen years ago) link

Me and my twat aren't indie enuff, that's why I don't post regularly on this board.

― badger Kitten (badger Kitten), Saturday, 19 June 2004 21:41 (nineteen years ago) link

wait - 3 lips¿
as in one exrta somewhere,
or is one missing¿

― dysol (dyson), Saturday, 19 June 2004 22:41 (nineteen years ago) link

Skipping 464 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.